


Star-Crossed     (It's Not Puppy Love)

by samueldelbieber



Series: When We Collide [1]
Category: Justin Bieber (Musician)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Sex, Backstage, Betrayal, Breakup, Bromance, Cheating, Death, Drama, Drug Abuse, Drugs, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Jealousy, Love/Hate, M/M, Oral Sex, School, Self-Harm, Sex, Sexuality, Sexy, Tour, Twitter, artist, friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-30 21:52:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 107,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5181020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samueldelbieber/pseuds/samueldelbieber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Growing up in the spotlight is never easy, fame and fortune have their drawbacks.</p><p>In a world filled with sex, drugs, money, and most importantly fame, will Sam survive? Can he find love? And what is it with that strangely close "friendship" between him and a certain popstar?</p><p>They call it a bromance, he calls it a crush, but is it more? </p><p>Is it just puppy love, or are they really star-crossed lovers, unstoppable when they collide?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

As the lights dim down for the last time, I belt out the last note of some ballad from one of my albums; it's over. I feel all eyes fixed on me, some with confused expressions, some transfixed in a musical trance, and one pair to my left - three tables from the front - with a mix of anger, distaste and embarrassment.

Perfect.

I am standing on the stage of the Staples Centre, which is hosting the VMAs. Seen as my life is all the rage in gossip world at the moment, I was asked to sing a set at the ceremony. I of course decided to use this as an opportunity to get my story across - or as least as much as I could in five songs. 

Glancing again at the table three from the front, I notice most of the anger has gone, as well as the distaste, all that was left was the embarrassment and a hint of something else; he was always hard to read from a distance. Not up close though - oh no, not when you could look straight into those deep, beautiful brown eyes, and see the real guy within, not some stupid dreamy little boy who never grew up, and always stood up for what he 'believed' in his stupid little "Christian" values.

That's not I say I'm hating on religion, of course not, I grew up in a Christian family and I went to church nearly every Sunday. All in saying is you have to practice what you preach, and he definitely didn't. 

Looking around at the people "privileged" enough to be graced in his presence, I see that four of them are transfixed, the effects of what must have been quite a good performance just beginning to wear off. The other one, well he always had to look to far into everything didn't he? He could never just leave anything alone. Could never work out what the difference was between work and the personal lives of his clients. And the countless amount of times he used the 'son I've never had' excuse for meddling in things that were not his to meddle in. Because of course he was his manager, because of course he was Scooter. And because he was Scooter his head was frantically switching from me - my blue eyes piercing into those brown ones - to him, his clients face getting ever redder and his head slowly moving down until he suddenly found the floor extremely interesting. With Scooter whispering in his ear. Probably something along the lines of 'Justin what the hell was that about?'. As Justin had just become - if it was possible - a deeper shade of crimson. 

Not that I cared, it was almost funny to see him there getting told off by his manager, like a child being told off by the teacher. All of this had happened in around thirty seconds so already the applause had begun and was starting to die down. I said my Thank You's (to the organisers, the team of people behind the scenes, and of course to you the fans) that always gets another round of applause. Although to be honest I would have been intent with just looking at the expressions of the people down there, as any artist will tell you, that is how you know you've done well. I fixed Justin one last glare, daring him to leave, knowing full well he couldn't, and wouldn't, and walked off the stage. 

Somehow a few members of the press had got behind the stage, and they hounded me as soon as I arrived back stage. The thing about the press is that nobody likes them and they know it, they just choose not to apply that knowledge. And as no one likes them they don't like them around, but of course if you don't answer the questions then you are a stuck up famous person that doesn't give a crap about any of your fans. You can't win with these people. So I decide to do my usual: ignore every question and then go straight on twitter and moan about how annoying they are and tell people not to listen to anything I have supposedly said. However one question caught me off guard.

'Any comment on Justin Bieber's reaction to your performance?'

I don't know why, and I have never been able to give a solid answer even now after all this time, but I froze. I couldn't answer the question. It was an easy enough question, I could have merely shrugged it off, or said something about how we don't like each other any more or at least said something! But alas, no, I just froze. Stood perfectly still with an embarrassing expression on my face, as I began to think again about the deep brown eyes that looked as if they'd swallow you up if you got too close. About all the fun we'd had, as friends, before the shit happened, before we started - no, that’s for later.

However I was not going to stand there forever, and neither was I going to tell anybody about mine and Justin's real relationship, or why exactly he had that look on his face in the first place. So I resorted to the old 'No comment' pushed passed the remaining annoyances and half walked half ran to my dressing room.

I closed the door almost before I had gotten in the room and closed it on my right leg. So, swearing under my breath at my idiocy I quickly re-entered and immediately locked the door - successfully this time. I hadn't even turned around before there was a heavy thundering from the other side. I had a pretty good I idea who it was, I recognised the annoying voice that was bellowing something along the lines of open up and let me in. 

'Who is it?' I call out , already knowing exactly who it was.

'You know exactly who it is, and you better open up or else I'm gonna break this stupid door down! I need a word with you.' The all to familiar voice of Scooter Braun filled my ears, it would have been much more pleasant to hear nails on a chalkboard. And the last few words sounded as if he was struggling to refrain from using much more explicit words.

'Ah yes Scooter, but the thing is I don't want to talk to you, so if you don't want to be removed from the building oh better go away now before I call security.' 

'Oh please! Don't flatter yourself, now open the door NOW!' he roared.

'Scooter you have to realise something, I am not Justin, and you are not my manager, you cannot order me around. Now run along and find your little superstar, I'm sure he's quite worried about where you are, he's not allowed to make any decisions by himself is he? Now piss off Scooter!' I didn't really mean to say all of that, and in a way I almost regret it, however, I still refuse to like Scooter and that is that.

From the other side of the door I heard some interrupted breaths and imagined him outside opening and closing his mouth like a stupid fish which doesn't know how to use its gills. 

After a few long minutes I finally hear him stomping away down the corridor. That's one of the best things about being free of him - Justin I mean - no more Scooter. Well apart from when you potentially reveal to millions of people what exactly went on between you and probably the most famous popstar on earth right now, aside from me of course.

I glanced up at the clock on the wall and saw it was already nearing the end of the ceremony, the only obstacle left now was the after party. Somehow I managed to find the clothes that were picked out for me by a stylist - I don't know how I did this, because I am extremely messy when it comes to dressing rooms - and by the time I had found the left arm's cufflink which I kept dropping it was almost time to go. The question from that reporter had put me off checking twitter, dreading the reaction, I instead decided to open a few pieces of fan mail that were stacked in the corner. There was the usual, Sarah's was the one on the top of the pile; I don't think a week has gone by since the first episode of my first show was broadcasted that I haven't gotten at least five letters from her, even now I still get quite a few. 

Anyway, before long I realised that it was time to leave and put down another letter made from newspaper cuttings reading MARRY ME! IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU NO ONE CAN I WILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU, people are so nice aren't they? I picked up my phone, still not even thinking about going on twitter; and set off out of my dressing room and down the hall.

It's strange how many people you see back stage at an awards show, just in that short walk I had passed Ellen, Jay Leno and someone who I'm pretty sure was Michelle Obama. It was the first time they had held the awards in the Staples Centre for a while, and they had decided to have the official after party there as well. I quickly showed the doorman my pass and walked into the room. There was everybody in there, well, anybody who was anybody was there. Even then after six years of being famous I still felt weird as I walked around all the other celebrities I felt so out of place. It was strange to think that a little over six years ago then, much longer now, I was sat in a boring class in my boring school with a boring life watching intently out of the window at the boring weather, you get that it was boring I assume. And now I was there, mixing with all of these people that I and lots of other people could have only dreamed of meeting. I slipped through the crowd of famous people and made my way to the food table, as always. 

Unfortunately the only fear I had about coming tonight was confirmed, they booked crap caterers. So, regrettably I walked away from the food table and tried to pick out a familiar face. I bet you can guess who I saw. Now if this were a tweet I would end it with FFS obviously it isn't so I will try and express how I felt in the following sentence. Asdfghjklvxoylhxdauyorsmcfnvnvbvhcgsbghfvsnbvhklytwavjhvbcthvfbhxhncfdasgseyijvdeuojvffhbjkbhbhvfvg. And as you can see I failed at communicating properly. All I can say is that seeing him there, even though I already knew he would be, just made me feel like shit times a million. As per usual when we were in the same room back then, he would stare at me and I would have to pretend not to notice. So that went on for a while until finally I spotted Jane Lynch, I had worked with her a lot, obviously, when I was on Glee, and we had become sort of friends, although Jane considered anyone a friend even if you had only said hi to her. 

I made my way quite casually towards her, however I got side tracked by somebody calling my name. I whirled round to look for the source of the noise and found my self looking straight at Tom Daley. I was quite startled at the time, I mean how many world class athletes do you get at entertainment award ceremonies? Also he was hot, so hot. I stared, dumbfounded, at his face. I must have looked extremely stupid, just standing there staring at his face. And I don't even know how long I was standing there, and I also don't even know why I was so shocked or surprised to have seen him, I was almost starstruck. 

'Hey! Are you OK, hello!' his voice brought me back into the room. 

'Um, err, yeah fine, sorry I spaced out there for a second.' I rushed through that sentence like there was no tomorrow. And just as I finished that my eyes, by their own accord, found Justin again. For the second time that evening he had a look of great contempt struck across his face. Although this time I detected another emotion. Was that jealousy? He was actually jealous that I was talking to another guy, a hot guy. This could be fun, get my own back on him maybe? But suddenly those thoughts were lost as soon as a took a real look at his face; he was on the verge of tears.

I wanted to run over there and support him, hug him and love him. Oh god how I wanted to love him and look into those lovely brown eyes, stare into them for hours and get lost in them like I used to when we would spend long afternoons together.

Like I used to before, before the shit started, before people knew, before things got complicated...


	2. Friends

6 Years Previously

It was lunchbreak. And as usual it was raining. We used this as an excuse not to go outside, although I'm quite sure that temperatures of over 40° couldn't force us out of our table in the canteen. The 'we' in this situation was my best-friend Helen, and the rest of the gang: Ellie, Summer, Samantha and Holly. Yes, they're all girls and I'm conforming to the awful stereotype of being a gay guy with only girl friends but as Zac Efron's tattoo says: YOLO. Oh good god, did I really use the hotness of Zac Efron to justify the use of YOLO? I mean Zac's hotness can justify just about anything, but I think not even 100 Zacs could justify using YOLO in a serious situation. Anyway, the usual conversation was rife at the table: me, Helen and Summer making inappropriate and innuendo filled small talk, Samantha and Holly whispering furiously in each others ears, most likely bitching about us all, and finally Ellie, head down, texting whoever and whatever to save her from the embarrassment that was sitting with us. 

You see, me and Ellie had found each other a few years ago when I first started at this school. We quickly became best-friends, thriving off of each others nerdiness. This continued until one year ago, when she suddenly changed. One day she asked me if she should try out for a club - what club I had and have no idea - just as usual I waved her off saying she should 'go for it' anythings possible' and 'I've got a good feeling about this one'. All of this wasn't a rude way, just a realistic one. The thing about her was that, until that day, she really couldn't do anything; aside from answer any question about any subject, oh, and she was quite a good writer. Again I mean this in the nicest way, until that day Ellie herself would have agreed with me. So for the past 3 years I had put up with countless fits of tears, anger and hatred after she found out she hadn't made the (insert sport here) team. 

You can understand my surprise and disbelief when I found out she had actually made the team. If we hadn't had such a friendly relationship with Dorris, the librarian, she would probably have had us excluded for public disturbance; Ellie screams very, very loudly. It seemed like after that day that she had experienced some incredible change in physical ability, I often wondered if she had taken some human growth hormone. Not only were there physical changes in Ellie there were also some other, more complex ones. As complex as they were they could be easily summed up in three words: Ellie was popular. There suddenly didn't seem to be a single club in the school that she wasn't in. She was also invited to everyone and their cousins party. She was constantly on facebook, boasting about her 4,000 friends or her 10,000 followers on twitter, none of which I cared about. Now that was all bad, but above all the worst thing was the boyfriends. You couldn't have found a more greasy and ugly bunch of teenagers if you tried. 'Oh but he has a six pack! Show him (insert ridiculous wannabe celebrity name here)!' this was the most common excuse I got when I spoke my mind about these boys, and yes I did this with them in the room. 

This change had all happened in around 2 months, and I was also having a change, a change in best-friends. Now, when I wasn't spending all my time being told by Ellie about someone I didn't care about hooking up with someone else I didn't care about, I was spending more and more time with Helen, until I eventually became so bored with Ellie not turning up at lunch I just stopped going myself. I joined Helen and Summer's little group, this also included Samantha and Holly, who were thankfully very friendly and accepted me immediately into the group.

Helen was incredibly pretty. She had dyed dark brown wavy hair, outrageously cool and flawless makeup everyday, and had a really nice body. Not that I really know what guys see in girls bodies you could tell Helen had that. She was a few inches shorter than me, the 'perfect height' apparently. Summer in some ways was completely opposite to Helen, but in some ways they could be twins. She had that natural beauty that all girls desired, she really didn't have to wear make up, mad what make up she did wear was only for formality. She had a beautiful shade of tanned skin, and her hair was naturally black, however she had somehow managed to get this blonde-brown colour in there, like highlights but for her whole hair. Holly was small, tiny in fact, from some angles it almost seemed that she was half my size. She had her hair dyed a subtle purple and it covered half her face, she was very pale, and very thin, she always wore long selves. Samantha, the tallest girl, was again very pale and very thin, she had dyed jet black hair that she religiously straightened. Whilst she resented the word emo, that is in fact essentially what she looked like. 

We got along very well actually, I didn't expect to become friends with Holly or Samantha at all, and later on I found out they didn't expect to like me either. We laughed, joked, had our bickering but all in all we worked perfectly together.This perfect harmony of the table was soon interrupted when Ellie suddenly appeared after around a month. Ever since her change, she had completely redesigned her image. Instead of the natural light brown hair, she was now blonde, not only in her hair but in her personality too. She had also gotten rid of her glasses, something that was a mistake, no longer the pretty-nerd look, just another popular bitch, well thats what her image screamed anyway. She had deep grey eyes, now obstructed by her terrible eye make up, a cute button nose, and a foundation-caked face. From maybe a metre away her make up looked quite good, but when you were sat right next to her, you could see exactly where she had gone wrong. The powder cracking on her cheeks was not the nicest sight. Now, all of this didn't attract away from the fact that underneath all of that was a very pretty girl, you just had to look hard enough. 

She had had an argument with some person which apparently made it impossible to hang around with those people anymore. With some - and by this I mean a lot of - persuasion from me, we finally established an equilibrium at the table. This consisted of only me, Holly and Summer liking her, Helen just about putting up with her, and Samantha secretly wanting to stab her every time she opened her mouth. Ellie as always was oblivious to this, thinking everybody loved her of course. 

On this particular day however, we seemed to be having a good day, Samantha and Holly stopped whispering, we toned down the innuendos and the only person Ellie was texting was her mum. 

'Oh, oh, oh! I almost forgot!' I randomly shouted halfway through a sandwich.

'Ew thanks for that Sam, I did not need your peanut butter all over me thanks!' Samantha it seemed was not in as good of a mood as I'd thought. 

'Well anyway, you know that super secret project that I'm in, that thing I haven't told any of you about?' I did an exaggerated wink.

'You mean that thing that's totally not a TV series or anything that you're totally not going to be an extra in?' Summer copied my wink.

'Oh shut up you, I'm more than an extra!' If only you knew how much more than an extra I was I thought as I stuck my tongue out at her. 

'Stop bickering and tell us the news biatch' Holly gave us swift kicks to the shins, for a small person she had really powerful kicks. 

'Thank you, well, there was another meeting over the weekend, and guess what?' I didn't give them time to reply. 'We start filming next week!' I beamed at them.

'You seem very heavily involved with this if you're only an extra, you're not telling us something...' Samantha gave me her suspicious eyes.

'Calm down Sherlock' I said, I needed something to quickly change the subject, I may be an ok actor, but lying to my friends I'm not so good at. I noticed Ellie furiously typing on her phone. 'What's up with you Smellie?' 

'Mum... Annoying... Won't buy... Concert... Please... Stupid... Need... Tickets...' She mumbled whilst typing around 32 repetitions of the word 'please'. 

'Woh, don't give us a lecture there!' Said Holly. 

'I hardly said anything!' Ellie finally looked up.

'Exactly, it was a joke, calm down something must be up, gimme her phone.' Holly half asked half demanded. Before she could say 'what' Ellie's phone was in Holly's hand. 'Damn, she locked it!'

'That's ok, her passwords just Bieber's birthday' I just got those words out before she could cover my mouth. I winked at her.

'Dickhead, give me my phone Holly!' Just as she finished that sentence the phone buzzed, Ellie had gotten a message.

What happened next was a blur, a 16 year old girl, macaroni cheese, iPhone blur. Ellie quite literally threw herself across the table at Holly. This successfully retrieved her phone, although it covered the chest of her blouse, and most of the table in macaroni cheese. 

'Hey! I was eatin-' Holly was cut by a loud scream, most likely the cause of all the hearing loss in England. 

'SHE GOT THEM! SHE ACTUALLY BOUGHT THEM! OH MY GOD! SOMEONE PINCH ME! AHHH! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!' Ellie was doing a strange dance that reminded me of some voodoo ritual. 'Ow! What was that for?'

'Well you said pinch me, so I took it one step further.' said Samantha, looking incredibly pleased with the fact she just slapped Ellie in the face. 

'What the fuck was all that about Mrs Crazy?' I asked.

'What was what about?' She asked, still clutching her face.

'Oh I don't know, maybe the whole fucking dancing, screaming and the whole embarrassing situation that just happened?' Helen delivered a swift kick to Ellie's knee. 

'Oh that. Ow! Why are you all hurting me?' She rubbed her leg 'Maybe I won't tell you.'

'For fucks sake Ellie tell us or I might just reveal a certain story about my birthday party...' This was my favourite and only attack I had against her.

Ellie suddenly turned bright red and went pale at the same time, this is of course impossible, but somehow she did it. 'Well ok, fine! Well Justin Bieber is my favourite singer.'

'No!' 'Never!' 'Really?' We all said in unison.

'Oh shut up, well he's on tour here in two months-'

'We know, you cried for days when you didn't get tickets, it was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen in my life.' Samantha interrupted.

Ellie shot her an evil look, 'well, my mum knows this person, and this person knows this person, who knows this person who knows, etc etc. And, she's just bought six tickets to his show!' Ellie seemed so happy she could die, although she did seem to notice when our faces dropped. 

'Well if you're going to be like that about it... I'm going to 4th period.' Ellie didn't look angry, in fact she looked like she was bursting in anticipation to tell us something else. She got about half way to the entrance to the canteen, then quickly ran back.

'Oh, did I forget to say, they're VIP tickets, you know priority seating, a free drink and a snack...' She saw we were still unimpressed. '...oh yeah, plus you get to actually meet Justin Bieber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO here's the second chapter! Hope you are all enjoying it, i'll be uploading the next chapters over the coming days so keep checking!  
> Thanks for reading!  
> Sam x


	3. Meeting

'Sam? Hello? Sam, come back to us?'

'Samuel Harrison!' I snapped back into the room with the pain of a kick.

'I'm here! I'm here! I'm here!' I yawned. That was the only drawback to having your mum as your agent, yes there was the closeness, the sense of family, all of that, but unfortunately she could read me like a book. She was also the only person who dared to kick me. In fact scratch that, the only person who could kick me without me shouting at them afterwards. 

I was, for the fourth time this week, in a board meeting; or bored meetings as I liked to call them. They were really unnecessary, aside from eventually signing a contract or four and starting ten more arguments than it solved.

We had started filming just under a month ago, already having aired the first episode, the second in editing and the third onwards being written and decided upon in these meetings. I was very surprised at the speed of the production of the show. Having always heard from interviews with celebrities that things take ages to film, finishing one episode in 3 weeks was pretty darn good. The thing about this show that separated it from other british shows was that it was very long. Now all you americans are used to your 24 episode “Seasons” whereas us here in Britain usually suffice with anything from 6 to 12 episodes per series. Aside obviously from the soaps and talk shows etc. This show however was much like an american show, there would be a few episodes, then a break, then a few episodes, stops for christmas, a few episodes and a break etc, etc. The producers were trying to make it fit in roughly with the school timetable, as it was set in a school they wanted to make it as realistic as possible. This meant that whilst filming for episode 1 we would also be filming for episode 2, whilst filming for episode 3 and so on. 

Unfortunately they had hit a big problem. 

They had fully written the next episode based around a certain character and their storyline, only to learn that the actor playing the character had left the show. Stating simply that it wasn’t for him. So that I why I was here. They wanted me to become the new main male character in the series. I of course jumped at the opportunity, and asked when we started filming.

‘It’s not that simple Sam’ I hated it when they patronised me, I had a right to be excited as a 5 year old on christmas! 

‘Why not, what is it this time?’ I groaned.

‘Well you see, the thing is it’s-’

‘Don’t even bother, it’s money isn’t it?’ the producer nodded ‘Ugh, what is wrong with all you people? I don’t need anymore money, I’m quite fine with what you’re giving me now! In fact that’s too much! Why don’t you start paying me less?’ I shouted that a lot louder than I had intended to. 

‘Look here Sam Harrison, you signed your contract, this is on your back!’ He also raised his voice.

‘Exactly! Wait, what? My fault! How is this my fault? I’m not the one paying a 16 year old ridiculous amounts of money!’

‘No, but you’re the 16 year old who signed the feature-dependent pay contract.’ It seemed we had returned to normal volume conversation.

‘I’m sorry, and that means?’

‘That basically we have to pay you depending on how much you are in each episode, and since you’re now going to be in every episode, a lot, then we have to pay you a lot more. Its quite simple really.’ He breathed loudly out of his nose like a dragon. 

‘Honestly, what is wrong with you people? Its like you have an unlimited stash of money or something.’ I said to no one really. Although when I looked up I found he was giving me a look that screamed, ‘thats because we do’. 

I should probably tell you a bit about the show. Due to the success that was Glee, and that movie Pitch Perfect, it was inevitable that a british version would soon appear, apparently the easiest way to make money in TV now is to copy. This was that show. Set in a high school, the group was an a cappella group, it was, to a certain degree, quite realistic; they tried to cast us as young as we were supposed to be in the show, so we could add depth to the character, didn’t try and create americanised ‘jocks’ or anything else of that kind, they tried to keep it real and believable. With a bit of a cappella thrown in there too.

I was originally cast, not as an extra, but a background character who was in the group, having a maximum of 1 line per episode. However because of this change around, I had now replaced the main male character, and would be in every episode and just about every musical number. I now, rather than playing the tall nerdy shy boy, played the the confident, rich boy. It was a fantastic role. I was playing the guy in control, every person in school, students, teachers etc were all under my thumb. There is also a Gossip Girl type element of the show, the same concept of a mysterious person writing everyone's darkest and dirtiest secrets online, but it was the school's version of a tabloid newspaper in the show. The running plot in the background was everyone trying to find out who the author was, my character like everyone else was a suspect. 

So that is why I was sat there, in this wonderfully brightly lit office with its fancy glass walls, table, floor and ceiling, you’d think the people who worked here were made of glass the amount of personality they had. Not only did they have to re write my money contract they had re write about 10 more I’m pretty sure I never signed in the first place. I’d like to tell you I read every word of every contract they shoved in front of my face, but that would be a very big lie, if anything I would read the title and the ‘signature’ with a long line next to it. 

‘Right, what exactly did you wake me from my slumber for?’ I added a quick ‘haha’ to show them I wasn’t being a twat. 

‘We needed to go over the final arrangements for the transition.’ why did they always have to sound so serious? I really never understood why they were so bitter, apparently working in TV doesn’t make you the amazing person you would expect. 

‘Ok then, shoot. Do you really have to call it the ‘transition? I’m not having a sex change or anything, wait I’m not am I?’ I sighed at the lack of response, you really couldn’t get anywhere with these people, not even acknowledging the fact I tried to be witty, dicks. 

‘Well, we have the increased number of lines obviously, the increased number of lead vocals, choreography, oh and the extra exercise. And the publicity events you’ll have to attend of course.’ His voice was becoming ever more monotonous and boring.

‘Yeah, so about that exercise, is that option-’ I was cut off by the fact everyone had stood up and was already beginning to leave the room. ‘I’ll just talk to myself then, bye guys! Call me sometime?’ I still had no reaction, not even a single half-breath-chuckle-thing. 

‘Mum can we go home now?’ I held the w on for a very long time. ‘I’m so bored, and tired, pwetty pwease?’ I said doing the best puppy dog eyes I could.

‘Oh honey, I wish we could, but we’ve still got another meeting to go to, come on.’ And with that she hoisted me up off the chair and dragged me out of the room and down a corridor, left, right, left again down some stairs, up some stairs; how she knew her way around her so well was a mystery to me. When we apparently reached the right place, I thought to myself that we could have easily just done one big circle and ended up in the same corridor, it looked exactly the same. I do hope my generation produces some good architects and interior designers, the place was awful. Those bright fluorescent white strip lights were basically the ceiling, I couldn’t see a patch where there wasn’t a light, the floor, a grey carpet was the ugliest carpet I’d ever seen, and all the tinted grey and painted glass walls were just vulgar. 

Stood outside the meeting room we were going in was Michael Lee, the casting director for the show. He looked both excited and worried about me being there. Michael was taller than me, around 6 foot 5 inches, he had amazing blonde curly hair, and a perfect face. He was only 22, although somehow had worked his way up the TV ladder. I blamed this on his looks, his bright green eyes, big kissable lips and his outstanding fashion sense. He had two modes it seemed, one was his business mode, the other his causal mode. Today he was business. Somehow he always managed to get his personal touch to his suits, and also made a business suit very, very hot, believe me. 

‘Sam! Hey! Long time no see ay?’ He winked at me, honestly I just wished he’d kiss me, but that sexy wink would have to do for now. 

‘Why hello there sir, how are you fairing today?’ I tipped my imaginary hat at him.

‘There there, the banks been hell this week! Trying to give money back to people!’ He gave me a shocked look.

I returned the look and said ‘Good heavens no! They don’t expect you to talk to the, the, the’ I looked left and right ‘the commoners do they?’ I pretended to shiver.

‘Ok, alright you two break it up, can we go in yet? I’m hungry and want this over and done with as soon as possible.’ My mum chuckled and made her way to the door, Michael stopped her. 

‘Thats ok Susan, we won’t need you in there, just a meet and greet with some other cast members, the rest of the “Handlers” ‘ he gave me a wink, ‘are downstairs in the food court.’ This “food court” was actually just the canteen and a vending machine, a broken vending machine.

‘Oh, ok then, you sure you’ll be alright in there Sammie?’ 

‘DO NOT call me Sammie, mother.’ I said through gritted teeth, I added mother to the end, she hated being called mother. 

‘I’ll call you whatever I want thank you very much, I pushed you out of my vagina, I think I have that authority.’ Said my mum as she walked away down the corridor, pausing to turn around and stick out her tongue at me.

‘Ewwwwwww! I did not need to hear that right now, in fact ever!’ I turned to Michael, I can’t believe she would embarrass me in front of him like that, parents. ‘I’m so sorry you had to hear that Michael I-’

‘Hey its fine little dude’ he said whilst ruffling my hair.

‘First of all, I am not little! I am 5 inches shorter than you, yes, but I’m still six foot! And secondly never ruffle my hair you naughty man!’ I went to kick his leg, but he was too fast and he grabbed my leg, I was now suspended in air, resting on one leg. I was scared; my balance isn’t the best when I’ve got two feet on the ground. ‘Ahhhhh! Nooooo! Please let me down, I’m sowwy, I’m vewy vewy vewy sowwy Mykul!’ 

Apparently I speak baby when I’m around him. 

‘Haha, you better be, now who’s the naughty boy here?’ I answered that it was me. ‘And who here is the most awesomest person ever, who you idolise and would give anything to be?’

I rolled my eyes at him, ‘you of course, now please let me down!’ He did eventually, after making me beg a little longer though. I composed myself, gave him a sarcastic evil look, and headed towards the door of the room. Just like my mum however, he stopped me.

‘Oh what now Michael’ I rolled my eyes over dramatically.

‘Well there's someone in there, a very famous person and-’

‘Ooh who is it? Lemme see!’ I tried to squint my eyes, but it was no use, the glass door was fully blurred.

‘This is what I wanted to talk about, you can’t go all weird on him, we’re trying to get a deal with him to come on the show for a bit, so don’t creep him out or anything, don’t be too weird. Now I know that's impossible for you but-’ He grinned, although not for long when he got my slap on his arm. ‘And no violence! He doesn’t want to see you kill me!' 

‘Oh I’m sure whoever he is would love to see that, but I’ll try.’ I winked at him, ‘plus, you’re too cute to kill anyways’ I pushed the door open ‘I don’t think I could live a day without your awesomene-’ My sarcastic comment was cut off by the fact I just saw exactly who this famous person was.

‘Thats-’

‘Justin Bieber, hello to you too’ he finished my sentence. I was already worried that I’d blown it with him, but thankfully he did smile when he said it.

‘H-h-hi!’ I shoved my hand out to shake hands with him far too quickly, and far too hard. I felt my hand connect with his stomach. Oh that's just fucking great, I just punched the most famous singer in the world in the stomach, well fucking played Sam, good job. 

‘Oh my god, I’m so so so sorry, I, I, are you ok? Oh my god what’ve I done, probably caused you internal bleeding oh god.’ When I’m flustered, I become extremely stupid, this may become evident to you, and it was made even worse by the fact it was Justin Bieber.

With that, I took one look at Justin massaging his stomach and passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 3, god it's ages since I wrote this and it's so weird reading it back now, anyways hope you enjoyed.  
> Thanks for reading and know i'd love you forever if you commented :p  
> Sam x


	4. Beaumazect

_With that, I took one look at Justin massaging his stomach and passed out._

I expected to wake up in hospital, or at least on the floor with everyone gathered around me. But no, I awoke standing up, in exactly the same position as I was before. 

‘Hello, earth to whoever you are, hello? Haha, who is this weirdo you’ve got working for you, might wanna seek out some better people Michael.’ Justin’s voice brought me back into the room.

‘Excuse me?’ I said dumbfounded. 

‘Well hello there Mr Freeze, haha’ He looked around the room expecting a laugh, there was a short pause, then the terribly sad sound of fake laughter filled the room, Justin however looked pleased with himself.

‘Wait, didn’t I just punch you in the stomach?’ I was extremely confused, there were a few chuckles of nervous laughter, they thought I was making some joke. 

‘Er no, I don’t think so’ he looked anxious, as if he thought I was rivalling his apparently flawless wit, ‘that wouldn’t be a nice way to greet the worlds most famous - and best I might add - popstar would it?’ He laughed, and so did everyone else, although you could tell he genuinely believed what he had just said.

‘Justin, don’t ever let me hear you being so obnoxious again young man, apologise.’ the sharp voice of Pattie Mallete filled my impatient and uninterested ears. However I did chuckle at the fact an 18 year old superstar, who had every right to boast, was getting told off by mummy. Justin mumbled an apology to no one in particular, then instantly picked up on my laughter. 

‘What’re you laughing at sleepy-head? And what’s up with you anyway?’ Justin was almost snarling at me, I was starting to see why this boy was getting told off.

‘Oh just the people in my head, they’re quite funny sometimes you know. You should hear the things they say...’ I pretended to trail off and looked to the left doing a distant smile. I noticed out of the corner of my eye, Justin giving me a strange look. It was somewhere between anxiousness and being scared, wait for it, wait for it, there it was! Finally, he showed some amusement, he did find it funny. Why was he trying to hide it though? ‘And I really have no ide-’ At that moment a horrifyingly loud rumble came from my stomach. I haven’t eaten in ages I thought. ‘I haven’t eaten in ages! That’s it! Why didn’t I realise, I always hallucinate when I’m hungry. Phew! I was beginning to think I’d punched Justin Bieber! Although the way he acts, it might have actually been quite satisfying.’

‘You do realise you just said that out loud don’t you?’ He gave an exasperated sigh, ‘you British people are so weird.' 

‘And from the ones I’ve met, all canadians are a bunch of stuck-up, obnoxious, arrogant dicks. Who are still getting told off by mummy. At 18.’ Sometimes I was quite good at comebacks, other times I took it too far, I had no idea which one that was. I noticed Pattie’s head raised, and realised it must have been because I’d used a swear word. ‘Good god, you’re not allowed to swear either? That’s harsh man.’ I said under my breath, just loud enough for Justin to hear. 

‘You know what, whatever your name is’ he looked around at his mum, she had fallen back into deep conversation with a producer. ‘I really, really don’t like you, and I’ve only known you for what? 5 minutes?’ He gave me a very strange snarly-smile. 

‘Well, firstly’ I said matter-of-factly ‘it’s Sam, Samuel Harrison, not that you’d care. Secondly it’s been 4 minutes actually.’ His face screamed “like I care” at me, ‘And thirdly, that my friend, is a mutual feeling.’ He must have been very surprised by that reaction, he looked speechless. ‘Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to have one of those biscuits over there. Good day, Justin.’ I strode over to the tray of biscuits resting on a small table next to the coffee table. There were in fact, more than I had expected, this provided me with a problem, I fancy myself a bit of a biscuit connoisseur if I’m honest. Custard creams, Hob-Nobs, Bourbons, Digestives, Chocolate Digestives, Chocolate-Caramel Digestives, and Chocolate Chip Cookies. Actually no, scratch that, raisin cookies. Ew. What a ridiculous thing. A raisin in a cookie, worst of all it was a raisin pretending to be a chocolate chip. 

‘You’re a fake you know that?’ I did try to say this in my head but I’m pretty sure I said it out loud. God, these people already think I’m messed up in the head, now I’m talking to a cookie. Before I had anymore time to contemplate the important decision of which to have any further however, I felt some warm breath on my neck. 

‘Do you know what the usual reaction is when I tell people I don’t like them?’ Justin said in a whisper through gritted teeth.

I didn’t move, he felt very close to me, he must not have been too close, or else people would have been asking what was going on, but I still felt trapped, like his words were stopping me from moving. That suddenly turned into his arm, as I tried to slip to the left to the coffee table, his arm shot out, looking like he wanted a biscuit, but in reality blocking my way out. ‘No, I don’t, and to be perfec-’ He cut me off.

‘They immediately apologise, ask what they’ve done, and ask, no, beg for forgiveness. You didn’t do that. Why not?’ he was still saying all of this in that creepy whisper, although there was a faint chuckle-breath thing towards the end. Ironic, as not 15 minutes ago I would have loved to hear that sound from one of the producers I was trying to impress, now, now it was quite genuinely scary. 

‘No I didn’t,’ I found my voice ‘and that’s because I’m not a suck up. Well, I am, but only for guys I like, and in a whole other way than you know. Sucking that is’ I looked around and my eyes found the back of Michaels head, Justin looked where I was looking and unintentionally moved his arm. How awkward, not only was I cornered by Justin Bieber, with what any girl would consider a rape situation, but I’m pretty sure I just told Justin, my least favourite person I the world right now, that I’d love to suck off Michael. What is wrong with me at the moment. I took my chance now there was an opening, and slipped from his grasp. I decided against getting coffee or tea, Justin was far too close for comfort there, so I walked away a few steps before turning around. ‘Also don’t do the whole breathing on my neck ever again, ever. It was oddly sexual and believe me when I say I would never tap that.’

Except I totally would I added in my head. Even with that weird thing that just happened, he was still sexy. 

I turned around again and managed about three steps when I was suddenly twirled around by a hand on my arm. ‘I’m sorry Justin, but I’m not in the dancing mood right now.’ I said dryly. 

‘Oh shut up. Anyways, what exactly about this’ he did some hand gesture to apparently display his body ‘do you not find attractive?’ 

‘Well’ I sighed ‘you’re all thin and ew. Also your hair’s weird, and don’t even get me started on those clothes Mr.’ Lies, lies, lies. Where the fuck did that all come from? I must really be annoyed to say that stuff, and to his face!

Justin was not ‘thin and ew’ at all. Now I’m not the biggest Bieber fan out there, but I am a gay guy who isn’t blind so I’ve seen what was under that white t-shirt of his, not thin and ew. I’d also seen what was also supposedly inside those on-show boxers of his. That was the only thing I didn’t like about his outfit. I mean yes I am a teenager so I wear my trousers a little low but seriously, I’m pretty sure there was no arse coverage at all. Yes that gave us a good view, but not practical at all. If it was me I’d be falling all over the place. Something I already do in normal clothes. Plus how are they even comfortable to wear? I did like his shoes though. This guy must have a room reserved in his house just for Supras, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him wear the same pair twice before. 

Don’t even get me started on why I said that about his hair. His hair was the definition of beautiful, amazing and perfect. So I suppose it was the definition of beaumazect? Whatever it was, I loved it. The colour, the way it was set so perfectly, the way it made him look older, and I’m pretty sure it was his hair giving off that sweet smell off expensive shampoo. 

‘Excuse me?’ He said in an accusing tone. Ok I was getting really sick and tired of this fucking attitude. 

‘Look’ I said in a quiet shout, I’d much rather only involve him and myself in this argument. ‘just because you’re Justin fucking Bieber, does not mean you can go around all high and mighty. Yes, you are more famous than us. Yes, you are richer than us. But does that really make you a better person? Does it?’ He was yet again speechless.

Unfortunately it seemed I had said all that a little too loud, everyone was staring at me and Justin. ‘And, now’ I announced to the room ‘I would like to leave, Michael, could you please give me directions to the canteen, I believe my mother is down there waiting.’ I looked expectantly at Michael, impatient to get out of the room.

‘Why is your mom downstairs?’ I really did not want to here his voice right now, it might set me off again. 

‘Because, Justin, not all of us are massive big superstars who get all the special treatment for doing absolutely nothing, to you, she is your mother’ I pointed at Pattie, ‘but my mum, oh she’s just a handler, someone who’s required by law to be there when I sign contracts, someone who none of these people pay any attention to, or give any respect to. But with you? No! Of course Mrs Bieber why don’t you come right in make yourself at home, you as well Justin come over and meet all these suck-up producers. Oh look I’ve dropped my wallet, care for some money Mr Bieber. Oh Mr Bieber, Mr Bieber, Mr FUCKING Bieber!’ 

‘Now, now Sam why don’t you calm down it’s been a stressful day.’ Said one of the producers, genuine worry stricken across his face, then I realised I might be losing them Justin Bieber.

‘Stressful day! YOU think it was a stressful day? What’ve you done all day but sit around in your leather chair patronising me and sucking up to this dick.’ I spat at him. 

‘Now look here! I will not stand by and listen to you calling my son every name under the sky! Young man have some respect! And my name is NOT Mrs Bieber!’ Pattie Mallete screeched at me. 

‘Oh just shut the fuck up, who do you think you are, you gave birth to a silly little boy not fucking Jesus. Get a reality check woman. Also quick question, what are you even doing here, Justin is 18 years old! He may not look it or sing like it, but he’s an adult! Now I love my mum, but seriously, I wouldn’t want her hounding me like you obviously do. But then again I suppose, sweet, loving, caring, whiter-than-white but wanna be black guy Justin isn’t allowed to even cross a road on his own is he. What are you afraid he’s going to do? Say a swear word? Tell the paparazzi to fuck off, and god forbid not say sorry. Or is it that he wouldn’t help the old lady who needs help across that road? Or maybe he’d just walk straight across that road and buy some weed, of ‘Lil Dick’ and ‘Lil Cock’ or whatever his friends are called. Maybe they’re the people you should be checking up on, not him!’ I gave a massive, thunderously loud breath, took a long, hard, staring look at Justin, and ran straight out of that room. 

I had no idea where I was going. I bolted out of the door, and followed the stupidly decorated corridor around to my right, I saw straight ahead that there was a lift, I didn’t want to risk being seen right now, so I tried all the doors on the corridor until finally one opened. Just as I was about to turn on the light, I looked at the wall opposite the door. Well, I say wall, but really it was just one giant window. I looked out at London at night. It was beautiful. The city centre all lit up; in one corner you had the Houses of Parliament, in the other you had Canary Wharf, and the Gherkin.

Its funny how small things, or well London’s quite big but you know what I mean, affect you in the way they do, but just standing there made me think back at what I’d just done. I didn’t cry, or throw things, or stomp around like a lost child, although that’s exactly what I was, I just stood there. I must’ve been in there for around half an hour. Evidently somebody had called my mum, I felt my phone vibrate around a hundred times. I decided that it was time for me to go back. I turned around to go out of the door when I realised that there was someone stood at the doorway.

‘Hello?’ I said cautiously. It had gotten a lot darker since I’d come in the room, I could barely see the outline of this persons body, although I had a pretty good idea who it was. 

‘Hi there, what was it again, Samuel?’ said Justin. 

‘Yeah, but Sam really, I hate being called Samuel’ I mumbled, ‘Look, Justin I’m-’

‘No, you look, Samuel’ he stressed my name. ‘What you did in there, was well…’ 

‘Unthinkable, disgusting, disrespectful, stupid, ridiculous-’

‘Well, yes, but also’ he took a breath ‘justified.’

‘Exactly! Wait, I’m sorry, what did you just say?’ I was so confused.

‘Take a seat Sam.’ he pointed to one of the leather chairs that was surrounding the table. I did immediately, I felt like I’d been sent to the Head’s office or something, which is weird cause I’ve never actually done that so I wouldn’t know what it felt like.

‘Right, Sam, basically, well, so, it’s just, like, well, I’m Justin Bieber, I’m used to getting my way, I have done for a few years now. I’m not saying that that is right, not at all, but that’s all I know. Now, I honestly felt threatened by you in that room earlier-’

‘Say what now?’ Mood swing or what?

‘Well I saw how confident you were in there, how outspoken, I heard your little joke with Michael outside, and well there is just something about you that kinda, well it annoys the hell out of me.’ I could see his beautiful brown eyes looking at me when he said all of that, he meant it all. 

‘Hmmm, what the fuck am I supposed to say to that?’ I slipped out. 

‘Er, well erm I don’t-’

‘Rhetorical question Justin. You can be a dork sometimes. Well, I’ll be honest too then. I don’t exactly know what I expected to get out of you in there, but it certainly wasn’t the weirdo I was talking to. From the moment you opened your mouth I kinda hated you, and well, I still don’t really like you now. But, I am sorry for saying what I said… about your mother, not you, that was all true.’ I saw his mouth twitch a smile. 

‘And I’m going to have to sort it out with the producers. But for now, I really need to go home.’ I stood up out of the chair and so did Justin. Something strange happened then, he sort of opened his arms a bit, like he was going to hug me, or was I supposed to hug him? I didn’t know. I heard a faint mumble of something like ‘fine, be that way’ and something about rejection, he was looking at the floor, and I was sure I heard the sniff of a crying boy. Thinking to myself ‘someone really needs to put this kid on medication or something, these mood swings are not normal, not even for a 12 year old girl’ ‘Cause you would know so much about that!’ I retorted at myself. Oh god, Sam, stop don’t argue with yourself you know you always lose.

As I walked towards the door I smiled at him, and he smiled back, albeit through not very well hidden tears.

‘Oh, Justin!’ I said, ‘it would mean a lot to all the producers and stuff if you did come on the show. I mean they’ve worked so hard and stuff, so, well, just think about it, ok?’ I turned to leave and was half way out of the door when I turned yet again.

‘Actually, fuck it, it would mean a lot to me if you came on the show.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying the story!  
> Thanks for reading  
> Sam x


	5. Drive Home

After leaving the room I had taken my phone out of my pocket and found that it was not my mum who had been calling me all those times. It was Michael. I quickly wrote a text to him explaining that I was ok, that I was going home and to arrange a meeting on Saturday. I had a strange feeling about that meeting, it wasn’t dread, nor fear, I almost thought it was relief. If I got fired then well, I’d be done with it all, if they kept me on then they obviously liked me enough, and that made me quite happy. I got a simple reply from Michael.

“Okay.”

He’s usually a lot happier than that in texts and the only punctuation I ever see him use is a colon or a semi colon followed by a P, D, or an open or close bracket. This above everything else worried me. It wasn’t as if I ever thought I’d have a chance with Michael, he was of course straight, added to the fact he was kind of my boss, or at least co-boss. It was the fact I had obviously upset him, I had let him down. I thought about going back, trying to apologise to everyone, but then I realised it was getting quite late, they’d most likely have already left. And if not, I’d be fired the minute I walked in. 

I wandered around for about 5 minutes before I found that lift again. Luckily it had a little map of the building, the canteen was on the ground floor. Once I had gotten there, it wasn’t hard to find my mum, she was sat at a table in the middle of the canteen, the people she had been sitting with were just leaving. They were gone by the time I got to the table, and my mum was fully immersed in a newspaper. 

‘It hasn’t changed from this morning you know.’ I said when I reached the table and sat down.

‘That’s nice honey.’ she mumbled, deep into an article it seemed. ‘Oh, Sammie, there you are, how was it.’ yes, it took her a while to realise her son was there.

‘Oh you know, same old, same old. Just another boring meeting.’ my smile was too obvious and I received a suspicious look from her. She was about to speak when I said ‘Can we go home now? Please?’ 

‘Yeah go on then, we can stop for a burger or something on the way home, they didn’t have any food down here by the time I arrived.’ She looked both amused and annoyed at this, she had obviously gotten lost on the way down.

‘You do know there was a map in the-’

‘Oh yeah, of course, yes I did….’ She trailed off.

The car journey back from London to was about 3 hours, and we were not in a hurry to get back at all. This I was quite happy about as I could have first lesson off. It was Wednesday tomorrow; first lesson was PE, you can see why I was happy. I could tell there was an air of tension in the car, although I didn’t know why. The answer was given about half an hour into the journey. 

‘Sammie? What, erm, what happened in the meeting today?’ She sounded anxious and almost scared about what I’d say, oh my god what did they tell her?

‘What did they tell you?’

‘Well, nothing really, but I got a text off Michael saying that we should talk about it or something.’ 

‘Oh, well, it, the thing is, that well…’

‘You can start by telling me who was in that room, and why they didn’t want me in there.’ My mum sounded a lot more angry than I thought she would be about this, more angry than she seemed originally when she was told she couldn’t go in. 

‘It was Justin Bieber, and he-’

‘Is that the one Ellie is obsessed with?’ I was surprised she remembered this, I always thought she zoned out when I ranted about Ellie.

‘Yeah thats the one.’ I told her exactly what had happened, from the moment I went in the room, to the moment I left a crying Justin in the other room. Leaving out of course the part where I told Justin I’d like to do things with Michael. 

‘Wow, you really said all that stuff?’ She momentarily took her eyes off the road to look at me, she didn’t really show an emotion.

‘Yeah’ I said, ‘and I’m going to apologise and everything, they're probably going to fire me and. This is not funny!’ She had burst out laughing during my sentence, and it didn’t seem like she was going to stop for a while. I gave up and looked on the lighter side myself. We laughed for around 10 minutes straight, no joke. ‘So you’re not mad at me?’ I asked, wiping away my tears of laughter.

‘No, why would I be, the only thing I would have wished, is to have been in that room too, would've probably joined in. Nothing more annoying than a clingy mother, well when you’re an adult at least. Don’t expect me to be driving you down to London every week for these things when you’re 18.’ 

‘Haha, I suppose, I just feel bad about like going crazy at them all, they really didn’t do anything, did they?’ it was a rhetorical question.

‘Yes they- I mean he did, the rest of them not so much, but you have every right to sue that bitch.’ She chuckled.

‘Mum! I’m trying to be nice here, and anyways how the hell would we win against him in a trial, he’d hire the best people in the world haha.’

‘I have connections you know.’ My mum said in her weird impression of what must have been a spy. ‘Oh, look do you think that place is open?’ She pointed towards a service station, a little ahead.

‘Yes mum, its a service station they’re always open.’ We pulled off the motorway and towards the brightly lit up buildings that made up the services. It seems however, that service stations are not always open, almost as soon as we were out of the car we were back on the road again. 

‘It’s your fault.’ Taunted my mum.

‘Nah-ah! You shouldn't have pulled off to a closed service station!’ I stuck my tongue out at her.

‘Well you shouldn't have told me it was open, silly boy.’ She returned my gesture.

We spent the rest of the journey trying to laugh away the fact we were starving beyond belief. It was way passed midnight before we got back home, and despite our tiredness we both ran to the fridge and salvaged what we could find. After eating the weird combination of ready salted crisps, followed by banana sandwiches, cookie dough ice cream and liquorice, I was starting to feel a little queasy. I went to sit on the sofa and turn the TV on, but I realised it was past 1am and that I really had to go to bed.

I tried as best I could to follow the new ‘routine’. Not that I thought I’d be needing it much longer. Because they wanted us to look our best without having to coat us in concealer with stage makeup on top, we had a strict facial routine. This consisted of washing ones face with freezing cold water, then boiling hot water, then using this weird cleanser that smelt of fish, then applying a cream, on top of that applying this clear gel that just the smell of would make you drunk, then leaving for 10 minutes. After this we were to ‘lightly rinse’ - what the hell does that even mean - our faces before applying some other gel to spots that were showing. This whole routine, as well as being pointless and stupid, took far too long, I was bored after the first cream. 

So as usual I tried to spice it up by making random movements, that some would call dancing, with my body whilst waiting for the creams to set in. I selected the usual appropriately named ‘asdfghjkl’ playlist on my phone and “danced” to whatever song came on next. It took around half an hour, and thats including cutting corners, for me to eventually finish. I stripped off to my boxers and climbed into bed, something I had looked forward to so much. I started to drift off almost instantly, fighting off the bad thoughts about maybe getting fired, and was nearly asleep when suddenly my phone buzzed. I might as well look I thought, I’m back to square one with sleeping. It was a text from Michael.

“Don’t worry about it kiddo, you’re not getting fired ;)”

How he knew I was worrying I never knew, although at least he put a smile on my face when I went to sleep.

I woke up reasonably early considering I hadn’t got to sleep until around 2am, stupid night routines. And now on to the morning routine. I grabbed my towel and headed for the bathroom. I showered for about 20 minutes, which is abnormally long for me in the morning, but hadn’t had the chance to have one last night, so I was making up. And after the shower I had exactly the same routine as at night, only this time the mysterious creams had the label “Day” rather than “Night”. 

When I finally got downstairs, I saw it was already past half past nine, I hadn’t packed my bag or anything, and if I didn’t set off soon I was going to end up missing some of second period. I had my usual breakfast of nothing, followed by the scrambling together of the essentials I needed for the day. I shouted a goodbye to the empty house, ran out of the door, running back again to lock the door. 

I made it just in time to sign the “late list” for second period, and proudly walked in to the Spanish classroom on time, as always. Now, I’m not going to lie, or dumb myself down; I am absolutely boss at Spanish. Oh god, I just used the word boss. Anyways, I am pretty much just awesome at Spanish. I was going for the school award in it, because being on TV every week isn’t enough I have to win academic awards too, obviously. No, that’s a joke, but I really did want this award. I had been fighting with the other genius in the class, Robin ever since I got to this school. And every year but this one, he had been beating me by 0.5%, in every test, and I mean every test. And because of this, every year he would win and I had to sit in whichever venue they could book last minute, and hearing his name read out for it. But no, this year it was going to change. This year I would show him. Wow, I get far too competitive about stuff like this.

‘Robin.’ I said dryly as I walked past his seat to get to mine.

‘Samuel.’ He nodded his head and grinned when he saw me pause, reacting to being called Samuel. 

The lesson went as usual, me and him fighting over who got to answer the question and us laughing at someone even if they just got the slightest part of the answer. I’m quite sure our actions in the lessons scared the new teacher.

She was fragile as is, never mind fierce competition from two students, those two students also corrected her. I didn’t feel that sorry for her though, she was supposed to be from Spain, weird for her to not know the language very well. 

Once the lesson was over it was break, 20 minutes of nice time before the torture of History began. Unfortunately Ellie was also in my Spanish class, and just loved to comment on my behaviour during the lessons.

‘Well, could you get anymore embarrassing, seriously did you hear yourself at all. And that Robin kid, putting you two together in a classroom is just wrong. I mean correcting the teacher come on guys, especially in Spanish, who even cares about that language anyways?’ 

‘Well, I’d say around 500 to 600 million people all over the world care about Spanish actually, you know as they speak it. And how would you know what we were even saying, you had your head down and your earphones in.’ I raised my eyebrows at her like I always did.

‘Touché bitch.’ 

‘Rather rude in my opinion, and also, no one of your status uses the word touché, stop trying to make it happen Ellie.’

‘Yeah Ellie stop trying to make fetch happen, or whatever it is this time.’ Helen chimed in. We had reached the table and it seemed everybody was already there. 

‘Sup celebrity?’ Holly winked at me, trying to contain laughter.

‘Oh shut up, I’m not a celebrity you annoying person you.’ 

‘Not yet anyways.’ Added Samantha, in a solemn, grumpy voice, I don’t really know what was up with her, ever since I had gotten on the show she seemed to like me less and less. 

‘Anyways’ said Summer, ‘you’re wearing our uniform, aren’t you gonna be filming this week?’ That was another amazing thing about the show, not only was I in it, of course improving it so much, but some parts were actually filmed at my school! These scenes were usually just wandering around outside classrooms or in corridors, but it was extremely convenient for me, and extremely cheaper for them to film here than build a school in a studio. My school had been built hundreds of years ago, it was an impressive building, really inspiring to learn in such a place with so much history, it reminded me of Hogwarts. It was perfect for any TV show set in a fancy school, it wasn't the first time camera crews had been there. 

‘No, we’re starting-’ I started

‘Speaking of the uniform, god, I hate it, I mean look at it!’ said Ellie ‘the blazer is all to baggy, the stupid blouse, the tie and look how long you have to wear the skirts!’ she stood up to display her point.

‘Ellie, stop. The only people who complain about the uniform are sluts, chavs and student councillors who don’t know any better and are really just fucking annoying in meetings, it’s just like every time one opens their mouth it’s just.’ I suddenly realised what I was doing and got back on track ‘Anyways, you are none of those, and in any case you pretty much look amazing in the uniform, like a wannabe Britney, in ‘Baby One More Time’. I explained rather sarcastically.

‘Aww, thanks.’ She replied in a distant voice, her head once again down looking at her phone. The rest of us all looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders in disbelief, and mimed out a conversation that went along the lines of:

‘Oh my god, what is wrong with her, I meant that in a bad way!’

‘Ugh, just leave it, she’s obviously too busy with whichever boy it is this time.’

‘Helen I’m sure she’s having a much more dignified conversation than that.’

‘Oh, come on Summer, really? When have you ever seen her have a dignified conversation, ever?’

‘Oh, I could think of some Holly, but on another note, anyone else feel like stabbing her right now?’ Samantha didn’t even smile when she said that.

‘Thats a little too violent, even for you don’t you think.’ I said, out loud now.

‘That doesn’t matter right now.’ Said Holly ‘we have a boy approaching at a fast pace, I repeat a boy at 12 o’clock.’

Sure enough when me Helen and, well Ellie didn’t, turned around there was a boy approaching us, definitely us, a strange look of determination on his face. It took me a while to realise who it was.

‘Ugh, no thank you.’ I said turning around again. ‘Why the hell is he coming over here. Prepare yourselves guys.’

‘Hi there.’ He said when he reached the table.

Hi’s and hello’s rang out from the other five. ‘Hello, Robin.’ I said with an obvious fake smile.

‘Hi Sam’ he said, but not in a way I’d ever heard him say it before, maybe we weren’t supposed to be in competition outside lessons. 

‘What do you want Robin.’ I sighed.

‘I came to give you this.’ He handed me an envelope with my name written on it. ‘It’s from the head.’ 

‘Thank you so very much Robin.’ I said dryly, run along now. I waved my hand like he was an animal.

‘Oh, and we have to go to his office next period for a meeting, and don’t be so rude! People might like you more.’ He looked impressed with himself.

‘Excuse me?’ I said whilst standing up, ‘you’re just jealous of me, you know I’m smarter than you and you don’t like it.’

‘Oh please, what was your award count last year? Oh yeah three! Now what was mine, let me think, it was five wasn’t it?’ 

‘You know, if I did like any exercise, at all. I would totally fight you right now. And yes I would lose, and yes my point has lost all meaning but still.’ Apparently in one to one debates with Robin, I did not do too well.

‘Ha. Ha. Ha. Oh how I do love our talks.’ It started off as sarcastic laughter, but turned into real laughter towards the end. ‘I’ll see you in his office’ And then he turned to walk away. Glancing at the clock, I saw there was only five minutes left and decided I might as well go with him.

‘Oi! Dickhead!’ I called, and when I caught him up I said ‘sorry its easy to confuse those names isn’t it?’ 

‘Ah, your wit never fails to amuse me Sam, the fact that it’s awful that is.’

‘Well that’s what I go for you know.’ I punched him lightly on the arm laughing. At his reaction I knew I shouldn’t have. ‘Is that not a thing all you popular kids do nowadays? No? Oh, ok, I’ll make a note.’ That was the thing about Robin, he was so popular. Everyone liked him. I never really understood why being on the rugby team made you one of the most popular people in school, but that's just what's cool i guess. 

As much as he was my rival, I wasn’t going to deny that he was good looking. In fact, I would never tell him this, ever, but he was probably one of the hottest guys in school. He was taller than me, not much, maybe about three inches, not as tall as Michael, yet noticeably taller than me. As I walked to the heads office I started to pose a question to myself: why did it take so long to realise it was him? I'd recognised him, but it was like he looked so different, not the robin I knew, a different version, one I actually liked. Because of his rugby, he was very fit. Just walking next to him I could feel the power exuding itself from those noticeable, but not repulsively big muscly arms. He had short, but not too short black hair, the kind you could run your hands through, but not so long as you'd loose your hand. It was naturally sticky-upy and he compensated for this by adding gel to the parts that didn't stick up. He did his hair exceptionally well. He had an extremely handsome face. Deep set facial features in all the right sizes and proportions. He had big beautiful brown eyes that reminded me of someone else I couldn't think of, he had perfectly even eyebrows, something very unusual for any teenage boy, especially his type. I realised he must pluck his eyebrows and laughed in my head, or at least what I thought was in my head. He looked at me very strangely when I laughed, turning to smile at me, bewildered at what I could be laughing about. As he smiled at me, I saw those big kissable red lips, I had never noticed them this way before. Or, I hadn't been this close to him before anyways. He had slight dimples in his cheeks when he smiled, they were possibly the cutest things I had seen all week. Which was of course a tremendous compliment, I mean I had been in the same room as Justin Bieber the day before. Not only was he cute and hot as hell, he wore his clothes very well. Now I know you can't tell much from a school uniform consisting of black trousers, a white shirt, school tie and blazer, but still. I could tell that he was just one of those lucky people who would look good in anything. If an academic career didn't work out, he was certainly destined for Hollister or Abercrombie. Not that their models wore many clothes, although I wouldn't mind seeing him like that either. 

We were just turning down the corridor where the Headmaster’s office was, and it occurred to me I hadn’t asked him a very important question.

‘Do you even know why we’re meeting him?’ 

‘No.’ he replied straight away. ‘Although I know it must be something big, he doesn’t meet everyone.’

‘You think?’ I said sarcastically. ‘I have no idea why he’d want to see you, I mean, me obviously his best student, but you? I don’t see where you come into this equation.’

‘Do we really need to have this conversation again.’ he said as he leant against the wall next to the office door. ‘I mean come on! The awards I get are-’ I stopped him by putting a finger on his lips. I could hear faint voices inside.

‘Shhh!’ I mouthed, and pointed to the door. We both put our ears as close as we could. It wasn’t a particularly big door, this meant that when we both had the sides of our faces pressed to the door we were very close. An inch or two apart at the most. It was no use, there was no way we were going to be able to hear from here. It was obviously the head, a pupil and either a teacher or, most likely, a parent. Other than that we couldn’t make out much.

‘I have a feeling we should kiss.’ said Robin

‘Yeah.’ I said not thinking about what he’d just said. ‘What? Did you really, am I hearing things? What did you say?’ 

‘Calm down Mr Stressypants. Just a joke.’ he laughed silently and added quietly, ‘Not like I’d go for that anyways.’ He burst out into laughter this time.

‘Bitch please, you can’t resist this. I have the body of a god.’ I said sarcastically as I stood up properly. He stayed there.

‘Too bad it was Buddha.’ he slipped in.

‘How original of you.’ I said kicking him hard, although he didn’t even move when I did, stupid fit guy. 

‘Shhh! Voices are getting louder!’ He seemed very happy about this.

‘Yeah probably because they’re walking to the do-’ but before I could finish my sentence the door was flung open and Robin started to fall into the office. I caught him just as he was about to reach the point of no return, and brought him back up to a standing position. Just as we had expected there was a child and a parent, both pushed angrily passed us, leaving just me, Robin and the Head. 

‘Ah, boys glad you could make it!’ He said with a big smile on his face, I could never do what he does, go from being absolutely horrible to lovely in seconds, he must have no feelings left whatsoever. ‘Come in, and just take a seat will you.’ We did as instructed, because, well, thats just what we did.

Once we were sat he started rambling on about how we were his best student's and that we were a credit to the school, you know how this goes. Or you might not, but still. 

‘… so I’ll get straight to the point boys.’ Not oxymoronic at all, its not like he’s just been sat there for at lest ten minutes rambling on, no not at all. ‘There is, as you know of course, the Britain’s Best Brains competition coming up, and well-’

‘With all due respect sir, the Triple Bs aren’t for months, by the time the competition is over we’ll both be in Year 12, and therefore unable to participate.’ said Robin.

“Someones vocabulary certainly improves when they’re talking to the head.” I thought to myself. ‘Yes, sir as much as we want to compete, we just can’t.’ I added, out loud now.

‘Well that’s where you’re wrong, first time for everything, ey boys?’ The attempt at humour from the head, as always, failed miserably. ‘Anyway, since there was no competition last year, they’ve decided to allow entrants to be 17 this time, provided they are 16 at the time of application. So what do you think boys? Represent the school? Get a trophy, some money, sounds good doesn’t it?’ We both quickly assumed our fake excited poses, and told the head we would be ‘delighted’ and ‘simply couldn’t wait’ to represent the school at the 2013 BBBs. These were lies, but it seemed very unlikely we were going to get out of this one. Especially since the Head had put so much effort into this, he even called the producers to see if I’d have enough time to prepare. My only excuse was gone, Robin tried to hint towards the fact his rugby ability might suffer and the school would lose out, but he was quickly shot down. 

We left the office with polite thank you’s and decided against running to History for the last five minutes, another lesson we unfortunately had together. We spent this time talking about how much we didn’t want to do the competition, and how we shouldn't have to enter anything to prove how awesome our brains are.

‘You know it’s only the school that gets the money, we only get the stupid trophy.’ I said whilst still laughing over a previous joke of his.

‘Yes duh, I’m not stupid you know Sam.’ 

‘Could've fooled me anytime.’ I said, and received a sharp kick to my leg that hurt, a lot. ‘Ow! You’re not allowed to kick me, you’re fit, I’m weak it’s not fair!’ I pouted like a fiver ear old.

‘Ooh, Sammie thinks I’m fit does he?’ he flexed his muscles sarcastically.

‘Oh shut up you.’ I said whilst still rubbing my leg. ‘You might tear your uniform the amount of ego you've got hidden under there.’

‘We really are going to enjoy this competition aren’t we?’ He said through laughter.

‘And why is that Mr Annoying?’

‘Well you know, all the preparation, we’re going to be spending a lot of time together, and you know just how well we get on.’ As he said this the lunch bell went and he strode off to wherever his annoying ‘posse’ or whatever resides during the lunch hour-or-if-you’re-being-exact-forty-minutes. 

It took a while for his statement to sink in, but when it did I didn’t exactly have the reaction I thought I would have.

I smiled from ear to ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the fifth chapter up!  
> Hope you're enjoying  
> Sam x


	6. Food

The next two days went by quite ordinarily, the same boring lessons mixed with the weirdness of my friends, especially Ellie- the Bieber tour was 'coming up real fast' - and my worry as to what Saturday's meeting would bring. Now I know Michael had already told me I wasn't getting fired, but I was finding it very hard to believe him. I know if I was an executive I would fire me in an instant. What little confidence I had about not getting fired came from the fact I had just signed all the contracts and was officially now the male lead, and to get someone else to fill the role would take a long time. And time was not really something that they had right now. 

I had decided that as much as I didn't want to, I really had to write some formal apologies. I was planning to write one for everyone, but then I realised the producers wouldn't care anyways so they would get a combined one, Michael I could talk it out with, Pattie I did have to, and Justin, well Justin didn't deserve one. So instead of going to Jamie Tucker's party on Friday night, I ended up sat in my room handwriting apologies for something I thought fully justified. Let's just say it wasn't the best of nights, especially because of the little 'arrangement' me and Jamie Tucker had, if you know what I mean. You of course do not, so I will explain. Jamie is the head of what I like to call the bully herd, he is extremely popular, and extremely rich. He also gets what he wants all the time. One time at a party not long ago I was drunk, and so was he, the next morning I woke up in his bed. Naked. This sparked the start of a mutual agreement between us, if we were at a party and at the end we hadn't hooked up, we would hook up. Jamie got what he wanted, something to fuck - to put it bluntly. And I also got what I wanted, full protection from the herd along with a very good night, he was particularly talented, this time I do hope you know what I mean. The arrangement was of course secret, as was the fact Jamie had ever slept with anything that didn't have boobs and wear shitloads of make up. So as slutty and whoreish that may be, I was disappointed I wasn’t going to go. 

It took me around two hours to write the apologies, shocking considering I fancied myself to be quite good at english. This may have been due to the fact I was punching the paper every time I had to write the words ‘sorry’ ‘out of order’ and ‘deeply regret’. I polished them off at around 8:20, and found that I was starving. Walking down the stairs, the lovely smell of takeaway pizza filled my nostrils. The family tradition of pigging out on Fridays was the only nice thing I had left to cling on to after writing all those pointless words.

‘Nah-ah! Not for you young man!’ said my mum batting my arm away as I reached for a piece.

‘Haha, very funny, now gimme some pizza!’ I’m pretty sure I sounded high.

‘I’m being serious! The new diet for the new star of our TV begins today.’ She seemed incredibly happy with herself.

‘What is that supposed to mean.’ I asked, giving her a suspicious look.

‘Well, Michael sent along today a list of meals for you to eat everyday, and also a list of banned foods, it’s in the kitchen if you’d like to peruse through it.’ She pointed to the kitchen, because of course I had no idea where it was. ‘Your lovely healthy meal is in there too.’

‘Ugh, these people, I swear they enjoy ruining my life!’ I shouted as I went into the kitchen.

I saw the list resting on the island in the kitchen, I sneered at it like it was a person who I really didn’t like. Scanning it through I found all the boring high calorie-carbs-protein but low-fat and low-sugar meals I would have to eat, and all the expected banned foods: chicken nuggets (like I would eat them anyway, ew), burgers, sweets, chocolate etc. And there right at the bottom was the one I had been dreading, pizza. Michael had signed the bottom of the list with a note.

Hey kiddo, I know you’re gonna love me for this list, but try not to strangle me with your hugs of appreciation!

Kisses as always

Michael

xoxoxox

As much as I really tried to be annoyed with him, his little sarcastic ‘xoxo’s did make me smile. I also found myself smiling at the fact I was again reassured he didn’t hate me. Even with the text he sent, I still had my concerns. 

Next to the list was my meal for tonight, a chicken breast with a tiny amount of some sauce, potatoes, and what looked like a mountain of hundreds of different vegetables. I was not impressed. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind vegetables, I’m not that much of a fussy eater, but when you've had a pretty shitty day, you’ve had to write ridiculous apologies and it’s Friday, you really just want pizza. I grabbed my meal and my incredibly exciting glass of water and headed to my room, thinking I would immerse myself in a few scripts. You may think that a one hour show doesn’t really need that much scripting, but boy you’d be wrong. We usually end up filming at least ninety minutes if not more, the extra is shoved into another episode or scrapped all together. And that involves a lot of scripts. As I was now -hopefully still- the male lead I really needed to start learning these lines at a quicker pace. 

I finished my meal almost immediately, and considered finding a way to sneak some pizza for myself but decided against it. The least I could do to show them I cared about the job was to eat what they told me to eat. And also learn my lines. I flicked through hundreds of pages of mediocre and awful dialogue and plot, why people liked the show so much after the first episode was a mystery. I found none of the jokes funny and the plot was quite stale, but hey, the public like it so we make it. It also has a lot of money making potential which is of course why the BBC fund it. It was just after half past nine when I decided to give up and do something else. Right about then was when I would usually get into comfortable clothes, sit on my bed, eat chocolate and watch either TV or if I was in the mood for one I would watch a sad movie and cry to my junk food friends. Many people called that sad and lonely but I really don’t care, I enjoyed it. I deserved a break from all the socialising I had to do at school and any parties I went to. It seemed tonight I was in the mood for some heart wrenching drama and a bit of a cry. Call me stereotypically gay but I don’t care, I love to cry my heart out. I’m a strong person and all but anything that is remotely sad in a film or TV show will most likely start the waterworks. Not in real life, oh no. It’s just something about actually seeing things happen that just makes it that much worse, being a dramatisation adds to this effect. My favourite film by far to do this is Pay It Forward. If you haven’t seen it before then you’re really missing out, such a good film, the characters, the plot, the comedy, the drama and the parts that make you just want punch life right in the balls. I put it in the DVD player and settled down for the best film ever.

I was just up to the part where Kevin Spacey is telling Helen Hunt about his childhood and I was, as usual, in tears. I was half crying at the movie and half crying at the fact the only food I was allowed to eat as snacks were fruits, and a glass of water. If you love food as much as I do, you will also be this sad if something like this ever happens to you. 

Suddenly my phone sprung to life and Michael’s name flashed up on the screen, accompanied by my ringtone. Perfect. He wants to talk to me now! Whilst I’m in tears, oh lord what will he think? Millions of these thoughts ran through my head in that second, and I nearly missed his call due to them. I was almost paralysed in fear and dread. 

‘Hello?’ My voice was so shaky that it was almost comical. 

‘Heya Sammieeee!’ His weird voices always made me laugh, or maybe it was the fact I was pretty much just in love with him. No, not in love with him, he’s just so attractive.

‘And funny, and cool, and he’s got great fashion sense too.’ Oh crap.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t realise this was the compliment Michael hotline.’ he said obviously laughing at me.

‘Sorry, what? I kinda spaced out there for a second, weird. Not like I was talking about you or anything I mean that would be weird wouldn’t it haha. I mean not that I don’t like you or anything, I mean I don’t like you in that way but I mean you are funny and cool, and I mean it’s perfectly acceptable to say that. Right?’ Worst. Coverup. Ever.

‘Ok what is up with you?’ he laughed ‘Have you been drinking? Sam you’re not supposed to get drunk it says that on the list!’ He sounded genuinely concerned, I was falling further and further. No I wasn’t goddammit!

‘No I have not! Why would you think that? That’s offensive, I’ll sue you for everything you've got Lee!’ I was trying to hide my giggling. I don’t even think I was giggling at my pathetic humour, just the fact that he was talking to me. No Sam, no. I was not giggling because of that, I do not fancy him.

‘Right' he drew the word out, 'are you going to tell me what is up with you or am I going to just sit here laughing at you?' 

'You totally just winked then didn't you?' I giggled. 

'No, no of course didn't you annoying little child, you.' He laughed his dreamy laugh.

'Oh please I know you too well Mich, Mike, wait Milk? What's your name again?' Oh I'm just hilarious. I honestly don't know why I act so stupidly around my crushes. I mean friends.

'And now you're the one who winked. Now tell me what the hell is up with you, and before you ask the magic word is please.' 

'Oh Michael' I sighed dreamily 'you just have to know everything don't you.' I laughed attempting a smoother recovery than last time. 

'Yep that's me, cleverest guy in town, I know everything.'

'Then why ever do you need to ask me whats wrong? I thought you knew everything?' I yet again found myself giggling, again not at my humour at the amazing guy I was talking to.

'Well Samuel Harrison I may not know this but I definitely know a lot more about you than you'd care to know, so you better start telling me or I'll repeat some of your most private information.' My eyes widened at the fact he knew my middle name, nevermind this other personal information he apparently knew, and that scared me even though he was probably bluffing. 

'Fine, fine, I've been watching Pay It Forward.'

'I'm sorry, what is that and why is if important?' He sounded confused.

'I, sorry, what? You haven't ever seen Pay It Forward! You haven't even heard of it! Oh my god is there something wrong with you?' Yeah, he's so cute, hot and incredible.

'Yes. Well by your standards anyway. I don't sit there and watch TV and movies everyday of my life. Unlike some people it seems.' 

'Overly sarcastic as always I see, you do know that's exactly what you do right? You not only sit there and watch the programmes and films you watch tapes of the people destined to be in them! Oh Michael.' I can make him laugh at least, maybe that would make it easier to... Oh no, stop not going there Sam, no. Never.

'Hahaha, anyway that doesn't answer my question.'

'It would do if you'd actually seen it.' I muttered.

'Don't you talk back to me Samuel, just remember who I am!'

'The most annoying person in the history of the human race?' I said. I could hear his laughter on the other end of the phone and there was nothing I wanted than to be there with him and share that laughter and... 

'Just get on with it already, unless you're going to give me some boring half an hour description of this film of course, then stop I don't want to hear it.' He sounded rather smug and almost bored, this was not good i wanted to impress him not bore him. Impress him because he's my friend, and boss. Not more. 

'Haha are you sure? I could start the movie again and then relay every line to you! I'm quite good at voices don't you know.' I chuckled, hearing his sigh I decided 'Oh fine, it's sad ok, emotional you know, I cry everytime! Why does he have to die why, why, why?! Grown men have cried at this film don't you dare mock me!' I couldn't tell myself if I was being serious or not.

'So you're obviously not talking about yourself there, or did you say grown women?' 

'I'm not even going to pretend your pathetic humour offended me you annoying little prick.' 

'Oh I'm a prick am I?'

'Yes you are a prick,' I paused. 'but you're also...' I trailed off. 

'Also... Silent? I don't think I'm a quiet person actually.'

'No. Sorry. Trailed off. I was going to say, actually it doesn't matter.' There was an awkward few seconds of silence that followed. 'Why did you call me Michael?'

'Oh well I suppose I was calling to tell you that you don't have to come to the meeting tomorrow. But I'm allowed to call my friends from time to time aren't I?' He sounded very nervous and sheepish about that last part, and I went a deep shade of crimson. I was so enthralled by that line I almost forgot what he said first.

'Yeah, sorry I didn't mean to sound rude or anything, sorry its not that I don't see you as my friend or anything sorry I'm sorry, sorry.' Stop apologising Sam.

'Sam seriously stop apologising whats up with you anyway?' 

'Aside from crying at the movie nothing I suppose, I just don't feel good.' I sighed, of course I knew exactly what was wrong, I also knew I was never going to be able to do anything, other than try to forget about it. 

'No way, don't you dare Sam don't even think about it this is exactly what happened with Martin, don't you even think about saying you’re having second thoughts!' It took a while for me to realise who he was talking about. 'Sam, hello, Sam?'

'Oh, Martin! As in main character dropout Martin! That's who you mean! Oh god no! You honestly thought I would leave the show?' I accused. 

'Well you know, it is my job to get people to star in TV shows, and to be honest I haven't been having the best run have I?' Aw he sounded like a lost, confused puppy.

'Michael you've had one person leave! One! That must happen all the time in every show!' I was trying to make him feel better of course but in the back of my mind I realised that I was trying for completely the wrong reasons. 

'Aren’t you forgetting the new main character that I decided on going crazy at one of our biggest chances at mainstream internationalisation?' He quickly turned this into a joke with a laugh towards the end but I could tell he was serious. That's when it dawned on me fully for the first time how that could have affected him, it could have even lost him his job. 

'Michael I'm so sorry, again I don't think I can apologise enough I don't know what happened in there and I just need to apologise again. I'll go to the meeting tomorrow and I'll apologise to them all, I'll quite happily take whatever they throw at me. I don't care if they fire me; I deserve it.' I wanted to cry. Only now could I truly imagine all the people I had put in danger of losing their jobs, the people who would have been in shitloads of trouble just because I felt intimidated by somebody. What had I done?

'Honestly Sam you never listen! That's what you should be apologising for! I told you the meeting is off, you're free there's no need to come in, we don't need to bore you to death- I mean, talk to you, for another ten hours.' He was, as he always seemed to be, quietly laughing at me.

'Oh. Really? Why? Am I already fired?'

'No you silly sausage' Here he goes again, turning the cute on 'Bieber's management rang yesterday, he accepted! He's gonna be on the show!' He sounded so pleased with himself, aw, like a little kid winning a prize at a funfair or something.

'Aw that's great news Michael! But what does it have to do with me exactly?' It was of course great news, I really did mean that. I mean who wouldn't want to work with him? Even after the whole strange situation I don't hate him or anything, I'd be honoured to be able to work with him.

'Well that's the thing. He made a very strange demand in his agreement.'

'Oh, and what was that?' I think I had already half worked it out but I wasn't sure.

'He said he'd only come back if you were completely forgiven for everything that day. He said he’d only come on the show if you were there too.'


	7. Early Birds

My conversation with Michael went on for a very long time after that. I ended up finding out that although his management may have called, Justin himself had walked in to the office to make his special condition. Neither of us had any idea why he would make such a demand.

'Maybe he just really likes you, or else feels sorry for us poor people.' Michael teased.

'Oh please. The things he said to me, the things I said to him! How could he ever like me, and feels sorry for me? If I was him I'd want to see me burn.'

There were many of these back-and-forths during the conversation and it was going nowhere. We eventually ended up on small talk about Michael. I found he had just come back from a rather unsuccessful blind date, one of his friends had set them up apparently. This both saddened me and made me quite hopeful. Of course I felt awful about being happy about him having a bad date, I wanted him to be happy. Although my picture of Michael in a happy relationship with someone included me in there too. 

'So what was she like?' I asked in my best impression of interest. 

'I actually really liked them. You know when you can just get on with someone, you know you'll be able to have a laugh with them, a great time, a good friend to have. But, just, not in that way. Did that make sense? Haha.' He did sound disappointed but not deeply affected by it.

'Hahaha yes it does, don't worry. I know what you mean, I'm sorry it didn't work out Michael, but hey there's plenty more fish in the sea as they say or whatever it is.'

By the time we had finished the chat it was already past midnight and I realised the house must have been silent for a while. I decided that it was not a good idea to watch the rest of the film and headed off to the new nighttime facial routine: the one I now had to take very seriously indeed.

I was awoken by a harsh ringing in my ear. Realising I must have forgotten to turn my alarm off for the weekend, I grudgingly turned over and with my eyes still closed searched for the snooze button. Just then my phone began to ring.

'He- hello?' I said over a yawn. 

'Rise and shine Sammie.' I wasn't in the mood for telling Michael not to call me that. 

'What do you want Michael?' I rudely asked 'it's like half past 6.'

'It's not like half past 6, it is half past 6! And I want you to get up!' He said excitedly. 

'What? Why? What for?' I was confused, very confused. 

'Be-cause' he held on for a while 'this is your new fitness program! They can't have you getting fat now can they? How can they expect you to be able to do all that complicated dancing if you're not fit?' 

'Well yeah I get that but what does it have to do with rudely awakening me at god-knows-what-hour on a Saturday?' I practically yelled down the phone. 

'It has everything to do with getting you up at this hour! You're going for an early morning run.'

'Excuse me, a what?'

'A run, running! It's like walking but faster!' He teased. 

'Oh shut up you. You totally know I'm not doing that right?' I retorted. 

'You totally know you are doing this right? Or else I might just slip word to Jaques that someone isn't doing their exercise. He, he, he.'

'Oh you wouldn't.' I said in a daring voice. 

'Oh I would.' He laughed. 'Sam-u-el why 'avent tyu been doin' yoor ex-er-cyses? Eet ees lyke tyu don' wan' to suckseed, lyke tyu wan' to maka Jaques angry!' I burst out laughing; Michael's impressions were always good but his impression of Jaques was just brilliant. 

Jaques Renei-Dubois was the choreographer and dance trainer for the show, he was French and -to put it lightly- clinically insane. He was constantly shouting and although most of the time it was hilarious, if the shouting was directed at you, hilarious is not a fitting word to describe the situation. He worked hard, and us too. If you were caught slacking or putting your left foot out instead of your right, then you might as well had sold your soul to the devil. Nevertheless, he was very good at his job: we all learnt the choreography, and we never messed up. 

'Ugh, I still don't believe you, but why do I have to get up? I don't even know how to run so there's no point.' 

'Hahaha oh please don't pull that one, its only two miles don't worry, you can always walk. And hey you can learn some songs whilst you do it!'

'It is weird to wink whilst you're on the phone to someone you know Michael. But fine I'm going to go on a walk. Wait, couldn't I just tell you I've been running when I actually haven't? How would you know?' I must have sounded too hopeful, as he quickly shot me down telling me we'd all know if I had or not.

So I unwillingly trudged to the bathroom stripped off, showered and decided against the morning routine: it would have to wait. 

It was absolutely freezing. The air was not crisp, clear and nice. It was cold, damp and horrible. I must have been standing at the end of my driveway for a good five minutes before I actually plucked up the courage to start running. I found it a very strange thing taking the first few steps, or is it called something different for running? I have no idea. You could tell I wasn't very experienced in running as my feet heavily hit the ground and I almost tripped four times before I'd passed three houses. 

I had just rounded the corner when one of my earphones fell out of my ear, and then I was on the floor. At first I thought I had done some serious damage, it felt as if a whole person was laying on me, “not good” I thought to myself. Then I realised that a whole person was actually laying on top of me. I was quite disorientated for a few seconds after this, a laugh and a greeting brought me back. I looked at the person, who was now propped up on his hands and knees over me, and groaned. 

'Robin! Really?' I sighed. 

'Yes it's me, how nice it is to bump into each other this way.' He said smugly. 

'I see you're annoying as ever over the weekend. I also see you aren't moving from this position. Would you like to tell me something Robin?' I winked. 

'Don't pretend you don't like it.' He said as he got up, of course taking the opportunity to lightly knee me in the balls. 

'Ow!' I shouted as I hit him on the back of the head. 'You're lucky that wasn't harder!'

'Which one, the knee or the pathetic slap?' Now he winked. 

'Oh ha ha ha, aren't you just so fucking hilarious?' I snapped at him for no reason. 

'Wow, someone got up out of the wrong side of the bed this morning! Whats up with you anyways, Samuel Harrison doing an early morning run is something I never thought I'd say, nevermind see, or feel for that matter.' He rubbed his hip, he must have landed on it or hurt it in some way. 

'Yeah, neither did I to be fair, and I'm sorry I've never done this before. I mean shit I've never woken up this early on a Saturday before in my life!'

'Yeah why are you doing this anyway? You're not trying to toughen up so you can beat me up like you threatened to do earlier in the week are you?' He chuckled. 

'Yes I'm putting myself through all this pain for that. Definitely.' I think I am too sarcastic for my own good really, god I sound like my Granddad. 'No, I have to do it for the show, gotta keep fit for the dance and stuff. And they can't have no fat lead can they?'

'Thought it would have something to do with that, haha. I suppose it must be useful for that, but fat really? Sam you have nothing to worry about believe me!' He punched me lightly on the arm mocking my gesture in the canteen. 

I shook my head at him. 'Honestly Robin anyone would think you were gay or something.' I quietly laughed, 'Pft straight guys today, its not fair ya know! It's hard enough finding gay guys but you just have to make it even harder by acting all nice and shit.' I stuck my tongue out at him. He returned the gesture but almost looked kind of hurt by what I'd said, oh great now straight guys even have feelings. What is the world coming to? 

He asked me if I wanted some company for the rest of the run and I accepted of course, because hey, when it came down to it I did like Robin. And I definitely needed some motivation to keep going, and the guy is exercise crazy! I got many tips and my technique had apparently "vastly improved" at the end of two hours. 

'Two hours? Really? No way!' I said as we reached the edge of my front garden. 

'Yes way, time flies when you're having fun, or at least in great company anyway.' He pushed himself up with great ease to sit on my wall. 

'Still full of yourself after all that work I see. Get off my wall you're trespassing.' I said pushing him backwards with all my might, he, obviously didn't even move an inch, he didn't even bother to try and hold on in case he fell backwards. 

'So same time tomorrow? Or is ickle Sam gonna give up?' He pouted as he said that. 

'Yes of course I'm going to give up, however I kinda have to do this so yes, pick me up at seven tomorrow! Don't be late!' 

'It's a date.' He winked, turned on his heel waved goodbye and ran off. 

I watched him run leisurely down my road, still much faster and with greater ease than myself, then walked up my driveway and into my house. It was just after nine, and both my parents were already awake; the sweet smell of a Saturday morning breakfast filled my nostrils as I walked into the kitchen. I could feel myself drooling at all the incredible looking food, and I must have looked very stupid staring at the eggs as they were fried, poached and scrambled. All this food, and especially the eggs three ways could only mean one thing: my brother was coming over. 

Oliver wasn't really my brother, well, he was, but just my half brother. The result of a very short relationship between my dad and some woman who decided to have the baby and leave him on my dads doorstep. Literally. I would, if I had been alive at that point, suggested the name Harry - as in Harry Potter - but sadly I wasn't and my dad picked the name Oliver. He was four and a half years older than me, it had just been his 20th birthday, the 12th of February. We looked almost identical, even with the age difference, something very strange considering the different mothers, however something my dad was particularly proud of. My mum had always accepted Oliver as her own which was very sweet of her, and Oliver had soon come to realise that my mum loved him a lot more than his biological mother did. He'd tried to contact her numerous times only to receive a not so nicely worded letter of rejection. 

He was at university studying sports science or something like that. A complete waste of talent if you ask me, wasting all those brains on sports, ridiculous. He was studying at the university in my city and could have easily still lived with us, but last year he'd decided to move in with his girlfriend. Lindsay was pretty, and clever don't get me wrong, but I knew her sister and, for that matter the darker side of her. They were a deeply religious, and even more deeply hateful family. They often expressed their distaste for certain people loudly, in public or on a social network. The type of people who think everybody loves them when really everybody hates them. I only respected Lindsay for one thing: keeping her views on my sexuality quiet. She kept a polite distance from me -literally and in conversation- whenever we had the unfortunate in which we were required to be in the same room. I also liked her because despite her family's distaste at her relationship with my brother, she stuck with him. They obviously loved each other very much, and made each other very happy. What kind of brother would I be to deny him that? They had been together for almost four years, and it didn't look likely to be over anytime soon. I had listened to what must have been hours of late night conversation where he would tell me how much he loved her and how well they fit together. That was probably the only good thing I got out of him moving out: sleep. 

'He'll be here soon.' My dad said casually, already knowing what I was going to ask. 

'Ok, I'm guessing I can't have any of this then?' I asked peering deeper into the mass of food he was preparing. My dad always cooked on the weekend, because hey, why should my mum have to slave away for the whole week. That is if you can call what my mother does in the kitchen slaving away. With nine out of ten meals burnt or lacking key ingredients, such as the steak in steak and chips, I -or my father- was usually required to rescue the meals. 

'Nope. Yours is over there.' He pointed to the worktop on the either side of the kitchen. 

'Ugh' I groaned as I saw the bowl of porridge sitting there waiting for me. I'm pretty sure it was grimly smiling at me, knowing the pain it was putting me through. Not the pain of eating it, the pain of watching what everyone else was eating. 

'You're allowed a banana and an apple too' My dad said matter of factly. 

'Oh how generous! I've been looking forward to an apple all week!' I said as I took my bowl and walked through into the dining room. My mum was sat reading some romance novel on her kindle whilst drinking a cup of tea. 

'Heya Sam, how was the run.' She was trying her hardest to sound interested, but obviously the characters in the book were much more interesting than me.

'Oh you know.' I said, 'Got ran over a few times, kidnapped and had my organs sold on the black market, oh and not forgetting the hundreds of guys I did.' 

She smirked at me. 'Sam I may be reading, but you have to remember I am a woman, I can multitask. I am intrigued though, maybe I should start going on morning runs, they sound exciting.' She stuck her tongue out at me. 

'Oh yes, they are so. And definitely mother I would love to be seen every morning running with you! And that is so not true! I can multi-'

'Think fast little bro!' And at that moment I turned towards the door and was hit in the face by a newspaper. Both my mum and brother burst into fits of laughter, and my dad poked his head around the kitchen door to see what all the commotion was about. 

'Heya mum.' He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek 'And hello to you, you amazing catcher.' He ruffled my hair and I smacked his hand away. 

'And where is my kiss, Oliver?' I looked at him like an angry toddler. 

'Oh fi-ne.' He dragged out, and kissed me on the cheek too. 

'Ewwww!' I said, wiping my face over dramatically. 

'Honestly there's no pleasing you.' He laughed. 

'And you're just mean, I was trying to demonstrate how good I am at multitasking, but no.' I winked at him. 

'Well that certainly went well didn't it?' I only then realised I had done the exact opposite of what I was trying to do. 

'Oh shut up you.' I said and plunged my spoon into the porridge. He went to the kitchen and quickly returned with a steaming cup of coffee, and sat down next to me.

'Wow it really was you! What's gotten into you Sam, all this healthiness.'

'I'm sorry? What was me?' I asked between mouthfuls of the delicious grey gloop. Sarcasm. 

'Lindsay said she saw you running this morning, or at least someone who looked like you.' He was eyeing his coffee with what could only be described as lust, the guys addicted I'm telling you.

'Ugh yeah that was me. Unfortunately. It's for the stupid show, ruining my life is one of their favourite things.' I sighed as happily as I could. 

'Ah well at least you meet people on the way, or should I say molest people along the way?' He grinned at me. 

'I'm sorry?!' I almost choked. 

'She said she saw you take someone out while you were running, a boy.' My mum's eyes widened. 'And that he ended up on top of you, in a rather compromising situation.' He laughed. 

'Oh yeah, that was Robin, ha ha.' I went a deep red. 

'Robin... Isn't that the one you're constantly in competition with at school. Wait you didn't like hit him or anything did you?' My mum looked like she almost thought I had done. 

'What!? No! Of course I didn't!' I then went on to explain what exactly had happened, and my new running alliance I had with Robin. By the time I had finished my dad had brought in all the food, and it was time to eat. Well for everyone else it was. For me it was time for a glass of water and to try and learn some lines. 

We spent most of the day just lazying about. Me telling Oliver about everything instead of learning my lines, although there were some failed attempts at him trying to help me. These failed largely because of the ridiculous voices he was putting on for the other characters. 

Saturday then -as it usually did- blurred into Sunday much too quickly, and then it was Sunday night, and I was desperately trying to learn some stuff for filming the next day. Everybody else in my year was of course gladly laying around at this time, the nice comfort that they have no school for the next week making them all happy. I on the other hand had a week of filming, singing, dancing, recording, exercise, and most likely paperwork to look forward to. I decided on going to bed at around half past one, I quietly slipped out of my room to do my nighttime facial routine, not risking taking my phone in case it went off and woke my parents up. When I returned and picked up my phone to put my earphones in, if you don't listen to music before bed you are really weird, there was a text alert. "I'm getting a lot of these late night texts lately aren't I?" I thought to myself. I saw that it was from Robin. 

"Hey sam you awake? :p"

Whatever he wanted could wait. He may be a genuinely nice person, but he's not on my night time conversation list. Not yet anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i really hope you're enjoying it  
> Sam x


	8. Plans Change

It was Wednesday. Lunchtime to be exact. I, along with my fellow cast members, had just finished singing and dancing to one of the music numbers to be featured in an upcoming episode. That wasn't exactly true, well we were dancing, but belting out no. Lip syncing is a more accurate description. If you don't know how things like this work, we record the musical numbers before they are to be filmed, and then when the scene needs to be filmed they blurt out our recording from big amplifiers and we basically sing along to ourselves. It's a surreal experience; hearing your voice and having to sing along. In fact really hearing my voice in general creeps me out: do I really sound like that? 

I was of course stood at the food table. What? It was lunchtime, it was nice food, therefore I had to eat it. Well, what I could eat anyways. These food restrictions were really starting to piss me off. The worst part of it all was the fact that it was actually working. You may think that's really weird of me to say, but if I did this diet and nothing changed about me at all, then I would be able to eat normally. But unfortunately no, I not only was sleeping better but I felt better too. And with what exercise I did I felt great afterwards, not to mention the obvious fact I had gotten a little toned in the stomach area. Not much of course, and I was the only one who would notice but still. 

Jessica, one of the other teenagers starring opposite me, came over just as I reached the salad. 

'Heya babes.' She said grinning from eat to ear. 

'How many times do I have to tell you Jessie? I'm afraid it's not gonna work. See, I like the' I looked from side to side then whispered 'penis.'

She giggled 'You're such a weirdo.' She said as she took a tomato off my plate and ate it. 

'And you're so rude! I'd like that tomato back please!' I held out my hand with a wink. Jessica had become a really good friend of mine over the past few weeks, one of the main things we had bonded over was the way we found Justin that first day. "I don't know I just found him so... intimidating." She'd said. She may not have had the exact same experience as me, and no where near the reaction I'd had but we could at least agree on the fact he was far from how we'd expected him to be. 

Me and Jessica finished filling our plates with all the healthy food forced upon us and headed to find somewhere to sit. It may be a set right now, but it was still my school and it would feel so wrong if I were to sit anywhere else but my table in the canteen. We polished our plates in what seemed like seconds, and still had around half an hour of our lunch break left so we just chatted generally about whatever came to mind. 

Jessica was a thin, red headed and relatively tall girl. Her hair wasn't just red though, it was violently red, like fire, but majestically beautiful if that makes any sense at all. She wore glasses, the kind of glasses with smaller lenses and the frame that only goes around the top half of the lens. They were her own glasses which was rather surprising considering they had made all the people who wore glasses in the cast either wear contact lenses or gotten glasses specifically for them to wear in character. Jessica wore very well, and was very skilled in, make up. When she did it herself anyway. We both had our make up on from filming still, and realising we would have to go and get it sorted out again, we regretted not being more careful about the food we were eating. And would have made sure that salad dressing didn't go down our chins. 

She was asking questions about my encounter with Justin, yet again. I had told her basically everything. I even told her that Justin found me in that room and that we ended up on ok terms. I still didn't tell her about the hug, I didn't know if I should tell anyone about that part of the night really. Maybe he was high, or maybe I was, and I hallucinated it all. Just as I was going to give up and tell her about it before she throttled me, Sean Harley the director came and announced he'd like to start filming again. And as Jessica wasn't required for the rest of the day she went to the recording studios. They had set up a temporary recording studio for us in the local BBC building. Which was very useful, as much as we all hated going through town, it was better than travelling all the way to London just for a half hour. 

The rest of the day flew by, I got on well with all the cast, and there were no extreme dance routines and no emotionally damaging dialogue to ruin my day. What remained of the week went like this too, although fun it did get quite monotonous. The next episode aired, and for the third time in three weeks the TV blogs and magazines exploded into speculation about the series, readers views and polls of the best song, line, dance or character so far. And that was all about half an hour after the episode aired, which was on a Saturday evening at 7pm. But of course you knew that being loyal fans since the beginning- because who doesn't love a totally unfunny and boring show? I was always highly critical of the show and still am today, I can hardly sit through a whole episode with out bursting out into fits of laughter at its pathetic, well its pathetic everything. It didn't deserve all the press it got, and in reality I don't think I did either. 

I had been running every morning with Robin since that Saturday. I found out that he'd been doing early morning runs for just over a year, and he'd already offered to make me his gym buddy and start working out with me everyday. As if the running wasn't enough. I completely forgot the text he'd sent me, and he hadn't mentioned it; it can't have been something very important. We would usually be silent for the first ten or fifteen minutes then, when I had recovered from the early get up that I still wasn't used to, we would small talk for the rest of the run. I always found that we would only ever talk about him or his life for an extremely short time, if at all. Robin seemed very interested in me, the show and my apparent celebrity status. 

This week became next week, and the same with the week after that. My daily schedule was now full up completely. I would get up at quarter to six every morning and run from six till seven, I would then go to school and would go straight from school to film, record or anything else work related. After that, which usually lasted four hours I would go to the gym or do any specific exercise for two hours, until I would stumble through the door at ten o'clock like a drunk, and fling myself on my bed to sleep. The weekends were a little different, Saturdays I would do the same aside from school was replaced with a full days work, and Sunday I would just exercise and do all the homework I had no chance to do in the week. All in all, it did work quite well, and I enjoyed the fact I was busy, and enjoyed the fact I was getting fit even more. And that's totally not just cause I was getting abs, not at all. 

It was now Friday and the Bieber concert-eve. Ellie was the single most annoying person on the planet the whole day, not only did she never shut up during lunch, she tortured me with her annoying Bieber fever throughout the whole of English where she "conveniently" sits behind me. 

'We're on the second row, but there's no need to queue and we're getting a limo down there anyways and it's gonna be so good and we're gonna meet him omg I'm going to collapse.' I heard for the three-hundredth time. 

'I know we are, calm down, calm down.' I said automatically. 'Whats the plan for tomorrow then?'

'Well everyone is getting to mine for around four, then we're leaving at five, getting there around six, and we're gonna get some tour of the backstage or something, then it's the concert at half seven and after we get to meet him! Ahhhh!' She squealed. 'Then we'll just leave whenever we leave, it doesn't matter it's Sunday the day after so we'll be fine.' She finally took a breath. Oh and you can sleep at mine if you want.' She added quickly. 

'Ha ha, that's fine, I'd rather walk the ten minutes at one in the morning to my house than sleep on your floor thanks.' I teased. 

Eventually the bell went signalling the end of fifth period, and the end of the week. I darted away from the classroom before Ellie dragged me half an hour out of my way walking home with her and headed to meet Helen and some other friends who walked my way. It took me a few seconds but eventually I saw them just passed the gates. Helen looked as if she was whispering to three of the others, this was rather strange as usually she would be jumping up and down, screaming, or dancing to some song that no one was playing or listening to. As I joined them they quickly stopped whispering and turned to me hoping that I hadn't seen them. I said 'Heya' to them all and got a muffled 'hey' or 'hello' from all of them but Helen. Considering I would usually get a hug I was quite worried by the fact she hadn't even acknowledged my presence.

'What's up?' I asked as we all started to walk. 

'Nothing.' She said abruptly. And then she muttered something, of which I only got the words "Fine", "Ellie" and "Concert". 

I was about to reply pressing further, but then I did a mental count in my head and realised that we were one or two days early this month. Fearing the worst a girl can give, I decided to drop it. The rest of the walk was a lot less awkward than I thought, aside from a few evil looks from Helen and one or two of the group looking at me as if I'd done something terrible the general conversation was upheld and when it was time to turn off to my road I got some goodbyes. I could swear I heard Helen say "Have fun with that bitch won't you?", but I convinced myself I was just hearing things. 

After getting home, getting changed into my "second uniform" -which is what I called the uniform that the kids in the show wear- and then getting in the paid-for-by-the-show car, I followed the normal after school routine of filming and exercise. Soon enough I found myself at home, I flopped onto my bed and fell straight to sleep. I awoke the next morning still half clothed from last night. I pulled the shirt off and stopped the tie from strangling me. I walked across my room to pick up my running clothes, but paused in front of the mirror and gave myself a once over. I could now say with confidence I looked good just wearing boxers. 

I got to Ellie's just after three in the afternoon. An hour early I know, but I was bored, and really excited so I couldn't just sit there and wait. I don't know why I was so excited, as I already said I wasn't a massive Belieber or anything. I suppose it was just the fact it was a concert really, and a big one at that. And to top it all off we had VIP tickets. Who doesn't love being treated like a very important person? 

Ellie's parents gladly welcomed me into the house, and then served me what they called a "Bieberlicious". See Ellie's dad owned a cocktail bar in the city. So everytime I had ever been round to her house I had been served some type of new cocktail creation. Essentially I was a guinea pig. It tasted absolutely incredible. Everything just came together and, and worked. The fruits and the colours, and obviously the alcohol made it all so good. It was quite strange Ellie's parents attitude to alcohol. On the one hand you had Ellie's mother, who never drunk alcohol ever, and was encouraging Ellie to do the same. But on the other hand you had her father, running a bar and his slight obsession with alcohol kind of made her mothers argument look pretty stupid. So because of his love of alcohol, the cocktails of course were alcoholic. It was one of the reasons I really liked Ellie's dad, he knew we would drink whether he liked it or not, so why not let us drink around them? 

‘Wow’ I said, ‘these are amazing! They taste so good! What’s in them?’

‘That’s for me to know, and you to find out when you come to the bar and read it off the menu.’ 

‘Ha ha, well whatever they are, if you don’t mind I’ll have another.’ I said heading to the kitchen to pour myself a glass. I did recognise something in there, but it felt like it had been so long since I’d had whatever it was that I’d forgotten what it tasted like. 

It was ten past four already, and there was still only me and Ellie here out of the group.

‘Where are they? They’re always on time, especially for stuff like this.’ I asked her.

‘No idea, I think they’re all getting together at one of their houses and coming down together, so maybe one of them is late? How am I supposed to know.’ She was touching up some of her make up. 

‘That’s weird, surely they would have invited me if they were all getting together?’

‘Um no, ha ha, why would they? They don’t even know you, they only know you’re the one person on the lunch table that I can actually stand to be around.’ She was still touching up her make up.

‘Wait, are we even talking about the same people? I’m confused.’

‘Well I hope we are! Mel, Whitney, Olivia and Megan right?’

‘Sorry? What? Oh I see right, we’re pretending that they’re coming to try and make me look stupid or something?’

‘Erm, no. Why? Who did you think was coming?’ She hadn’t finished yet, now moving to coat her lips unnecessarily with even more gross lipstick.

‘Oh I don’t know, maybe oh yeah Helen, Summer, Holly and Samantha? You know the people we sit with? Our group of friends?’

‘Oh, well, you see, they were going to come but earlier on today I made up with Mel again so she asked if she could come and I said yes, and that led to the rest of them coming too.’

‘What? But what about all the others? You can’t just lead people on like that! What do you think you’re doing, oh my god Ellie! Now it makes sense why Helen wouldn’t talk to me, and none of them are replying to any texts!’

‘Well, look, I told them and they were fine with it! I never actually said they could come you know, just that I’d got these tickets. They’re mine you know! I can give them to who I want.’ I was shocked at her coldheartedness about the issue.

‘You know Ellie, you can be a bitch sometimes.’ But before she could retaliate the doorbell rang and she went to answer the door to the sluts replacing my friends. I hated each one of them, and they, me. I walked a few steps behind Ellie and stayed in the living room as she turned into the hall to answer the door. I heard the “Hi”s and other greetings as you would usually hear, but I also heard something else. They mustn't have realised I was just around the corner from them because I overheard a particularly interesting conversation.

‘So is he still here or?’ Olivia asked in her whiny high pitched voice.

‘Yeah, but he just found out the freaks aren’t coming so I’m pretty sure he’s on the verge of leaving.’ Ellie replied.

‘Oh this is great! I’ll call Amber and tell her to set off!’ Said Mel.

‘Yeah, right I’ll get you all cocktails and you go into the back room, thats where he is, do what you do best. Make him hate you, and above all want to leave.’ This is a side of Ellie, that whilst I hadn’t ever seen or heard, had always believed existed. The rest of them giggled in response and I heard movement coming towards me. I now had to make the decision. Do I quickly go to the back room, pretend I didn’t hear anything and tell Ellie I wasn’t going, or…

Just as they were about to round the corner I side stepped in their way. I had chosen ‘or’. 

‘Hiya girls! So glad you could make it!’ I said, moving to hug Mel, who was in front. I then made a big scene about hugging each of them. Something I would regret later having picked up seven sexually transmitted diseases just from hugs. Ok, thats an exaggeration, but you get what I mean. They were of course shocked and confused at how I hd greeted them, that is what I was going for though, so all was well. I had decided after hearing that conversation, that I would go. I still felt awful and hated Ellie so much then, but I knew it would piss them all off if I did go. 

Before long we were walking out of the door and into the limo that was eagerly awaiting us outside. I enjoyed the trip down even though I had to spend a lot of time with four, sorry now five, of the biggest bitches at my school. I was however feeling quite car sick, so I stayed away from the free drinks and nibbles, and gladly got out of the limo straight away when we stopped. Ellie gave me an almost caring look, but didn’t ask me if I was ok. 

We had parked up at the back of the area and there was someone waiting outside a door marked ‘No Trespassing, Staff Only’. He was a big, dark skinned and muscly guy who had a very intimidating face, and he was snarling. He turned and opened the door with a key, pushed it open and stepped back for us to go in. I tried not to make eye contact with him, but it was almost impossible. However soon enough I was inside and following another person who was to escort us to find the person who would be taking us on a tour of the backstage area. I didn’t really understand what, or why there was a backstage tour, I mean we were here for Justin, not to look at some grotty arena. I could hear a faint whisper between the girls behind me but I decided to ignore it, I wasn’t going to let them ruin the night even more than they already had. 

We met Isobel, our ‘tour guide’ next to a big grey wall, I couldn’t tell you which one, as they were all grey. Not painted grey, just left that way from the concrete they were made of.

‘Hi guys!’ She said with a smile. ‘Right, lets get started! Lots to see and so little time!’ she was incredibly enthusiastic about her job, and I liked her for it. She showed us key places behind the stage, such as where the instruments were kept and the ladders that the brave people who manually controlled the lights had to climb to get up there. We then went onto the stage and got to take some snapshots of how it would look to Justin, and got to pose with instruments and microphone stands. We then ventured into the empty seating area to go and have a play with the virtually controlled lights, and even got to fill the stage with smoke. Olivia was just about to push a button which released some kind of confetti before she was pushed aside by the technician. He obviously hated it when there were people like us here. 

‘Right’ she said ‘that’s it for this part, but now we get to the real fun! Behind the scenes, the performers area!’ I was starting to think this was her first day, she seemed far more excited than any of us. We walked the short distance to a rather ordinary looking door that was only about a metre away from where one of the rows of seats started, to the side of the stage. This puzzled, and in some ways concerned me. I wondered what would happen if some of these crazies found out the door to Justin was quite literally right next to them. There would be a riot, that’s for sure. ‘Now, guys, listen up. Remember they’re all just normal people back there doing their everyday jobs, if you even cause the slightest disturbance then you’ll be out! And I don’t just mean of here! The whole show! And I mean it!’ she opened the door by what seemed to be taking a section of the wall next to the door off. This was of course not true, I realised there was at least some protection for the people backstage, the door was obviously very hard to get into if you didn’t know to slide the little piece of what now looked like wood, painted the same colour as the black wall to blend in, across and then you’d have to know the code too. It wasn’t a fancy electronic keypad it was one of those metal ones where you would push the number buttons in and it would loudly click if you put it in correctly. When the door opened it was pretty anti-climatic. It was just a corridor. Somebody walked out of a room about halfway down the corridor and we looked hopefully at them, only to realise it really was just a normal person going about their business. They disappeared into another room. 

Isobel took us down the corridor and pointed out every room to us and what its purpose was, who worked there, and if we were allowed to go in. The answer to that question was always no. This continued for a while until we reached the end of the corridor, and there was a door with a simple plaque on it that read ‘Justin Bieber’. Ellie screamed a mighty scream when she saw this, and the other started to giggle. I don’t know if that was giggling because of Justin, or giggling because of Ellie. She reached out her hand, probably just to touch the door not anything else, but Isobel quickly jumped in between her and the door. 

‘No, no! What did I say? No disturbing them! Honestly!’ She didn’t really look very mad though. ‘Right thats the end of the tour anyways, the doors open soon, lets get you to your seats!’ we started to walk the way we had come when my stomach really started to feel bad. I also started to feel a burning sensation and pain around my neck, and my hand instantly reached up to scratch it. 

‘Um, Isobel, I don’t want to be a pain, but is there a bathroom anywhere around here?’ No one seemed to have noticed that I was practically trying to rip my neck off by scratching. 

‘Why yes there is, it’s just back down the corridor, just opposite Mr Bieber’s dressing room, so down and to the right. We’ll wait here shall we?’ She said yet again beaming.

‘No, no thats-’ I coughed, feeling ever more queasy. ‘That’s fine, I’ll find my way to the seat don’t you worry, ha ha.’ I tried my hardest to smile at her as nicely as she was for me.

‘Um, ok, well I’m not supposed to really, but I trust you, what was it? Sam?’

‘Yeah, Sam, thanks Isobel. So down and to the right?’ I now had one hand on my stomach and one scratching my neck.

‘Yep thats right! I probably won’t see you later so, it was nice meeting you Sam, I hope you enjoy the show! Come come everyone.’ And she ushered the rest of the group out. 

I waited until the door had closed, and will all the energy I had, bolted to the end of the corridor to go to the bathroom, knowing I couldn’t keep whatever it was down for much longer. I quickly got back to where we had stood a little while ago and went through the door. I couldn’t see the toilet or the sink, but I could see a bin, so I took the few steps to the bin and rather unpleasantly emptied the contents of my stomach into it. 

It didn’t take me long to realise that I had turned left instead of right. This was not a bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're enjoying it so far here on ao3, i'm shocked it's had more than 5 reads to be honest, hahaha  
> thanks for reading, any feedback just let me know!  
> Sam x


	9. Revenge

I slowly raised myself back into a standing position and found a pair of brown eyes staring at me. He looked both confused and amused. He started to say something, but I didn't hear him; I had to be sick again. I felt a hand on my back. 

'Hey man are you ok?' It was Justin. I brought myself up for the second time. 

'Um yeah, well, no, but I mean I feel a bit better.' The moment I said this I bent over for the third time and threw up again. 'Ok maybe not, but thanks for asking.'

'That's ok, is there something I can do? Do you need anything?' He sounded like he actually cared, which I appreciated. 

'Umm... Yeah actually, do you know where the bathroom actually is? I thought it was here, that's why I came running I mean, I didn't just wake up this morning and think "Oh you know what I think I'll throw up in Justin Bieber's dressing room today." Ha ha, sorry.' I don't know why I got that nervous around him, although I suppose he was Justin Bieber the megastar. 

He chuckled at me. 'I'm guessing you were looking for next door?' 

'What? Oh! Yeah! The bathroom, yeah. I wasn't intending on throwing up in your bin, sorry.' Still nervous. Why, why, why?

'Ha ha that's fine, don't worry about it I'll get someone to take the trash out ha ha.' I chuckled nervously. I noticed a door open enough for me to see it was a bathroom. 

'Do you mind if I erm clean up in there?' I said pointing to the private bathroom attached to the dressing room. 

'Nope sorry you've gotta be an international superstar to go in there.' Seeing my confused reaction he quickly clarified that it was a joke and I made my way in.

I stared at myself in the mirror for a few seconds before promptly throwing up, yet again - although this time in a toilet. My neck was red, a rash was coming on, my cheeks red also, and quite puffy and my eyes were really starting to get itchy. I cleaned myself up and turned to walk back out of the bathroom.

‘Sorry again about all that Justin.’ I said as I walked out of the room, but I instantly knew I had done something wrong. The dressing room didn’t just have Justin in it. 

‘Pattie!’ I exclaimed, with a false look of pure delight on my face.

‘Oh.’ She said. ‘It’s you.’ A pause. ‘Hi.’

‘Yes, me. Hi Pattie, how, erm, how are you?’ Because this wasn’t awkward at all.

‘Oh, me? I’m fine, I got your letter. It was very, er…’

‘It’s fine, as long as you've forgiven me it’s all good.’ I quickly interrupted.

‘Yeah about that, I actu-’ She started.

‘So, Justin thanks for the bathroom and everything but I should probably get to my seat, there’s a concert starting soon.’ I winked at him and for the first time noticed he seemed to have gone red, maybe he wasn’t as fond of his mother as he makes out. And before it got anymore awkward I headed towards the door. Once I reached it I quickly let myself out and closed the door behind me. I didn’t even say see you later or anything of that sort, it was almost funny how awkward it was in there. I started off the way I had come down the corridor, hoping it was the right way, when I heard a door open and close behind me. 

‘Hey’ he said as he rushed over to me. 

‘Oh Justin’ I said as I turned back around. ‘Is everything ok?’

‘What? Yeah, fine I was just coming to ask where you were sitting and if you wanted to maybe get meet and greet VIP passes or anything for the people you’re with? I mean you don’t have to..’ He trailed off.

‘Who on earth would say no to that, ha ha.’ He smiled a little, and then I realised. ‘Oh, me I suppose. Not to offend you or anything it’s just we already have them see.’ I showed him my pass. 

‘Oh, right… Well I can get you much better seating than that! And you can all come properly backstage if you want, meet everyone and eat with us if you want to of course.’ His eyes seemed to light up as he said all this, and for the first time I noticed how beautiful they were, the deepness of them and well how perfect they were. 

‘Um, really?’ I asked half laughing. ‘That’s so… so generous of you thanks Justin!’

‘Well… you know, there’s space so why let it go to waste - plus I like you so what’s the harm!’ he was very sheepish when he said that.

‘Ha ha ha, somehow I find that incredibly hard to believe.’ I laughed.

‘Oh come on’ he said ‘let’s put the past behind us, ey?’ He winked. Oh sweet Jesus that wink. I would've gotten on my knees right then…

‘Um, I suppose, as long as you’re ok with that. You do know I really am sorry for that night, right? Even sorry to your mum, although I’m guessing she doesn’t think I am.’ Yet again I was embarrassed in front of Justin. 

‘Oh please, she’ll forget it eventually, not that it matters ey? Ha ha. Anyway you go get your friends and bring them back here ok? I’ll get someone to wait for you.’

‘Ha, friends.’ I mumbled to no one. ‘Oh wait a minute!’

‘Erm sorry, what?’

‘Oh, sorry about that, talking to myself you know us weird British people, ha ha. Er, does it matter if there’s only two of us?’

His smile sank into a sad expression. ‘Oh why you’re not on a date are you?’ He asked rather forcefully, and then added a chuckle to make it more friendly. 

‘Oh, no nothing like that ha, they’re- I mean she- is a girl.

He seemed to half perk up again. ‘Yeah, that’s fine, I was just worried you were gonna bring a hundred people in here or something, ha.’ 

‘God no! I can hardly name one hundred people, nevermind having one hundred friends!’ I winked.

‘Oh I’m sure that’s not true.’ he said returning the wink, but before I could reply he looked down at his watch, said ‘oh, shit’ and turned back to me. ‘Right you go and get your friend and then go in here ok?’ He pointed to the door next to us marked “Staff Only” the combination for the door to the arena and this one is 4693124.’ He smiled, obviously happy with himself that he managed to remember the code. 

‘Oh ok thanks Justin, again for all of this, you really are too kind!’ I smiled warmly at him. 

‘No problem’ he hit me on the shoulder, or however you describe that action ‘later amigo!’ And he ran back down the corridor where he had come from and went through another of the doors into another room. So I made my way to the door I had to go through to get to where everyone was sat. 

In that short conversation I had made a - in my mind - perfect plan for revenge. I had thought my revenge on the little party of bitches would have come at a later date, but that was the best I had then, and nobody said I couldn’t have my revenge more than once. Even now I don’t think they truly got what was coming to them. 

When I opened the door I was overwhelmed by the amount of people now in their seats. When we were walking around earlier it was so empty, it didn’t seem like it would hold that many people, it didn’t seem real somehow. But now, now it was real. So real. It was like watching an old movie and then switching to Avatar in 3D, it was just so real that it could've been a dream, or a movie. 

At first I didn’t know how I was going to be able to find them in this crowd. Yes everyone did have an allocated seat but everyone was running, jumping and moving all over the place. Not to mention the majority of the audience being 12 year old girls didn’t help. It was however rather easy, the orange-ness of the fake tans were like a lighthouse drawing me in. When I got there they were in their seats, everyone but Ellie and Olivia was looking grumpy. Probably still bitter about the whole Amber situation. 

‘Heya guys, guess who?’ I said when I reached them. I heard very faint sounds coming from them signalling they had heard me, and Ellie actually said “hi”. ‘Um does anyone want any drinks? I was just thinking of going to buy some.’

‘Coke’ said Mel.

‘Coke’ said Megan.

‘Diet coke’ said Whitney, not a surprise, she needed all the diet she could get fat bit-.

‘Sprite’ said Olivia. It seemed she not only had the mind of an 8 year old but also the taste buds of one too.

‘Oh I’m fine actually Sam thanks.’ Said Ellie.

‘Oh ok then, Ellie why don’t you come with me and get them?’ I asked rather more politely than I wanted to be.

‘But I’m not even having a drink go get them yourself.’ she looked away when she said this. Whatever you may think girls and no matter how hard you try and deny it you’re just like boys. Acting big and tough in front of your friends is just replaced with acting bitchier and more annoying. 

‘Get up you lazy whore.’ She thought this was just our usual jokeyness. It wasn’t. 

‘Ugh fine, but you’re paying!’ she said as she begrudgingly got to her feet.

‘Yeah yeah whatever.’ I mumbled as I walked back towards the hidden door.

‘Sam where are we going? All the drinks are like back near the entrance up there.’ she pointed in some unimportant direction. 

‘Oh just shut up for a second will you. I have a surprise for you.’ I carried on walking.

‘Oh my god Sam you shouldn't have.’ She said sarcastically as we reached the door. ‘This is too much however will I repay you for such a wonderful door? I’m going back Sam.’ she turned.

‘No you’re not’ I said as I put the code in. ‘Then you won’t get the surprise. After you.’ I directed her into the now open doorway. I looked around as I walked in, a few of the older people in the area surrounding the door had looked our way, curious as to what we were doing, but most of them were more concerned with staring at the stage in hope that they may see him, even if the stage was empty. 

‘Back in this wonderful place again I see, I wonder if I can sneak into his dressing room now?’ 

‘I’m sure there will be time for that later.’ I said barely listening to her in the first place. ‘we’re going to that door just there, the one that says Staff Only on it or something.’ 

‘Right, fine. Honestly what are we even doing here? Who did you kidnap whilst you were in the toilet?’ then she looked at me, and her eyes widened to about the size of the world, but she quickly frowned and said ‘No, can’t be.’ I chuckled at her.

‘You’ll see.’ I said. Then she darted towards the door and flung it open. 

‘Oh.’ she said. ‘It’s empty.’

‘Well yeah it is, we’re waiting for somebody.’ I closed the door behind me. The room was quite small, rectangular with two sofas an armchair a coffee table and on the wall opposite the door were a few posters of artists who’d performed here next to where I was stood was a fishtank housing a few dozen tiny fish in an incredibly big tank. Ellie sat on the chair while I sat on one of the sofas. On the coffee table there were a few magazines and tour books again from the acts that had previously performed here. Ellie picked up the one direction one and I checked my phone.

I had three messages. One from my mum, telling me to “Have a good time!!xx”. One from Michael saying “Hey kiddo what you up to?” and one from a number not saved in my phone simply saying “Heya x”. All three didn’t need a response urgently so could wait. I was just putting it back in my pocket when the door opened and Isobel walked in. 

‘Oh hi! You’re from the tour right? Sam and?’

‘Ellie.’ said Ellie.

‘Yes, that’s right! Well then, I’m very glad to inform you Mr Bieber has been ever so kind to give you the stars treatment tonight! If you’ll follow me just this way we’ll get you to your new, upgraded seating.’

We both followed her out of the room, and a few minutes later we were sat in a different place completely to before. The closest thing I can describe it as was like in the theatre when you sit in the royal box. Although this was less enclosed as it was a glass wall kind of thing. But it was just to the side of the stage, a wonderful view of the stage, the audience, everything. It was absolutely amazing. 

‘This is Jordan.’ She said introducing a what must have been just turned 18 year old boy to us. ‘He will be coming in and out throughout the concert and will bring you anything you desire off of the menu complimentary, of course. I hope you have fun, I’ll leave you in his capable hands.’ When she said this Jordan went so red it was hilarious, he must have had a thing for Isobel. Or maybe he was just one of those straight guys who can’t talk to girls without pissing themselves. Either way, he went red. We said our “hello”s and he asked us if we’d like any beverages and we both hastily agreed to the champagne. He was either very kind, very stupid or just plain bad at his job when he didn’t question how old we were, and if we were allowed to drink. As he turned to walk away Ellie realised something.

‘Oh I better go and get the others they’ll be wondering where we are!’ and she got up, but Jordan turned around almost immediately.

‘I.. I… I’m sorry miss, but, but we’re under orders from Mr Bieber for two guests to be in, in here you can’t bring anyone else in I’m sor… sorry.’ maybe this was his first day, he sounded very nervous. 

‘I’m sorry but I don’t think you understand I need to go and get my friends, they’re in the same group as us.’ she made a circle with her hand that included me and her.

‘No, miss I’m… I’m sorry that isn’t going to be possible.’ I was looking on in delight and amusement. 

‘But, but I mean…’ Ellie looked troubled.

‘Will that be all miss?’ Ellie nodded. ‘Sir?’

‘Yes thank you Jordan.’ I said and smiled warmly. He smiled back, thankful for some positivity in the room I guess. He turned on his heel and left briskly. 

Ellie sat down on one of the very expensive looking sofa/seat things (I don’t think the manufacturer had decided which one it was either) and I took the one next to her. I kept looking at her worried, sad and annoyed face and I kept smiling. 

‘You planned this didn’t you?’ it was more of a statement than a question. 

‘Yes I did’ I paused ‘only like you planned to have me get so annoyed at you and the rest of the group so I would leave and Amber would replace me. Yes I heard the whole conversation before you claim thats not true.’ 

‘They’re going to hate me, they’ll think I went behind their backs and that I wanted to humiliate them or something oh god.’

‘Yeah’ I said relaxing back in my chair as the supporting act came on stage. ‘It doesn’t feel nice does it?’


	10. We Good?

The show was amazing. Is there really any more I can say? It was a Justin Bieber concert, of course it was awesome! Whether you’re a Bieber fan or not, by the second song you’ll be on your feet and screaming the lyrics. The support warmed us all up really well, and, they were a pretty good boyband too, unknown but confident in their music, pop with an edgy side - which I assumed meant they write their own songs. Before long however it was finally time for Justin himself. 

 

He started with All Around The World, and well, to say the least he smashed it. His stage presence was just incredible, and surprisingly you could hear him pretty well over all the screaming girls. Now, hate me all you want but I really didn’t think his voice would be strong enough for a live performance like this, boy was I wrong. He carried every song with ease, and some of them I thought sounded even better. If I was still sat down where the others were I would've been on my feet and jumping all over the place. The atmosphere ion the arena was just brilliant. 

 

The whole thing lasted about an hour and forty minutes, and after his energetic encore was over - to many tears and cries - Justin finally left the stage, in my opinion to a fully deserved rest. I’d sleep for days if that was me doing that day after day for all those weeks. 

 

Ellie, of course, quickly forgot she was in a mood with me, and soon became one of those screaming girls. She, unsurprisingly, loved it. I even had an unexpected chorus of ‘thank yous’ from her, apparently she liked the seats very much. If I’d mentioned the fact we were getting more than a meet and greet, I don’t even want to think about what she’d have done. 

 

It was about ten or fifteen minutes after he’d left the stage that she finally realised what was about to happen. 

 

‘Oh, my, GODDDDDD!’ She screamed. ‘Sam it’s actually happening, like, meeting him, like really, like the Justin Bieber, and we’re like meeting him oh my god!’

 

‘Well I hope we actually are meeting him, not just ‘like’ meeting him, that would be awfully disappointing.’ 

 

‘Oh shut up you! Actually no! Even your sarcasm can’t get me now ahhhhhhh!’ a deafening high pitched scream followed. 

 

‘Right, well I guess we better get moving then, if you’re done screaming that is?’ She was about to say something when Jordan reappeared.

 

‘H-Hello’ he said, nervously glancing at Ellie. Her sense of excitement could have been confused for madness I suppose. ‘I’m here to escort you two to the backstage waiting area for the meet and greet session with Mr Bieber, if you would please follow me nice and sharpish that would be very nice thank you.’ He spoke so fast I swear some words all morphed into one. The squealing from Ellie was enough to know he’d mentioned Bieber though. 

 

Before long we were ushered out of the special viewing box and taken down many long winding corridors.

 

‘These places really are like mazes aren’t they?’ I joked

 

‘Pft try working here mate - an utter nightmare!’ He laughed. He led us for what must have been about ten minutes to a large room filled with excited girls, and quite scared looking parents. There was also the odd boyfriend or brother dotted around the room looking either bored or dumbfounded at the excitement, or confused at why they’d agreed to do this in the first place. There was also, sat in the far corner of the room looking like they were going to kill many people, Ellie's friends. If thats what they were anymore that is. 

 

The room was filled with big comfy looking sofas, all occupied as far as I could see. It was all modern themed, with art on the walls, plants that were all perfect - or fake, I couldn’t tell. Along with the sofas and plants there were some tables, some occupied by the plants and some by pointless lamps, others empty. The lamps were so pointless as big overhead lights shone down over the room, not so bright, but I didn’t know if this was on purpose or if they needed the bulbs changing. In the space next to the door between it and one of the walls was a big board, ceiling high that had all of the concerts sponsors and Justin’s many labels and representative’s companies names on. This was where the pictures would be taken. As we walked in all the people in the room suddenly looked up - hopeful. They quickly resumed their texting, tweeting or talking when they saw it wasn’t Justin however. 

 

‘Ok then, this is where I’m leaving you Mr Bieber will be out soon.’ I heard him whisper ‘hopefully’ at the end of the sentence as he turned and left the room. I tried to think what that could mean but was quickly brought down to earth again by a very angry teenage girl.

 

‘Where the HELL did you two go?’ Whitney shouted.

 

‘We, erm well… We, you see we, er… We got lost!’ Ellie sounded far too happy in the lie, way to make it obvious. 

 

‘Oh yeah of cooooooourse you did.’ said Olivia. 

 

‘Where did you actually go, Sam?’ I was surprised Mel had actually acknowledged my presence, being the leader of the group she of course hated me the most. 

 

‘Well actually, I happened to meet a very nice boy who offered me two very exclusive VIP tickets to the show, I assure you all I tried so hard to get some more for you, but you know what can you do?’ I said smugly. I heard Ellie whisper ‘oh my god’ under her breath.

 

‘Oh really? And how VIP were these seats exactly, you can hardly get better than where we were, and you weren’t on the first row or we would've seen you. So don’t say that.’ Said Mel.

 

‘Oh no, no, no.’ I explained where we watched the show from, and to add insult to injury I showed them many pictures that I took. They didn’t seem too impressed with me, and I don’t think I could put into words how they felt about Ellie right then. They kept quiet for a while, until Mel spoke up.

 

‘Well, I’m sure it can’t have been that good. It’s not, erm, like it’s not like you had a different show or anything. Plus we definitely had more fun than you Ellie, I almost feel sorry or you having to spend loads of time with this dickhead.’ She liked to look clever.

 

‘Awwww, thanks Mel that’s so sweet!’ Then followed an awkward silence. Thankfully it was too loud in the room for anyone to have heard our little thing going on. However a few parents heads may have turned when they heard her swear. ‘Well I guess’ I said. ‘All we do now is wait for the Biebs.’ I got a faint mumbled answer from Ellie. Who had now moved away from me and more towards the group of fiercely whispering girls. I found a small table next to an occupied sofa and perched on there. And decided I’d check my phone. 

 

I texted my mum all about how good it was, I’d leave the parts about the change of company until I got home, and got an immediate reply about having to be more careful with what I eat; it turns out the familiar taste was grapefruit, it was a problem since I was pretty badly allergic to grapefruit. I also texted Michael back telling him where I was, and that apparently Justin didn’t hate me, and maybe even liked me. The girls kept staring at me from the other side of the room, it seemed Ellie was fully forgiven, not that I cared at that point - I could hardly see the friendship lasting for very much longer. Thinking of the car ride home was not something I was fond of, maybe I could get a taxi. I really did not want to go home with them. Then of course there was the meet and greet, and the extras we were offered. Ellie and the others didn’t know about that, and I didn’t particularly want to tell them. Although the way I was feeling then, I didn’t even feel like going myself. Honestly I just wanted to go home. I was tired, annoyed, and quite bored. I saw no point in myself being there not like I hadn’t met him before then. 

 

Just as I was about to slip off however, the door to the room opened and many excited gasps could be heard. I expected screaming, jumping up and down and in general a riot, but the room just went silent. There were sniffles and the sounds of crying but other than that complete silence. This went on for what felt like a very long time, but it could've only been a minute at most, and then the screaming happened. Girls hysterically crying over the boy that had walked in the room. 

 

‘Hey everyone’ he said, sounding quite nervous, who wouldn't be with the terrifying audience he had. ‘Um thanks for coming to the show today did you all have a nice time?’ Screaming meant yes apparently. ‘Well, I loved it guys it was awesome! You really are the best fans I the world you know that right?’ he seemed more and more comfortable as he went on. ‘So yeah, um lets get this going!’ `He looked around the room and smiled at everyone, his eyes found me and he pulled a cheesy but very cute smile and mouthed something like ‘hey’. 

 

‘Ok guys’ said someone stood behind him, ‘lets all get into a nice line and you’ll all get your pictures and autographs ok? No pushing in either we don’t want no fights ok? You’ll all have the same amount of time with Justin and when you’re done just go through that door’ he pointed ‘there’ll be people showing you where to go after that to buy the official pictures and get any more merchandise if you want. Ok everyone in that line!’ He didn’t sound like he should be telling people what to do, he had much nice of a voice for that.

 

Justin walked over to stand in front the board with the sponsors on, accompanied by his entourage of security, photographers and a few others. And they began to set up. The girls of course all sprinted to be first in line. This is where the others in Justin’s entourage came in, they quickly sorted out the girls, with minimal shouting and resistance from them. How they did this was a mystery for me, even now I can’t imagine standing up to a crazed teenage girl. I quickly realised I was the only person left sitting, and a lot of them were now staring at me. I thought of joining my group, but I only had to look at them once to know I wasn’t welcome. Oh what a nice feeling that was. So instead I just joined the back of the line, conveniently there was a place to sit down there so sat and pulled my phone out again. 

 

I played around on a few timewaster games for what I thought was a couple of minutes. But by the time I looked up it must've been ages, there were only a few groups left to have pictures and autographs, and my group were there now. Ellie was crying rather obviously, Mel was screaming with no noise coming out and the others were at varying stages of those two. So now I was pretty much definitely on my own. What was I supposed to do? 

 

I decide that, although I wasn’t particularly in the right mood or mindset, that I might as well go and get my picture, I mean I had paid for this. And even if meeting him wasn’t going to be such a one off event anymore - it made sense to get my fair share of the Biebs that day. By the time I actually found enough energy in myself to get up and walk to the back of the line I was only one group away. 

 

The little party was made up of two girls, about seventeen or eighteen and two guys around the same age or just a little older. Both the girls were brunettes and were chattering excitedly through their brace-clad teeth. One of the guys also had braces, and damn they made him look hot, the other one seemed to be the more typically ‘stylish’ one, he was wearing the branded clothes and shoes, the hotter one was just in nice clothes that he bought because he liked them, rather than for status. The two girls were both very pretty, like the guys one of them was in more expensive looking clothes, and inbetween the conversations was checking herself constantly in her pocket mirror (not that it was in her pocket very much). However the other seemed to not care about any superficial things much, she was pretty, not as pretty as the other maybe but she looked better - the lack of caked on make up was a great feature. And the fact she couldn’t care less about the fact her hair was all over the place and starting to lose it’s artificial straightness made her much more approachable. It wasn’t too hard to work out whose boyfriend was whose. Now you shouldn't judge people on their looks alone of course thats not very nice, but I was just a very observant person, still am today, I like to notice people down to the finest details. 

 

The two guys didn’t seem very interested in the whole occasion but they seemed happy, their special girls were happy and excited, so why wouldn’t they be? They turned to me a few times and smiled, and sometimes gave me a good staring. One of them whispered something to one of the girlfriends and then she - to the best of her ability - tried to look around unsuspiciously. It didn’t work. 

 

‘Hi’ I said, smiling warmly. 

 

‘Uh, hey mate.’ said one of the guys. 

 

‘Alright?’ said the other. Whilst giving me an inquisitive look.

 

‘Yeah I’m good, bit bored though’ they laughed. And I got a response of ‘aren’t we all’ or something similar. We had a small talk filled conversation and finally one of the girls spoke. 

 

‘Um, hi, er this is gonna sound weird but are you that boy of that tv show?’ She was very embarrassed.

 

‘Er, yeah, ha ha I am! Is that why you kept looking over earlier?’ I laughed.

 

‘Yeah, kinda.’ Said one of the guys. ‘It was him that noticed you though.’ he pointed at the other guy. 

 

‘Oh really? Haha, oh don’t worry I feel quite honoured to have my very first stalker!’ I winked at him and he went very red in the face, the others laughed. 

 

‘You’re up guys’ said one of the people taking the pictures.

 

‘Oh this is us mate, nice talking to you.’

 

‘Yeah you too’ I replied.

 

‘Hey’ he said turning around, ‘You wanna get in this with us or? You waiting for someone?’

 

‘Um no thanks, something like that.’ I replied. 

 

‘Alright then see you around.’ 

 

‘Laters,’ I said as he walked through to the picture taking area. They had set up this curtain kind of thing, around the sponsor board - probably to stop people mobbing Justin, and probably so they could get some good footage of him surprising fans by jumping out of the curtain. 

 

I heard them finish up and Justin ask if that was everyone. The guy who came out earlier said he thought so but there might be a few more. He stuck his head around the curtain and saw me and said ‘oh hey, you waiting for someone or?’ he saw my reaction and then said ‘Or you’re on your own then, come on through.’ he disappeared. I heard him say just one more, and Justin quite audibly groan and say quite clearly he didn’t want to, pleading with someone. But I went in anyway.

 

‘What’s that supposed to mean Justin, don’t I get a picture of my favourite superstar?’ I put on my best whiny voice and laughed. 

 

‘You what?’ he said as he turned around, ‘oh Sam! Hey dude thought I hadn’t seen you in here.’ He said doing the cheesy smile again. 

 

‘I see I’m right where I should be then?’ I said.

 

‘And where’s that?’ he stuck his tongue out.

 

‘On your mind’ I laughed ‘constantly’. And made a kissy face to him. He laughed far too much for the joke, or maybe he actually found it that funny. But that was a lot better than having him hate me - or breathing down my neck in some oddly sexual way. I shivered as I thought of that and he laughed at my awkward movement. 

 

‘So you want this picture or not man?’ 

 

‘Meh’ I shrugged, ‘on second thoughts are you really worth it?’ I said winking at him. 

 

‘Oh well then, I guess it’s time to go then, come on everyone!’ sticking his tongue out at me he pretended to walk off.

 

‘Go on then, I guess I can take a moment to have a picture with a fan.’ the photographer was giving me this strange look that screamed ‘dude that’s Justin Bieber who are you and how are you talking to him like this?’ 

 

After the picture was taken, and a couple of selfies with him were tweeted he brought up his previous offer. 

 

‘So erm, you gonna come to dinner with us all or what. That guy your friend or boss or whatever, the tall one from that meeting, he’ll be there with a couple writers or something if you are gonna.’ He asked. ‘Yeah thats the one’ he said when I asked if it was Michael.

 

‘Um, er, I mean I’d love to but like I’ll have no way to get home and stuff and like I mean my mum was expecting me late doesn’t mean she’ll come get me so er, well I’d love to but, sorry.’ I was genuinely sorry as well, it was a much more appealing proposition than being in that limo. 

 

‘Oh come on man! You think we can’t find a way to get ya home? Don’t be stupid, and hey look please come! Please, ha ha, I’m gonna need someone who isn’t ancient to talk to for once, plus you know all this TV stuff a lot better than me! And! You can look good for Michael eh? Getting on with your arch nemesis might get you in his good books, if you know what I mean.’ He looked so mischievous when he said this. 

 

‘Oh my god Justin’ I whispered going insanely red ‘If you weren’t, well Justin Bieber I would so attempt to punch you right now, as if you even remember that little comment I made oh my.’ I was so embarrassed. 

 

‘Muwahaha, I guess thats a yes then. Great! Well I’m gonna go get ready and stuff but I guess you can come chill in my dressing room if you want?’ 

 

‘Cue the 80’s trying on the different clothes montage?’ I laughed out.

 

‘Um well I don’t know about that just yet, but come on lets get going.’ and he grabbed me and literally pushed me all the way to his dressing room. Honestly he was a little kid at heart, like a six year old who says they’re your best friend after ten minutes of knowing you, that sort of kid. 

 

It took him a while, from the running into the room just in a towel after the shower to get the first set of clothes, to the fifth time he came running out for another outfit. 

 

‘Do you even know the amount of money I could've made if I’d taken pictures every time you’d walked out that door?’

 

‘Hmmm, probably a lot’ he said while styling his hair in the big mirror on the wall ‘but you’d lose it just as fast in all the law suits filed against you!’ he turned and displayed his hair to me again. 

 

I was sitting on a big comfy chair on the opposite side of the room to the mirror, quite near where the bin I had thrown up in used to be. ‘Justin for the third time it looks fine! And pretty much exactly the same as last time! What is with you and that hair I laughed as I flicked through a celebrity/gossip/TV magazine that you always find lying around in these places. He turned back around and started his hair again. I saw a half page article in the magazine about Justin. 

 

‘Oh look there’s an article in here about you!’ 

 

‘Pft please, there hasn’t been an issue of any celebrity magazine without me in this past year!’ He said applying some kind of pastey-gel to his hair. 

 

‘Now there’s no need to get cocky is there, let’s see what it says anyways’ I said Infamous innocent-gone-bad-boy-Bieber has yet again been caught up in another scandal. The singer, currently on the european leg of his tour was pictured outside a top London nightclub, with a very questionable looking cigarette in one hand, and a beer bottle in the other.’ I finished reading. ‘Well, well, well, looks like the Biebs ain’t the little innocent boy anymore doesn’t it?’ I laughed. ‘Honestly why the hell does the public even care what kind of-’ I was stopped mid sentence. 

 

‘Can you just. Shut. Up. Please?’ he really meant that as well, he sounded annoyed, it could've even been threatening. 

 

‘Ooh, touchy are we, well you don’t have to worry there’s enough of this out there already everyone’s already r-’ again I was stopped.

 

‘For fu- gods sake Sam just shut up I already told you once! I don’t want to hear any of that bull. You’re just useless in here anyways go and get someone to come in and do my stupid hair.’ His voice was ever raising into a shout. 

 

‘Well excuse me then, only trying to make a joke no need to be so rude, you know I didn’t bring myself here, maybe if I’m so useless I should just leave anyways.’ I stood up and threw the magazine down on the chair. 

 

‘No, Sam, that’s not what I meant. It’s just annoying and stuff I didn’t mean to shout alright.’ But I was already opening the door.

 

‘Yeah whatever Justin I’ll run along and get you your hair person your majesty.’ I walked out and slammed the door. God he gets me so rilled up I thought. I was just about to turn left to see if there was anyone anywhere who could help me find said ‘hair person’ when the face of Pattie Mallete appeared. ‘Oh’ I said stepping back a little ‘sorry, wasn’t looking where I was going.’

 

‘Yes, obviously not.’ she said sharply.

 

‘Um, I’ll just be going and finding erm-’

 

‘No, it’s fine, I can get his hair. If you’re really coming with us all for this meal’ she didn’t seem happy about that ‘I advise you go and find everyone in one of those rooms where we’ve been waiting for Justin for the past. Twenty. Minutes. Now if you’ll excuse me.’ she pushed past me and went into the dressing room. 

 

Ok Justin definitely did not get to me as much as she did, why did she hate me so much? Oh. Yeah. I smiled to myself as I remembered exactly why she did hate me so much. 

 

I walked down to the room where me and Ellie had been waiting in earlier and heard voices coming from inside, this was obviously where Pattie had meant for me to go. I paused for a second to calm myself down after Justin’s little outburst, I guess I could see his point, who would want to be constantly reminded of that. And he had apologised as well. Ugh, I was just not in a good mood at that time. Deciding I’d apologise for not accepting his apology later on, I walked into the room. I quickly realised I knew most of the people in this room, there was Michael, the head writer and another writer, a producer who had conveniently not been in the room when I had the big meltdown and a lawyer from the show. The other few people they were talking about I recognised from pictures I’d seen of Justin in gossip magazine or four. 

 

‘Hey! Sam!’ Said Michael. Saying my hello’s I walked over to them. ‘You didn’t tell me you were gonna be here!’

 

‘Well, I did but somebody obviously doesn’t check their phone often enough do they?’ I said as I jabbed him in the side. He tried and failed to dodge it and pulled his phone out. 

 

‘Oh no.’ he said, concerned.

 

‘What?’ I asked, feeling something bad was happening. 

 

‘Sam was right, he did text me’ and then he laughed.

 

‘Oh ha, ha ha you don’t go getting me all worried like that!’ 

 

‘Muwahaha.’ he laughed, then proceeded to tease my over how gullible I was. By this time the others from the show had turned off to have their own boring conversation about something. He said quietly ‘So, who’d you have to suck off to get in here then?’ 

 

‘Woah, woah woah did I just hear that right Mr Lee?’ I raised my eyebrows at him. ‘That is no way to talk to a minor, I am ashamed to be in your presence!’

 

‘Oh come onnnn, not like they’d let your sorts in here without some bribery, and you’re much more the type to offer pleasure over dollar bills.’ he replied casually. And with that I delivered a swift kick to the shin, and he quietly yelped. 

 

‘Are you implying I am a slut Michael, that’s very rude of you don’t you think?’ 

 

‘Only speak the truth’ he laughed as he walked to the water fountain to fill a plastic cup. 

 

‘I’ll have you know I may have just befriended someone very important to you right now.’ I said as I hopped up to sit on a high table next to the water fountain. 

 

‘Oh really, and who would that be?’ 

 

‘Someone obviously important enough to get me here. Now run along Mr Lee I’m sure those suits are dying to talk to you.’ I made an ushering away hand movement and he gave me an I’m watching you look and walked towards the ‘suits’. 

 

This gave me some time to myself and to look around and observe. A couple more people had joined us in here, now there were some more people from Justin’s ‘team’ that I recognised. I had been forced to watch Never Say Never that documentary-filmy-thingy many times by Ellie, and I don’t ever forget a face. Names yes, but thats hardly important. 

 

Two of Justin’s crew came over to the water fountain grabbed cups and filled them, but whilst they did they had a bit of gossip to tell each other. One of them was filling up their cup for the second time, and must’ve been about a metre away from me, maybe a bit more. They both took no notice of me and talked in a-bit-louder-than-quiet whispers, I was the only person aside from them who could hear. 

 

‘Well look, I’m not saying they’re working him too hard or putting too much pressure on him or anything, but, well actually thats kind of exactly what I’m saying.’ Said the first. 

 

‘Ugh, I have to agree, like we know what we mean, it’s not actually anything they’re doing, he’s just not, not handling it well. I mean that thing that happened last month, you know the thing we’re not supposed to talk about? Well I heard, don’t say will you?’ The other one seemed much more informed. 

 

‘No, no, no course not.’

 

‘Well see the thing is, I heard it wasn’t the first time-’

 

‘But surely we’d know if it wasn’t, they hardly tried to hide it.’

 

‘That’s the thing! They messed up! We weren’t supposed to see it happen because they didn’t want to, anyway, I’ve heard it happened three times at least already, and you know what he did well he-’ and then my phone made a very loud noise. Their heads snapped around to me as I fumbled around with my phone, trying m hardest to pretend I hadn’t just been listening, they didn’t believe me and walked off hastily to the other side of the room in hushed whispers this time. 

 

A few minutes after they’d settled on the other side of the room, and a couple of my people watching profiles later, the door opened and in walked Pattie.

 

‘Right everyone!’ She said in a much more pleasant tone than the one I’d experienced earlier. ‘Let’s go get this meal then!’ Everyone jumped to attention at these words and quickly followed her out of the room, including Michael. I realised then that I didn’t exactly know what was going on, where were we going and, if it was a car journey away -which was most likely- how exactly was I supposed to get there? The best thing was of course to follow the rest of the people, so that’s what I did. We ended up in a car park underneath the arena, it was poorly lit and looked like it could've been the newest set for some American police drama show shoot-off. Any minute now the bad guys would pull guns on the undercover cop and so on. 

 

As everyone wandered to their cars I saw Justin’s head disappear into a black four by four’s backseat. Thinking I needed to apologise, and seeing Michael fill up the car he was travelling in, I headed that way. The car had already been started by the time I got there, although thankfully hadn’t started moving. I knocked on the window where Justin had gotten in, and to my delight and surprise it started to roll down. I saw his eyes appear and just to the bottom of his cute nose when the window stopped, he raised his eyebrows asking me to speak. 

 

‘Mind if, I erm, tag along?’ his stare was making me nervous. I heard a sigh coming from him then he opened the door and shuffled on to the seat on the other side of the car. 

 

‘Be my guest.’ he said, guiding me towards the seat with an unnecessary hand movement. 

 

I got a strange look from his security guy, but he quickly turned around when I nervously smiled, was I that off putting? The driver slowly started to move the car. It was awkward silence for the first few minutes. Until I plucked up the courage to say something.

 

‘I’m sorry I-’ but almost as soon as I spoke he did too.

 

‘Shut up.’ it was very blunt. But then he leaned forward and pressed a button which made one of those cool black screens start to come up between us and the front seat. I marvelled at that for a while before realising where I was. 

 

‘Oh’ I said nervously laughing. ‘I see. Don’t want them to hear it eh? Ha ha.’ Oh god just speak normally Sam. He gave me a weird look. ‘Anyways, Justin, I am sorry-’ cut off again. 

 

‘Sam.’ he said. ‘Just shut up. I don’t want you to apologise ok, I overreacted like hell in there, so I’m sorry, not you, me.’ He turned away to look out of the window into the pitch black city scenery. He obviously wanted to save some embarrassment when apologising.

 

‘No see, well I agree that you did overreact.’ he turned to look at me again, obviously shocked I thought he might even be a little in the wrong. “No Sam” I thought, “don’t get annoyed at him again.” ‘But however, honestly if all that bullshit was being written about me in those things every week, and someone was just shoving it in my face, I’d pretty much react the same, so thank you for apologising but really, it wasn’t necessary.’ 

 

‘I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree then.’ Ok it annoyed me a bit he didn’t even acknowledge my apology, not to mention the way he was just passing it all off, brushing it under the carpet. But, for the good of our ‘friendship’ and my sanity right then, I decided it best to ignore it. 

 

We both opened and closed our mouths many times during the short journey, not like we were stupid or something, just very awkward at that point. I remember asking him at some point where we were going, only to receive a simple ‘dunno’ from Justin. He seemed to lighten up towards the end though, which is when most of the mouth opening ritual happened, he may have even cracked a smile. Soon we had stopped however and the screen went down and it was time to go eat, something the driver and security guy seemed very happy about. It was heavily raining outside -typical- and me and Justin both looked at each other and almost had one of those friendly laughs. 

 

‘Yeah, looks like the weather didn’t get the memo about Bieber being here.’ I said. He chuckled, surprisingly. ‘Er, well we could sit here forever staring at it, or we could actually go inside the restaurant you know guys.’ I said to all three of them, it was very funny to see them all grimacing at the rain. ‘This ain’t the sunny states now boys’ I said as I opened the door and jumped down from the car. I narrowly missed a puddle which could've been very embarrassing indeed. 

 

I saw Justin wasn’t coming, even after his security had braced it, so I held the door open and said ‘Come on Justin! Look, its just from the car to the door ok? Not that far.’ honestly I’ve never had to put so much effort into a simple task - and I had lots of experience of trying to get annoyed little children to do things they didn’t want to, like go to bed, Justin was much more of a task. ‘If you really want me to I’ll hold your hand darling!’ I shouted over the ever getting louder rain. Even so I could hear his laugh and his groan as he started to move, then suddenly he was jumping out of the car.

 

And straight into the big puddle. 

 

If I wasn’t already soaked from standing there, boy was I soaked now. Justin didn’t even care about the wetness I assumed, he was gone, like a pretty celebrity blur he dashed towards the door of the restaurant. I closed the door and rushed after him. 

 

‘Oh. My. God! Ahhhhhhhh! What is this!?’ he looked down at his soaked clothes and padded down wet hair. 

 

I took one look at him, he at me, and we burst out into fits of laughter.


	11. Dinner

We laughed for what felt like hours, and honestly I wouldn’t have minded if it was hours. It was the most fun I’d had in a long time and certainly improved my mood from earlier that day. Eventually we calmed down, although I had a hard time trying to not start laughing again when Justin was looking at his clothes and feeling his hair in fear. 

 

 

‘Well, you know Justin, it isn’t England if you don’t get rained on at least once a day’ I laughed out. 

 

 

‘Ahhhh, Sam look at me! Look at my hair! What am I going to do?!’ I couldn’t tell if he was enjoying himself or deeply concerned with this issue, I guess it was both. 

 

 

‘Honestly Justin’ I said while taking my phone out of my pocket ‘I can’t tell the difference.’ He shot me a sarcastic look and then saw what I was doing. 

 

 

‘Nooooooo!’ he lunged for my hand.

 

 

‘Too late!’ I shouted gleefully. I had got what I wanted. ‘Aw look how cute you look “ickle” Justin got a bit wet’ I said like a mother talking to a small child as I showed him the picture I just took. 

 

 

‘You have to delete those oh my, I look so bad!’ he examined himself further in the pictures and realised what he looked like. I quickly snatched the phone away from him, I knew he’d try and delete them himself if I didn’t stop him. But before he could press the issue anymore the security guy who had been in the car with us appeared with some relatively small, almost hand towels. Justin almost throttled the guy he went for the towels so aggressively. The guy gave two to Justin and one to me. Usually I would said something about that but, in this situation it was the complete opposite. Firstly, I didn’t really care ad expected that kind of behaviour from Justin’s staff, secondly, I only wanted to quickly dry off my hair anyways. I wasn’t exactly a stranger to this weather or being subjected to it. 

 

 

I did as I intended and rubbed my hair viciously with the towel a few times, then out it down and attempted to get my hair back into place. Using my reflection in a piece of wall art I ran my fingers through my hair numerous times to no avail. It was longer than I liked it. I’d always had my hair short, and I mean really short until my early teens. Then I decided it’d be nice to have a bit of something to work with, and I’ve kept that general length for all this time. But just then no, it was getting too long, I made a mental note to myself to go to the hair people the next time I was on set. It had at that time also started to become a lighter shade of brown, and that I especially didn’t like, I liked my hair how it was, dark brown and styled perfectly - not using gel though of course. So another note, start dying hair to shade it was before. 

 

 

After I had finished with my hair I turned and Justin was still trying to dry himself, and his clothes. We were in the entrance part of the restaurant, like a foyer. Big wooden double doors led outside to the rain, and more friendly, but still grand looking doors led into the main part of the restaurant. I assumed, as this seemed to be a very up market and expensive restaurant that this area would be called something silly like the Pre-Waiting-Waiting-Room. I mean, essentially thats what it was. Some half comfy looking seating, some plants and art in a low lit room, generic ambiance music playing in the background, and a door off to the side which I thought must’ve been where they put your coats once you handed them over to those annoying kind of waiter people they always have in fancy restaurants. “Can I take you coat sir, madam? Coats? Sir? Madam” That kind of annoying behaviour. 

 

 

It took a few more minutes but eventually justin did finish drying his hair, his clothes and whatever else he was complaining about. And he finally had a smile back on his face. 

 

 

'Lets do this!' he said very enthusiastically. 'What?' he asked when I laughed. 

 

 

'Someones certainly changed their attitude that's what.' I said. 

 

 

'Nah' he replied. 'I'm just really freaking hungry! Now c'mon! Lets gooooo!' 

 

 

'Alright alright alright.' I said as I got up off one of the surprisingly uncomfortable seats. He pushed through the heavy doors and half ran in to the restaurant. With his security following him I was last in. 

 

 

Justin had darted past the guy who was standing next to his little stand that had a sign that said in fancy font Please Wait, so I smiled as I walked past. He recovered from the confusion of Justin rushing past and smiled back. I'd just got past him when I realised that the whole restaurant, apart from the big group where I was headed was empty. All the two seater tables, and those they didn't use to make our super table were unoccupied. They must've rented the whole place, it may have been late but it was not late enough for a fancy place like this to be empty. "Or it's just a really, really bad restaurant" I thought to myself and smiled as I approached the big table. 

 

 

When I reached it I scanned all across looking for a spare seat, I started to get slightly worried that there wasn't going to be one, but then a muffled shout drew my attention. I recognised it was Justin and then saw him waving and pointing to the seat next to him. He had such a muffled voice because he was stuffing the bread they give you before the meal into his mouth and trying to speak.

 

 

'Woah there' I said as I sat down 'not gonna leave any for anyone else, you know like anyone else in the country?' I smirked. 

 

 

'Oh shut it you! I worked hard today!' he said scrunching up his face at me, 'I deserve this meal! Now if you'll leave me and my bread to it we have some unfinished business in the eating department.' Everyone who'd heard that and I then proceeded to laugh at Justin. I looked around at the people I was sitting with, we were close to the end of the table, with Justin on the seat to the right of the head of the table. Next to Justin, sitting as the ahead of the table, was Pattie, then to the left of her was a guy I recognised as Scooter Braun, he didn't look too happy and then next to him and opposite me sat Michael. Next to both me and Michael, sitting opposite each other were the two other unimportant people representing the show. Past them along the table however, I had a vague to little idea of who they were, the various members of Justin’s entourage were not that familiar to me.

 

 

Pattie of course looked very displeased at my presence, and seemed to be mumbling things to Scooter, whose face grew evermore annoyed, confused and angry. It was quite amusing to see his face scrunch up really, even though I had no idea what it was about. I wasn't going to assume it was me, I wasn't that self obsessed. She finished whispering to Scooter and looked at Justin. 

 

 

'Justin! You are not ten years old, now eat properly or don't eat at all.' she snapped. 

 

 

'I was just hungry it's only-' he tried to defend himself. 

 

 

'I don't want to hear it Justin, you don't have to be here you know we could just go back to the hotel.' she stared down at him. 

 

 

'Ok, ok I'm sorry mom.' he was both embarrassed and spiteful. It really was very funny, I looked at Michael while it all happened we both tried to contain our laughing. My attempt wasn't the most successful however; Pattie changed her stare onto me, and that's when I really couldn't contain myself. I did one of those half snort things you do when you're trying not to laugh, and had to look away before I broke out into fits of laughter. 

 

 

She gave me an evil glare and then quickly started a conversation with Scooter again. I turned to Justin and whispered ‘Damn, you just got told.’

 

 

‘Lay off it will you’ he said, going red but smiling at the same time.

 

 

I whisper-laughed, ‘Honestly I had no problem with the way you were eating, and I want you to know’ I turned my voice serious and put a hand on his shoulder, he looked concerned at what I was about to say... ‘it’s ok to be a normal person, even us commoners get hungry you know.’ His reaction made me laugh as the colour drained out of his face, but then quickly entered again when he realised I wasn’t being serious. 

 

 

‘Oh shut it you’ he said sticking his tongue out at me, and then he broke a bit of his breadstick off and threw it at me. It hit me on the nose, we both laughed and out of the corner of my eye I saw that Pattie realised what Justin had done. Just as she opened her mouth to make yet another bitchy comment I decided to try and help Justin. 

 

 

‘That was rubbish!’ I picked up the breadstick, it had dropped onto my plate, and ate it ‘Come on, you can do better than that!’ I opened my mouth, acting like he’d been trying to get it in there. We tried about three or four times at getting it in my mouth, and had many rounds of laughter from various people on the table, before we were shut down.

 

 

‘Right. That’s enough. Of that.’ she breathed heavily. ‘I will not have-’ but at that moment, Justin and - I assume - I were saved by the bell. Well, that is the bell being waiters bringing us a ridiculously small (insert silly French maybe food-related word here), or as I would call it, a “thing”. I understood that this of course was some silly little before the starter thing to eat but really, a tiny little bit of some kind of meat with some kind of cheese on top of some kind of bread, was pretty ridiculous. 

 

 

Thankfully by the time the actual starters had been and gone everybody had started I relax, even Pattie. Justin and I had made mostly small talk for this time, getting to know him seemed to be a good idea if he was going to be working on the show for a while. Surprisingly, he did actually seem to be quite down to earth, almost a normal person. He had his moments where all eyes had to be on him of course, but what did I expect really. 

 

 

'So what's it like?' I asked. 'Being on tour I mean.'

 

 

'Oh, erm... Tiring?' he laughed 'Nah man it's like the greatest thing ever, I mean it is tiring but like its music, it's my life, and it's so fun! Plus it's giving back to the fans, seeing them there, the smiles on their faces, the way they scream all my lyrics it's awesome dude.'

 

 

'Yeah, I guess it must be pretty cool, but how do you do it like every night for so long I think probably end up dead or something, ha ha.' it shocked me the most because he just didn't look tired at all, maybe he was superhuman. 

 

 

'well you know I do get nights off, and there's always the added perks of being Justin Bieber I guess.' and he gave me a wink.

 

I blushed and laughed like a 12 year old with a crush. 

 

 

'Now that's what I really wanna hear about' I winked back. 

 

 

'Nah' he said sitting back in his chair, you'll have to wait and see what they are.' he smirked and then said almost immediately

 

 

'i mean like, when you have your own tour like I'm sure you'll release songs right like you know you'll see yourself what they're like not me and stuff.' He did the cutest nervous laugh trying to pass the situation, and usually I'd tease him for that but he looked so innocent and cute. We carried on the conversation for a while and it wasn't long before he started asking about the show. He told me he had two months left on his tour and then later on in the new year he'd be starting work on the show.

 

 

'Well this seems like a good time to start talking business then.' Said Michael, obviously hearing our topic of conversation.

 

 

'Ugh' I groaned 'Surely you should be saving this kind of meeting for like I don't know, a business meeting?' 

 

 

'Well actually, Sam this is a business meeting.' Michael smirked.

 

 

'What?! Why can't my meetings be in normal places, those offices are like death.' I turned and smiled to the two people who actually worked in those offices. 

 

 

'We'll think about it.' Said Michael. 

 

 

'I believe you'll find that's perk number one of being me.' Justin whispered to me.

 

 

'What? That people would cut their own dicks of to work with you?' I replied.

 

 

'Something like that.' He said winking, and reaching over me to get a breadstick, he brushed my hand as he brought it back to him and I shivered, blushed and followed it all the way to his mouth until he ate it. 'I can also do that to people.' I swallowed hard and he could probably hear me, I sounded like a cartoon character when they're scared a monster. 'Even if they do say I'm not attractive.' Somehow he had gotten so close to my ear to whisper that, and nobody had seemed to notice, and suddenly he was gone, Michael's attention was back on him, and work talk continued.

 

 

I sat there for a while, long enough for the main meal to come and go, and dessert to be put in front of me, just being silent and eating the food. Every so often he would "accidentally" touch me, if only for half a second - not even pausing to stop talking while he did. He was driving me crazy just sitting next to him, and he just kept a straight face throughout the whole thing, he hardly even looked at me. But that's when I began to notice everything about him, the way he smelled awesome, his perfect teeth and smile and hair and eyes. His amazing personality, the way he could make jokes that had you in tears of laughter, even if they weren't all that funny. Even things that would usually annoy me about someone, such as constantly touching his hair to not move it at all, seemed to be cute on him, and the way you could tell he was trying to do this to me, but it didn't matter. Whatever it was, I was enjoying it. 

 

 

Before long however, the meal was over, the talk was dying down and people seemed to be starting to want to leave. 

 

 

'So you wanna come with us tonight? See if what they say is true?' Justin asked, he was full of surprises. 

 

 

'Oh, erm, well' I glanced around the table quickly and realised I was getting stares from quite a few people. 

 

 

'I'll get you home tomorrow in one piece, I swear.' he said winking. I really hoped I wasn't the only one interpreting this as flirting. 

 

 

'I'd er, love to.' I said but then took one look at Michael and added 'but I really should be getting home, it's like 1am. This was fun though!' he seemed a little offended so I added the last bit to make him feel a little better. 

 

 

He recovered though 'Ah yeah, don't wanna make mommy worried?' he teased, I laughed thinking of the way his mother treated him. I may not have known her very well, but from what I did know I assumed that if Justin were to come home at this time after not telling Pattie where he was, his punishment would be a lot more severe than mine would ever be. 

 

 

That's if you could call my mum brining me breakfast in bed and asking if he was cute, whether I was safe and if I was going to do him again a punishment. My response would always start with 'Just because I was out doesn't mean I'm fucking you know!' and end with me telling all about the nights adventures, of course.

 

 

'Nah, maybe I'm just not a famous party animal like you are.' I winked at him yet again, and added in a whisper 'I'm also getting a look of pretty much death from your mum, as fun as your parties surely are, I'm not interested in getting killed tonight.

 

But thanks anyways.' We kept laughing as we got out of our seats and went to get our coats. 

 

 

I walked over to Michael, wanting first an explanation of why I wasn't allowed to go party, and secondly, wanting to know how I was supposed to travel all the way home - which was about a hundred miles. All at 1am. He started speaking just as I got over to him.

 

 

'I'll give you a lift.'

 

 

'What?' I said.

 

 

'I assume that's what you wanted to know?' He raised his eyebrows at me.

 

 

'Um... Well, yeah. Er, I mean thanks but like you don't even live anywhere near me, like opposite end of the country?' I smiled at him, I had a feeling he was in a mood with me.

 

 

'I'd much rather make sure you get home safe, and without any scandals' he glanced at Justin who was talking with someone from his team. 'if that means I lose some sleep, then I'm pretty sure it's worth it.' He sighed, I couldn't tell if he was annoyed, or maybe just disappointed. Guys and their weirdness. 

 

 

'Er, ok, well thanks Michael - I would've just got a taxi or found some other way - but riding with you seems a whole lot better.' He smiled back this time.

 

 

'You ready?' He asked.

 

 

'One second' I said and turned around, it took me a few seconds to see where he was, but I walked over to Justin. 'Hey' I said, making it awkward, he had his back to me and was talking in fast whispers with Pattie and Scooter. It took him a second to realise who or where the voice was.

 

 

'Oh, hey there, decided to come after all?' 

 

 

'Nope, still boring mummy's boy' I said. 'I erm was just' Suddenly it seemed like a silly thing to do, especially given the looks I was getting from Scooter and Pattie. 'I, well' I had never, ever been nervous before when asking this, was I just starstruck or what? 'Do you want my number? Like, er do you even have a real phone like I don't know, anyway I should be going.' I coughed nervously. 

 

 

He laughed at me 'Yeah of course you dumbo, mom have you got my phone?' I looked at Pattie as she tightened her grip around an iPhone in her hands, then shook her head. 'Hmm, oh, well do you want me to put mine in yours? Then just ring it and I'll save your number dude.' I smiled and handed over my phone.

 

 

There was the awkward moment when I heard Pattie try to cough over the sound of the vibration in her hand when he rang his phone, but soon it was over. I said my goodbyes, good luck to Justin on his tour and before long was in the car with Michael on the way back home.

 

 

It was a nice drive back, quicker than usual because the roads were dead of course, we made small talk, about everything really. Although I asked a few times other than the scandal line he never told me why I couldn't go with Justin. When we arrived at my house, it was past 3am. I insisted, to a lot of opposition, that Michael stay at my house instead of driving back to his own.

 

 

'Come on Michael' I said as I dragged him by the wrist through the door. 'It'll be like seven by the time you get back, that's if you don't fall asleep at the wheel.' 

 

 

'Ok, but shouldn't you ask, I'll feel bad.' He said sheepishly.

 

 

'You wanna go wake my parents up at this time of night just to ask if you can sleep over? Oh please Michael, they've heard me having sex before, I hardly think they're going to care if my boss sleeps on the sofa now are they?' I raised my eyebrows at him and pushed him into the living room and onto the sofa. I went to get him some sheets and pillows and came back in the room to find him half naked sitting on my sofa.

 

 

'Well hello there Michael, and all six of you guys' my eyes wandered to his very pronounced abs. 'Not to be rude or anything, but did you miss the part where I said we weren't having sex.' I winked as I handed him a pillow. 

 

 

'Ha ha ha, oh you're so funny Sam' he stuck his tongue out at me, 'Thanks, by the way - you were right, don't think I could keep these beauties open' he pointed to his eyes. 

 

 

'Well there you go then, funny and clever! Goodnight Michael.' I walked up the stairs, realising we'd been far too loud, hoping that neither mum or dad would be waiting. Thankfully they weren't, and I could slip quietly unnoticed into my room. Without even thinking of doing the nightly face routine. Glancing at my phone as I crawled under the sheets, I saw I had a text.

 

 

Justin: this is what youre missing;) 

 

 

Underneath the message was a picture of himself he'd taken, there were people all over what seemed to be a hotel suite, he was pulling an over exaggerated kissy face. He was shirtless definitely, although I couldn't tell if he was more. I couldn't really decide on my reply.

 

 

Me: meh, rather sleep with my bed dont get yourself into any trouble superstar;p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're enjoying it, can you feel it growing between justin and sam? :p  
> Thanks for reading!  
> Sam x


	12. Christmas

It was Christmas Eve and my mum, my dad, Oliver and Lindsay, and my grandparents and I were sat In the living room casually watching the endless hours of Christmas TV. 

'Its all the same! Every year I tell you all but you still insist on watching it!' Said my granddad for the twelfth time already that night. 

'Yes granddad we know, but don't worry the food will be here soon.' I was sitting next to him on one of the sofas and my grandma was on the other side of him. 

'Yeah get that pizza 'ere maybe then he'll shut up for a second.' She said. Dad and I, being the only ones listening, both laughed. 

'Oh god not this again grandma.' I sighed. 

'Now now mum you love each other very much and that's that.' Said dad. 

'I know I know I know, maybe if he was just a little bit quieter...'

My granddad turned to me 'Have you 'eard this? Me! Be quieter! She's one to talk.' We laughed for a while at the various stories he then continued to tell me about him and grandma. We'd always had a great relationship him and I. I was, unbelievably to most, the quieter child. I hardly spoke to anyone when I was a kid, but I used to look forward to visits to my grandparents house so much. He was great especially, we used to go on "adventures" in his garden and when we weren't exploring the world he was telling me stories of his great adventures. 

I picked up my phone off the little coffee table as it buzzed and looked to see I'd gotten a text from Robin. 

Robin: im boredddddddd  
For some reason it made me smile silly for a few seconds, but then I realised and quickly shook it off. It seemed like it'd gone unnoticed, that was until I realised grandad had stopped mid story. 

'Another man got your attention I see' 

'Granddad! It's not like that oh my god, we're just friends.' 

'Yeah that's what they allllll say.' He teased. 

'I'm serious!' I tried to sound as convincing as I could but for some reason, I just couldn't. 

'Is that why you're blushing?' Suddenly my dad had decided he was in the conversation, and then I realised this conversation was the conversation of the room, no one else was talking. 

'Oh what's my little brother got himself into now?' Teased Oliver. 

'Nothing! As I was just explaining to grandad here, me and Rob, I mean Robin are just friends. Right mum? You'll back me up right?' I looked expectantly at her. 

'Well...' She said. I could tell she wasn't going to back me up at all. 'They do spend a lot of time together...' 

'Mum!' 

'In Sam's room.' My dad added. 

'Dad! Oh my god you're all so annoying!' I knew I'd gone a deep shade of red, I tried to hide in my hands and look annoyed but everyone was laughing and it was too hard to keep a straight face. 

'What did he want anyways? Well other than you, of course.' Asked granddad still chuckling away. 

'Ok, I am so done with this family's weirdness.' I laughed. 'And he's just bored, Christmas is a little different at his house, he wanted to come over.' I said looking at the brief conversation we'd just had.

'Well what did you say?' Demanded my grandma. 

'That I was busy obviously. It's a family tradition I'm sure he won't mind, he'll find something to do.' I said, not understanding why suddenly my family had seemed to take a deep interest in my personal life. 

'Bollocks to that!' shouted granddad. 'You tell that boy to come over! It's Christmas!' 

'Exactly, family time.' I said. 

'No no no, it's time to spend time with people you love and care about, or in your case: people you like a bit more than friends but you're not really sure about.' I really didn't like the fact they all seemed so desperate to meet him, he wasn't even my boyfriend. 

'Well, I would but you know, I'm not allowed to invite a friend over am I? Mum?' I was pleading now. 

'Hmmm, well no, but if the person who started this whole Christmas Eve pizza tradition is perfectly ok with it then I see no problem...' Said mum. 

'We've never really met the boy either' said my dad, it wasn't looking good for my side of the argument. 

'Ughhh, fine.' I sighed, although I was happy he was going to come over. 'I must be the only person on earth who is wishing for a strict family for Christmas.' 

Me: you can come, be warned there's gonna be a lot of pizza and a lot of weirdos here;) 

'I guess that's the cleanest word you could think of to describe us eh?' My dad said as he looked at the message I just sent. 

'Just about.' I said, still trying to hide my smile, watching the three dots flash on the screen to show he was typing. He was one of the best people to text in the world, he always seemed to open and reply really fast - and would make sure to apologise if not. His reply said he'd be there as soon as he could, which made everyone, including me, find the whole situation funny, although very embarrassing for me. 

My brother and I were in the kitchen getting everybody's drinks when there was a knock at the door. My head snapped around and I almost sprinted out of the kitchen before I head my dad shout it was only the pizzas. 

'I knew that' I said while I walked back into the kitchen, Oliver laughing at me. 

'So, what is the deal with you two then? And don't say who you know what I'm talking about.' He threw me a can of beer to take to my dad. 

'There is nothing going on like, we're just friends! I mean like he's not gay or anything so even if I did happen to have a crush on him or anything it wouldn't really matter you know, nothing would happen so yeah.' I blushed and we burst out laughing. 'Oh god' I said. 'I like him don't I?' 

'Seems like Sammie has a bit of a cruuuush.' He walked with his share of the drinks. 

Even with the prospect of wonderful gooey cheesy full of everything I hadn't been allowed to eat for months in the next room, I hung back for a minute to think. I mean, I knew I did have a crush on Robin but we'd been spending a lot of time together. But it'd all been school related, hadn't it? Not that it mattered, I was sure he was straight. But usually when the whole liking a boy thing happened for me I was instantly put off. I usually wasn't the type to obsess over what I couldn't have, especially straight boys. All in all it just seemed to be a lost cause. It might've just been a crush, I wanted it to just be a crush, unfortunately I had the feeling it might've been something more. 

The second time there was a knock on the door it was Robin, I let him in and tried to prepare him for the uncomfortableness that I was sure would come. When I took him into the room, everyone of course had decided to conveniently rearrange the seating so me and Robin would have to sit next to each other with a sofa to ourselves. 

He was quiet to start with but Robin quickly realised my family were really laid back and he seemed to fit into the family like he belonged there. He, Oliver my dad and granddad talked various sports, although after some time my mum declared sports talk off limits. He seemed to find anything and everything to talk about with everyone, even down to discussing the best recipe for mince pies with my grandmother. Both my mum and dad were giving me and him looks throughout the whole time. Very differing looks I'm telling you. 

It felt great though, to have him there, like he just fit into the picture. He did however feel like he was intruding a bit into the tradition. But with granddads and my stubbornness he was soon eating pizza. Even if it was mostly me shoving it in his mouth. 

'Come on! It's fine look we don't mind!' I assured him. 

'I don't want to, I'm fine I don't need any honestly.' 

'Don’t be silly'' said my granddad. 

'Its not like you're taking it away from anyone! I'm only allowed two slices anyways, so eat it!' I waved a piece at him. 

'I really shouldn't.'

'Oh my god, you’ve driven me to this. Open! Open wide for the aeroplane!' after a few seconds he did let me put the piece of pizza in his mouth. When I heard laughing I realised that everyone was looking at us. Grandma was nudging granddad with her elbow, Olly was just laughing at me, even Lindsay was smiling a little. I saw the cute smile my mum had on her face as she watched us, which was in high contrast to the look my dad was giving Robin. He was glaring at him with these suspicious eyes, like a police officer would give a murder suspect or something. With all my concentration now on staring at my dad to give him a look of death, I didn't realise when I just dropped the piece of pizza, still half hanging out of Robin's mouth. It dropped down his shirt and into his lap, covering him in pizza. 

'Oh my god! I'm so sorry!' I said snapping out of my stare. 

'It's fine it's fine! Only a bit of pizza!' he said picking it up and putting it back on the plate. 

'No it's not come on, we need to get it off you can't sit there covered in food.' I yanked him off the sofa and dragged him out of the room by he hand before anyone else could say anything. 

When we got into my room he asked 'Sam, are you alright?' 

'Erm yeah!' I said a little too loudly as I routed through my wardrobe. 'I know it's in here somewhere! Ugh.'

He laughed 'What are you looking for? Wait, my rugby hoodie?'

'Er, yes actually, what how did you know?' I turned to him and he was sitting on my bed pulling it out from under the covers. 'Oh my god that is so embarrassing.' Only then did I remember I'd slept in it the night before. 

'Hahaha, aw that's cute. Missed me that much?'

'You wish, it was cold dickhead.' I pushed him, catching him off guard, although I still wasn't able to push him over. 'I'm sorry, by the way' I said as he pulled off his shirt and put his hoodie on, and yes it was very hard to keep from looking at that chest. I tried though.

'For what?' He asked innocently.

'Well the awkwardness I made you sit through downstairs for a start, and then I did just throw pizza at you...' I turned away, genuinely embarrassed. 

'Sam' He practically pulled my head back around to him when he said this. 'Believe me there's no place I'd rather be, you rescued me from drunken arguing relatives, you're a knight in shining armour to me.' I had no idea what to say, especially seen as that was one of the cutest things I think I'd ever had said to me, we both blushed when he said the knight in shining armour part. I was just about to have to try and reply when I was saved by my mum shouting up the stairs. 

'Sam! It's on in five minutes! You promised you'd watch it with us!' I groaned almost loud enough for her to hear downstairs. 

'She wouldn't be talking about only the most anticipated Christmas TV special in history would she?' He joked. 

'Oh I assure you, to my annoyance that she most certainly is. Come on, you better stay and help me through this torture, then you're allowed to leave this prison.' I pulled him up off my bed. 

'Oh please, if it wasn't completely rude and out of order, and I wasn't actually expected back at home, I'd be chaining myself to your bed right now.' 

'Oh, would you now?' I looked at him with my best sexy face. 

'Right, note to self be careful what you say around Sam.' I practically pushed him down the stairs. 

Sitting through the Christmas special was torture to me, but everyone else seemed to enjoy it quite a lot. Especially when every time I'd come on the screen I'd hide in my hands or behind a cushion or rest my head on Robin's shoulder. They found that very entertaining. I also found myself singing - or rather humming - along to the songs. Robin chucked away at me when he heard me doing this, but the rest if the family just accepted it as normal. 

'Oh thank fuck that's over.' I said as the credits started rolling. Again only Robin seemed to react, swearing really wasn't an issue in my family. 

Everyone in the room then proceeded to try to tell me that no, it was actually very good and such. I was having none of it of course. To get out of the room, and just in case they realised there was a run through of all the episodes as filler TV on Christmas Eve, I offered to go and do the dishes. They would definitely make me sit through all the previous episodes, my family was practically obsessed with the fact I was on TV. It was cute I guess, but it got very annoying very quickly. Being who he was, Robin insisted on helping me with the dishes. 

'You know I still don't think I've ever heard you sing. Properly I mean.' He said. 

'You've just had like an hour of it right there! And all the other episodes you've supposedly watched like ten times. Haha.'

'Oh come on, that's on TV. It's different.' 

'It so is not.' I said. He started to reply but just then my dad came into the kitchen. 

'You know.' He said. 'If you really do want to hear him sing you could come to church tomorrow, he'll be singing.'

'Dad!' I groaned. Why did he have to tell him that?

'Oh really?' Robin asked. 

'It's not like a big thing I'm not really performing or anything they just asked if I'd like you know lead the songs or whatever, and sing one or two. Seriously it's not worth coming.' I said hurriedly. 

'He's just being modest' said my dad 'Here I'll help' he said to Robin who was drying what I was washing. 'You should come, you'll probably be the only other person Sam's age there. And hey, voice like that he needs all the support can get.' Dad started laughing, and I threw a sponge at him. 

'Piss off.' I said to my dad. 

'Eh, language you!' He ruffled my hair. I shook my head, and batted his hand away, not really caring what it looked like. Then I saw Robin looking at me and smiling and tried to sort it out again, couldn't have my hair looking a mess for a guest now could I? I told my dad I could say much worth things and he just grabbed another drink and went back to the rest of the family. 

Robin and I talked for a while more while we finished drying off the rest of the dishes. And by the time we had finished, he thought he ought to go. 

'You could've stayed you know, honestly no one would've minded.' I said as we walked back to his house. 'I mean everyone thinks you're my boyfriend anyways we could've even shared a bed.' I nudged him with my elbow. That was not a good idea. I found my feet slip from under me and I fell towards the ground. I braced myself for the pain that was certain to come. However it did not. I opened my eyes and found that he had caught me before I'd landed. It probably looked like some kind of ballroom dance. 

'Yeah, so there's ice there.' He laughed so hard he almost dropped me. 'I'm also starting to see why people think we're a couple, ha ha.' 

'Oh god, not you now, why can't they just see we are friends for fucks sake.' I said pulling myself up. 

'Why?' He said. 'Something wrong with me?' 

'Oh shut it you' I said and we laughed. 

'Come on!' he said turning around. 

'What?' I was confused. 

'Well, I'm hardly going to let you walk back home on your own knowing you can't even stay on two feet while I'm here! You don't have to walk me back, don't think I'll be in much danger.' 

'Probably less danger without me really.' 

'Theres something I'll agree to.'

'Alright, alright I'm not that bad, get walking you.'

We walked back to my house, and he stopped me at the door. 

'So, tomorrow...' he said. 

'Is Christmas Day! Well done! You're learning! Ha ha ha' I sighed at his reaction. 'Look, if you want to come tomorrow come, I'm not going to stop you or beg you not to.'

'Are you sure, if you say no I won't come.' He was so sweet. 

'Look Rob, you're my-' I paused. What do I say there? I knew what I wanted to say, but? 'Friend.' I managed to get out. 'If that means you want to come and see me sing some stupid songs, then so be it. The only person who loses out here is you.'

He smiled 'And why is that?'

'Well, I'm sure even you have a lay in on Christmas, you'll lose sleepy time, and you'll have to spend even more of your free time with me...'

'Whoever said that was a bad thing?'

'Oh Rob' I said sighing happily. 'Why did we ever hate each other?' 

When I sat bak down in the room everyone went quiet and smiled at me expectantly. I waited for a few seconds and then said ‘Fine. Go on…’

‘He’s wonderful dear, a gentleman! That and the looks ahehehe’ Said my grandmother. Someone had obviously forgotten to get her the non alcoholic ginger beer. 

‘Ehem, yes love, he’s great Sammie boy, got yourself a good’un there’ I rolled my eyes. 

Oliver, my mum and even Lindsay all seemed to be quite fond of him, and my grandparents just kept throwing in more about him they liked. Which then, as they were drunk moved on to things they liked about me, then my dad and then mum. Oliver managed to stop them before they moved on to him and Lindsay, knowing full well what they thought of her. 

Soon after that my dad suggested him and I go up and sort out the room for my grandparents. That could really only mean one thing: he wanted to talk seriously about something. And it was pretty obvious what that was. 

We were in silence for a few minutes until I saw he was about to say something, so I stepped in first. ‘Look, dad I get it, you don’t like him, but that’s only because you think he’s coming in to get me or something. Rob is my friend ok? He’s not trying to hurt me or anything, he doesn’t just want a fuck and to mess with me ok, you don’t have to worry about me.’

‘Can I speak now?’ he sounded mad. I rolled my eyes at him. 

‘Whatever.’ I rolled my eyes at him. 

‘It’s not you I’m worrying about.’ I was so shocked by what he said I couldn’t reply with anything. ‘You’re not the one who’s going to get hurt here, Sam.’

‘What. Are. You. Talking. About?!’ I raised my voice.

‘You can shout at me all you want Sam, and you can deny whatever the fuck you want, but you obviously don’t - or at least I hope you don’t - see the way that boy looks at you, you can try to convince yourself theres nothing between you two but you know there is.’

‘W-what?’ I spoke very quietly, I didn’t even know if any sound had come out.

‘Sam’ he said putting down the pillows he had found in the closet. ‘You have a crush yes, ok but this isn’t about you. That boy feels something for you, something a lot more than friendship, and I’m guessing a lot more than what you feel for him even with your crush. Sit down’ he said to me.

He sat down next to me on the bed we were making for my grandparents. ‘Are you being serious?’ I said quietly. 

‘Sam, look at me. We can joke all we want downstairs, but this is serious now ok? This is about that boy’s feelings.’

‘His name is Robin. Ok?’ I said through gritted teeth. I was suddenly angry.

‘Alright, it’s about Robin’s feelings. It’s all the same Sam, you need to be careful ok?’

‘So what, are you saying I’m some fucking maneater bitch. Or what is this just some “let’s ruin Sam's social life because it’s not already suffering enough with everything” little game you’re playing. For fucks sake dad he’s a straight boy! He’s on like every fucking sports team you can name! He’s the captain of the fucking rugby team! Thats just not gay alright. So I have a crush wow dad I’ll get over it, maybe I just want a friend who’s actually a boy for once? What is your problem with that?’ He looked at me with the kind of look only a parent can give you, the look they give you when you’re crying. ‘Oh god’ I said wiping away a tear which was on my cheek. I sat back down, I had gotten up during my little rant. 

My dad pulled me into a hug and I buried my head into his arm. ‘Come on, Sam. You might be gay but you’re a boy I will not have any emotion coming from you young man!’ He laughed as he rubbed my back.

‘Oh piss off.’ I said laughing through the tears. ‘Am I really being a bad person here dad?’ 

‘No, no, no. That’s not what I meant you know I’m bad at this shit, ha ha. I just don’t want that boy, sorry, Robin to get hurt alright? I see how you’re happier with him around, and I mean as him being a friend. Promise you’ll at least think about what I’ve told you yeah?’ 

‘Ok, look at me ugh, I’m pathetic, crying to my dad on Christmas Eve, fuck.’

‘Ha ha, but you know, you’re wrong. It’s Christmas Day now.’

‘Ooh! Even better!’ I said with sarcastic enthusiasm. 

‘You need some sleep little guy’ he said ruffling my hair. ‘Go on off to bed I’ll finish in here.’

‘You sure?’ I asked.

‘Yeah, I’ll shout if I get myself in trouble, risky business making a bed. Night Sam.’ He hugged me again and kissed me on my forehead.

‘I’m a 17 year old boy crying on Christmas day over boys and now I just got kissed by my dad wow, pretty sure I’m living the dream.’ I said as I walked back into my room. I went straight to bed, I couldn’t bare to face anyone else downstairs. 

I woke up just before 8, to hear my mum and dad outside my room talking. About me. Dad had obviously explained what had happened the night before, my mum sounded concerned and sad. It seemed like she agreed with him on the fact I was blind to the situation, but she seemed more concerned with what I'd said about my social life. Asking questions like 'Should we talk to Michael?' and saying things like 'He's handling it very well considering...'

'Morning' I said opening my door to find them right outside my room. I waked through the middle of them towards the bathroom. 'I'm fine, I just said that because I was upset alright?' they smiled, in a ways hat told me they didn't believe me, but whatever I thought, and went into the bathroom.

As I got into the shower I thought more about what I'd said to my dad last night. I don't really know what brought it on, or how it was really related to the topic we were talking about then. Sure, I was seeing the girls less and less, but that was more their fault than mine, after the whole Ellen issue they hadn't really been the same. I was spending more time now with Robin and his friends, the "popular" group. That was another reason my old friends weren't keen to hang out with me, and why Ellen was desperate to. All the thinking about losing people got me anxious and stressed, I took a few deep breaths and let the hot water run over my body and relax me. 

Before I could start worrying about the Robin situation however, it was getting dangerously close to me being late. And by being late, I mean not being ready well in time, just not being able to do all the things I'd planned to do before I had to go. Thankfully it didn't take me very long to get ready, I always had the next few days worth of clothes planned out in advance. No last minute freak outs over what to wear. As I was dressed in no time, I found myself doing everything I had intended to. Most of this was cleaning the house. You don't even have to start to tell me how weird that is. It's one thing to completely keep your room in perfect condition, I swear people think no one even lives in my room it looks untouched, but the house is a whole other level. It usually was worse around Christmas, I mean people were coming to the house you can't just have them in a ‘kinda-tidy-house’ it has to be absolutely perfect. I was still cleaning when there was a knock at the door, a few minutes before we had to set off. 

I took a break from my cleaning to answer the door, something I wouldn’t usually do. I wouldn’t usually do either of those things actually. I hated answering the door, and once I was cleaning… well it was pretty dangerous to try and stop me. 

‘Oh hey Robin’ I said opening the door. ‘You actually showed.’

‘Well yeah, I said I would didn’t I?’ His smile was so cute. 

‘Hmm, I guess, but technically you haven’t showed yet, this is my house, not a church’ I said winking. 

‘You know I had a feeling it wasn’t…’ he said as I let him in. 

‘I’d offer you a drink but we’re literally about to leave so, sorry.’ I said.

‘Oh no it’s fine, don’t apologise. You look nice by the way.’ He blushed when he said that.

‘Er, thanks, ha ha, I stole these from the show, oops.’ Once I’d worn the clothes once on TV it apparently was unthinkable that I’d wear the same ones again. They’d throw them out usually, so naturally, I took them. ‘You look nice too.’ he beamed at me. ‘Well, as nice as you could try for I guess…’ I teased.

Before long we were all in the car (somehow we all managed to fit in) and on the way. We were all there, apart from Lindsay, their family had weird Christmas celebrations and Olly said we probably wouldn’t see her until the next day. On the way I explained to Robin that church was merely a formality by then, and we usually just went to keep my grandparents happy. I also explained again how I really wouldn't be singing any kind of concert, it was hardly a performance. He still seemed pretty happy to come though, so I dropped it. 

Christmas was the only time I wasn't bored if I went to church, I always found the nativity story cute and magical. And really Christmas Day services were just Christmas carols and kids acting out the story. There really wasn't anything to complain about. Aside from the fact I always had to sing. From when I was around ten and singing all the high notes that even girls couldn't reach - yep I was a choirboy - id always been asked to sing on special days. I was hoping that year since I hadn't been going as much that I wouldn't be asked, but I was, and since the reason I could sing probably was the church (they provided free vocal lessons for me) I felt like I owed them. 

As I predicted the service was pretty laid back, it always was on Christmas. People seemed more excited when it was said that I'd be singing some songs, and that really annoyed me. It also felt like there was an unnatural amount of people there. It never crossed my mind then that it'd could've had something to do withy he promise of me singing, and even now I don't really think it was, but it bothered me why there was a sudden increase in people. When I'd finished singing the first carol, I was clapped as I took my seat. That really annoyed me, it had never happened before, and I'm sure I looked as uncomfortable as I felt when it did happen. And again it happened when I sang again. 

'Whats up?' Robin whispered to me as I sat back down. 'You sound great.'

'Thanks' I said 'But it's not that it's just, weird. I don't know...'

When I was to sing again this time it was a sort of reunion for me. I was going to sing with the boys in the choir I had been such a valued member of until a year or two before this. It was really fun, and I realised why I'd done this before, and just how much I enjoyed it. It made me think a lot about my future. I got so caught up in it all that an old friend had to actually nudge me because I wasn't keeping up. That was the strange thing about the boys choir, I joined just a year after it started, it was only me who was in the younger end of the ages, then slowly it became quite a big thing, and now sported around twenty members from eleven to eighteen. For that song I stood with the guys my age, most of whom I'd sung with in the past. There was applause after that one as well, but I felt that it was more shared applause and that didn't bother me as much. 

Robin commented on how at ease I looked singing up their with them all, and I filled him in on my singing past. It was now the end and everyone had gotten up to sing the last hymn. It was as always O Come All Ye Faithful, my favourite hymn. That was because when I was the still prepubescent choirboy that I was, I could sing the descant to it, and blow everyone away when doing it. If you don't know what a descant is, it's a part of a song that is sung, usually by sopranos, over the rest of the singers and melody. As it is a sopranos role, only women and before the balls drop guys can actually sing it. The particular descant to this hymn is so good that if you're a guy it'll make you wish your balls never did drop, you'll want to sing it so much. 

'Woah, ok well I've heard that hymn before but what the fu- what was that?' Said Robin as we sat back down, the song and service having finished. 

'That my friend is a descant.' I aid smugly.

'Er right, but like how did he go that high? That's a boy right?' He asked. 

'Yes, ha ha ha, well you know we haven't had deep man voices for the whole of our lives you know.' 

'Well yeah but c'mon that's so high! I don't think I even scream that high if I get punched in the nuts.' I laughed at his comparison. 

'Meh' I said 'I used to sing that.'

'Pft, no you did not!' he argued. 

'Oh yes he did young man' said a voice behind us, and then quietly followed 'And a lot better than that I'm telling you.' We turned around. 

'Mrs Peterson! I mean thank you but that wasn't bad at all!' I couldn't help but smile at one of my favourite old people In the world, she was just so outspoken. 

'Meh, alright at best but no Sam Harrison I'm telling you that. Now where's my husband...' We both couldn't contain the laughter as we turned back around. 

'Well it was a lot more fun than I thought it'd be, coming to church.' Said Robin as we walked outside. 'And I finally got to hear you sing, you were great by the way.' 

'Thanks, but don't pretend you had fun when you could've been in bed!' I said. 

'Spending time with you is much better than anything my bed has to offer I assure you.' I blushed so hard that I had to turn away. We dropped Robin off at his house on the way back to my own, and I thanked him for coming. As a few of the members of my family had forgotten that we'd had this conversation the previous night, they again ended up discussing how nice they thought he was. 

The rest of Christmas Day was hectic as usual, and just as we'd all sat down for Christmas dinner, my other grandparents decided to video call us. They lived in Australia and said it was our responsibility to sort it out if we ever wanted to spend Christmas as a full family, not theirs. None of us were particularly fond of them anyways, even my mum, their own daughter didn't seem to mind. It was always funny though, as ever since I was born they'd always bought me the nicest presents I could've imagined, my parents ended up either hiding them from my brother or having to buy him something equally nice. Then they, like many relatives tend to do decided that they would start giving money instead, and they carried on their trend. One year I got double the amount that Olly got, for some reason I really was their favourite. I always felt bad though and would give him some of the money so that it would be equal amounts. I did this of course because I was and still am such a wonderful, nice person. I feel like I don't want that to be sarcasm, but not many people are really nice people anymore. 

Later on in the day, when a few relatives were collapsed on various seat around the house from the enormous amounts of food they'd eaten, I was sat watching more trashy Christmas TV. My phone buzzed and I found I had a text from Justin. We'd been talking a little over the past few weeks, usually he'd initiate a conversation by asking a question about the show, usually the same one every time, and we'd end up talking for a while. He'd usually have to rush off at some point to sing to thousands of people, have his picture taken or go to the studio, he had a very busy and I assume tiring life. 

We sent a few texts to each other, him replying a lot slower than me, although I was replying embarrassingly fast for Christmas Day. It did feel kind of weird to think that I was talking to pretty much the most famous singer on the planet, especially like then when I was talking to Robin at the same time, Justin almost felt like this dirty little secret that I had. It was actually sort of a secret, if I told anyone I had his number it'd surely find its way into somebody's hands, and he'd have to change phones. He'd also probably stop talking to me. It was also funny to think that while me and Robin were sat in our boring homes with our families, that he was probably off in some incredible mansion with hundreds of people at his Christmas dinner or something. And that while Robin was persuading me to come out of the house on new years to go to his party, that Justin would be planning one of the biggest celebrity parties of that year, and the year after. 

I'd just finally said yes to Robin's invitation when one of Justin's now more speedier texts came through. He was asking me to be his plus one to a massive annual celebrity new years party in London. He was actually asking me! I immediately said yes even before he tried to clear up that it was "for publicity of the show purposes" and it would "help hint towards something in the press".  
Me: yeah yeah whatever, i don't care why you're asking me but omg as if you did! hahaha  
Justin: meh, gues u cud call it charity work? helping ppl less famous than myself!;)  
We carried on a conversation for a long time with each of us making borderline flirtatious comments, although yet again I felt like he was flirting with me, and not only that but he was initiating it. Our conversation slowly started to fizzle out and then I realised I hadn't replied to Robin in over half an hour. I looked at his last message and felt instantly horrible.

Robin: Yaaaay!! :D So glad you're coming! It's gonna be so fun, heard some stories about you at parties! ;)  
I couldn't just let him down like that could I? Say I'm going then just say no? But then again I just did the same thing to Justin. Oh no, I thought, this is going to be a very hard choice. 

Robin or Justin?


	13. Kisses

A Few Days After New Year’s

‘Oh. My. God. How could I be so stupid?’ I said.

‘Yes Sam we know you’re stupid you haven’t shut up about it for three days now.’ said Olly, him my dad and I were tidying away all the christmas stuff that was left in the house. 

‘But it doesn’t make any sense!’ I carried on. ‘He kissed me. Like he actually kissed kissed me. And it wasn’t just a peck oh no full on new years kiss believe me.’

‘We do believe you, we’ve heard about it a gazillion times.’ said my dad.

‘Well shush, sorry for being confused you know, even with the fact you try and make out that I’m a slut’ I shot a look at Olly ‘it isn’t exactly an everyday thing for me getting kissed by a guy I was pretty sure was straight.’ 

‘So what did he say?’ Olly asked, giving in to listen.

‘What do you mean?’ I asked.

‘You have talked to him since haven’t you?’ Asked my dad sounding concerned.

‘Er. Kinda not.’ I said. ‘It’s complicated ok I can’t just walk up to him like you kissed me what now can I?’

‘That’s exactly what you have to do, for fucks sake Sam he kissed you in front of a lot of people who also thought he was straight like, if you’re not gonna talk about your relationship then how about help him figure stuff out, you've been there.’ Olly was starting to make serious sense and I felt awful. 

‘Oh god, I really, really should shouldn't I? Fuck.’

 

‘Hey’ I said when he finally picked up the phone it must’ve been on its last ring before voicemail. 

‘Hey.’ He said, bluntly.

‘So, new years was fun.’

‘Yeah.’

‘How are y-’

‘Sam you haven’t talked to me in four days, the last time you said something to me was bye as you went home, what the fuck.’

‘Look, I can’t eve start to tell you how sorry I am, like I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to I just…’

‘You just what? Too busy, hah. In front of all my friends, my brothers, everyone at the party Sam. But I didn’t care, because at that moment I wasn’t embarrassed, because I was with you. You make me feel like a completely different person than when I’m with other people, you make me feel like myself Sam so yeah I kissed you, because I’m in fucking love with you and I wasn’t embarrassed. But now? I pour my heart out in one moment and you don’t even talk to me afterwards? That is embarrassing, am I not good enough for you? Are you embarrassed because you’d rather be fucking Jamie in the next room than be kissing me?’ I was speechless, literally. ‘Ha! You can’t even give an answer. You obviously don’t like me like I like you Sam, I’m not wasting any more of my time on you. I’ve already wasted enough.’ there was a long silence.

‘No… wait, I...’ I managed to choke out almost inaudibly. 

‘No, you know what shut up I don’t want to hear it. What are you going to say that you’re sorry? Whatever. I don’t care. Not because I’m a dick, because I can’t make you love me so why should I try. Goodbye Sam. See you around.’

He hung up and I sat there listening to the dial tone while tears rolled down my cheeks. 

3 Months Later  
‘Heya babe.’ I said as I got in the car waiting for me outside school. 

‘Well hello there’ he said as he kissed me. ‘How was it?’

‘Great actually, although I have shitty My World era Bieber songs stuck in my head, don’t tell him I said that.’ we both laughed. 

‘Like I would ever, I’ve hardly even talked to him so not fair.’ he said.

‘Well it’s your lucky day, we’re having dinner with him tonight.’

‘Tonight?’ He said as he started driving ‘It’s already ten past seven!’ 

‘Ok then’ I laughed. ‘We’re having dinner in an hour and a half. Before you say it we are not going to be late, I have some clothes left at your house so I have no excuses.’ I winked. 

‘Don’t worry’ he said ‘I’m sure you’ll find some reason to make us at least an hour late.’ a few minutes and general small talk later we got to his house.

‘It just feels so good to be done for two weeks, I love it and everything but being on TV is so annoying sometimes, and fuck loads of work.’ I said while we got ready. 

‘Yeah you go on about it enough…’ he said sarcastically. 

‘Pft, shut it you I want sympathy not sass.’ I did my puppy eyes at him. 

‘Naw you know I love you really’ he said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck, I tried not to but I grimaced, it wasn’t that it felt bad or anything it just wasn’t my kind of thing really. We were standing in front of a mirror and I watched him as he did it, I cast my mind back to a conversation me and Justin had earlier. 

Earlier

‘So what y’all up to in the break?’ Justin said, stuffing a mini sandwich in his mouth. 

‘Ugh, well sleeping for the whole two weeks would be ideal.’ I replied.

‘But?’ he raised his eyebrows.  
‘But? I have to go pack up my stuff and take my wonderful boyfriend on a week away of which I’m sure will be full of great physical activity. That’s the but.’ I sighed, that sounded awful, but it was the truth. 

‘Wow that sounds, great.’ he laughed.

‘I know, right? What are you doing anyways superstar?’

‘Gonna go home you know write a bit, party a lot.’ he winked. 

‘Honestly what is it with you and parties, there is life outside of getting pissed and fucking prostitutes you know.’ I winked back. 

‘Ha ha ha very funny. Why are you two going away, is it your one month anniversary or something?’ He asked laughing.

‘Shut up, it’s like three months now, and no. Not an anniversary, I’m just that cute and shit.’ 

‘Riiiiight, what’s the real reason?’

I sighed. ‘I don’t know, we just need time to get to know each other?’ I knew I sounded unsure and stupid.

‘You've known each other for ages what getting to know can you do?’ he smiled, I couldn’t tell if it was mocking me or being nice, but I didn't care, he had the cutest smile…

‘Well, you know, like erm ugh. You’re right.’ I poked at my salad with my fork.

‘Hey, hey, don’t go all sad on me, I get enough of that from eleven year old girls everyday…’

‘Oh my god, if someone heard you say that’ I laughed. 

‘Heard me say what?’ he looked all innocent. ‘So what’s the matter.’

‘Um, this is gonna sound so bitchy, but I don’t love him like he loves me. Like I do really really like him in that way but, he just tells me he loves me all the time and I never say it back and ugh. I just don’t love him, not yet anyways.’ he looked like he was going to start speaking. ‘There’s more. I don’t think I am ever going to love him. I had a crush he was already madly in love with me, I fucked everything up. Then ran to his house and we were together the next day, we never did any of the romanticy dating before being together you know? It’s not good.’ I sighed, Justin had a strange look on his face, I couldn’t work it out.

After that he offered to go out with us, meet Robin properly and have fun. Whatever having fun was to Justin I told him wouldn’t be happening, but that maybe dinner was a good idea. A free expensive meal, and Justin could judge our relationship. That sounds awful, but at that time I really needed it.

Later That Night  
Dinner was alright. That’s all I thought as I climbed into bed that night. Robin was the right amount of clingy not to be too obvious, but to make the look on my face obvious to Justin. That was something Justin was excellent at, reading facial expressions and body language. He quite literally could read me, and everyone, like a book. It’s hard to imagine now, but back then I was so amazed everytime he talked to me or even looked at me, I found the whole thing so strange. I never really showed it though, I was quite good at that not showing feelings thing. I still am. 

In some ways I was dreading the next morning, in some ways I was so excited. I’d booked a log-cabin-like-thing in the Lake District. The person who owned the place apparently also owned the lake, so it wasn’t exactly the most busy place to be, or the cheapest kind of get away. But it looked fantastic and they had an opening so I took it. We would have a good time, that I was sure of, but I wasn’t really sure of whether or not it would help me accomplish what I wanted. Secretly I was hoping that it would help me fall in love with Robin. I really wanted to - sort of. He was so good for me, and one of the most amazing guys I’ve ever met, sweet, kind, loving, caring, clever and all that bullshit. Most of all he loved me to the end of the earth, but I just couldn’t return those feelings. That all probably makes no sense, it made no sense to me at the time. Which is of course why I’d decided to do such a stupid thing. 

The next day the car journey was as predicted, by me he was far too optimistic, a tragedy. A hilarious tragedy yes, but tragedy all the same. Robin very sillily let me give the directions and of course we got lost. We ended up arriving around three hours after we meant to, tired and very hungry. 

A Few Days Later  
‘It is so beautiful here!’ Said Robin as we looked out of the big panoramic window that looked out onto the lake. 

‘We’ve been here four days, and you've said that like every ten minutes.’ I did say that sarcastically of course, but it really was that beautiful. 

It was early evening and the sun was just disappearing behind the rolling hills beyond the lake. The orange glow was still being reflected by the water, on to the forrest of thick pines. The small bay of two boats sat peacefully, the little boats bobbing occasionally with the small waves in the water. It was probably my definition of a perfect place, I could've imagined living out the rest of my life there. There was of course one problem. I put my head on his shoulder and sighed. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life there with him. 

‘I can’t believe it though, you really picked the perfect place. Although I shouldn't have expected any less with you being so perfect and all.’ he wrapped his arm around me pulling me closer. ‘I love you.’ 

I froze. I tried not to make it noticeable, but again he said the L word and I couldn’t say it back. I knew I had to do something quickly though, so I did the only I could think of. He turned to look at me so I pulled him towards me and kissed me like the world was ending. In seconds I’m pretty sure he completely forgot about the pause he might have been worrying about.

When we finally stopped being stuck together, I made sure it lasted as long as I could, I realised the food I was cooking was probably burning. ‘I better not burn the one meal you’re letting me cook!’ I shouted from the kitchen.

‘See’ I said as we finished dessert ‘I told you I could make a good meal, I’m a great chef.’ 

‘Yeah, right you cooked like two things, I don’t think the microwave counts as cooking.’ he said winking at me. 

‘Shut up you, it was brilliant.’ I carried the dishes through to the kitchen. When I came back he was smiling himself silly.

‘Thank you, jokes aside that was great.’ 

‘Why thank you’ I bowed ‘but the fun isn’t over yet Mr!’ He smiled even wider. ‘Bedroom.’ I said. ‘Now.’ 

-

‘I never knew you could be so romantic’ he said, finishing his mouthful.

‘I’m full of surprises me.’ I said feeding him another strawberry dipped in chocolate. ‘And these, I made myself.’ he laughed and came in to kiss me. Couples kissing with food in their mouth is pretty disgusting, but honestly it was only chocolate so it’s ok. 

‘Aww, all gone.’ he said licking the last of the chocolate off his fingers.

‘What a shame’ I said kissing him again. ‘I’ll get rid of this stuff’ I said picking up the empty tray. I walked to the kitchen and threw all the dishes into the sink for somebody (aka not me) to clean up tomorrow. When I got back to the bedroom, I was very surprised by what I found. He was laying on the bed in just his boxers. 

‘Oh hello there. Starting without me?’ I pulled my shirt off and he wolf whistled. 

‘Well, you know you’re special and all that but my hand is also pretty high up there too.’ He couldn’t help laughing. I threw my shirt at him and did my puppy eyes. ‘I’m kidding’ he said. 

I pulled off the rest of my clothes so I matched him, then threw myself onto the bed. I got on top of him and straddled his waist and kissed up his ridiculously tight abs to his neck. ‘Sam’ I started working faster, pretty much devouring his neck. ‘Sam.’ Grinding down on him and his extremely obvious boner. ‘Sam!’ he shouted. ‘Stop it, come on.’ 

‘Fine’ I groaned. I rolled off him and he turned off the light and snuggled up close. ‘You know I can feel you’ I said moving back into him.

‘Goodnight Sam.’ he said and kissed my cheek. 

The smell of breakfast cooking is always one that you want to wake up to, and everyday that week I had. Robin was a brilliant cook and was always up before me, very handy for making breakfast. I wandered into the kitchen still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and found him standing over the cooker still wearing nothing but his underwear.

‘You know you can’t keep teasing me like this if you’re not gonna put out.’ I said kissing him on the cheek. 

‘Sorry, I just can’t help being this hot, I’m trying not to.’ He replied with a laugh.

‘Don’t you dare. If you’re not hot what is there to keep me with you?’

‘My awesome personality? Not to mention my cooking.’ Robin was serving up the bacon he was making. 

‘Now that is the truth.’ I said grabbing my plate and sitting at the table. ‘The total hotness is just a bonus. 

‘Pft, think you’d call this a little more than a bonus.’ he tensed his muscles. I felt my eyes wandering uncontrollably and I unintentionally bit my lip and he laughed when he saw me do it. We finished our breakfast in record time, we didn’t really talk much until the last mouthful was gone. 

‘I don’t wanna sound like a dick.’ I said after a period of brief silence. ‘But, erm, why don’t you want to do it.’

‘Do what?’ he asked.

‘You know, have sex with me, ha ha.’ I felt so nervous talking about tis with him I really didn’t want to offend him. 

‘Oh.’ he said. Silence again, maybe he was expecting me to talk. ‘Well, I don’t know I guess, really erm well. It’s supposed to be special.’

‘So I’m not special enough.’ I knew he probably didn’t mean it in that way but he didn’t say it in the nicest of tones. 

‘No, that er came out kinda weird. Not like that, like erm… ugh. I want to, I really do but…’

‘But what?’ I felt kinda bad demanding this answer from him but I did want to know, and I thought I deserved it.

‘I’m er, like… I’ve never done it before.’ he went red and looked down at the empty plate in front of him. 

‘You haven’t done what now?’ I didn’t really know if I understood what he just said. 

‘It. I haven’t done it before.’ he sank down in his seat a little. 

‘Fuck off.’ I said, and seeing his reaction ‘Sorry, maybe not the best thing to say. But like seriously? Not even with girls?’ he shook his head. ‘But I always thought you hooked up with Jenny at parties.’ I was so confused.

‘She wishes’ he mumbled and I laughed a bit.

‘I’m so sorry I feel really bad now, I thought it was me or something, ha ha.’ 

‘No, I really want to, especially with you. I’m just nervous, that I’d do something wrong or I wouldn't be good at it or that you know I wouldn’t be able to keep it up or whatever. Like I’d be too nervous to.’ He looked so embarrassed and cute when he was saying that, so I thought of something. 

‘I’m gonna show you something.’ I said as I got up, a smirk on my face. 

I walked over to him and pushed his chair back away from the table. I climbed over him and put one leg on either side of him, and slowly lowered myself down so I was sitting in his lap. I went in to kiss him and so did he, but I avoided his mouth and started working on his neck. He threw his head back in ecstasy but quickly brought it back ‘S-s-s-as-sam’, it took a break from his neck to tell him to shut up and got back to work. My hands started to wander all over his nearly naked body and I tried to make him do the same to me. And then I stopped. I didn’t say anything and let his heavy breathing be the only sound in the room. 

‘See.’ I said.

‘What?’ he choked out.

‘This you idiot.’ I started moving my hips up and down and around grinding on him. ‘Well, unless you keep something in your boxers, I’m pretty sure that’s your dick. And I don’t see any chance of it going down unless we do something about it.’ He was an extreme shade of red at the mention of his dick, and he almost looked like he was going to cry when I got off him. 

‘W-what… where are you…’ he said.

‘Nowhere without you’ I said. I took his hand and pulled him into the bedroom with me. ‘You are not gonna regret this.’  
A Few Weeks Later  
Being on the set was getting more and more stressful every week. We’d been renewed for a second season pretty early on and we knew people liked the show (even though none of us did) but after a pair of very lowly rated episodes critics were starting to doubt whether we could keep up “the brilliance of the early episodes”. This meant that there were changes being made to the script as we were filming and even, for the most unlucky, contract terminations mid-season. Not everybody was a happy bunny. Add all that to the fact that many of the people working on set, and the big guys in charge were fed up of Justin’s antics - both at work and outside of work. 

I didn’t particularly mind what Justin did, it wasn’t affecting me and, well give any teenager all the money in the world they’re going to do some crazy shit at some point. I would've probably done worse. Anyways, when I talked to him he didn’t really seem all that proud of what he’d done. They all just needed to get to know the guy, not just believe what they read online. Which leads me to the next problem. It was becoming increasingly obvious to me that I was one of the only people at work that Justin would talk to. 

I’d just finished my last scene of the day, and I was completely done with all the tension and bickering that was breaking out nearly every five minutes. Because we were on location in a school they didn’t give us trailers or any of that stuff - not that we’d get those anyways, this wasn’t hollywood - so I went off to find the room that Justin was in. I offered to go and tell him about all the changes for tomorrows scenes. I found him laying on the floor in his makeshift trailer which was actually omen of the more modern classrooms in the school. My first thought was that he’d gone and been the biggest dick in history and gotten drunk, or high, and fallen asleep. Thankfully I saw a pillow made of a hoodie underneath his head, and his eyes opened when I walked in. 

‘Aww, is superstar Justin a bit tired?’ I laughed.

‘Yes. But shut up calling me superstar you… you… I don’t know you twat you knob and whatever else you british people call each other.’ There’s something about Justin, whatever he says instantly fills the room, he gives off this sense of something I have no words for. It’s not bad either, annoying sometimes but not bad, not like someone who always always has to have eyes on him or someone who demands everyone’s attention. Although he could get like that too. I brought him up to speed with all the changes, and by brought up to speed I mean give him a post-it note of tiny scrawls of writing written by the director. 

I sat down on a table whilst watching him read the note - or rather squint his eyes to try and make out what it said - I could've gone straight home, but that meant learning lines and doing homework. Doing both of those things was bad enough, but worse with Robin. It seemed ever since I’d shown him how amazing the feeling of a blowjob was, that he’d gotten even clingier, not always in a sexual way either. It got to the point where I couldn’t concentrate at all. I wasn’t even distracted by the possibility of getting off, just by the fact I had a boy pretty much wrapped around me 24/7. Sounds like a dream? It’s really not. So instead of rushing out of the place I sat there and looked miserable. Overreacting but hoping he’d cheer me up, he usually could. 

We’d become pretty good friends in the few months since he’d started working with the show. Such a strange concept to even think of, even with being on a kind of popular tv show, being friends with the biggest name in music, so weird. That’s if I was allowed to call us friends I guess. 

‘You look sad. Wanna talk about it?’ I looked up and smiled, I hadn’t even noticed him looking at me. But he said just what I needed him to. 

I then proceeded to tell him everything, all about my relationship with Robin, how I was losing grips on any life I had outside work and generally about everything else going on. He was such a good listener, better than I thought he would be anyway, and he seemed genuinely interested which I did find quite strange. 

‘Damn dude, I think you need some fun in your life.’ Great advice wasn’t his strong point really. 

‘Well thanks, I think I could figure that out for myself thanks.’ I could feel he wanted to leave so I just came right out and asked him what I’d wanted to for a long time. ‘So why are you so interested in my relationship.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ he said with his amazing smile.

‘Well, you know you listen to me talk about it all the time and you always ask about it and stuff. Not in a bad way, I’m not having a go at you. It’s nice, but surely you should be more interested in, I don’t know. Any secrets I might know about how to make girls go crazy because they tell me that stuff because I don’t want to get in their pants? Or that kind of straight guy bullshit?’ He found that very funny and just stayed there laughing for about a minute. 

‘Maybe I’m just that freaking awesome of a guy that I talk about things you’re interested in, not what you’re grossed out by?’ 

‘Good answer Mr Bieber I like it.’

‘Freaking awesome I told you. Now about you having fun…’

That Weekend  
‘Oh my god, this is fucking crazy! There are so many people here!’ I shouted into his ear, doubting whether he heard me over the music. 

‘I know right? Gotta say I throw great parties.’ he shouted back.

‘This isn’t a fucking party’ I said ‘Half of London is here I don’t even know what this is.’ I laughed. The music was getting too loud even for me though. 

‘You wanna go somewhere quieter?’ he asked. How did he know exactly what I was thinking?

‘This is so much better, thank you.’ I said as we sat down on a sofa tucked away from the main party. ‘Thanks for bringing me here too, maybe I do need fun.’

‘You are very welcome’ he said as he sat down, a little closer than would be socially acceptable. ‘Enjoying yourself?’

‘Of course! I’m at a party hosted by the Justin Bieber, I’m probably like ll. Over twitter and TMZ and Perez whatshisface just because I’m sat next to you! You’re awesome for my celebrity status.’ I laughed and put my hand on his leg, just above is knee. He briefly looked down at it, but I didn’t move and he continued the conversation. Every so often I would move my hand slightly up, as I drank more and became a lot more confident - and flirty. As he drank more he did the same, he moved closer and started talking in the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard. 

‘This is fun and all Justin’ I said bringing back my hand and moving to stand up - with difficulty, I was a little tipsy. ‘But I gotta go, I promised thingy I wouldn’t drink too much and I’d be sensible’ and then I whispered ‘If we stay like this any longer, sensible is not what I’m gonna be.’ and winked. 

‘Did you just call your boyfriend ‘thingy’?’ he laughed. ‘Can you even remember his name?’ 

‘Yes, duh.’ I paused, of course I could remember but I had to see what he’d say. 

‘Oh my god’ he said while almost choking with laughter.

‘Who needs his name - when I’ve got you.’ I whispered in his ear. I could almost feel his smirk. 

The Next Morning  
I felt my eyes opening unwillingly, and the daylight attacking them when they did. “Here comes the headache” I thought to myself. The bed was just far too comfy and warm to even consider moving. That’s when I realised my head was in fact resting on somebody’s chest. 

‘So, remember his name yet?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Cant't believe i'm already over 100 views haha  
> Sam x


	14. Making Headlines

In that moment I had no idea what I was going to do. I knew what I wanted to do, which was to curl up in a ball and disappear, or at least be as far away from that bedroom as possible. But of course no, I was in the bedroom. With my face resting on Justin’s bare stomach, dangerously low down. Let’s just say any further and I would've had a morning snack. 

‘Well?’ he asked after the extremely long period of silence that I had created. I knew then that I had to say something. Or do something.

‘Well nothing!’ I said as I jumped up off of him, and he just stared at me. A mix of confusion and that look you have when you see someone hot walk past. I quickly checked I was wearing something to cover up the downstairs, thankfully I was. 

‘What are you doing?’ he asked. 

‘Um, going home? I have things to do and homework and- Wait. That is not important!’ I was getting all flustered. 

He laughed quietly and sat there watching me. ‘What is important?’. I gave him what I’d call a death glare. 

‘Two things. Number one, where the fuck are my clothes’ I was looking under the bed, in the bed, everywhere. ‘And secondly - most importantly - did we last night?’ I paused to look at him when I asked. 

‘Did we what?’ he asked, still laughing. 

‘Oh please don’t play innocent. Did we… you know, last night.’ he didn’t change his stupid “I don’t know what your talking about” expression. ‘Justin Drew Bieber did we or did we not sleep together last night?’ 

‘Hmm.’ he said. ‘Let me think…’

‘This is not a joke Justin!’ I almost screamed.

‘Ok, ok, ok. Chill dude.’ He saw the look on my face. ‘Alright, yes. We did.’ 

I gasped. I had no idea what to do. For some reason I couldn’t remember anything after the beginning of the party, I didn’t drink that much. Or at least I thought I hadn’t. Then I started to worry. Robin. I had just cheated on my boyfriend. I wasn’t a cheater how could I? But then I realised I wasn’t a cheater. 

‘You liar! We so did not.’ I meant for that to sound much more aggressive than it did. 

‘I think it’s pretty obvious we did…’ he started to say. 

‘Oh please, like I would.’ Of course I would, I thought silently. ‘I know we didn’t, and before you ask I’ll tell you how I know.’ I felt like a detective at the end of a case when I’d just pieced it all together. 

‘Number one’ I grabbed the sheets and pulled them off Justin. ‘We are both wearing underwear. If we had slept together I’m sure it would've been good enough to knock you out without even the thought of underwear crossing your mind.’ That made him laugh.

‘Number two.’ I glanced around the room one last time, now looking at the exposed bed. ‘There is no sign of a used condom or lube or any of that stuff here. There isn’t a bin in here either, and neither of us would've had the energy to walk to the bathroom to get rid of it if we’d of fucked. See earlier point for reasoning.’ Now he just seemed confused with what I was saying, although still laughing. 

‘Lastly…’ I carried on. ‘Actually, no, we don’t need that point. I went to try and find my clothes again. 

‘Nah c’mon where’s the fun in that! What were you going to say?’ I told him it wasn’t anything he needed to hear but he just gave me puppy eyes. I gave in almost immediately. 

‘Fine.’ I said. ‘Number three. I may have done you know, it, before. But I’m not that loose to not be able to tell if something has, you know. Been up there recently.’ He wasn’t expecting that at all. ‘What?’ I said. ‘You asked.’

I decided to carry on my search for my clothes in the other rooms of his apartment, penthouse thing, whatever it was. I found them thrown across the living room, it hard obviously been dark when I took them off. I thought to myself as I took my shirt away from hanging on his ridiculously big tv on the wall. 

‘Whether you say or not we still slept together.’ He said as he walked into the room still wearing what he slept in, I was hanging over the back of his sofa looking for my second shoe. ‘Nice view this morning’ he added. 

‘Firstly, we did not, secondly it is raining like a bitch outside it’s not nice.’ Then seeing where his eyes were looking I corrected myself. ‘Thanks, I do like my arse. You shouldn't.’ 

‘Well Samuel, firstly yes we did, secondly I’m allowed to admire the perfection that is the male body.’ He said mocking me.

‘No we didn’t, and how poetic. Should be a lyric in a new song. Are you going to stand there staring all day or help me find this fucking shoe?’ 

‘We did, no it won’t be and yes and no. Are all short answers to your questions.’ 

‘Right, thanks so much for being such a help.’ I was now on my knees looking under the sofa, coffee table, wherever I could think of. ‘And no, we. Did. Not.’ 

‘Your shoe is right here.’ I looked up and he was holding it in his hands. I shuffled over, still on my knees until I was right in front of him. ‘And, yes. We. Did. Nice position you’re in down there.’ 

‘Oh grow up.’ I said and threatened to hit him in that area with my shoe. He quickly backed off. ‘Alright then’ I said as I got up ‘How exactly did we sleep together?’ 

 

‘Finally you ask’ He was in the kitchen pouring himself a drink.

‘Get on with it, and I’ll have one of those, thanks.’ 

‘Ugh these tv celebrities thinking they can order us all around, who do they think they are?’ he said grabbing another glass, I was just about to tell him to hurry the fuck up. ‘Before you shout at me again I’ll tell you don’t worry. It’s a simple concept, probably why you don’t understand it.’

‘Justin! For fucks-’

‘I’m getting there chill’ he said as he handed me the drink, we were now sitting on the sofa. ‘We came back here, had some more drinks got a bit happy n shit, you fell asleep on the couch I went to bed.’ He looked like he’d just solved the mystery now. ‘Then I woke up at like 4am with you climbing all over me, you fell asleep in the same position you woke up.’ He smiled smugly and took a sip of his juice. 

‘Exactly! We didn’t sleep together you dick.’ I relaxed sitting back in the sofa, I hadn’t cheated. 

‘Nope, Sam we did sleep together, I never said we had sex.’ he turned to me and winked. He’d been arguing all this time over a technicality in what I said, honestly. 

After shouting at him quite a bit, and hitting him with various pieces of my clothing we eventually got to general small talk, and watching tv as he went to cook breakfast. I did tell him not to make the effort but he insisted - I made sure he knew he would be getting no help from me, not if he wanted his apartment to stay not on fire that is. After finishing the surprisingly (I don’t know why I assumed he couldn’t cook) well made breakfast of pancakes, I started to feel I was outstaying my welcome. 

‘You don’t have a spare iPhone charger lying around do you? I should probably be checking messages, calls, emails all that bullshit.’ I asked as I was going to the bathroom for a shower. 

‘Yeah, do you want me to put it on while you’re in there?’ he shouted from the bedroom.

‘Thanks! My phone should be in my-’ I paused for a second, first to think where it was, and second to think if it was safe for Justin to go there. ‘pocket of my jeans, if not try the inside pocket of my coat.’ I heard him shout that he’d found it, so I stripped off the little clothing I was wearing and stepped into the shower. 

While I was in there I thought really hard, but couldn’t remember anything passed the party. I’d gotten way more drunk than that before and remembered every embarrassing thing I’d done, it was really strange. As well as that I thought about how weird this morning was. Was this going to be my life from now on? Weird. And then I started to think about Justin, how cool he is talking about my relationship, how he was fine with me sleeping “with” him, and those wandering eyes of his. He was a strange one, that Bieber. It wasn’t that I particularly minded though, waking up lying on a set of perfect abs while being almost massaged by the most perfect guy you've ever met, wasn’t exactly my idea of a bad morning. Wait. I’d completely forgotten, I’d woken up because I’d been feeling something moving, like something moving up and down my back and across my neck. Was Justin feeling me up this morning? 

He broke my train of thought by putting his head around the door. ‘You've been in there forever Sam, you didn’t drown did you?’ I shouted a million swears at him telling him to get out, and when it was safe I got out of the shower and found a towel. 

Once I was dressed and Justin was in the shower I decided it would be a good idea to check my phone. Since it had been off for at least twelve hours - stupid small batteries on phones to blame - there was no doubt I would've missed something even if it was just a few messages from Robin. I first thought it had broken when I turned it on the first time, it wouldn’t stop vibrating and making noises. Sixteen emails, twelve messages, seven missed calls, uncountable twitter notifications. What was going on? 

Four of the calls were from Robin, expected really, as were seven of the messages. One call was from my mum and so were two of the messages, I could say they were also to be expected - I hadn’t planned to stay over really I meant to leave the party early and get back home after midnight not stay out all night and into the morning. Or afternoon I didn’t know what time it was. The messages and calls that surprised me however were from Michael, two calls and five messages, starting from about 7am until ten minutes ago they were pretty spaced out. He obviously needed to talk to me. But first I had to worry about family and boyfriend matters - work could wait. 

Robin: Heyy you alright? Hope you’re having fun! x  
Robin: don’t get too drunk;) hahaha x  
Robin: you enjoying yourself?:) care to share? x  
Robin: guessing your phone died hope you’re ok x  
Robin: goodnight text me in the morning:) x  
Robin: morning sam wakey wakey :) x  
Robin: any chance of a text?;/ x  
Those weren’t really any different from the usual texts I got from him, he was very clingy - could never leave me alone. I couldn’t even remember how I’d gotten him to stay at home and let me go to the party on my own. There was one call from him from the night before, the other three started about an hour before I was checking. I did check the time and knew he was at whatever sport practice it was at that time so I sent him a text lnowing he couldn’t reply for at least another hour. 

Mum: if you want to stay over tonight that’s fine just make sure you’re safe honey  
Mum: I’m not being annoying just give me a text when you wake up, knowing you that’ll be this afternoon just wanna know you’re safe honey  
These were typical texts from my mum, she wasn’t overly protective and she let me have my freedom. But she did worry a bit which I thought was allowed, she didn’t mind what I did as long as I was safe. I sent her a text to say I’d been fine and I’d be home later, but that Michael had obviously wanted to see me so I might be a bit late. Now on to Michael. I don’t know why but getting that amount of calls and texts from him kind of worried me. I tried to think of everything I’d done in the recent past to think of reasons why he’d fire me. That’s always what I thought when he needed to talk to me urgently, that I’d been fired. 

The five messages were all generally the same, although looking at them properly gave me a sigh of relief, they were light hearted. I didn’t think I was in trouble. One of the texts did say to check my emails and that I did. All of them but a few spam ones were from Michael, unless he was a nigerian prince who needed my bank account details to help him which I didn’t think he was. When I did check my emails I couldn’t help but laugh. People are so ridiculous. 

Each email was a different screenshot of stories on news and gossip websites, each one was a different variation of the same story. They all started with a picture of me going into the party, followed by a summary of what the party was and who was there. I scanned their apparent list of guests and had to say I couldn’t remember seeing any of these celebrities there. Scroll down a bit more, some pictures of me at the party. Looked like some of these celebrities were there - all of the pictures were of me with these people. Below was some random text detailing who I was what the show was blah blah blah. Then come the juicy parts. Me practically sitting on Justin’s lap, me and Justin staggering out of the party, pictures that somehow seem to show a guy and a girl walking with us… The list went on. I wouldn’t have minded apart from the ones with the two other people. The people writing the articles seemed to think that they came up to Justin’s apartment and well the rest you can imagine for yourselves. Which seemed to be what they had done. 

I ran to Justin, almost sprinted and showed him the photos. ‘Did they come back with us?’ I demanded.

‘No, one second.’ he looked closely at the photos. ‘D.L. and Courtney.’ he said handing me back my phone. 

‘What? Who?’

‘They live across the hall dummy.’ he said and lightly slapped me on the arm. Even though I didn’t really care, I did breathe a sigh of relief, the last thing I needed was another did I cheat scare that morning. My phone vibrated in my hand.

‘Ah great.’ I said. ‘Here comes a lecture.’

I pressed accept. ‘Hello Michael, hi, good morning, good afternoon, what’s up, how are you, what are you up to…’

‘Shut up Sam, and get to head office now - assuming you’re still in London that is.’

‘Am I in…’

‘No you’re not in trouble, I am. Bring that stupid canadian with you.’ and he hung up. He sounded a lot more pissed than he did in the texts. 

‘Put a shirt on.’ I said, he had gotten half dressed after his shower. 

‘Why? This is my house.’ he said, not moving from where he was stood. 

‘Because, unless there are any other stupid canadians around here, we are going to work.’ 

We got there about an hour later, and we should've gotten there in about 15 minutes, even with London traffic. But of course it took Justin forever to decide what shirt he was going to wear, with many reminders from me that I was in fact wearing the same clothes as last night. Then we were mobbed by three teenage girls - how that is possible I do not know - when we tried to get out of his building. Nearly mobbed again when getting to the company - who make/own the show and therefore pretty much own me. 

When we got up to Michael’s office there was a copy of each newspaper and magazine, and printed off articles that had the pictures in spread over his desk. Michael looked pissed, and so did Justin’s manager. I silently groaned to myself wondering why he was here, but I guess even he cares about stupid tiny press slip ups. 

‘Thank fuck that’s over’ I said about an hour and a half after we’d sat down at his desk. Michael was closing the door as Justin and Scooter left. 

‘You’re not off the hook Sam.’ he sat on the end of his desk facing me. ‘You may not have had some weird orgy last night but there are still pictures of you - underage you - looking very drunk.’ He seemed like he was trying to be concerned and worried when he really wasn’t. 

‘Look I just listened to this from an hour from that miserable bastard, like you never drank before you were eighteen, and I told you. Just write a tweet or something saying wow don’t I look bad in photos when I’m tired hashtag too much 7UP or something. It’s not big deal.’ I hadn’t been able to suggest that when Scooter had been in there. I hadn’t been able to say much at all, he never shut up. 

‘If this whole acting thing doesn’t work out, be a publicist. You got some good ideas in that thick skull, Sam’ he said chuckling and going back to sit behind his desk. ‘So what did happen last night?’ 

‘Well, honestly I dint really know. I remember the beginning of the party but not much else. I don’t remember drinking that much.’ I pointed to a rather disgusting picture of myself that was in one of the articles on his desk.

‘When you drink that much, you rarely remember anything.’ he said, drifting off to some wild memories I was sure. 

‘I can go now right?’

‘Yeah’ he said. ‘But if you get lectures from other people too it’s not anyone’s fault but your own. You might wanna start remembering what happened last night, or at least making up a believable story.’ 

‘Right’ I said as I got to the door. ‘I’ll start with the one thing I do know.’

‘Which is…’

‘That I woke up half naked in Justin Bieber’s bed this morning.’ His face dropped. ‘Lying on top of a half naked Justin Bieber.’ I think his jaw nearly hit the floor. 

After practically running out of the building to avoid any questions from Michael, I got the first train back home. It wasn’t that I particularly had anything to hide, I just enjoyed leaving him with that and didn't want to ruin the fun by explaining. I sat playing on my phone the whole journey, I’d say I was lucky to get a seat, but luck had nothing to do with it. The price of the ticket was what mattered, and it wasn’t low at all. 

About halfway into the journey I kept getting this feeling of somebody looking at me, I really hated that. It wasn’t just annoying, it got me really paranoid. Finally I looked up, and found a girl looking at me. She almost immediately hid behind her magazine. I kept looking at her and she slowly came out from behind it, she looked kind of terrified. I couldn’t help but smile, which made her feel much better. It was then I took a proper look at her magazine. In the top corner of the front page was one of the pictures from last night, the one with me all over Justin. 

‘I… er…’ I said before I could stop myself. She looked terrified again when I spoke. ‘We didn’t do anything… don’t believe what you read in those things, its not true, all bullshit.’ I gave her a weak smile. ‘Sorry. I’ll leave you to read it.’ 

‘It’s ok.’ she said shyly. ‘If it means anything I don’t believe it either.’

‘Well it means you’re not stupid, that’s what it means.’ I smiled at her and she laughed. 

Later That Night  
‘So, do you forgive me?’ I asked while pulling off my shirt. 

‘Well…’ he said. ‘Well now I totally do’ he said. I looked around and realised he was looking at my almost nakedness. 

‘Oh ha ha’ I said sarcastically. ‘Aren’t you at least a little bit mad?’ 

‘Why would I be? Because you’re on the front of like every celeb website grinding against a guy, maybe I should be a little. Or the pictures of you walking into an apartment building with another guy, ok maybe I should be major mad. But, the guy was your friend, and nothing happened with that guy you went up with either. I trust you Sam, I’m not angry.’ He was really good at saying this kind of stuff, at saying pretty much everything, he did have a way with words. 

‘Aww, why are you so amazing.’ I said kissing him. 

‘Now that, I don’t have an answer for.’ he said, kissing me again, although he seemed to want more from the kiss than I thought he would. 

‘Oh hello.’ I said pulling away. ‘Someone’s got naughty on the mind.’

‘Pft, please, you've always got dirty on the mind’ he came in for another.

‘That may be true, but my parents happen to be next door, and awake. So you won’t be getting any more than a kiss.’ I turned the light off. 

‘Urgh remember when this was the other way around.’ He said as he cuddled up to me. 

‘Oh do I.’ I said, snuggling into my pillow, and my boyfriend. 

I had a really weird dream that night. I guess it wasn’t that weird, it was the fact it seemed more like a memory than a dream that made it weird. 

Justin, D.L., Courtney and I were all giggling walking down the hallway to the apartments. We said our goodbyes as we got to the doors, D.L. was right up behind me and seemed to grab my ass as we left, he whispered something to Justin and Courtney winked at me and said something. The next minute I feel a rush and I’m floating around in Justin’s apartment a strange kind of floating, not smooth but more like I was walking, I could feel every step, but I was not walking. Then suddenly I’m thrown down hard, but when I land it’s soft, warm and comfy, not what I expected. I see a shadow moving, undressing, and then he joins me on the bed. Justin grabs me by the back of the head and quickly brings our lips together and…

‘Good Morning it’s 6 o’clock and I’m Sally White.’ Robin’s radio alarm woke me up suddenly. ‘The US and Russia have agreed in a landmark deal…’ 

I looked around and found him frantically trying to find the radio to turn it off. ‘Morning’ he said.

It took me a while to process, my dream really bothered me, it all seemed to real. But it couldn’t be. Floating around, kissing Justin. That’s just not possible. Heck, levitation seems a lot more plausible than me kissing Justin. But still… 

‘Aha!’ he said as he found the radio, it had fallen behind the bedside table. 

‘And in entertainment news, popstar Justin Bieber was…’ I suddenly perked up at the sound of the woman now.

‘Got you you little-’

‘Shush!’ I said, wanting to listen. 

‘was arrested in the early hours of this morning, there have been no official charges released. Now over to Bob Hitherton for the weather.’ 

I quickly rolled over and looked at my phone. I don’t know why, it wasn’t like anybody necessarily needed to contact me in relation to Justin. I certainly didn’t expect to find three missed calls and a voicemail, all from Justin. Bringing the phone to my ear I opened voicemail immediately. 

‘Heyyyyyyyy Sam! Ahahahaha’ there was lots of drunken laughter. ‘I’m about to get in sooooo much trouble hahahaha, but before I do I just wanted to say…’ a pause, then a crashing sound and loud sirens. ‘Oh fuck this ain’t good.’ And then silence.


	15. Birthday

'You CAN’T get rid of him!’ I shouted bursting through the door, everyone’s faces quickly turning as I surprised them. 

‘Sam! What are you-’ said someone.

‘Oh hey dude’ said justin interrupting. 

‘Hey Justin, you’re actually allowed in this meeting?’

‘Yes, he is.’ Said Scooter, who was sitting next to Justin. They were joined by a man in a suit who I didn’t recognise, then there was the desk, behind it sat Michael, a producer and a lawyer from the show. 

‘Yes, Justin is allowed, although we’d rather have not had him here. BUT that is beside the point Sam this is a private meeting you can’t be here.’ Michael piped up. Standing up from behind the desk and gesturing towards the door. 

‘I think you’ll find my client has every right to be in this meeting Mr what was it?’ The man next to Scooter suddenly chirped. 

“Great, a lawyer” I thought to myself. 

‘Lee’ replied Michael, obviously muttering something under his breath. Probably an insult to the silly lawyer man. 

‘Yes, that’s it. Now who are you? Who is this?’ he asked me, then pointed at me and asked Michael, who was about to respond. 

‘My name is Samuel, I’m an actor, singer, and generally awesome all round person who is on the show with Justin, sorry your “client”.’ I heard Justin trying to stop laughing. ‘I assume you’re one of those pathetic suits from the city?’

‘Excuse me Samuel but I-’ he started.

‘Oh and pointing is rude, put the finger down silly man. Anyway as I was saying…’ I tried.

‘Samuel! You need to leave! This is a private meeting, and that was rude of you, sorry Mr Cox, my client didn’t mean that.’ The lawyer sat on Michael’s side decided to join in. 

“Hah! Cox! I’m so immature” I thought.

‘Firstly, I don’t care if I’m rude, but he’s a professional, so he should. Secondly I am not your client Mr whatever your name is no I don’t care don’t try to tell me. I hate lawyers, you and your friends know why.’ I gave him an evil stare. I knew that someone in the legal department of the company that owns the show (therefore me) has been trying to persuade them to drop me. And by the look on his face he knew I knew. 

‘Sam just get out of here we don’t need anymore trouble.’ said the producer. He was kinda scary sometimes I usually kept out of his way. He looked at me like he was going to slice me open and serve my organs to hungry lions or something… 

‘Oh I won’t be any trouble I’m just going to sit here.’ I sat down on a seat next to the desk in the middle of the two parties. 

‘This is inappropriate Sam, you need to-’ Michael stood up again.

‘Look Lee, we need to get this over and done with, just either throw his ass out or leave him, either way this meeting starts again now.’

‘Ok then we’re all good, unless you don’t want me here Justin?’ I winked at him. 

‘Nah I think I can stand you for a bit longer…’ he gave me the sexiest wink I’d ever seen I nearly fainted. I was going to make a sarcastic reply but by the time I’d come to the meeting had started again. Justin kept glancing at me and smiling the whole way through, I don’t even think he was paying attention. I know I wasn’t with him like that. He looked great, somehow more tanned since a few days ago, had a whole messy haired thing going on, few more of the tattoos on show. Maybe that one night in the prison cell roughed him up, hah. Either way he was looking ridiculously hot. 

‘… the fact is we can’t have a liability like that on our team, its not helpful and dostn send out a good message and…’ I snapped out of my Bieber-trance. 

‘Eh-hem’ I fake coughed. ‘Yeah if I could just present this…’ I tried to get the magazine out of my inside pocket of my coat where it was stuffed. By the time it was out it was very crumpled. ‘Look’ I pointed to the tv section. 

‘“And everyones favourite hour of tv is quickly becoming that show we hate to love, or love to hate… blah blah… blah blah…. ...and with the newest scandals it surely is the end of Bieber’s character. What’s that we smell? Cancellation? Odds on a second season, all I’m saying is *unhappy face*” There you go!’ I said, throwing the magazine onto the desk. ‘I think the show itself is the liability, not Justin.’ I turned and smiled at him, he was beaming. 

‘Should I sit down now?’ I asked after a minute of each side whispering to each other. After getting no answer I said. ‘I think I’ll sit down.’

‘Ok’ said Michael. ‘We’re prepared to offer Justin his job back.’ Woah had they taken it away?! 

‘As long as he does not do anything like this again, is more cooperative with the team on set’ That was understandable, considering he spent about half of his time with me and half on his own. 

‘And, you promote the show a bit more, for the next month and then, even if you’re not back next season, you promote it for a month then too.’ Silly businessmen always looking for ways to make money and use people…

There was a very brief period where Justin’s lawyer and Scooter whispered then the lawyer said ‘We will accept, as long as Justin is free to do what he pleases when filming and production is not ongoing, and one song from his new album is featured on an upcoming episode.’ I guess they were reasonable demands, plus it meant he could crash drunk as many times as he liked on holiday.

‘Ok, it’s a deal then.’ Said Michael, and him and Scooter shook hands. 

 

Another day was dragging out on set under the blazing sun. We were down in London filming the final few episodes of the season, and for June it was really, really hot. And under the lights on set it was even worse. They’d even brought extra clothes for us all, it was disgusting but we were all sweating that much. It was also getting really late, we’d been at it for hours, not in the good way. 

On the plus side, Justin was getting on with everyone much better now. Even if he was bitching to me about them every chance he got. He might not have actually liked any of them, but he was trying I had to give him that. I don’t think anyone knew either, considering they were all just starstruck everytime he looked at them. I’d like to say I was over that, but I really wasn’t, I saw him nearly everyday and it still got me, that he was talking to me.

He was loving it today, he was in pretty much every scene, and most of the scenes were being shot on the streets, so constantly we had to pull him away from signing autographs and all that his fans wanted. They were some seriously crazy guys, well, girls let’s be real. Before everyone on set would've been really annoyed at him, but they found it funny then, his security pulling girls off him and trying to get his attention when he needed to be on set. He really did love his fans so much, you could just see it. 

‘So are you staring at him or the fans?’ Jessica sneaked up behind me making me jump. After seeing the confused look on my face she carried on. ‘Well, if it was me I’d be looking at the fans. I mean he’s hot as hell and all but, I can live without his disco stick, fans are just something I really want. But we’re talking about you here, you’d probably get on your knees for that old guy over there if you knew he had a big one…’ 

‘You are such a fame whore.’ I said laughing.

‘So you were looking at him?’ She winked.

‘Shut up, who said I was looking at anything?’ I hated myself because I was blushing.

‘Look, all I’m saying is you might wanna tone it down a little, or at least I don’t know direct your attention at someone who will reciprocate the feelings.’

‘Excuse me but I have a boyfriend, why would I be directing attention at-’

‘I’m going to stop you there Mr never shuts up about shitty relationship.’ she gave me a scary look over her glasses. 

‘I do not never shut up about it!’ I knew I was lying.

She just gave me another one of those looks. ‘Ugh, I gotta go Lewis wants me.’

‘In more ways than one!’ I shouted as she turned on her heel, red hair thrown in the air, and flipped me off after hearing my comment. 

Lewis was the drop dead gorgeous sound-guys apprentice, or something like that, though he spent more time staring at the girls on set than doing any work. 

Another hour or two went by, followed by another, and maybe another, until eventually just before 8pm the director decided to ‘Fuck it we aren’t getting shit done here!’ and we were allowed to leave. By the time I was walking up my hotel suite I’d rented for the special occasion it was passed 8 and I checked my phone for the first time since lunch. I had all the usual messages, notifications etc, and some texts from Robin. They started with “what room are we in” and ended a few texts later with “whatever. asked the girl on the front desk.” 

‘Ugh’ I thought, ‘I can’t be doing with him in a bad mood tonight, what with the day I’d had and the stuff we had planned I’d rather not deal with that.’

I walked through the door into the living area of the suite and pretty much collapsed onto the sofa. It was so comfy and fluffy I wanted to sink into it. I turned my head to the side and Robin was sat on another one of the three sofas in here. The room was incredible, just this room of the suite, the kitchen and dining room joined on to it with a bathroom and then the two bedrooms which both had private bathrooms. 

‘Hey’ I said, he was sat on his phone, staring, not even typing or anything, he looked mad. ‘I’m sorry, work was terrible today and just went on for soooo long. And this director oh my god, he’s such a prick and old and gross and who does he think he is? So what you directed one episode of FRIENDS and a music video in the 90s do I freaking care? No. I don’t. Like what does he even do apart from shout at people for fuck sake? We’re the ones doing the actual work, urgh. And then keeping us until stupid hours, when the stuff is supposed to happen like midday! What a dick.’ he didn’t look interested at all. ‘What was your day like anyway, you look nice.’ I said.

He was quiet for a bit, then ‘Well…’

‘Oh my god and on top of all of that Jessica accused me of perving on Justin! I mean why would I do that…’ Maybe I was looking at him, in a little more than a friendly way, but he didn’t have to know. 

‘Right’ he said uninterested, although he started to say something else.

‘Oh and I forgot to say we’re invited for dinner with Justin’s people next Friday, like record people so I don’t know what that’s about, so kinda would you go? You don’t have to I guess but it would be pretty good. And there’s a big cast and crew next Saturday but I don’t know if you’re invited I assume you are though and we can always sneak you in, haha.’ I heard a sound and turned around, he’d thrown his phone onto the coffee table and stood up.

‘Woah are you ok? Haha.’ I asked, he looked really angry. ‘Did I do something wait did something happen sorry I’ve been talking a lot do we need to talk. What’s going on?’

‘It’s my fucking birthday Sam. All day people have said, even my dad brought me breakfast in bed and you know how we get along, you tell me two days ago that I need to be at this hotel in this room dressed up all nice to go out for the night and that we’ll be here the whole weekend. You’re the only person I care about seeing today. At first I thought you were going to not say anything because it was all a surprise, but then you don’t even text me back? You turn up an hour and a half late to when you said you’d be here, you only talk about work, you ask me how my day was only to blab on about even more work stuff. So you know Sam I’ve had a shitty day. Or actually I’ve had a great day till I turned up here, I was having a nice time and you've just ruined it!’

I just stood there in silence, the minute he said birthday it dawned on me. The reason he was here, in a ridiculously expensive suite, the reason I kept thinking about special plans for tonight, the reason I had loads of cute vomit-inducing couples things planned for this weekend. 

‘Oh my god, Robin I’m so sorry. I’ve been…’

‘At work. Yeah. I got that. You've been out doing what you love while I sat here like a stupid twat waiting for the guy I love to come home, you put work before me all the time!’ he sounded so hurt and angry and sad all at the same time, his eyes were filling with tears.

‘But I… I planned all this stuff look I…’ I struggled to get words out.

‘No Sam, just… no. You know I would do anything, drop anything in my life for you because that’s what you do when you love someone but either you don’t understand that or-’

‘You… you lov… love me?’ I said trying to stop myself from crying.

‘Yes Sam, I am 100% completely in love with you. Ok?’

‘In love? With me? But…’ I sounded stupid.

‘Yes. I was going to make it official and tell you at whatever you had planned tonight but obviously that’s not happening now is it. What’s the matter, you don’t love me?’

Shit. If I couldn’t even understand the fact he was in love with me how could I say I was in love with him? I definitely was not in love with him, did I tell him that I was? Was it a big deal if I lied? 

‘I…’ I wasn’t going to lie to him, but I didn’t want to tell the truth. I decided I would change the subject. ‘I’m going to get changed, we can still make the…’ I started to walk towards the bedroom.

‘What the fuck are you doing? You think we’re going out? Really, are you thick?’ he sounded so angry and it made me want to scream. 

‘You know what? Yeah we are. Do you even know how much money I’ve spent on just this weekend for you? How much time it took? The phone calls to your mother to see what you do and don’t like. So yes we are going to go out and we’re going to enjoy ourselves.’ I stared at him.

‘Hah! Have fun on your own, you love the sound of your own voice so you can sit there and tell all your little work stories to the amount of people that care, zero.’ that really hurt.

‘You know what fine! But I’m not going alone. I’m going to go and find someone who actually appreciates me.’ I picked up my things and headed for the door.

‘Good luck!’ he said in a bitchy voice.

‘And you know what? I might just go fuck ten guys. Maybe that’ll make you fucking happy, I’ll be sure to take pictures for you.’ and I stormed out and slammed the door shut. 

I just had one problem now.

Who the fuck does appreciate me?


	16. The Kiss

'This is probably a really bad idea.' I thought to myself many times I walked up the stairs in Justin's building. I could've taken the elevator but stomping on every step seemed to help calm me down, it was therapeutic for anger and sadness, it was stopping me cry and shouting anyways. I had actually stopped and turned around a few times because I thought it wasn't a good thing to be doing, but each time I turned back around and carried on. He was my friend and this is what friends are for. I was so preoccupied that I didn't even realise I was standing outside his door. 

'Ok Sam you are not going to cry, or punch things, or say anything you don't mean to, you are here because you and Robin had a fight, you haven't broken up and you don't want to break up. Don't fuck it up.' I said to myself, I needed a pep talk. 

Even as I raised my hand to knock on his door, I doubted whether he was the one I should go to, but as usual at that time of my life I didn't think anything through properly. People were always surprised at the amount if stupid mistakes I made on a day to day basis, considering I was "clever". Just because I got good marks in a test didn't mean I was going to have common sense or any control over my head at all. I sometimes wonder if I hadn't knocked on the door, if I'd have turned around and gone back to Robin, if things would have turned out differently. But of course I did knock, and he came to the door. 

He was on the phone, and he was shirtless. 'No thanks babe, your services aren't needed any more' he said in his irresistible voice to whoever was on the other end of the call. 

I raised my eyebrows. 'Please tell me you were not ordering a prostitute, please.' 

'Me?! A hooker?' he said sarcastically. 

'Oh shut up, can I come in' I said rather harshly.

'Course you can, but you gotta promise to stop staring at my body.' he winked and moved aside to let me in. 

'I'll stop staring when you stop flexing your abs to make them look bigger.' I walked past him and brushed his bare stomach with my hand, because why not. 

He offered me a drink and I found myself on the sofa I'd been looking for my shoes under not that long ago. I took a proper look around and realised how much nicer this penthouse was than the suite I'd gotten me and Robin. Ugh, the Robin situation...

'Judging by the look on your face it's probably best I put like a whole bottle of vodka in this' he said handing me a drink. 

'You know me too well bieber' I said downing almost all of it in one, and coughing violently. 'jesus Justin you weren't kidding! Trying to get me drunk are we?' I said in a flirty voice. 

'Nah, just hoping drinks will make you tell me what's up, I asked you three times while I was making these and you didn't reply once.' he said sipping, and concealing a wince. A useful tip would be to never make your drink stronger than you can handle. 

'Really? Shit I'm sorry. Everything's just kinda, well shit really.' I sighed and stared into my lap. 

'We gonna need another drink? Or ten?' he laughed.

'You know what I have a better idea. Go and put a shirt on.'

 

'Remember the last time we were looking at this place at night?' he asked. This place, was London at night, it was from a different place than last time me and him stared out at it, it was much more beautiful from up here. 

'Yeah, hah. Back then I thought you were just some spoilt famous brat who could half sing.' I sighed remembering that night me and Justin first met. 

'Oh yeah? And what do you think of me now?' he whispered in my ear. He was stood behind me with his hand on my shoulder, but it wasn't in a creepy way this time around, it was more of a friendly I'm here for you closeness. 

'The exact same thing.' I laughed. 'C'mon let's eat I paid good money for this food it is not going to waste!' I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the table where our first course was being served. 

This was one of the things I had planned for Robin's birthday. A three course meal in one of the VIP pods of the London eye, that big wheel slap bang in the middle of London. I'd never been on it before and I had no idea you could even have a drink on it never mind a three course meal. The pods were surprisingly large, much much bigger than I expected. There must've been room for about twelve people. There were four of us: me, Justin and two server people. 

'So...' he said after the first course had been taken away. 'You've said nothing, and drank three glasses of champagne.' 

'Pft! I have not had three glasses!' oh god I could hear myself getting tipsy, not good I needed full control of what I said and did that night. 'Ok I'm gonna... Go a bit easy on the drinking thing, haha. Anyway I guess you want to know everything.'

'Well first of all why are we on this romantic birthday dinner date and not you and him.' 

'Thats what the whole thing is about silly!' and I proceeded to tell him everything. 

 

'Wait... Wai.... You just like... stormed out and... and said what?' he asked in slurred speech. 

'I'm gonna fuck all the guys!! And take pictures! Hahaha' I mocked my own voice and we burst out into fits of drunken laughter. 

'You, Sam you, you are like soooo bad he's gonna... gonna be soooo mad hahaha' he said poking me in the sides, making me giggle like a little girl. 

'Stop it! Stop it!' i said batting his fingers away and laughing 'But you know what? I, do not, care!! I am Sam I don't need to to be comsta... Constanty... Constantly worrying about him! Do I? No no no no no I don't.' I waved my finger like I was giving some weird order. 

'Amen!! To that!' he said still howling with laughter. 'Oh my god look! It's my apartment! Heyyyy apartment how you doin'' he stroked the "3B" on his door. 

'When you done, done making out with that door, can we go in I need a peepee! I could go here though...' I said pointing to his door and laughing even more. 

'Nononononno I open door, i'll open it just one second god!' there was a lot of fumbling around with keys that can't have lasted more than a minute but certainly felt like an hour in the moment. Eventually we fell into his apartment on top of each other. 

'Oopsie' Justin said like a twelve year old girl. 

'Pft you totally like planned that you did didn’t ya!' 

After many drunken jokes about sex and how fat we each were, we got up. 

'I think I actually need to throw up I'll be right back!' I said running to his bathroom. 

When I had washed my face and cleaned up as much as I could, and flushed the toilet about twenty times to make sure all the puke was gone Justin burst in and dove for the toilet bowl. It's always worse to hear someone else throw up, and I nearly went again just listening to that. Fortunately I did feel a lot more sober. And considering how many times I'd used his mouth wash I don't think my mouth has even been cleaner. Or mintier. 

After that he showed me his room and how this gigantic tv had every movie you could ever want on there. He also said he had popcorn, and other movie related snacks. I wasn't in the mood to go back and face Robin yet, it was only about 1am give him some more time I thought. Before long we were eating popcorn in his bed watching Toy Story. What? It's a great movie. Unfortunately however I didn't seem to be able to stop talking throughout the full movie, sometimes I get the feeling I'm really annoying... Although he didn't seem to be annoyed, he's a really good listener when he wants to be. He just sat there, kinda staring at me, in a caring way it was kinda cute.

 

It was about 3am, the movie had finished and we were cleaning up in the kitchen, well by cleaning up, Justin apparently meant throwing things in the sink to be left for days. Gross. 

'You know' he said 'I never thanked you for saving my job, I was so fucked in that meeting till you came in. Haha.' 

'Meh, don't mention it I just used the classic Sam magic.' I said. 'Plus I didn't wanna lose my eye candy on set now did I? Mr hotstuff!' I winked at him. 

'Oh you mean this?' he said in a cocky voice then just pulled off his shirt. 

'Well... Yes. That can't be denied. But it's not all about the body to die for.' I said moving in a bit closer. 'Your face is also quite nice to look at, among other things.' I said walking past him and slapping his butt as I walked back to his room. 

'Seriously though, dude, thanks for, um saving my ass. If there's ever anything man, anything.' 

'Look Justin, it's ok seriously.... I'd save your ass anyway of the week.' I said winking at him. 

'Well my ass is truly thankful, and honoured to be saved by such a hot g- cool. Cool guy.' it is going to sound ridiculous to you, but in the moment I missed that. I didn't even pick up on it at all. Funny how I remember it now. 

I think I was in some kind of trance. I was thinking really deep and hard about, everything really. I looked up and bang there was Justin waving his hand in front of my eyes. I realised how close he was stood to me too, like really close. The lights we're barely on, we'd dimmed them for the movie, so the room was dark with this orange glow. It was beautiful. It made him look beautiful, I stared into his eyes, those deep brown orbs. Where you could get lost for hours. I felt myself moving towards him. But I stopped myself.

What did I think I was doing? He was probably already creeped out by how close we were, he'll be mad. 'Ive overstepped the mark, I've crossed the friendship line... Those were my many thoughts. 

'I should um, probably go its like past 3am.' I said looking anywhere but at him. 

'No Sam, please stay.' he sounded like a sad puppy it was adorable, it hurt my heart a little. I really wanted to stay. 

'But Justin I kinda need to go back and apologise...' I started to move, albeit unwillingly. 

'Don't, please.' he grabbed my hand. 

'What? Why?' I asked, jerked back by his hold on me when I tried to walk away. 

'...because...'

Suddenly I felt a pull towards him, his hand on my waist, his warm body against me, he pulled me close. I stood still, I didn't know what was happening, but I liked it; I wanted to know what would happen next. 

He softly put his hand on my chin and turned my face towards him, I looked into his eyes again and saw so many emotions running through them. Most of all though, his face, I saw him asking for permission. 

We were so close now, his warm breath on my cheek. I swallowed audibly and nodded my head ever so slightly. 

I closed my eyes. I leaned in. 

And we kissed. 

His other hand dropped down to march his hand on my waist pulling me even closer, my hands went to his neck, I deepened the kiss. His hands started to wander to my shirt buttons. 

One button undone. His tongue begging to explore my mouth. 

Two buttons. I ran a hand through his amazing hair, my tongue now dancing with his as I moaned into his mouth. 

Three buttons. I'd never been kissed like this before, not even by Robin. 

Robin. 

I pushed him off me, turned around and ran. I picked my jacket up as I dashed out of the apartment. I kept running until I was all the way down the many staircases and I was outside in the cold air. What had I done? I didn't even know, nor did I care. I just needed to get back to Robin. I hailed down a taxi and arrived at the hotel a few minutes later. Thankfully I did have a keycard to get back into the room, I definitely didn't want the awkward situation of having to knock on the door. 

When I got in it was deadly quiet, I don't know what I expected it's not like he was going to wait up for the guy who was the biggest dick on the planet. I walked over to the main bedroom, the bedside lamp was on and I could see Robin, he was asleep. He looked really cute when he was sleeping, even now he as half smiling in his sleep, and his chest was rising and falling slowly. He was still half dressed, and looked like he'd fallen asleep while still sat up. Moving closer I saw his eyes were all puffy and he had dried tears on his cheeks. That made me feel awful. I guess I deserved it though. 

Around him on the bed were a few sheets of mostly crumpled paper and a pen. I picked up the one that was closest to him and began to read. 

It started with Dear Sam, but that was crossed out, as were a lot of other words all over the page, and some silly doodles that covered everything he ever wrote on. After a few tries it seems he settled on just Sam.

Sam,   
First I want to say I'm sorry. I overreacted I know that, honestly I don't even care about my birthday. I never have done. And I saw your list of stuff you made to remember what we were doing tonight, I see how much effort you put in and I know you care, so yeah. I don't know if any of that makes sense.   
I know we're angry and upset now but we love each other, we will get through this. I know, I hope, that you haven't actually gone and cheated on me but I'm sure you would never do that to me. You're so amazing in so many ways and I know you don't see that but I do and that's why I love you so much.   
But I can't deny that I'm angry at you, as you are me. I tried to convince myself earlier that it was all to do with today, but it's not. It's everyday. There are some days when I feel like you don't even want to be with me, like I'm some added extra or something. It's horrible. I know you love your job so much and I love that about you but I can't be happy with it when you come back like you did tonight and don't even pay attention to me. Do you know how much that hurts? It makes me feel unwanted and unloved and it's not at all what I wanted to end up like.   
I finally thought tonight was going to be different you know, a day where you would actually listen to me. It wasn't just about telling you I love you, I found out I got into Oxford Uni's summer school, their rugby team is interested in me, and my parents are going to give it another try, at being together. These aren't just things that have happened today, or even yesterday. These are the things you miss Sam. You miss them because you don't listen.   
And well  
It stopped there. But I didn't need anymore. I went over to the other side of the room and sat down on the floor with my back against the wall and sobbed. I cried and I cried and I cried until it hurt, hurt my eyes, my throat. But it hurt me the most in my heart. 

I was crying so loud I didn't even notice him get out of bed and walk over to me. I didn't even notice he was awake until he pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. 

'I'm so sorry.' I managed to choke out between tears. 

'Sam, Sam, it's ok... It's ok come on calm down lets go to bed.' he said. Why was he being so nice? 

'But I...' I said in protest as he pulled me up and walked me to the bed. 

'Was stupid, yeah I know, but that's fine. We're all stupid sometimes' he put me in the bed and came round and snuggled me. 

It only made me cry harder, I hated it. Not only was I looking so weak in front of him, but he was being so nice. I'd done the one thing he thought I'd never do. I'd cheated. He should have been hitting me. Not snuggling me to sleep. I don't know how long it took me to go to sleep but the last thing I remember was dreading the morning when I'd have to sort this all out.

And that included speaking to Justin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying it! Getting to the drama now ;) SO much more to come tho....


	17. In Control

I woke up with a pounding headache only made worse by the morning sun blasting through the blinds. I felt Robin climbing into bed and snuggling back up to me. It all came flooding back, I'd kissed Justin, what was I thinking? Would Robin ever forgive me? Was I even going to be able to tell him?

'Hey babe' he whispered in my ear 'You awake yet?' he pulled me close with his big muscled arms and gave me a peck on the cheek.

'Uhhh' I groaned and turned to face him. 'Can we just stay like this all day?' I said, giving him puppy eyes and a kiss. 

'I can't think of anything better' he smiled the cutest smile, and brushed my hair out of my face. 'But you have got to brush your teeth Mr you smell like a vodka factory or something.' 

'Urgh I'm sorry. I kinda mighta drunk a bit last night...' I said embarrassed. I just didn't want him to ask loads of questions. 

'Yeah, I know. Haha. Justin called.' he said stroking my cheek. 

"WHAT" I scream-thought in my head. "oh god no..."  
"W-what? He called you?' i was trying to sound natural. 

'Nah, but he called you about seventeen times, so I answered. Don't worry he didn't dish any embarrassing stuff you did last night he was just checking up on you.' he said, boy was I thankful. 

'Oh really? He didn't say anything else? I mean... What did he say happened?' I didn't want to sound like we had done anything. 

'Well, he said you went over, got drunk, told him all about what happened then realised what you'd done and run all the way back here before he even realised. He just wanted to know you were safe and not dead in some alley.'

'right' I said. I couldn't believe he just lied to Robin right to his face, well not really but he had actually said the words. 'Yeah I guess I did kinda run off.'

'Yeah ya did, haha. He was worried it was kinda cute actually.' he chuckled. 

'Hey!' I said, 'I'm the only person you're allowed to say is cute!' and I kissed him again and went to clean myself up.

"Maybe if I just act normal it will go away and be forgotten." that's what I wanted to happen. 

We did eventually spend the rest of the day in bed, and most of Sunday in bed too. We got pizza delivered to our suite and watched endless movies. It was pretty adorable. I was trying to make up for everything I guess, even things he didn't know about. Honestly though my mind was more preoccupied by the fact I had to work on Monday, that meant seeing Justin and I had no idea where we were at that point. 

I'd gone through different stages of thought about it. First I hated myself. I had thrown myself at a straight guy, and cheated on my boyfriend, taken advantage of a sympathetic friend... Second, I had realised he didn't punch me, so it can't have been that unwelcome, or at least he didn't matter or something, and well, it's not like we'd fucked was it really cheating? And third, I'd actually fully remembered it was him who had initiated the kiss, not me. But I was back to thinking I'd cheated. I was so preoccupied and worried I didn't even think for a second about the fact that I had kissed Justin Bieber, me, a boy, kissed Justin. And he liked it! But more on that later, as I said it wasn't at the front of the queue of things I had to think about. 

 

Again I quickly joined another group conversation when I saw him look at me. I couldn't risk being alone with him. I was too scared of what he'd say to me, or do, I didn't know. 

It was Wednesday, I'd managed nearly half a week sort-of-ok-ish-ly avoiding Justin. We'd never been alone together or in a conversation that didn't involve at least one other person. Off camera that is. Unfortunately for me we had a few scenes together over the past and next few days. Half of me knew I wouldn't be able to avoid him until the end of filming, but the other half was excited because there was only one week of filming left after this. "If I can just make it to next Friday" I thought.  
In the few days after our argument, I was paying lots more attention to Robin than normal, if it was me I would've found me annoying, but he loved it. Which was making everything worse. I loved the security he gave me, the love, the support, the attention. But it was becoming evermore obvious I simply didn't love him back and well it made me feel like the shittiest person on earth. It as my own damn fault though, every time I would always tell myself "You just need to give it a bit of time, you will love him". In that moment, especially with the thing that happened with Justin, I didn't even want to love him. Not really. 

So of course, in true bitch style I played it off as nothing, told him he was cute all the time, said all these nice things, always laughed at his terrible jokes,pretended to be interested in every single dull thing he ever said. It was one big UGH. 

Every time I did have a scene with him, or I did catch him looking at me, I would just instantly think back to how good that kiss was. How passionate it, and he, was and how he touched me and how his lips felt and... And how I wanted to do it again. I knew I had to talk to him about it, I couldn't avoid it forever and well it needed to be cleared up. Even if that meant him accusing me of mouth rape or something. The thing that made me realise just how much I needed to get it over with was on Wednesday night, Robin's parents were away so we had the house to ourselves. We were on his bed hardly dressed at all making out, and he started to move his hands and touch me. Suddenly these images of Justin being the one on top of me, it being his hands making their way down to my crotch, and his mouth I was moaning into. 

I sat up and pushed him off of me a little too hard, he nearly fell off the bed. I made up some excuse that I wasn't feeling too well. I couldn't do it knowing what I was thinking about. What if I'd moaned his name?

 

It was late after filming had finished on Thursday. There were only a few people other than me and Justin left on set. I'd been pretending I was busy until people either left or Justin went to somewhere we could be alone. Finally he went off to his makeshift "dressing room". 

'Hey.' I said knocking on the half open door and stepping in. 

He looked up. 'Oh, hey. Done ignoring me then?' he said in an annoyed voice, he looked up briefly then turned around to do other things. 

'Look Justin. I'm sorry I...'

'Whatever.' he wasn't even looking at me, he was busying himself with something else. 

'No Justin. Not whatever. I'm sorry I ignored you ok, I just I was scared.' he finally looked up when I said that. 

'Scared of me?' he sounded amused. 

'Yes ok, I k- what I did wasn't cool I get it, I took advantage and you probably want to punch me but can you please wait until next week, cos I really don't want make up to hate me even more by making them cover up a black eye and well yeah also y might hurt your hand I have a pointy face and yeah oh and...'

'Sam shut up you stupid dick. I might have to kiss you again just to shut you up.' he smiled. 

'You're not mad?' I asked timidly, I didn't want to make him mad if he wasn't. 

'Nah. Why would I be? I mean, dude I kissed you.' he stepped closer, to a normal distance when you're having a conversation, obviously forgetting about anything he was doing before. 

'Oh thank fuck for that.' I sighed with relief. 'Because seriously if you were mad I had all this stuff about how you started it and like moaned and you practically took off my shirt...'

'Yeah yeah, I obviously didn't get you drunk enough if you remember that much.' he winked. 'So I guess you have like loads of questions...'

'Not really' he looked surprised when I said that 'well I guess I have one but that's more of a request and well, no actually you don't need to hear about that forget it.'

'But now I wanna know! Tell meeee!' he jabbed me in the sides. 

'ok! Ok! Ok! Well, I would like for you to maybe not flash up in my thoughts while I'm being intimate with my boyfriend, if you'd be so kind.' I jabbed him back. 

'Ah well I can't promise anything, I am that sexy' he got a few more jabs for that. 'What was I doing in these thoughts?' he raised his eyebrows. 

'Well, uh, stuff' 

'Stuff, is not an answer come onnnn!'

'Ok fine it was like Friday but less clothes and more touching.' I went a deep shade of red. 

'And you're telling me you don't wanna have these thoughts?' he suddenly was talking all sexy and I realised how close he was compared to earlier. 

'Well. Not real...' I couldn't even finish because I knew it was a lie. 

'You liked them didn't you.' he whispered. 

'Yes' I said quietly, I'd gotten all nervous and shy, no boy had ever done this to me before, and I didn't even know what he was doing to me. 

'You want it to happen again don't you Sam? You want to feel what it's like to kiss me.'

'Oh god yes' I moaned out. It just slipped out, I don't even remember thinking it. 

He moved his hand to my side, to pull me closer. My mind and conscience had gone completely out of the window, all I knew is that I wanted him, I think my body was making all of my decisions. And it wanted him. We were moving closer...

'Oh there you are!' the door burst open and Robin came in. I jumped back, went so red and tried to calm down my breathing, I was practically panting. 'Oh hi Justin.'

'Hey, babe' I managed to choke out, 'w... What are you doing here?' I said walking to him to give him a kiss. 

'Just thought I'd come surprise you and take you out if I'm allowed?' he winked. 'are you alright you look like you just ran a marathon?'

'Haha, nah I was just telling him embarrassing things that he did when he was drunk.' said Justin. He sounded so cool and sincere. Wow he was good at this. 

'Oh god let's not!' I said. 'Thanks for the memories but I think me and Mr romantic here have a surprise date. See ya later Justin.'

'Yeah let's go I'm starving!' said robin. 

'See you guys later, oh Sam! So you gonna ride with me straight to that dinner/meeting thing I said about?' I'd completely forgotten about his little thing he'd set up for me. 

'Yeah, thanks Justin if you're offering a free ride' I winked. 'You don't mind right babe? I'm sure it'll be boring as hell.'

'No I'm good I thinking can live without you for one night.' he said giving me a peck on the cheek. 

'Right then, have fun you lovebirds!' Justin said. 

 

Work the next day was pretty horrible. Like I said, we were getting towards the end of the season and, well, we were trying to cram as much in as we could, we were a little off schedule. By the time we'd both collapsed into Justin's limo we already knew we were going to be late. We were both tired, yes, but even then there seemed to be this air of tension between us. It was pretty weird. A few times I caught him looking at me, but he'd just either smile friendly, nod or just ignore it. Could we really go from yesterday to today's mood so quickly. I don't think I could've handled that kind of mood swing. 

Eventually though we got to the fancy hotel where we were having dinner, we were surprisingly only twenty minutes late, who knows how much over the speed limit Justin's driver was going. At the table there was already Scooter who I vaguely recognised and some business looking guy- a suit, basically. 

'Hi there.' said the unknown guy. 'Paul Davis, record producer.' he said while holding out his hand to shake. Ugh, I hate shaking hands. 

'Hi, I'm Sam Harrison, err person? Sorry we're late, work had us held up.' I thought I sounded silly but they thought what I said was funny, ok. 

'Not to matter, that shows commitment I like him already!' he said to Scooter, who decided to introduce himself formally. 

'Scooter Braun right?' I said shaking his hand. 

'Yep.' Maybe he wasn't much of a talker. 

They both said hi to Justin then we got to business, and food. 

The food was excellent, the business was boring. What I got from them was that they had already heard since the show was so popular, that record-people were interested in some of us, or all of us as a group, and that apparently Justin had recommended me to them. I went very red when I heard this. I didn't really like being complimented in any way by serious people. And Justin had told me nothing. I smiled along and played it very humble, a struggle when he was saying things like, 'A voice like yours we could easily sell, look what we did with Justin here!' towards the end they were getting kind of serious. So I started to play it down with things like 'It might not be for me...' and eventually 'I'll think about it'. They were very persistent. Or well, Paul was. Scooter just looked uncomfortable and pissed off really. 

 

'Ugh I'm so tired!' I said flopping down into a seat of his limo. 'And my brain hurts.'

'Let me try and take your mind off of that.' said a very sexy sounding whisper in my ear. Matched with a hand quite far up my inner thigh. 

Im not going to lie. I was insanely excited and turned on by what he was doing. And not in any way concerned about the boy I'd left back at home. I was a terrible person that night, and I was for many more. 

We sat again in silence for most of the journey to Justin's penthouse. But every so often he would move his hand up, or squeeze my leg a little. He was in complete control of me. He knew it, I knew it, he loved it and so did I. That's why I practically sprinted from his car to his door when it stopped. He wasn't far behind. 

After mere minutes in his apartment, we were in his bedroom. 

'Do you want it Sam?' he said, pulling me close. 'Tell me you want me, and everything you want me to do.'

'I want you so fucking bad.' I said whispering to him. 

I grabbed the back of his head and smashed our lips together in an even more passionate kiss than the last time I was in that room a week before. 

Only this time there was nothing stopping us.


	18. Rules

We were on his bed, I was on top of him. Both of us weren't very clothed, just in our boxers. We were making out almost angrily while our bodies - and especially something hard in our underwear - rubbed together. My hands were all over him. I felt his rock hard abs, his chest, and my hands were drawn to his very, very noticeable boner in his underwear. 

I seemed to be in this position a lot at that time, what can I say. That's what teenagers do. Especially two guys, twice the amount of sexual frustration,twice the amount of horny to be honest. 

He suddenly rolled us over so he was on top, he was almost in a push-up position over me. He started kissing and nibbling on my neck, leaving little red reminders of him on my skin, and as he started to kiss his way down my chest and stomach that's when I started to moan. 

'Ohh, Just-' I snapped my eyes open, he'd stopped and was looking at me. Robin was looking up at me from down there. 

"SHIT FUCKETY FUCK" was my original thought, but he just looked confused, not angry. I hadn't said the full name after all. 

'Just... a second!' I said quickly after an extremely quick silence that felt like an eternity. 'I er, need to go pee!' I said. 

'What? Really? Now?' he asked. Not really raising his head. 'Sure you're not confusing what he needs to do?' he said brushing his hand over my obviously hard dick. 

'N... No, I'm pretty sure, hah...' I moved from underneath him. 

'Ugh, hurry up! Don't keep me waiting too long you know how much I loved my hand...'

'Yeah yeah.' I mumbled as I walked into the bathroom. 

I went over to the mirror and looked at myself. What was I doing? I couldn't deny in any way now that it wasn't Robin who I wanted. It was Justin. And well that's understandable, but seriously? I moaned his fucking name. It kind of bothered me, but at the time the worst thing was the fact I wasn't angry, or disgusted at what I was thinking, it didn't seem like I was doing anything wrong. But it was wrong, I could either go back and pretend it was all good and hope I didn't do that again, or I could do the right thing and stop. But stopping meant ending the relationship too, I didn't want to do that. Did I? It was so soon after the fight and surely there had to be some reason we stayed together. 

"Yeah, because just like the day you got together, he's in love with you and you feel sorry for him."   
I flushed the toilet to pretend I'd gone and splashed some water on my face. I need to pull myself together. 

I just couldn't stop thinking about Friday night. It wasn't as if we'd done the full thing, we certainly hadn't, we'd hardly done anything really but we did something. That's what matters. 

*friday night*

His hands were all over me, and mine on him. He kept kissing my neck in all these spots I didn't even know made me wild. He echoed my moans and more. I helped him in taking off my shirt and he threw off his own.   
'Get on the bed' he said in a commanding whisper. But he didn't wait for me to move and threw me on the bed himself. 

We carried on like that for a while. Making out ferociously, him being dominant and commanding and occasionally we'd both lose a piece of clothing. After a while we were just in out boxers, still making out and rubbing our very hard dicks together through the thin layers of clothing. It suddenly occurred to me how crazy this whole thing was. I had no idea Justin wasn't completely straight, like I'd heard all the tough and quite frankly jealous boys at school all say 'oh yeah he's gay' but, not like this. I was underneath a horny, panting, passionate, dominant and moaning Justin Bieber. 

There was nothing else to say other than I was so so so turned on by him and what we were doing. I know he'd turned into some dominant animal in the bed, but I couldn't resist being like that myself a little. I grabbed him and flipped us over, so I was on top, I straddled his waist and started grinding down on his dick. At first he was reaching up to touch me and moving his hips up to meet my ass, but then I really started going for it, touching him all over his chest and abs and nipples he just laid back and let it happen. His moans got louder and louder as the time went on. I started to slow down and I bent down to whisper in his ear. 

'How about we get these' I ground down on him so he knew what's was talking about 'off you, and give this' I grabbed his dick through his underwear and stroked 'the attention it deserves. 

'Oh fuck yes Sam please!' he managed to get out between his heavy moaning and panting. 

'Now who's begging?' I said in an evil-sexy voice. 

'Please...' he whispered as he went to pull his boxers down. 

'Nah-ah!' I said batting his hand away. 'Don't rush it now.' I went back to grinding but pulled him up so he wasn't laying down anymore, my kegs were around his back. I started nibbling kissing and sucking on his neck. 

'Oh god Sam, ye.... Yeah, like that' he was starting to thrust again, I had one hand just about to reach inside his boxers when suddenly he let out this loud sexy grunt-moan. Kinda like one in porn actually. Like one in porn when the guy has finished. 

I pulled my hand up and stopped moving. 'Did you' I tried to say with a straight face 'did you like... already, er... you know?'

'What?!' he said realising what I meant. 'No, no I didn't'

'Are you sure?' I asked in an amused voice, 'I mean there's nothing wrong do you have like a thing?' I whispered the last word. 

'What? Oh my god no!' he looked away 'Did you really just ask that? Like in the middle of the hottest shit ever you ask that question?!' 

And then it dawned on me that yes I had just asked the stupidest question known to man. Right in the middle of possible sex with Justin Bieber. Why was I so stupid?

'Oh god no! Like I didn't mean to ask I mean it's ok even if you did you're right , let's carry on!' I sounded desperate. I tried to grind down on him a bit, but even I'd lost my hard on by that point. Talking about dicks not working very well, not a good thing to talk about during sex. 

'Ughhhh! What have I done!' I said getting out of his lap and throwing myself face down into a pillow. 

'Well that was fun...' Justin said. 

'I am so sorry, like seriously so sorry oh my god you probably hate me, ugh. Why am I so fucking stupid?' I said trying to sink further into the pillow. 

'Nah, I'm not mad' he said, crawling up the bed -and me, so he was laid on top of my back. 'It was really fucking hot while it lasted.' he whispered in my ear. 

'Hah, can we keep it to just it was really fucking hot?' I said turning my head, mostly so I could breathe but also to look at his face. 

'That's fine by me' he said smiling his adorable smile. 'But if you ever say something stupid like that again when we're doing that I will punch you.' he laughed. 

'I promise I won't if you please get off me, you're quite heavy with these muscles in your arms now you now...' 

'Hah, calling me a stud?' he raised his eyebrows.

'I don't think that we would've been doing that earlier if I didn't think that...' we laughed. 

There was an awkward moment just before he got off of me, we both lingered, smiling at each other, me staring into his brown eyes and him into my blue ones. It was weird, we'd spent the last half an hour or so devouring each others mouths, but we couldn't kiss then. That wouldn't have been a lustful kiss, it would've been a lot more. But no. I convinced myself that all it was was that I found him really hot. I didn't like him, not at all. 

He eventually rolled off me and we both sat up on his bed. 

'So um, what now?' he said and we looked at each other a laughed a bit. 

'We could still' i suggested reaching for his... But he stopped me.

'Sam, I think you kinda messed that up when you talked about like dick conditions...' he laughed and batted my hand away. 

'Pft no fun! Its not even late' i said glancing at the clock which read midnight exactly 'well.. I'm with party animal Bieber the night has only just started.' 

'Haha, yeah... Right. I guess we could get drunk...' he said raising his eyebrows. 

'Getting smashed with JB sounds like it'll be fun, and maybe end in some fun?' I said as he went to get drinks out of his mini fridge under the big TV. His "house" was pretty much like living in a really expensive hotel room all the time. It was great. 

After a couple of drinks we'd gotten over the sexual tension and the conversation was in full swing. 

'So, um... I think it's about time I ask some questions...' I said, finishing my drink. 

'Urgh, really? Just go easy on me.' he said. We were still sat on his bed, in our underwear. It must've gotten chilly in the room without us knowing because we'd ended up practically cuddled up to each other while we drank. 

‘Belieb me Justin I’d go hard on you…’ I chuckled.

‘Belieb? Really?…’ he rolled his eyes.

‘Haha, ok… first thing, I already know the answer but are you gay?’ I asked.

‘Nah.’ he said that straight away taking a sip from his drink. ‘I mean I’ve done stuff with girls and like I find girls really hot… I guess I’m bi. I dunno?’ he sounded like he was asking me.

‘Pft don’t ask me I’ll only tell you the good stuff about cock.’ 

‘Yeah, figures. Next?’

‘Hmmm… have you ever been with a guy before?’

‘No… yes? Kinda.’ he paused, waiting for me to butt in. ‘Well like I’ve had about three or four suck me off, and like when we were younger me and Ryan um, err, experimented.’ 

‘Ooh, really? Nothing more than a blowjob? And who’s Ryan? Haha’ he looked at me weird.

‘I still forget you’re not a belieber, haha, he’s like my best friend’ he said.

‘Oh right ok, yeah I ain’t no crazy seven year old girl on twitter with a name like bieberfuckme or something.’ I laughed and he poked me in the sides. 

‘Hey! I have a great fanbase thats of all ages, with boys too! Or something…’ he laughed.

‘Because that didn’t sound rehearsed…’ I said. ‘Of course you have guy fans, in fact they’re the ones most likely to have the dirtiest accounts…’

‘Well as my biggest stalker you would know you probably run most of the accounts’ he said laughing.

‘Shut up I do not stalk you!’ 

‘Please, you can’t keep your eyes off me on set, and sitting here like this I don’t think you've looked at my face once!’ he grabbed his crotch to apparently show where I was actually looking.

‘Hmm be quiet Bieber. I believe we were talking about your boy on boy action?’

‘Ugh fine… yeah well when we were like younger me and Ryan did some stuff you know?’ seeing that I didn’t know from my expression, he carried on. ‘Well we were at my house one time up late he was hella horny and asked if I wanted to jack off… So we started that then he was all like go on jerk me off, so I did then he did it back. Then I blew him for like a minute but I was too scared to have him cum in my mouth so I pulled off… haha.’ he’d gone red while he was telling that little story, something else had perked up in his boxers too I could see.

‘I will never understand straight boys and their experiments geez. Seems like you have a happy little Justin downstairs thinking of that little encounter…’ I said moving closer to whisper in his ear and move my hand down south.

‘Nuh-uh bad boy!’ he said slapping my hand away and pushing me. ‘You ruined that a while ago.’ I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my drink while he carried on speaking. ‘I mean I know you wanna cos it’s like your first time or whatever-’ 

I nearly choked on my drink laughing. ‘First time?’ I asked coughing. ‘Was that a joke?’

‘Um no, I mean I know you've like sucked off Robin but that’s hardly sex’

‘Oh Justin, Justin, Justin…’ I said. ‘I’m not a virgin.’ I said straight to the point.

‘Really? Woah, since when?’ he sounded like I should've told him when and where I’d had sex and that I was in trouble for not doing so.

‘I lost it when I was like fifteen, haha. And Robin’s returned that favour you talk of too it’s not one sided.’ The sex might not have been one sided but the love certainly was.

“You’re a bad person” I thought again. I mean what was I really doing here?   
We carried on in a flirty talking kind of way for quite a while, I learnt a lot about him really. How Selena wasn’t prepared to sleep with him because they’d been in a fake relationship. Something I really didn’t understand, what’s the point in faking a celebrity relationship. Hearing all of this stuff was making me seriously want to escape that world before I became a part of it.

Finally the conversation dulled and we started talking at a much slower pace, showing signs of tiredness. 

‘Hey, Justin you know I’m kinda bummed we didn’t get any further tonight.’ I said

‘me too man, but we’re gonna do it right? I mean sometime right?’

I thought for a second, or well really I didn’t, I knew what I was going to say I guess I just needed time to realise what I was actually going to say and what it would mean.  
‘Yeah! Course we are, I ain’t giving up on you Mr.’ 

‘Cool. How’s Friday night, right here in this bed.’

I laughed. ‘The night of the party? Won’t you have a date? Won’t I have a date?’ 

‘Yeah, I guess, could always blow him off. I know you’d rather be here anyways.’ he said, so confidently. I wasn’t going to argue but he was being cocky and a bit annoying.

‘Don’t act like you don’t want it either Bieber!’ I said. ‘to be honest yeah, I’ll just tell him to study for some test, only thing he loves more than me is school.’ 

‘Eh, I remember like back in November or something last year you was always doing schoolwork on set nerd.’

‘Yeah that was before I stopped caring, so.’ I remembered all the effort I’d put in at school before, another reason to quit now, save my later life from ruin.

‘Whatever, I’m gonna sleep, turn that light off on your side dude.’ he pointed to the bedside lamp.

‘Um sleep like with me in here?’ I asked reaching for the light.

‘Well yah, dude where else you gonna sleep the floor?’ he said knowing full well I knew there were at least two other beds in this place.

‘I guess but n funny business! Top and tail?’ I said laughing. 

‘Yeah right. Get under the sheets it’s cold and I ain’t spooning air!’

I got under and found we were facing each other. ‘I’m taller than you, I’m big spoon. That’s the rules Justin.’ I said trying pathetically to turn him over.

‘Saying you don’t want these bad boys wrapped around you?’ he showed his arms and flexed his growing muscles. He was really working on them and with those new tattoos his arms were quickly becoming one of the sexiest things about him.

‘Ok. I give in, rules are meant to be broken.’ I said as I rolled over and his arm went around me, a little lower than any arm I’ve ever spooned with, I knew he just wanted to be as close to my junk as possible. 

I woke up the next morning really early, after barely four hours sleep, and found us in exactly the opposite position.

“Rules are meant to be broken. But in the end we always end up following them.”


	19. The Afterparty

*end of flashback*

I’d been in the bathroom a while now, Robin was in the room next door laying out on the bed waiting for me. But I just kept thinking over that night again and again. It wasn’t even the dirty stuff that I felt bad about really - not that we actually had sex or anything down to my stupid mouth - it was the cuddling, the wanting to kiss him every minute of everyday and most of all I felt terrible because I was starting to prefer affection from Justin rather than Robin. 

Robin knocked on the door. ‘Hey, Sam? Are you alright you've been in there like twenty minutes!’ 

I just looked at myself in the mirror, and stayed silent… I didn’t want to be there and I didn’t want to be with him. I knew that… why couldn’t I be a good person and be honest.

‘Sam if you don’t answer now I’m coming in…’

He was just about to kick the door down when I opened it. ‘Hey’ I said.

‘Finally! What have you been doing… Sam are you alright?! Why are you crying?’ 

Apparently I was crying. ‘I don’t know, let’s just go to bed.’ 

He tried to push for more information but I didn’t give in. I crawled into bed and, as quietly as I could cried myself to sleep. 

I shouldn't have been the one crying, I knew that. I should have felt like the worst person in the world. What had I become? What was I doing to Robin and how was I even doing it, this wasn’t how I was raised… what happened?

I woke up the next morning to find him not there next to me but a strong smell of breakfast being cooked... The mouthwatering smell of sausages filled my nose and for a minute I was happy. Then I thought for a second. Never a good thing to think really, helpful sometimes but not pleasant. I thought of running into the kitchen and screaming "we're breaking up" at him, I thought of sitting him down and talking through why we couldn't be together.... Neither sounded very appealing. I already knew in the back of my mind what I was going to do. Nothing. 

He walked in carrying a tray stacked full of breakfast, not just sausages, but cereals, pancakes, fruit...

'I, er, didn't know what you'd want so...' he said smiling awake warmly but so cute.

'Well, I'll be fine, and by the looks of it all those starving kids in Africa will be getting fed today!' I chuckled as he sat the tray and himself on the bed. 

While eating I knew he wanted to ask questions about what was going on, so I kept off the topic until I could think of something to say. It scared me how easily I could be hurting on the inside but act so happy and normal on the outside. I didn't want to become that guy.

The truth is I already was. 

-the party-

"So how did you manage to get him not to come, everyone's boyfriends and girlfriends are here." Justin said, walking up to me at the bar. There was only me sat on the stools at the long winding bar, everyone else was down on the dance floor, Pitbull's rapping drowned out every other sound in the world. 

"I made up some bullshit about wanting him and my mum to get to know each other better, that they should go out for dinner or something." I said smiling, he sat sown next to me. 

"And he believed that bull? Geesh" said Justin. 

"Yeah, he thought it was a great idea" I said chuckling "Mum wasn't too happy though, ha ha ha."

"Well, really, who would want to spend a night with that bore." said Justin 

"I should defend him but I really don't want to." I laughed ironically. 

We carried on small talk for a while, myself downing more drinks than I should've and not paying attention to the amount of money Justin was spending, not only on me but the whole party. What I did notice was how justin slowly moved closer and closer to me the whole night. And as I got more drinks inside me, I cared even less. 

Justin was drinking far less than me. I knew that, I just didn't care. I knew that I could hold my drink a lot more than he could, and I could go for a lot longer and a lot later even if I was practically a walking bottle of vodka after a certain time. I was hoping my stamina would come in handy later, if you know what I mean. And by this point, you really should. 

People started to come up to Justin, models, actors, directors, photographers. Just a small selection of the people who were at the party. Mostly I just sat there sipping my drink, being quiet, if I'd paid any attention to the people I'm sure I would've seen loads of famous people. But also, he wasn't introducing me to anyone. Looking back I should've been annoyed at that but I didn't care. I could hardly be angry at him not being nice, knowing what we would be doing later. 

Occasionally someone would recognise me and say hello, but they wouldn't go any further after I mumbled an unexcited hello back. I wasn't being sociable at all. I got so sick of sitting in my own self pity that I decided to go have fun and dance. My head was already spinning before I'd even got to the stairs to walk down to the main dance floor. 

It was packed full of people, there were so many faces and bodies all moving to the music. I'd never been to anything like it really, it was so much bigger than the last Bieber party I'd been to. I danced with everyone, from the production crew of the show, to Jessica, a couple of directors and even the make up people, who made no effort to hide their dislike of me everyday. 

As I twisted and turned and jumped around I saw Justin up at the bar still. He was staring at me. At least I thought and hoped he was. Because I was a little drunk I decided to dance in the most seductive way I could. I saw his eyes glued to me even more, him and I were loving it. I was because he was staring at me, something I loved. And he was because well, I must of looked pretty good. Even if I did think I looked stupid. 

He had this effect on me. Like electricity running through my body and I was addicted. I wanted to feel it every moment of everyday. He had such a power over me. He made me feel small and helpless, like putty in his hands. Even though I was taller than him he could still do that. He was incredible. And I loved it. 

I saw him get up and start to walk to the entrance, he looked at me and pointed towards the door. I knew what he meant. I immediately started making my way across the dance floor. 

'Heyyyy Sammyboy!' I felt an arm grab mine and I was forced to turn around. It was a very drunk Jessica, her long flowing red hair all over the place. 

'Jess, I... I gotta go I'm-' I said pulling away. 

'Noooo!! Samm-' I heard as I sneaked away. 

I kept on going, now I could see the stairs that led to the exit and Justin was standing at the top waiting. He had a cheeky, but sexy smile on his face. I bit my lip looking at him. 

It took me too long to get to the stairs, I was working against the crowd, people were pouring onto the dance floor. That's why I ended up running up the stairs, knocking into a few people and ignoring on person who said 'Hey' and tried to grab my hand. Justin looked amused when I finally reached the top. 

'Sam, don't you want to-' he said pointing to someone on the stairs. 

'I think you know exactly what I want, Mr Bieber.' I whispered into his ear, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the door. 

Getting to his apartment was all a blur. I don't remember much, aside from his lips, his touch... I knew what I was doing, though. I wasn't out of my mind drunk. I knew exactly how terrible a person I was being. But I didn't even care. I was prepared to give anything to him that night. Including and especially my body. 

His soft lips, which I usually thought of as cute, were attacking my neck with lust and passion. Softly, and not so softly, biting at my neck, with a small moan escaping my lips as he did. My hands were going through and playing with his sexy hair. His hands started to make their way down the sides of my body. I bit my lip when he grabbed my ass, he saw and a wicked, sexy grin appeared on his face. He started grabbing more, everywhere. He explored my neck more with his kisses, licks, sucks and bites. I pulled him up and brought our mouths together. I moaned into his mouth as our tongues explored each others mouths. His hands started fumbling around and I knew we'd be naked pretty soon. He didn't need to ask me twice, or at all. 

I pulled his shirt off over his head, and felt lost without his lips, even if it was only for a second. He was more forceful this time. Biting my lower lip as I moaned for him and explored his body with my hands, all up and down his chest, his abs, playing with the waistband of his boxers. His hands soon got tired of feeling me through my clothes. He ripped off my shirt in one swift movement. I'm sure some buttons came off, and I'd paid a lot for that shirt, but really I didn't care. I only cared about one thing in that moment. 

He threw me on the bed, I was shirtless breathing heavy and aching for him, he was stood at the end of the bed, almost panting, with a look of pure lust on his face. It was breathtakingly sexy. I undid my belt, and unbuttoned my jeans, already anticipating him pulling them off, which he did followed by his own. He climbed up the bed, one leg on each side of me. When he got to my waistline he kissed and licked, teasing. I was obviously very turned on, a tent in my boxers already. 

But he started moving his mouth upwards, I felt his own erection rub against my leg as his mouth trailed up my stomach, then felt it against mine as he got to my upper body. Pausing at each nipple he playfully but them, sucking a little. I was so turned on in that moment. I'd never moaned so much or so loud in my life. And believe me I moan and complain at everything. Again he attacked my neck with kisses. I ran my fingers rough his hair and pulled it. He was making me feel so good, but I was getting all the attention. 

I rolled us over, he was breathing heavy underneath me, I was rising and falling with each breath. I sat up so I was straddling him, his erection directly underneath my ass. Moving my hands up his torso I started to grind down on it. He moved his hands up my thighs, close to my own cock, which was nearly bursting from my boxers. I bent down, so my face was just above his noses nearly touching, and licked my lips before going in for the hottest make out session ever. I kissed up from his mouth to his upper neck, and nibbled on his ear, his hands were all over me, especially my ass. He seemed quite fond of that. So I grinded even harder. 

'You like that?' I whispered in his ear. The only reply he gave was a moan and a squeeze of my ass. 

I took that as permission to work my way down his body and take off his underwear. While looking at him in the eyes I grabbed his dick for the first time. Let's just say it wasn't disappointing, I was practically drooling for it when I took a look at it. 

I stuck my tongue out and licked the head of his hard cock. One of my hands started slowly jacking it off, while the other played with his balls. I started to give his head attention swirling my head around it, I felt a hand go into my hair and give me a push. Obvious what he wanted. I looked up, his head was thrown back with his eyes closed. I slowly made my way down his dick, coming back up to the head every inch or so, then going down again. I kept my eyes on him, but he just kept his closed. I let him out of my mouth with a popping sound. That made him open my eyes. 

'Good boy' I said as he looked at me, I was jacking him off. 'The least you can do is look at my when I have your cock in my mouth.' 

He smirked at me. 'You like that?' 

'Guess I'm turned on by attention, call me an attention whore if you want.' I smirked back. 

'Oh you'll get attention.' he said, his eyes full of want. 

'I better do.' I stuck my tongue out. 

'Yeah and you'll- Oh fuck!' I'd used my tongue on his dick. 

'Shut up and enjoy the blowjob.' I said.   
This time I just went straight (Great word to use in this situation) down on his cock. Until it was in my throat testing my gag reflex and my nose was touching his impossibly smooth pubic area. It was obviously waxed. I wondered to myself who had that privilege, waxing Justin Bieber's private parts. I came back up, swirled my tongue around the head while it was still in my mouth, and went back down sucking. I repeated this for a while, up, swirl, down repeat. He started groaning louder and louder. 

I pulled off, once again hearing the pop sound. He tried to push my head back down, but not this time. I slapped his hand away. 

'You're not cumming yet Justin.' I said, jacking him slowly again. 

'When can I?' he asked, licking his lips. 

'Got any condoms?' I asked, winking. Then I licked him from the base to the head of his cock. He moaned. 

'Second draw, nightstand.' 

'I wasn't asking for directions, get it yourself.' I took my hand off his dick. 

'What?!' I said to the look he gave me. 'I think bearing in mind where it's going, you can at least get your condom for your dick from your drawer.' I rolled off him. 

While he was getting the condom I took off my boxers and laid on my front, and pushed my ass up a bit. What? I was proud of it. The extra exercise wasn't only helping me with dance routines. 

'Oh my god.' he said when he turned around. I felt him stop for a second. 

Turning my head to him. I said 'It’s all yours Justin.' I bit my lip. His eyes switched from my ass to my lips to my ass to my lips... 'Well it's not gonna fuck itself.' I said after a pause. I could see he was looking even harder than before. That made me pretty happy. 

'Right' he said. Less confident than before. He paused, but I waited. I was practically aching for him now. 

'I've never-' he eventually said. 

'Really justin?' I asked, like it wasn't obvious at all. 

'Not even with a girl.' he sounded kinda lost. But I could still feel his erection against my leg. He stuck out his hand and started squeezing and rubbing my ass, giving it attention. We were getting somewhere. 

'That's right Justin, just do what feels right.' I encouraged. Hoping he'd man up and do someth- WOAH.

'Justin!! Seriously?' I flipped over. 'Did you really think it was just gonna go in straight away?! It's not pussy! It's ass, not always open for business!'

He looked confused. 'You said you wanted-

'Well yeah, I do. There is nothing more than I want than your big fucking cock pounding me, ok? But it's an ass Justin, nothing is going up there without some kinda preparation. This isn't porn or some weird sex story where you just slip it in.' I think he was mostly distracted by the pounding part of that sentence. 

He licked his lips, and looked me in the eyes. 'Right what do I do?'

'You've never watched gay porn? Or anything?' he shook his head when I asked. 

"What the fuck?!" I said to myself.   
'Ok, er, just pretend it's a pussy' I shivered at that word. 'And er, lick me out I guess.' 

I'd never been with anyone who hadn't at least got an understanding of gay sex before, don't judge my terminology. 

'Right, ok, yeah I saw a guy do this to a girl before. You're clean right?' 

'Yes Justin, what do you think I did in the bathroom for ten minutes.' 

He smiled. 'Now let's get your ass rimmed then.'

He used the right word! I grinned, and my cock which had gone soft during that conversation sprung back to life. I scooted to the end of the bed, laid on may back with my legs hanging off. I lifted them up so my knees were in the air. He stared at my ass with pure lust. 

'Do it Justin. Tongue fuck my ass.' 

He dropped to his knees at the end of the bed. He put his hands on my ass. Just his touch was driving me crazy. He started kissing and licking his way toward my entrance. I was a moaning mess already. Then he found it. His tongue went up down round and round in circles. I practically screamed out his name, I was writhing around in pleasure, getting all hot and sweaty, I couldn't control my feelings of pure pleasure. And then he dipped inside with his tongue. 

'Fuck Justin! Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck' I moaned over and over again. It only encouraged him. 

'Turn over.' He demanded. 'I need a better angle.'

"Note to self never let Justin know that if he talks to you in that voice he will get anything he wants, whatever it is" 

I turned over instantly. Onto all fours and he started again. Deeper and deeper his face buried in my ass. But I wanted more. I struggled to get the breath to tell him though. 

'Jus- Justin. Oh fuck, Justin please. Fuck put a finger in.' I obviously didn't need to ask him twice. There were two fingers in front of my mouth in a second. 

'Suck.' he said. I did as I was told. Like I said, that voice and I'm his, I’d do anything. I sucked on them like they were his cock, sucked like my life depended on it. I got as much spit on as I could. 

'Good boy.' he said copying me from earlier. 

It sounded so much sexier when he said it. In. That. Voice. I moaned loud when he licked again. He kept licking for a few seconds, until instead of his tongue, it was a finger circling my hole. 

'Please... Justin. Please... Inside me, please Justin.' was all I could do to string a sentence together. 

'Of course Sam.' he said in a wicked tone. He kissed my lower back as he slipped it inside. 

'Fuuuck Justin yes. Oh yeah fuck' he started moving it in and out. I was in heaven. I reached up to give my cock some well deserved attention. But he swatted my hand away and jacked me off himself. Justin Bieber was wanking my cock. Not that I had time to think about that before...

'Ready for number two?' he asked. But before I could even moan a yes, he shoved it deep inside me. 

'Oh fuck Justin! Fuck me deeper.... Please I want....' I screamed 

'Say it Sam. Say it. I wanna hear you say it.' he kissed the bottom of my back. 

"Fuck that voice again" and before I knew it...

'I want your big cock inside me Justin Bieber. I want it fast, deep and hard. I want you to fuck me like you want to. Give it to me Justin. Please.' I begged for him. 

'Fuck.' I heard him whisper. He pulled both fingers out. 'Shhh' he said as I moaned at the emptiness. 

'Please Justin. Please...' I managed to whimper. 

I heard the rip of foil as he got another condom, I closed my eyes in anticipation of what was to come. 

And then he pushed inside. 

That moment was bliss. Only then could I actually believe it was happening, he was fucking me. I wasn't a virgin, no. But it was different. So much more amazing than anything before. I'd never been so turned on. He didn't, and didn't need to, ask before he started pushing in. I could hear him muttering swears under his breath. All I could do was breathe heavily and moan out. 

Inch by inch he slid inside me, deeper and deeper. I gave myself to him in that moment. I was his to use. I'd never felt like this before but it's all that I wanted. 

Eventually he stopped. I felt all those inches inside me. He was panting. So was I. I turned to look at him. He looked like he was in a trance. Hands on my hips. He wasn't even moving inside me yet and he looked so turned on. And sexy for that matter. 

'So... Fucking tight...' he whispered. 

'So fucking big' I moaned back. That made his lips curl to a wicked smile. 

'Fuck me Justin. Give me everything you've got.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY got to the justin/sam sex scene! I know it took soooo long  
> Anyways, hope you're enjoying the story keep checking back for new chapters :)  
> Sam x


	20. Hickies

I never really liked recording music. Mostly because I could hear myself sing, and that I really hated. I like singing, if I can't even stand to hear myself. But, I was in a recording studio, doing a test for the producers. It felt strange, I could actually be getting a record deal here. This could be my real big break into the world of music. I was singing a song I'd never heard before, just the same part over and over again. There was Paul Davis, the record producer i'd met, Scooter Braun, and Justin sat watching me in the booth behind the glass. It felt really awkward. But whenever I sang the line about wanting to rip clothes off I just looked at Justin hard in the eyes. 

 

It was a week since we’d last hooked up, it was becoming quite often. We could hardly keep our hands off each other when we were alone. 

 

'Isn't it great?' Paul asked when I'd finished. 'Cant you see yourself doing this?' 

 

'I guess, I mean I love to sing and it is pretty cool...' I just had second thoughts about the whole thing, in some ways I still have second thoughts now. 

 

'What’s there to worry about? You're great! He's great isn't he guys?' at least Paul thought I was good enough to do it I suppose. 

 

'You sound a lot better than I did first time.' said Justin, 'You're made to sing. Not to mention you've got the looks to sell albums.' 

 

'Thats true' said Scooter. Like Justin had said something so normal, he just complimented my looks and they just breezed over it. Ok... 'You would be pretty big, pretty fast. But only if you're prepared to put in serious hard work and dedication.'

 

'I wouldn't have a problem with that, but what about if I do get big? All that responsibility, and god knows I don't wanna end up like him!' I teased, pointing at Justin. 

 

'Oh please you'd love to be me!' he said with his irresistible smile. 

 

"No I wouldn't. How would I get to sleep with you if I was you" I thought to myself. 

 

'Ok here's something, how about we get you featured on a song, how about a Big Sean song, and, if you don't like everything that comes with it you can quit? And if you do like it, then hey! We'll have you an album in no time.' Paul suggested. 

 

'Hmm, ok, sounds good.' I said. 'Whats the song?' 

 

'You just recorded it.' said Scooter. I saw Justin smiling. 

 

*a few weeks later* 

 

It was a rare occasion where the whole family was together, eating a meal. Including Olly. With me off all over the place, and him at university, my dads increasingly busy job, and mum's dreadful cooking, it was rare that we got together to have a family meal. But then again it was a special occasion. Even worth sitting through some horrible sloppy mess that my mother called Macaroni cheese. 

 

'And now the long awaited first play, a world exclusive listen....' the radio presenter said. 

 

Olly got us all quietened down. 

 

'...Sean featuring Samuel. That's Samuel Harrison, he's on TV you know.' the radio presenters voice faded into the song. I'd told them to just say Samuel, I didn't really care about having a stage name or anything, but I felt Samuel was better than my full name. 

 

By the end of the song both my mum and Olly were really enjoying it. I swear my mum had a thing for black rappers... Olly said its just his type of thing and he'd definitely buy it. 

 

'Oh honey, it wonderful!' my mum said. 'You've always loved singing and here we are! You'll be paying the bills soon!' she laughed. 

 

'Yeah right mum' I said, happy that she supported it, but still uneasy on whether to actually go for it. I turned and looked at my dad. 

 

'Sam, son. It's great, but you don't have to feel like we expect you to do it or that we're pushing you. Remember what we said when you auditioned for TV, only do something if it makes you happy.' I knew how lucky I was to have a caring dad. 

 

'I know dad, its just a big decision you know?' 

 

'I know son, there are lots of big decisions in life, but in my experience the biggest decisions have always led to the best things.' he looked down at his hands. I realised that he was looking at his wedding ring, then he looked at my mum, then Olly, and then me, before putting his arm round me in that Dad kind of way. It was extremely cute. I just gave him a proper hug instead. 

 

'Thanks dad.' I said. Hugging him.

 

'You two are so adorable.' sighed my mum. 

 

Later that night I was checking myself out in the mirror. Because, why not? That was one thing making me really happy, how great I was looking. Whoever thought exercise actually have you a hot body? That and the fact the facial routine everyday was definitely improving my face, I hadn't had a spot, zit, blemish or a pimple in weeks. I was looking and feeling better than ever. Maybe the celebrity life did have its perks, surely there'd be more if I signed the record deal....

 

I picked up the bottle of lotion I had to put on my face before bed. It still had the note attached to it that Michael had written ages ago, something cute and funny that I cant remember, but in his usual Michael style. Oh, Michael. I thought back to all those times I'd dreamt about him! It's strange, I obviously needed to just find someone to get over him. 

 

For a second I thought about Justin, but no. I did not love Justin. What I had with Justin was, purely physical. At least I had a bit of a crush on Robin, right?

 

Laying in bed that night, texting them both, I knew what I was doing was so so so wrong, but I just couldn't work out what to do. It wasn't the fact I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't wanna hurt Robin. 

 

"You're already hurting him by doing what you're doing" my subconscious said. 

 

Eventually Robin fell asleep, he always fell asleep first. Kind of annoying. Now I was just texting Justin. As it got later and later his messages got dirtier and dirtier. I realised this was the first time we'd fully sexted. We'd gotten close, but never talked about sex in this way. Soon enough I got bored of typing. I got up out of bed and went over to my mirror, I was standing there in just my boxers, with a very obvious tent. I took a picture and sent it. 

 

Me: oops my camera slipped;) 

 

I got back an almost instant reply. 

 

Justin: i don't tease.

 

The picture he sent was him in front of his mirror, but he wasn't wearing boxers, or anything for that matter. One or two pictures later and I realised how stupid this was when there was a laptop with a perfectly good webcam next to me. 

 

So we ended up skyping. I had to be quiet as I could, Justin however didn't. He was extremely vocal the whole time. And yes, in that voice. He had me moaning things, telling him my wildest fantasies, and he was telling me all about what he was gonna do to me the next time we were together. Let's just say, lots of tissues were needed after a short while. 

 

'If only I was there, we could've taken a shower together' I said, as I closed the laptop and said goodbye to Justin. 

 

I woke up relatively early for what time I eventually went to sleep. I went through all my morning routine and was just about to put my clothes on when I had an idea. I'd just bought some new Calvin Klein underwear, the sexy kind, and couldn't decide which pair to wear. There was only one option. Send a picture to Justin to decide. I quickly snapped the pictures and waited for a reply. 

 

Justin: neither i prefer u without underwear ;)

 

I bit my lip just reading that. 

 

Me: oh you mean like this?

 

In the picture I'd taken off my boxers and just covered my junk with my hand. 

 

Justin: stop teasing. ur driving me crazy

Justin: do u wanna come to the tour tomorow? i hear the after party is good;) 

 

I think I knew what he had on his mind for the after party. I texted him straight away that I'd be there. 

 

I threw on my outfit and went to see my friends, for the first time in a long time. Well they weren't my friends exactly, a mixture of Robin and Ellen's, the popular kids really. The other girls, they just were never the same after the concert, and they didn't like that I was becoming famous, kind of. Whereas the popular people, they of course loved it. 

 

I'd been spending most of the summer off with them, or Robin, or Justin. Though the time I spent with Justin was considerably different to the time I spent with my friends. Mine and Justin's hookups had become quite frequent, to both our enjoyment, we were finding every and any place suitable for that one passionate adventure we both kept to ourselves. 

 

Even if they weren't my real friends, it was nice to hang out with people who didn't want your autograph or to sign you to a record deal. It felt great just to act like a normal person for one day, to act like a teenager. I never got to do that since everything started. 

 

'So Sam you got any plans tomorrow night I was thinking of having a few of the guys round.' Matty, one of Robins friends said. 'and girls, don't you worry ladies.' he added winking at Rachel, one of the sluttier girls who was so obviously trying to get into his pants. 

 

'Erm actually...' I said. 'I kinda do have plans.' 

 

‘Do we?’ asked Robin with a smile. 

 

Shit. It was Friday tomorrow. Friday is date night. Great now I have to invite him to the concert.

 

‘Yeah.. We do.’ I said smiling.

 

'Oh right that's cool, we wouldn't want to stop you two from getting to second base for the hundredth time.' Him and his friends laughed. 

 

'Hey, Matt cool it will you.' said Robin, he'd gone really red. 

 

'He's right you know.' I said to Robin laughing. That made his friends all burst out into fits of laughter. Robin didn't look as impressed. 'What?' I asked. 

 

'You know Rob you better man up and fuck him or he's gonna go looking for it somewhere else. Dudes got needs!' said one of his friends through his laughs. Seeing Robin get increasingly uncomfortable I decided to try and rescue him. 

 

'You know boys, maybe it's me who's holding out, I mean I've never taken one so big and thick before. It'd tear me apart. We've not all got 4 inch pencil dicks like you James.' I said, giving one of his friends a stare, I grabbed Robins hand and pulled him away. I didn't listen for the reaction specifically but I could hear them howling with laughter. Even Robin laughed. 

 

'I have a love hate relationship with you and your sarcastic comments Sam.' robin said, smiling. 

 

'Who said I was being sarcastic? Sarah Gallagher's 17th party, in her brothers room to be exact.' 

 

'Oh my god' he said laughing. 'Now I have something to throw at him.'

 

'Yeah take that James my boyfriend sucked you off. Not the best comeback really is it?' I teased, getting in his car. 

 

'Where are we going by the way?' he asked as he started to drive. 

 

'We're buying you some new clothes, and I want some new shoes.' I said. 

 

'Any occasion or are you just treating me?' he laughed, he never let me buy him anything, and always insisted he paid if we went out. Even shopping. Even though I was the one on TV. 

 

'We're going to a Justin Bieber concert tomorrow night.' 

 

He didn’t seem very impressed that that was what I had planned for date night, but I told him that I had to support my ‘friend’ and he must of realised it was the first time I’d organised anything more than a movie and popcorn for date night. I usually left the big stuff to him. He didn’t mind and less effort for me. Everyone was happy.

 

You never realise how much of a bitch you can be until you look back on a situation do you?

 

Later that day

 

Trying on clothes with Robin was just as much hassle as with Justin. I ended up having to distract him by making out with him in the cubicle so I could undo the buttons on his shirt- he was fiddling and taking too long. 

 

 

I woke up the next morning aching like hell, for a second I didn't even realise where I was. 

 

'Are you alright?' Robin was standing next to the bed looking at me, he looked really worried. 

 

'Yeah, I'm fine why what's up?' I lifted my arm up to stretch and found it was aching, then I looked at it, there were some red marks, a small bruise and what looked like a few teeth marks. I looked at the rest of my body and realised I was covered in hickies, and I had a familiar morning after feeling in my ass. Then I remembered the night before. 

 

Last night

 

'You look fine!' Robin said for the hundredth time in ten minutes. 

 

'I don't want to look fine I want to look great silly' I was trying on clothes in front of his mirror for the concert the next day. 

 

'Sam' he said getting off the bed to hug me from behind. 'You look great in anything babe.' 

 

I turned around and kissed him. 'Thanks, you're not bad yourself like that.' I looked him up and down, he was just in his underwear. His great chest, arms, abs and muscly legs all on show. He was so different from Justin like this. Robin was pale, not a bit of tan on him, and no tattoos. His muscles were bigger than Justin's. There's no denying he was hot. But I knew who I found hotter. 

 

'I can think of someone who would look better than me like this.' he said snaking his hands around my waist and kissing my neck. My breathing hitched as he did it. There was something about having my neck kissed. 

 

'About that.' i said turning around. 'We need to talk about it.' 

 

'Sam come on...' he said walking to the bed. 

 

'No Robin' I raised my voice a little too much, thankful that his parents were out. 'When are we going to fuck? Blowjobs are great yeah but you haven't even let us do that in weeks?' 

 

Not true. I had purposefully avoided every sexual encounter with Robin since me and Justin had started our little thing. But I made it look like Robin was the one not putting out.

 

But not that night. I was mostly curious about why we hadn’t, and I guess I did want to at least feel what is was like.

 

No Sam, you wanted to compare.

 

'Sam we've been through this.' he sat back on his bed. He looked ashamed. 

 

'No we haven't Robin. What is it? What am I not doing that makes you not want to do it?' 

 

'No sam it isn't you!' he pleaded

 

'Well it must be!' I shouted 'Obviously there's something you want me to do to turn you on enough to do it. Tell me what it is Robin! I'll do it. I trust you Robin and whatever it is I will try to make it good for you.' 

 

'It's not what you can do' he said. 'I'm scared I'll hurt you.' he looked away. 

 

'You won't I've done this before...' 

 

'No not like that...'

 

'Then what?!' I was trying not to scream. 

 

'I just...' I decided not to wait for him to stutter out what he was saying. I pulled him off the bed and brought him close to me, out faces only an inch apart. 

 

'Do it Robin. Whatever it is I don't care. Just fuck me. Right here right now. On your bed. I want it so, so, so bad. Give it to me please. Whatever you like do it to me. I'm yours.' his breathing got faster and heavier as I spoke. I ended it with a passionate kiss. And he finally took the lead in touching me. 

 

Suddenly I was thrown on the bed and he climbed on top of me. We were naked now. I don't remember much more than snippets of the night. 

 

His hands in my hair pushing and holding me down on his cock while it was in my throat. The way he devoured my neck, they were hardly kisses, just biting and sucking on it. Then how he pulled my head back with my hair as he fucked me. 

 

Us falling off the bed because he was going so hard, only to carry on on the floor, up against the wall, in front of the mirror. I remember him pinning me down with all his force on my wrists, telling me to be good or he'd have to tie me to the bed, telling me to moan for him as he did all these things. It was sex like I'd never had it before. 

 

I guess then I understood why he was afraid of hurting me.

 

Morning after

 

'So that's what you like' I said, sitting up in bed, massaging my aching everything. 

 

'Yeah... Are sure you're ok?' he still looked worried. 

 

'Robin, I'm fine. That was just very... unexpected I guess.' he seemed very reassured. 

 

'I did go easy on you..' he mumbled. 

 

'That was easy? Oh god' I laughed. 

 

'I tried to tell you I was worried' he started. 

 

'Robin shut up you don't need permission to be rough with me. Even if that was only going easy on me' 

 

'So you're not mad?' he asked, smiling again. 

 

'No of course I'm not silly, I'm actually impressed.'

 

'Thanks... I guess' he said. 'I did try to leave your neck so they wouldn't be showing but... That didn't happen.' he smirked. 

 

'I guess I have to change my outfit again then.' when I did get up I saw some pretty big hickies on my neck. They were annoying to cover up, but damn I looked hot. 

 

Later that day 

 

‘You better be quick or we’ll be late!’ he said as I jumped out of his car, I needed to rush home to grab something special I’d made for Justin. He was going to be gone for a few weeks, I couldn’t have him forgetting about me could I?

 

I found the present really easily, and wandered downstairs to find Olly there. 

 

‘You look… different…’ he said.

 

‘Thanks, nice to see you too’ I laughed. 

 

He turned his head on its side. ‘What’s that on your neck?’ he asked. I gulped.

 

‘Erm, nothing…’ I said adjusting my collar. 

 

He paused for a second, then smiled. ‘Ooh, I know what they are!’ he laughed. ‘So he finally got round to it then?’ 

 

‘Shut up Oliver.’ I said walking past him. He grabbed my wrist to pull me back. ‘Ow!’ I said and instantly regretted it. He looked at me with squinted eyes then rolled up my sleeves. 

 

‘Sam, Sam, Sam. I had no idea this is what you’re into.’ he teased. 

 

‘Oh my god Oliver leave me alone! I fell over, or scratched myself, or fell down a hill.’ I sighed. ‘I haven’t decided on my excuse yet.’ Oliver laughed.

 

I went into the kitchen to say bye to mum, and there was the horrible smell of burning food. 

 

‘Oh hi dear’ she said looking up from what must of been a completely black roast chicken. ‘I think it needs a few more minutes’ she mumbled. I shook my head at her and sighed. 

 

‘Have you ever though of using one of those hundred cook books you have?’ 

 

‘Recipes are for the weak Samuel.’ she asserted. I laughed at her. 

 

‘Oh. No thats not. But you haven’t seen him in…’ she looked at me strange as she said that weird sentence and I realised my neck was on show again. 

 

‘What? I don’t know what you’re talking about….’ For once I didn’t, hadn’t seen who? ‘But mum I have to go, we’ll be late.’ I kissed her on the cheek and ran out to Robin’s car. ‘Let’s go!’ I said. 

 

Justin was amazing. I thought back to the last time I’d seen him live. I certainly had different feeling for him then. But then I thought of little things, like how he’d looked disappointed when he thought I was on a date… maybe there was more to us than sex?

 

That reminded me that I still hadn’t told Justin I was going to be there with Robin. I assume he wasn’t going to be happy, he was going back to the States for a while, I’m sure he wanted to fuck one last time. 

 

As Justin finished his extra long encore, a familiar face came to take us backstage. 

 

‘Jordan?’ I asked, just in case it wasn’t him.

 

‘Hey mate, You remember me?’ he asked, looking confused.

 

‘Course I do! You were proper into that one girl what was her name? She worked with ya.’

 

‘Isobel?’ 

 

‘Thats the one!’ I said.

 

‘Yeah man, we’re together now!’ he said leading us through many doors.

 

‘That’s awesome! Isn’t that awesome Robin? Oh this is Robin by the way, he’s my boyfriend!’ 

 

‘Ok Sam we’re not letting you have any more champagne.’ 

 

‘I’ve only had three glasses!’ I said.

 

‘Exactly’ said Robin. Jordan laughed.

 

‘Here you are sir, and sir I guess. Isobel’s just through this door.’ which he then opened. 

 

‘Hey there Mr Harrison, and company it seems.’ she looked taken back, Justin probably told them there’d only be me. 

 

We all small talked for a while with Isobel, talking about how her and Jordan got together, and how they’re actually part of a hosting company, they don’t work for the specific arena, which is why they’re working Justin’s tour even though its a different venue from last time.

 

‘Hey, Isobel’ I said. ‘Is it alright if I go and see Justin for a minute. I know he’s desperate to hear how amazing he was.’ 

 

‘Of course! We don’t usually let people but he said you could. If you just go out the door you came in then its the one that says his name on, funny enough.’ she laughed. 

 

‘I’ll be right back babe’ I said, walking out. I heard him say something to her, explaining why he wasn’t coming with me. Probably something along the lines of ‘he’s not my friend’ because really, Justin hadn’t said that many words to Robin before. 

 

I made my way to his door and knocked. It was opened pretty quickly by him, wearing only a towel round his waist. 

 

‘Oh hey there’ I said, letting myself in. ‘Nice dressing roo-’

 

He spun me round and smashed his lips on mine. I noticed he’d dropped his towel. His hands dropped to my sides.

 

‘Justin..’ I said.

 

‘Yes baby’ he said while moving his kisses to my neck. I loved it when he called me that.

 

‘We can’t do this Justin.’ I said pushing him off.

 

‘What, why?’ he looked a bit angry. 

 

‘Because Robin’s here.’ I said, looking down at the floor.

 

‘Sam I thought you understood what we was gonna do’ he said. 

 

‘I did, but he… I really wanted to Justin. I said looking him the eye.

 

‘It’s fine.’ he said. A bit bluntly but he reached out to grab my hand to make up for it.

 

‘What the fuck is this?’ he said. Staring at the bruises on my wrist. I tried to pull away but he kept going up looking at the red marks. 

 

‘Nothing Justin’ I said. Looking away.

 

‘It looks like something to me. What the fuck did he do to you?!’ he looked angry again.

 

‘Nothing Justin!’ I stepped back from him.

 

‘Oh yeah then why are you covered in bruises and red marks? I swear if he…’

 

‘Justin it was nothing! Nothing I didn’t enjoy!’

 

He looked confused. 

 

‘Look!’ I said showing him the hickies on my neck and top of my chest. ‘He’s just a bit rougher than you.’ 

 

‘Wait you… I thought you weren’t doing that with him. I thought we were…’

 

‘It was gonna happen sooner or later anyways Justin. He is my boyfriend.’ he looked angry and hurt. ‘But anyway. You’re much better.’ I added trying to get him happy again.

 

He was silent for a minute. 

 

‘Well obviously I’m better.’ he said matter of factly. He walked towards me. ‘No one can make you moan like I do right?’ 

 

I swallowed hard. ‘N-no’ I stuttered out. He was using that voice. 

 

‘You don’t beg for anyone as much as you do for me, right.’ 

 

‘Not, no…’ 

 

‘And no one makes you cum like I do. Right?’ 

 

‘Only you Justin.’ I moved forward to touch him, but when I opened my eyes he was walking into the bathroom, with the biggest smirk on his face. 

 

I cleared my throat and flopped down onto the sofa. How could he do this to me? How can a person have that affect on you? I sat there catching my breath for a while.

 

He carried on at the meal after. I was sat in between Justin and Robin. Justin kept squeezing my thigh all night, touching me at any opportunity. Just like last time we’d been out like this.

 

This time I was formally introduced to all his crew, everyone from his hair stylist to vocal coach, to his many bodyguards. Paul from the record label was also there, as were my usual favourite people in the world: Pattie and Scooter, who sat furiously whispering to each other all night. And looking at me and Justin far too much. 

 

When a quiet moment arose at the table, Paul took the opportunity to make a kind of mini speech. It started from when Scooter convinced him to take this kid called Justin Bieber on board, then to Baby selling out like no one expected, then to Believe, to his many different ventures, and then on to me. He flattered himself a lot through this, talking of how he discovered me, alone apparently, amongst other things. I zoned out towards the end. He was talking about me. Boring.

 

‘So whatdoya say Sam?’ my ears picked up he was asking me something and my attention was back on him. ‘Will you join our little recording family?’ 

 

Shit. He was asking me to sign now? In front of all these people. What the hell was I gonna do? 

 

What everyone does in pressured situations - say yes without thinking.

 

‘Yes?’ I said. To cheers around the table.

 

‘To Sam!’ Paul said, raising his glass. And it was echoed around the table. 

 

Lots of the people congratulated me and said I deserved it, funny how well I got on with everyone considering I’d only just been introduced to some of them. I spent the whole of the time desert was on my plate listening to Robin talk about how I would really need to buckle down in school this year with another extra added on. While I smirked at Justin as Robin went on and on. Justin would pipe up here and there saying supportive things to me. Eventually I got tired of it and told them both to shut up. But I told them that Justin was right first. 

 

As the meal was drawing to a close I realised Justin needed his present. 

 

‘Meet me in the bathrooms in two minutes’ I whispered to him before excusing myself to go to the bathroom. 

 

I waited for him to come in, and when he did I dragged him into a cubicle and attacked his face with kisses. 

 

‘I want you so bad right now. Why do you have to go away?’ I said.

 

‘I’m thinking that too…’ he said.

 

I stuck my hand down his boxers to rub his erection a few times. ‘Just one last feel I said.’ 

 

He grabbed my ass. ‘Same here.’ I bit my lip and we made out some more. 

 

‘Here’s something to keep you entertained while you’re away’ I said, putting the flash drive in his hand. ‘Wait a minute then walk out of here.’ I said before kissing him one last time and walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg!! I hit 200 what the helllll haha i'm so happy yay thanks for reading everyone!  
> also i'm going back and editing all these chapters slowly but surely so apologies for all the typos i've found ahha  
> Sam x


	21. We Are So Dead

A week or so later, I was at my brothers new house. After finishing university, him and Lindsay had just moved into a brand new house. I had no idea how they had the money, but it was a really nice house. Two bedrooms (my mum had raised her eyebrows, to quickly be silenced by Olly that it was a spare room only, nothing else) and every room was bigger than any first home that I'd been in. I'd been invited to go have a meal with them, well kind of invited, I mostly invited myself, but it was all the same in the end. I didn't know that Lindsay's family would also be there. Let's just say I would've made more effort, since they were all dressed up. 

 

I'd only met Lindsay's parents once or twice in passing, but I knew they weren't the nicest people in the world - by a mile. Charlotte, Lindsay's sister, was in my year at school, though I hadn't seen her in a long time. However I hadn't really been going to school much. It'd all been work work work, and school were sending my work home. I have to admit I wasn't really doing it though. Even though it was summer, and I shouldn't have had schoolwork, I still had months to catch up on. 

 

'Wow Lindsay' I said as she took my plate. 'That was really nice! I never knew you could cook!' 

 

'Oh thank you Samuel. Yes, well, not many people do, with Oliver here always dominating the kitchen.' she smiled. 

 

'It was exquisite darling' said her father. 

 

'Was alright I guess.' shrugged Charlotte. 

 

'Charlotte Parker don't you be so rude!' snapped her mother. 

 

I had to stop myself snorting with laughter, the Charlotte I remember from school could be a lot more rude than that, I'm telling you. 

 

'You want another drink Sam?' asked Olly. 'You want one Charlotte?' he said holding up a can of cider. 

 

'Yes! Thanks Oliver!' she said happily. 

 

'No you will not young lady!' shouted Mrs Parker, Charlotte had almost gotten away with it and looked very disappointed when her mum stopped her.

 

'But Sam's drinking!' she argued. 

 

'Yes well Samuel is-' she must've realised I was in the room so stopped. 

 

'No please, go on Mrs Parker...' I raised my eyebrows. 

 

She cleared her throat. There was a pause. 'Sam is... Not you, sweetheart and you do not drink.' she looked terrified. 

 

'Oh do you not drink Charlie?' I asked, her mother scowled at the nickname. I gave Charlotte the look that said the last time I saw you it was at a party and you were pole dancing on the streetlight outside. I know just how drunk you get. 

 

She just embarrassingly shook her head. I smirked. 

 

'Anyways, I haven't seen you around school recently...'

 

'Yes. Charlotte is homeschooled now.' said her mother. Stressing the 'now'. 

 

'Oh really that sounds...fun.' I said. I knew exactly how sarcastic I sounded. 

 

The rest of the meal was just as awkward and full of tension. I did notice however Lindsay seemed very unusual, she was happier, more talkative, and actually engaged in proper conversation with me. She never usually did that, and I expected it to be worse when her disapproving parents were there. That is, until I brought a topic of conversation up. 

 

'Oh!' I said. 'i almost forgot! Happy anniversary you guys! What is it now?' Lindsay's smile dropped when I said anniversary. 

 

'It's five years tomorrow!' Olly beamed. 

 

'Anniversary?!' exclaimed Mrs Parker. 'What are you talking about?'

 

'You don't have anniversaries until you're married silly.' said Mr Parker. 

 

'I think it's sweet' Charlotte said. 

 

'So do I!' I smiled. Me and Robin have celebrated every month nevermind years-' 

 

'How lovely of you two.' Mrs Parker sneered at me, her husband gave a disapproving sigh when I talked about Robin. Lovely people. 

 

'Anyhow.' she said. 'When will we be expecting marriage you two?' Mrs Parker asked with the most serious face. 

 

Olly nearly choked on his drink. And I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. 

 

'Maybe in the future Mrs Parker...' Olly managed to choke out. 

 

'Well you'll need to be married when you have the baby of course.' she said.

 

This time it was Lindsay who choked. 'What baby Mother?!' 

 

Later on, I demanded that Olly walk me home. 

 

'So when are you getting married?' I imitated Mrs Parker. 

 

'Oh my god shut up Sam!' he punched me on the arm. Funny how I hardly noticed it now, yay muscley arms I thought. 

 

'Ha ha ha, but seriously, have you thought about it. I think you’re far too young...' 

 

'Honestly I love her so much she's my world. But marriage is just so...eh.' he sighed as we walked up the drive to his old house, and my current house. Mum wasn't letting me move out till I was 18 "however many TV shows you're on!". 

 

'It is a bit stupid. But won't she want to?' I asked.

 

'I thought so too but, she doesn't even want to! Not for a long time she said, though she wants a ring' he laughed. 'She’s just worried what they'll think if we carry on not married.'

 

'Oh Olly you big banana fuck them!' I said. 'Do what you want. I actually like this new Lindsay, she’s a lot… different. What’s the big deal if you don’t get married anyways?'

 

'Hah' he said. Leaning against the wall. 'She likes you more now too, honestly I think she's just sick of her bitchy parents. Don't tell her I said that.' he looked embarrassed. 'How are you and Mr boring but bites you?'

 

'Fuck off Olly.' I said going red at the thought of him knowing Robin's sexual habits. 'We're... Fine. I guess... I'll talk to you about that some time, but now it's late and Sammy needs a sleep.' I hugged him and said goodbye. 

 

I got inside and realised how boring it was not having Justin to text or more accurately sext, on a night. I guess I could say I missed him. I couldn't even text Robin. He was off for a few days at some rugby camp thing, with no signal at all. 

 

Thinking of Justin helped me remember something I needed to do. I grabbed my phone and texted him one word. He texted back in record time. 

 

Me: purple

Justin: i cant wait...;)

 

I smiled to myself knowing what he was talking about. The flash drive I'd given him before he went away contained twenty one files. One for everyday he was away. With the terrible time differences, I realised sexting was hardly an option. So, I took initiative. In each file was a picture, a few pictures or in one or two, a video. I'm sure you can guess what of. However, to keep an element of surprise, and also to make sure he didn't spoil himself silly, I password protected every file, and everyday I sent him a password. It was very fun. 

 

Fun for me too, as usually I'd wake up to one or two pictures of him to use. And by use, I mean take care of my morning wood with. I found myself aching for him so much I was actually moaning his name while I did. One morning I came down and my mum asked me who I'd been on the phone too, I must've been that loud. 

 

I laughed a little at some more of his replies, and realised my mum and dad were looking at me funny. I went red 'What?' I asked. 

 

'Nothing' they replied in unison. 

 

I kept talking to Justin and smiling silly, sending a selfie here and there, general goofing around. My mum and dad were watching me instead of the TV for most of the time, and I only realised after a while that they were whispering about me and Robin. 

 

'I haven't seen him look all happy and get blushy like that since he started liking Rob' my dad said. 

 

'I know, it's obvious they're not like they used to be either, I just hope it's him he's talking to and not who-' 

 

'Ehem' I cleared my throat. They looked up. 

 

'Honey' my mum said.

 

'For your information it is not Robin I am talking to right now.' got up and walked to the door 'But me and him are fine!' I shouted as I ran upstairs to my room. Why would they just talk about us like that in front of me? I was really annoyed at them. 

 

Truthfully, I was mostly annoyed at the feeling of guilt, did they know what I was doing to Robin? It really hit home that yes, I was doing wrong. I threw myself on my bed. 

 

I heard my door open and someone sit on my bed. I turned my head thinking I'd see dad but I saw mum instead. 

 

'Hey mum' I said, in a soft voice. 

 

'Oh honey' she said. 'We didn't mean to upset you.'

 

'I know, mum it's just... Ugh. We're having problems, me and Robin.'

 

'Sweetie, we know. It is pretty obvious. But you know, problems aren't the end of the world dear, you can be adult about this and work through them.' she rubbed my back. I still half had my face in my pillow. 

 

'Mum I don't love him. I don't even know if I like him in that way...' 

 

'Honey then you have your answer I'm afraid.' she sounded sincerely sad. 

 

'Yeah I know but he's pretty much obsessed with me....'

 

'Sammy, he's just in love, young love at that. It's worse than anything and it'll hurt him. But you're only hurting him now with what you're doing. I mean, by staying together.' 

 

'Ugh I know but that just makes it harder...' 

 

'I know Sam, I know.' 

 

'I'm a terrible person aren't I mum?' I asked feeling like I wanted to cry. 

 

'No honey of course not!' she soothed me. 'We all do things we're not proud of, but it doesn't make you a bad person.' she got up. 

 

'Wait what do you mean?' I mumbled into the pillow.

 

'You'll tell me when you're ready Sam, I know you will. Goodnight.' she kissed me on the cheek and left the room. 

 

Wait. Does she know? 

 

Two weeks later 

 

I was in London, I'd just finished filming a music video for another single I was featured in. Paul said it was good to get me in as many catchy songs as possible. I needed to make a name for myself he said. I laughed thinking about how I could make a name for myself, leaking Bieber's nudes, hah, I could even reveal exactly what we were up to. 

 

Shut up. I told myself. No one would believe you anyways. 

 

Robin had tried to come down to London with me to see me and go out later and whatever. I'd flat out refused. It was all part of my plan to put distance between us. I was now fully committed to breaking up with him. If I make the relationship as shit as I can now, he'll handle the breakup better, right? That's what I thought at least. 

 

I was making my way to Justin's new apartment in London, apparently the last one wasn't fancy enough. He'd gotten back in the early hours of the morning and it was early evening now. As I approached the door, this time he had the whole floor of the skyscraper to himself, I heard raised voices. I could tell it was Justin and a voice I thought I remembered as Pattie's. 

 

I couldn't hear much. 

 

'....is a bad influence!' I heard Pattie shout. Justin said something I couldn't make out. 

 

'You never talk to me like.... I swear Justin.... It's him!' Pattie screamed. It seemed Justin was in trouble. 

 

'...being ridiculous...' was all I got of Justin's reply. 

 

There was a pause, and then I heard Pattie say, more softly this time. 'And Justin Drew Bieber if he is trying to...' then I couldn't here anymore at all. 

 

I gave it a moment or two then knocked. Justin opened the door, looking angry wearing skinny jeans and a half buttoned up shirt, he looked sexy as fuck even if he did have the look of 'I want to kill' on his face. Though when he saw it was me, he quickly turned it into a smile.

 

'Hey man!' he said and hugged me, and whispered in my ear 'I've missed you so fucking much you just wait until tonight.' it sent shivers down my spine, his hands moved down my back as we hugged, closer and closer to my ass.

 

'I missed you too mate' I said releasing him from the hug, walking last him while brushing up extra close into him, especially his crotch.

 

Then my eyes found Pattie. She was staring at me, looking even more pissed than Justin. I swallowed hard. 'Hi Mrs Mallette' I said, almost sheepishly. 

 

'Well at least you've learnt my name.' she said dismissively. And simultaneously reminded me of why I hated her. 

 

'Grab yourself a drink and er stuff...' Justin said. 'I gotta go finish up.' I stared him dead in the eyes pleading him not to leave me alone with her. But he just gave me an amused smile and walked off. 

 

I went over to one of the couches, the room with the front door in was like a giant sitting room. Pattie sat on one of the four couches, I chose the one furthest away. She was reading a newspaper. There was a lot of awkward silences, and she cleared her throat a couple of times like she as going to speak only to turn a page. Eventually I got sick of it. 

 

'Why don't you like me?' I asked, jamming all the words together I spoke so fast. 'I mean aside from me being rude that one time, and yeah I was a dick, can you not forgive me or what?' I said. I surprised myself that I'd actually spoken. 

 

She looked very taken aback by my question. She paused for a second with her mouth open, and put down the paper on the coffee table. 

 

'Well it's no secret that I dislike you, no.' she said. 

 

'Hah.' I said. She narrowed her eyes at me. 

 

'There's something about you, Samuel. It's not all necessarily what you do, though yes I agree you were very rude, it's what you do to my son.' 

 

'I don't, I don't understand.' I said. Does she know?!

 

'You change him. He's this sweet innocent boy to me, but not you. Not when you're around. He's rude, has no respect.' she paused. I was silent. 'Rather like you.' she added, and looked pleased with herself. 

 

Justin walked in 'What's like Sam mom?' he sounded a lot happier, but apprehensive that we were actually talking. 

 

'Oh nothing Justin.' she said. Smiling at her son. I was actually speechless, I mean I knew she expected a little boy version of Justin, but it wasn't my fault that he was a grown man who didn't need babying anymore. But I didn't want to cause another scene, especially not in front of Justin. 

 

Then I realised it must’ve been me they were arguing about.

 

'Right mom, we're going out, you ready Sam?' he asked. I sprung to my feet as quick as I could. He kissed her on the cheek. While he did she narrowed her eyes at me again.

 

'Have fun boys.' she said coldly. 

 

We eventually stumbled back to his apartment many hours later, not because we were overly drunk, but because we were so tired. I nuzzled into his neck as he opened the door, and he spun me around so I was up against the wall when we did get inside, and as usual he took full control of the kiss. I managed to push him off me and grab his hand, giggling as we ran to his room. We burst in and I was just about to push him on the bed when I saw Pattie making the bed. 

 

'Oh hello boys!' she said looking up. We let go of each other's hands immediately. 'I was just finishing off preparing you room darling, Samuel I’ve done you one of the spare rooms, I thought you might want to stay over.' she gave a cold smile directed at me.

 

'How-’ I gulped. ‘thoughtful of you Mrs Mallette...' I managed to say. Justin just stood there staring. 

 

'Well Justin I'll leave you to go to bed, Samuel I'll show you where you're sleeping shall I? Goodnight Justin darling' she kissed him on the cheek, led us out of the room and closed the door behind us. 

 

When we got to the room I saw it was fully furnished and had a massive TV and a bathroom for the room, along with a full wall sized wardrobe. This apartment had everything. I wondered how much this cost a night to rent, more than you’ll ever make Sam.

 

'You erm didn't have to do this you know Mrs Mallette.' I said extremely embarrassed.

 

'Call me Pattie' she said in a bitchy voice. 'And believe me Samuel, I did have to do this.' and she walked out. 

 

I just walked over to the bed and flopped face first into it, what the hell just happened?

 

That was so embarrassing. Surely she can't just be doing that because she doesn't like me. Surely she's made the connection or at least something more than I'm his friend? I looked at the clock and realised she'd stayed up until 3am just to make sure we didn't go in his room together. 

 

Either this woman was pretty crazy, or she knew. 

 

Maybe both. 

 

The next day we were at the production company's building, having a read through of the scripts for the first two or three episodes, the season was going to start being filmed pretty soon, and they wanted scripts down straight away, no last minute amendments like there were to the end of the first season.

 

Though it was more interesting than the usual meetings in this building, there were still all the usual boring producers and writers and directors in the meetings. The only person of the crew I could stand was Michael, and even he seemed stressed. There was this director they decided to make as the permanent director for every episode, Sean Harley, and it felt like he really had it out for me. Nearly every line he made me read again, told me I wasn't doing it right and so on. It was extremely frustrating to the point where I really wanted to punch him. 

 

'Will you just give me a break!' I said as he criticised me for the hundredth time in ten minutes!

 

'Sam!' Michael scolded. 'He knows what he's talking about, listen to his advice, and Sean, he was pretty good last year. Give him a break.' I still threw Michael a dirty look for telling me to suck it up. It annoyed me even more that Harley never once criticised Justin, even when everyone else did when he messed up. I would've been annoyed at Justin if he hadn't been sat next to me, touching my crotch every so often. 

 

After three hours straight of reading scripts, we were all getting exhausted. Thankfully Michael had the idea of ordering pizza for lunch, which we were allowed to eat for once, however the catch was we had to keep reading through lunch. Which means I messed up even more as there was pizza in my mouth most of the time. The food actually seemed to slow us down, not speed us up at all. 

 

Again an hour passed and we weren't even nearly done, my tolerance for Harley was dropping by the minute as well. Justin was now at the point where he was sexually frustrating me, after not having him the night before, and his constant teasing I decided I needed him. Whatever I could get. 

 

'I'm going to the bathroom' I announced to the room, squeezing his thigh before I got up. 

 

'Imma go too' he said. Good, he understood.

 

We got out of the room and started walking down the corridor, past the toilets, looking in every room for one that was empty. Eventually we found one, empty and had blinds on all the glass walls that we could close. I pushed him inside the small conference room. 

 

I started to kiss his neck, moaning into it too. 'God I need you so bad' I said. 

 

'Mmm babe me too. But not here.' he said, his head back, hands on my hips enjoying the pleasure. 

 

'I know I know but still.' I said, moving to his mouth. I was feeling adventurous and decided to take him by surprise. 

 

I felt his face move as I tried to take over the kiss, I wanted to at least show him once that I could be dominant. Surprisingly I actually won the little tongue fight we had, and I explored his mouth eagerly. I slipped a hand inside his jeans to feel what I knew was already hard, and he moaned into my mouth at the touch. 

 

That's when the door opened. 

 

And Michael walked in. 

 

 

We are so dead.


	22. It's Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> non-con/assaault/rape warnings for this chapter

'Oh.' said Michael. And he backed out of the room slowly and closed the door. 

 

'Well fuck.' I said. 

 

Justin looked terrified. He just stood there with a scared face on, not moving, not speaking. 

 

'What's gonna happen?' he said. Almost falling over as he moved to sit down on the long glass table. 

 

'Nothing Justin.' I said rubbing his shoulder, he winced at my touch so I stopped. 

 

'But... He saw.' he swallowed hard.

 

'Justin, look at me, I promise this will be ok. Ok?' he just looked at me wi a blank face, he'd gone really pale, like he'd seen a ghost. I was terrified of ghosts, but right then I'd have preferred to have seen a ghost than Michael so much. 

 

'How' he barely moved his lips when he spoke. 

 

'If Michael says anything, and he won't, then it's simple.' he have me a confused look. I carried on. 'We say... We say that, I thought of you as more than a friend and I kissed you. I admit that I was out of line or whatever and you say whatever you would say.' I sighed, I was sad, I knew that this had to be the end of our little arrangement, whether people found out or not he'd never want to see me again probably. 

 

'Would that work...' he asked after a while. 

 

'Sure, I guess.' I said. 'I mean it would totally be embarrassing for me or whatever, and maybe a bit for you but we'd get over it. I don't give a shit what people say anyways...'

 

'You'd do that for me?' he whispered.

 

'Justin' I said squatting down to his eye level and grabbing his chin so he looked at me and not the floor 'Of course I would. There's nothing I wouldn't do...' I trailed off. He gave me a strange look, almost a loving one. 

 

'But now we really have to get back in there, and face the music' I said. Gabbing his hand and pulling him up. 

 

 

When we got back there was no mention of it at all, and no awkward glances from anyone, even Michael. He hadn't told anyone. We could breathe easy for now. We finally wrapped it up a couple of hours later and everyone was glad to have that over. Everyone was getting up and leaving, and of course in true Sam style, I dropped all my scripts on the floor. I managed I gather them together and stood up to find it was just me, Michael and Justin left in the room. 

 

'Sam' Michael said. 'We need to talk contracts and such.' 

 

'Oh' I managed to choke out. 'Yeah erm do you want to now? Or?'

 

'Its too late to stay here now.' he said without looking at his watch at all. 'How about you just come over to mine. I have all the papers there anyways. You don't have plans do you?' 

 

I looked at Justin, he was being completely silent. 'Well actually...' I said. 

 

'Good.' Michael said. 'Shall we go then?' 

 

I sighed. 'Yeah.' I guess with what he knows, it didn't matter what I had planned that night. 

 

The night went quite smoothly after that. Michael was completely normal with me, I could've forgotten what I was worried about in any other case. He'd served me some kind of Chinese food. I didn't know what it was but it was good. And he kept getting me drinks, I had to slow myself down. We were on his couch just watching some TV when he turned it off suddenly. 

 

'So Sam.' he turned to me. 'Lets talk business...' 

 

'OK, what were you thinking?' I didn't really know why we needed a meeting. 

 

He leaned in closer. Then he put his hand on my knee. 'I can get you whatever you want, Samuel.' he whispered. My eyed widened. I hoped he wasn't meaning what I thought he was. 

 

'Anything you want' he said, sliding his hand a bit further up my leg. 'And if you do this, it's all forgotten' his hand went further. I gulped. Then I scowled. 

 

'Michael!' I said pushing his hand off and standing up. 'Get off me! What the hell are you doing you're-' I tried to walk away but he stood up and grabbed my arm and spun me around. I was inches from his face now. 

 

'Oh I've always had a thing for you Sam, even when we first met.' he whispered with an evil smirk that was actually scaring me. His grip on my arm increased as I struggled. I thought back to when we did first meet. 'That's right' he said. 'Ever since I saw that skinny 15 year old I've wanted to get my hands on you, and now you've turned into a lovely piece of-' he stopped and closed his eyes. 'Mmm' he groaned. 

 

'Oh my god ew get off me!' I used his closed eyes to my advantage and pushed him off me. 'Michael that is disgusting I can't believe you. Let go of me!!!!' I screamed as he tried to grab me again. I tried to kick him in the balls too but he blocked me. 

 

He brought his face close to mine and I spat on him. He let go of me. I ran as fast as I could to the door, he chased me and grabbed my hair pulling me right back. I screamed in pain. He pulled me back by my hair to whisper in my ear. 

 

'You have five days, or I will ruin you and your little fuck buddy' he said. Then pushed me off him. 'Close the door on your way out slut.' he said as I got up and ran out as fast as I could. 

 

I felt sick. I sank to the floor as soon as I got back to the apartment I was renting. I hugged my knees in close and cried and cried and cried. It wasn't worrying about Justin. Though I was doing that. I felt sick, I couldn't believe Michael had done that to me. I thought he was going to rape me for a second. I'd never been so scared in my life. 

 

I felt disgusted. Not only with him but also myself. Was I that much of a whore? Did he only hire me because he thought I'd sleep with him? And what the fuck he'd has his eye on me since I was 15?! I never wanted to leave the apartment again. I was so ashamed, too ashamed to even show my face. And what was I gonna do? Just walk in there and let him rape me? I couldn't do that. But maybe I had to. I was in so much pain. I looked at my arm where he'd grabbed me there was a red mark. It wasn't anything and didn't really physically hurt. But it felt like someone was slashing my arm with a red hot knife. 

 

I knew I could never tell anyone what had just happened. He'd Destroy me, and Justin. And he'd probably do it anyway. That or worse. I started to blame myself. The feelings of self hatred I'd suppressed for years came bubbling back up. I thought back to those lonely nights, in the bathroom at one in the morning, blood running down my arms. Or in the hospital night after night, they wouldn't let me leave in case I tried again. 

 

By then it had been a long time since all that, but I glanced into the kitchen. The knife rack seemed to smirk at me. I know you want me. That's what it was saying. And I knew in that moment I did. A knife would be much easier than a razor blade. I was going to walk over to it.

 

But then a magazine fell onto the floor behind me. The sound made me turn around quickly, thinking I was about to be murdered or something, but I just looked down at the magazine. It had fallen open onto a double page spread about Justin. The biggest picture was one they'd taken a few weeks ago. It was me and him smiling for the cameras - a rare occasion - I realised how happy I looked. How happy I could be. How happy he made me. 

 

I sluggishly walked to bed. I never wanted to wake up from my sleep, but deep down I knew I could get through this. If I'd gotten through shit in the past, could get through a twat threatening my career. I tossed and turned all night, crying and scratching at the red mark on my arm until it really did hurt. 

 

My phone vibrating woke me up, I didn't even know I'd fallen asleep. It was Robin.

 

'Hey baaabe' he said, so happy, so cheerful, so Robin. 

 

'Hi' I said. Yawning. 

 

'Aw Sam's sleepy! Well I just wanted to tell you I'm gonna be a bit late tonight. They've asked me to stay an extra shift I tried to say no but then they-' 

 

'It's fine.' i said. I remembered he was supposed to be coming down later. 'it doesn't matter.' 

 

'Sam are you ok? What's wrong?! If you had stuff planned I can get off work I swear I'll go tell them I need to-' 

 

'I'm fine.' I paused. 'i didn't have anything planned, you don't even have to come.'

 

'No, I'm coming. We need to celebrate.' he said trying to cheer me up. 

 

'Whatever. I'm not in the mood to celebrate. Just get here whenever. See you later.'

 

'Um, bye? Love you Sam see you later...' 

 

At least he didn't beg me to keep talking. Tonight was the night, I'd decided. I had to break up with him, I knew it. And what better day to break up than when I already felt like shit. 

 

I did nothing all day. I moped around the apartment, eating cereal out of the box, flicking through all the channels on the tv watching nothing for longer than five minutes. I didn't know what to do with myself, I was slow to do everything all day, especially replying to Justin and Robin. I was even slow when I heard Robin knock on the door. After a minute I got up and opened the door. 

 

He burst in, bottle of champagne in his hand, saying hey loudly and happily. He tried to grab my waist and pull me in for a kiss, but I pushed his arms away and dodged the kiss. 

 

'Whats going on Sam?' he said demandingly. 'You know I don't understand if you're playing or not, don't do this.' 

 

I momentarily felt a little happier. I remember while Justin was gone, I was being very sexual with Robin, and I'd played games with him. Knowing his particular habits in the bedroom, I'd made him as mad as I could with me, not talking, refusing kisses and doing all I could to annoy him, before leaning over to him, while he ground his teeth in anger, and whispering 'Fuck me like you want to right now. I've been a bad boy.' let's just say he got very, very wild. It was the best sex we'd ever had, but boy did I hurt and ache in the morning. 

 

Casting those thoughts from my mind, I got back to what I had to do. 'It's not a game. Sit down. I need to talk to you.' we sat on the couch. He out his hand on mine. I flinched. 

 

'What is it babe?' he said softly. 

 

'I, erm...' my mouth went dry, I looked into his eyes and saw the love in them. But I had to do this. 'We... Need. We erm' I cleared my throat. 'We need to break up.' I whispered. 

 

He stared blankly at me, and took his hand off mine. 'Why.' it didn't even sound like a question. 

 

I paused. 'It's not working Robin.' I said. Looking in my lap the whole time. 

 

'Bullshit!' he shouted. I snapped my head up to look at him, he was so pissed. 'There's someone else isn't there?!' he screamed. Standing up. 

 

'What?!' I screamed back, also standing up. 

 

'Admit it! Sam for fucks sake don't lie to me!' 

 

'I'm not lying!' I tried to shout.

 

'You have feelings for fucking Bieber don't you?' he stared me in the eyes. How does he know?!

 

'W...what?' I said. 

 

'I was at that party. I cancelled dinner with your mum to come see you. That person you bumped into on the stairs running to see Bieber? That was me.' 

 

I was silent. I thought back to what Justin said, and how he'd laughed when I hadn't paid any attention to that person who grabbed my hand on the stairs. Shit it was him. 

 

'I see the way you look at him don't even deny it Samuel. So what you imagine him when we fuck? Fucking hell you slut. I bet you wank to the thought. Hah! Pathetic.' he went and grabbed his coat. He purposely pushed the bottle of champagne onto the floor, it smashed, glass and the golden liquid went everywhere. 

 

'Get out of my house.' I whispered. 

 

'What?!' he shouted. 

 

'I said, get the FUCK out of my house!!' I ran up to him and screamed it in his face. 

 

'Ha ha.' He fake laughed. 'You stupid cunt. He's never gonna love you you know!' he screamed into my face. 

 

I pushed him back. 'I told you to leave.' I said through gritted teeth. 

 

'With pleasure.' he walked towards the door and opened it. 'You stupid pathetic little boy you've just blown it with the only guy who's ever gonna love you! Haha! Fuck off.' 

 

I went for the door fast. 'Fuck you Robin. And for your information.' I grabbed his collar and pulled him close. 'You aren't that good in bed. I had to find someone who was, never trust an actor. Now get the fuck out of my house before I make you.' and I slammed the door quite literally onto his face. 

 

Tears started streaming down my face, and for the second time in twenty four hours I slid down the wall and hugged my knees close and cried. I decided I'd go to the only person who'd make me feel better, the only person I could bare to see in the moment. 

 

I ran down the hallway to his door, on the way I passed Pattie. She turned around and said 'He's busy' but I didn't care, I pushed past her and, with tears streaming down my cheeks, knocked on his door. I heard Justin chuckle from inside and it sounded like he was talking, and I saw an eye look through one of those glass things that they have on doors to see who's outside. He stopped laughing, and I heard him say 'I'll call you back later Sel, byeee' and he opened the door. 

 

'Heyy! Finally alone at la-' his face dropped when he saw mine. 

 

'I broke up with Robin.' i said. He pulled me inside and gave me a big tight hug. 

 

'Oh Sam' he said into my hair. 'You know I'm not going to say sorry about it or anything?' 

 

'I know Justin, I know. I'm sorry you don't want to hug me.' I said pulling away. 

 

'Shut up of course I do' he pulled me back a bit too forcefully and had to catch me when I fell. He caught me in that cliche way, with his lips inches from mine. I stared into his eyes. 'Watch your step there Sam.' he said smiling and pulling me up. 'Now go put a movie on and we can cuddle and eat popcorn. You can talk, cry whatever I don't care.' he smiled his beautiful smile. 

 

I started walking to the tv room. 

 

'No stupid! In there!' he pointed to his room. When I looked at him funny he said. 'What it's the least weird thing we've done in there' it was the first time I'd laughed in a while. 

 

I crawled into his bed under the sheets, throwing off a few items of clothing in the process. He walked in with food and drinks. He brought popcorn and six different flavours of ice cream. He also brought me a drink. 

 

'Diet coke, six pieces of ice and a straw' he muttered under his breath when I smiled at the drink. 

 

'How did you know?' I asked, it was my favourite (non alcoholic) drink. 

 

'Hah, I've watched you make it enough times.' he said laughing. 

 

I sighed, he was being cute. He kissed me on the forehead. I moved back a hit too quick and he looked offended. 'Justin stop being gay!' I said smiling ear to ear. 

 

'Oh please' he whispered 'Hardly the gayest thing we've done in this bed.' 

 

And then he smiled. I smiled back, and my eyes widened as he moved closer to me, his face coming closer and closer and closer. I closed my eyes as I felt his soft lips on my own. This kiss was different. He softly kissed my lips, gently licking my lips with his tongue. I felt so much more in this kiss than I'd ever felt with anyone before. His hand slipped behind my head to bring me closer and my hand went to grab a handful of his shirt. That's when I felt something really cold on my lap. 

 

I broke the kiss to find I'd dropped all the ice cream in my bowl onto my lap. 'Great' I said. 

 

'Different type of white cream on you this time I see.' Justin laughed. I blushed. 

 

'Justin you're so embarrassing' I said. Getting up out of the bed. I'd have to take my shorts off. He went quiet and I realised that I'd bent over taking my shorts off, and he was clearly staring at my ass. 'Justin!' I said whipping him out of his trance. I raised my eyebrows at him. 

 

'I cant help it!' he looked like a kid who'd just been told off by his mummy. It was pretty cute. 'Fine' he said. 'Wanna hear something embarrassing?' 

 

'Of course!' I said getting back in bed and resting my head on his shoulder. 

 

'Well, you know how I told you me and Ryan had messed around when we was younger?' I nodded yes. 'Well yesterday my mom told me that she'd walked in half way through, my mom has seen me give a boy a blowjob.' I looked at him and he'd gone a ver bright shade of red. I couldn't help but laugh. 

 

'Oh shush!' I said, slapping him on the arm lightly. 'Try your brother walking in while you're losing your virginity to a guy, who's balls deep in your ass. That is embarrassing.' I said. Laughing even though I was still embarrassed about that. 

 

'Ok, well how about...' 

 

We carried on like that for a while, telling each other embarrassing stories, everything from peeing yourself in high school, to super gluing your nipple to someone else's, to pushing someone down the side of your bed in a morning so your parents wouldn't see the morning sex. And I'll leave you to work out whose stories are whose. We didn't pay attention to the movie at all, and we snuggled closer and closer as the night went on. I slowly started falling asleep and I swear he kissed me softly again, it might have been a dream but Im sure the last words I heard were 'Goodnight babe'. 

 

I walked into the kitchen rubbing my eyes, with serious bed head and a bad case of the morning wood, I thought I looked terrible. Justin's stare told me otherwise. 

 

'I could take you right now' he said. I made sure I bent over as much as I could to reach for the tap to run myself a glass of water. 'You want breakfast?' he asked. 

 

I’d slept amazingly, and I felt really motivated. 'Pancakes' I said. It was definitely an order. 

 

I went up to him and pressed my body up and close to his. 'But first I gotta do something' I said. His eyes lit up. 'Not that.' his face dropped. 'But after... I'm gonna come back, and we are going to fuck so many times, superstar' I whispered in his ear. 'I’m going to blow your mind.' 

 

I stepped back and made sure to walk extra sexy away from him, I knew my boxers had slipped down my ass a little. I turned on my heel. He looked mesmerised. 'And then, we can eat.' I winked. 

 

 

I burst into his office. 

 

'Excuse me-' said one of the three men in the room with Michael. It looked like some kind of meeting. 

 

'No. You excuse me' I said. 'I need to talk to Mr Lee here, it's very urgent. Isn't it Mr Lee?' 

 

I saw his shocked expression stay for a while then his lips curled to a smile. God I hated him. 'Yes gentlemen, we were just about done here anyways, I'll get those profiles sent out to your straight away. Its a pleasure doing business with you. Until tomorrow.' he shook each one of their hands and they looked very disgruntled as they left. I did hold the door open for them. 

 

'Take a seat Samuel' he said gesturing towards a seat on the opposite side of his desk, while sitting down himself. I turned and pulled down the blinds on the windows of his office. Then I walked round to his side of the desk. He pulled his chair out from underneath it and began to speak. 

 

'No!' I said. 'You listen here Michael Lee.' I put my hand in my pocket and brought out my phone, pressed a few buttons and showed him. 'Know what this is?' 

 

He gulped. 

 

'I said, do you know what this is?' I felt like I was growling at him. 

 

'Voice recorder...' he said softly. He'd gone red. 

 

'Correct. Oh what's this? A recording dated yesterday...' 

 

His eyes widened. 

 

'Now you listen here you pathetic little cunt, you will keep your disgusting mouth shut. You will double my pay, get my album promoted on the show, and then you will quit your job and disappear. I never want to hear a whisper about Michael Lee ever again. Got it? Or I will release this little recording. Think of the headlines. Top TV Producer Attempts to Rape Minor. I'm sure they'll come up with something much more sinister.' I faked a smile. 

 

'I didn't try to...'

 

'Didn't you Michael? Didn't you?!' I spat at him. I got up and walked towards the door. 

 

'You're getting off easy' I said. 'If I'd told my parents what you did, you’d be six feet under in no time. And that's only my dad.' I opened the door. 'I hope you find a new job somewhere far away from anyone stupid enough to sleep with your sorry arse.' 

 

 

I closed the door and walked, no strutted, away back to Justin's place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're enjoying all the drama and cute sam/justin moments :p  
> Sam x


	23. Forever & Always

I didn’t disappoint on my promise when I got back. I was so pumped and full of energy from, in my view, dealing with the problem expertly and being an overall amazing blackmailing person, that I was even more into it than I thought I’d be.

 

To my knowledge we fucked six times that day. Six! Quite impressive isn’t it? The kitchen, up against the counter Justin pounding me so hard for teasing him before I left. My hair getting pulled, my neck getting bitten.

 

The dining room, not caring about the breakfast that was cooking. My legs wrapped around his waist on my back on the table, seeing his look of pure pleasure on his face as I moaned out for him.

 

On the bed, me on my hands and knees, Justin’s hands gripping my thighs pulling me back towards him, reaching that spot inside me every.single.time.

 

In the room Pattie had been sleeping in. Justin hadn’t looked too impressed when I dragged him in there, but I had to get my own personal revenge. He wasn’t complaining when my mouth was around his dick.

 

On one of the couches, it had started off as innocent TV watching but soon went to blowjobs. Which, by the way, Justin was getting very good at. He was just incredible in bed. Or well in bed, in the kitchen, in the dining room… you know what I mean.

 

And finally, we ended up in the shower. We promised each other we’d strictly keep it to non-sexual washing. Of course it didn’t happen. Hot steamy stuff happened. Not talking about the shower.

 

‘Mmm’ he said. ‘These pancakes are the second best thing I’ve eaten all day’

 

One week later

 

'I still can't believe you did it!' Said Olly

 

'Oh I can, I imagine you're ruthless when someone gets to you, especially when he says something like that!' Lindsay replied.

 

'Ha ha ha, you're right about that. I almost feel I was too mean, it was all my fault, but that stuff still kinda hurts, what he said and all.' Us three were getting ready in my rented apartment in London, they'd come down for the weekend and since it was Friday night and I was demanding everybody make me feel better, we were going out.

 

'All I can say is I'm so glad he's not laying on the floor bawling his eyes out screaming how no one will ever love him again.' Said Olly chuckling. 'That's usually how it goes down.

 

'No way!' Lindsay laughed as she sprayed her hair, then coughed and choked on the hairspray.

 

'Revenge!' I shouted, spraying my own hairspray in her direction. 'And well, I don't know, I feel terrible about hurting Robin, but it was for the best. It was never going to work and frankly, I didn't like him that much. I was with him cause I felt I had to be I guess...'

 

'I know exactly what you mean!' Lindsay said, fixing an out of control eyelash. 'I was like that with my first boyfriend, my parents looooved him; they talked about us getting married and everything, in front of us! His parents were just as bad. They wanted kids by the time I was 20! When all I wanted to do was sneak off to the park every night and kiss this one under our favourite tree.' She jabbed Olly in the stomach. They were so freaking adorable I'm pretty sure I made the :3 face... somehow.

 

Talking to them about how they got together didn't make me feel any better about the Justin situation. Or, it didn't make me feel any worse, and I needed to feel bad! I'd been cheating on my boyfriend! And hearing that they were doing almost the same kind of thing almost justified it. But their situation was completely different to mine. But that's not what the part of my brain focussed on Justin was trying to say.

 

The night was by all means brilliant, Olly and I had always got on amazingly, and I loved spending time with and bonding with Lindsay, just five years too late really. However nowadays whenever I went anywhere, especially out at night there would be cameras and paparazzi just waiting to snap snap snap the cameras. It didn't bother me so much, that's their job and well the flashes lit up the ground more decreasing my chances of falling over to about 50%, but it was the fact they were there to get a picture of me absolutely shitfaced or just one where I looked bad. They seemed to be on this massive anti-Sam train at the moment. I was being painted as this bad boy rebel who only ever partied and got drunk. I had my fair share of fun, and yes I was only 17 but the only difference between me and another teenager was the fact I was drinking openly, in clubs and bars and famous people parties while my old friends were drinking at crappy house parties. Though I really didn't care what people thought after all.

 

As I expected I awoke the next day with pictures of the night out being tweeted everywhere, wonderful. Though I was turning into the little star back then, what better way to get noticed than to constantly have your picture on all the celebrity gossip blogs. I wasn’t even a celebrity!

 

A Few Weeks Later we were all getting ready again. Finally! My 18th birthday had arrived. It couldn’t have come soon enough for me, though my mother was keen on keeping me as long. My rented apartment was filled with people from the show, my friends from school, my brother, Lindsay and a couple of their friends. Neither Justin nor Robin were there, I had told the guys to tell Robin he was invited, not that he would ever want to come, I would probably never see him again, and though we ended badly it would be terrible to have our last ever encounter as a screaming insult match. But no, he didn’t come. Justin was going to meet us at the party later with his friends. It was turning into quite the celebrity filled occasion.

 

I was ready far too early, something very unusual, so I was sat opening various presents and cards. I had gotten quite a lot, they were all piled up on my bed since someone had already left one there people decided they could do that too. So it was pretty crazy carrying them through to the TV room. There were joke ones like a gaydar, to cute ones like a framed picture of my class in the first year of school with us all looking like very cute four year olds, to downright offensive ones: Singing for Dummies (with a gift tag conveniently not there, but on interrogation of everyone there I found it was Olly who had given that, he got a punch) but surprising and most embarrassing of all was an anonymous present wrapped in shiny purple wrapping paper. By the time I got to this present I had gathered a crowd of the eager party goers, which made it worse. Being extremely impatient as I am, I ripped open the parcel. To a lot of laughter.

 

‘Oh god!’ I said covering my face with my hands, into my lap had fallen some very, very skimpy underwear, a guy thong, a jock strap and one pair of purple boxers that I could see a little of the back of, it had in big white letters: “Property O-”. I was about to turn them fully around to see who’s property my ass was, when I noticed a note had also fallen out, in all too familiar hand writing.

 

Enjoy these, you know I will…

J

 

I suddenly went very red, and scooped up all the underwear and the note before Olly tried to turn them around to see what I had tried to. I made an excuse and laughed that it was my stalker and needed to keep these clean so the police could trace any fingerprints. Then ran to my room and dumped them on my bed. Sure enough, in those big white letters, PROPERTY OF JUSTIN BIEBER was written across my would be ass. Close one Justin, close one. I later remembered seeing a shiny purple parcel on my bed well before anyone else arrived, so he had tried to be discreet. However he was the one to blame for my bed being used like FedEx.

 

When I got back to the TV room Olly was doing some kind of twerk-like dance. And there were a lot of people laughing and jeering, apparently he was pretending to be me in those underwear.

 

‘Ha, ha. Very funny Oliver. Now open some cards Sam!’ Said Lindsay.

 

‘Good idea.’ I replied.

 

I got through a lot of cards, there’s always more than presents, which is stupid! I want presents! I was going to start complaining that there was no money in any of them, and then I realised I was a signed artist, and earning a very high acting salary. But still…….

 

Then I opened one card that was very different to the rest. It was a plain card, I can’t remember the colour or anything, I just remember all it said on it was Happy Birthday, in some nice font. It didn’t even have a printed message inside. What it did have was a message inside.

 

Dear Sam,

 

It was very gracious of you to invite me to your party after what I said, though I’m afraid I cannot bring myself to go, I am a coward I know. However we both know that I was much more committed than you and to go would only bring back for me the feelings that have already refused to leave. So firstly I am sorry for not attending what will be a fun party. You were always the life of the party and that’s something I loved about you, how you could draw everyone in, and be so happy in the limelight. I never appreciated this in you until you were gone.

 

Sorry to draw this out. I’m just trying to avoid having to speak about what I said that night.

 

I can never tell you how sorry I am about everything I said Sam; it was so untrue I regretted it the moment it left my mouth. But you of all people know my temper gets me in trouble sometimes, and it got me in a horrible place that night. I can only hope you are generous enough to forgive me for what I said. We can never truly be more than acquaintances anymore; I am not stupid enough to believe I can be your friend, though I’d like to know you don’t hate me.

 

Happy Birthday Samuel, have a wonderful day.

 

I still love you

 

Forever and always,

 

Robin

 

It almost brought a tear to my eye reading it, and I had to read it a couple of times to really get it through to myself. It was the first time I’d realised properly. We had broken up and I had broken this boy’s heart. I sniffed, I realised I was going to cry if I didn’t distract myself quickly.

 

‘Someone get some music on, get the drinks and let’s get this pre-party going!’ Someone I couldn’t see shouted to a reply of cheers. And suddenly the room was alive.

 

‘Hey, Sam’ Olly said coming over to me with a drink; I had been stood in the same place ever since the card. ‘You ok?’

 

‘Yes!’ I suddenly shouted ‘I’m good, thanks. Now let’s just get this party started!’ I winked.

 

I took his drink off him and downed it in one, and screamed a whoop. I got out my phone, brought up the number I knew off by heart but had deleted, and texted.

 

Thank you Robin, I know you didn’t mean it.

 

It was read almost immediately, I saw the three dots to say he was typing, but then they disappeared and no message came. That was the end of Sam and Robin.

 

We all got our drinks, it was still an hour or so before the party, and everyone was mingling. I had actually managed to let go of the planning of my party to a professional party planner and Justin’s team, the ones that liked me out of his team that is. So I had time to relax and just make sure I was not so drunk before I even got to the party. Which was quite easy, more and more people kept turning up to my apartment there was no time to drink only to talk! Sometime after the whole card incident, a group of guys turned up and came bounding over to me.

 

‘Heyyy, Sam!’ They all seemed to say in unison. ‘Happy birthday man/dude/mate/bro’ was said by each. They were my new recording studio buddies as I called them. Tom, Josh, Harry and Scott.

 

Tom was the tallest; he towered over me and all of the people in the room. He was dark skinned, with a perfect complexion and defined cheekbones, the type that could cut glass, his eyes were a dark brown that had so much depth they drew you in even from a quick glance. For all purposes, he was extremely hot. Josh was the same height as me, his bleached blonde but don’t tell anyone hair was in that swishy Baby era Bieber style, and he had bright green eyes that were a pleasure to look at. His face was probably what I’d call perfection. The perfect balance of striking and soft features, it was a baby face that was so mature in some respects. Though his little button nose just made you wanna pinch it ‘peek a boo’ style, all topped off with a never ending perfect for his skin type tan. Harry was different again, with his dyed black hair, contacts in his eyes to make them nearly black, pierced nose, lip cheek and tongue, pale skin and facial features that sat perfectly on the long face he had. His dress sense fit him perfectly, the I’m not a goth, I’m alternative look you see. Lots of black and red. Finally, Scott was Irish, with pearly white skin and a generic face, he always said he liked how he could blend in, being just a little smaller than average helped him do this, and as always he was in plain, unnoticeable clothes. The reason they were my recording studio friends was the fact they had formed a little singing group in school, and carried on they were all a year and a little older than me, and eventually found a job singing, they were backup vocals for a lot of popular artists, it was crazy the amount of hits they had worked on. So that’s how I had met them, they were my backing vocals on my debut album.

 

They were one of the coolest groups of guys I have ever met, and I am still in touch with Harry and Scott, sadly of course not with Josh or Tom. What felt great at that time was that I’d made friends! Genuine friends! Ever since the whole famous thing started I’d been finding it hard, but now I was being introduced to a whole new world of people and I was loving it. Of course it didn’t make it harder that they were all pretty hot, and that me and Josh had been hitting it off a little better than the rest of us to say the least. I introduced them to everyone I could before being grabbed by various other people.

 

Eventually it was time for the actual party, and I was still able to walk on my own two feet. I made sure everyone was out of my place, and just as I was locking up I got a text.

 

Justin: meet me on the roof of ur building in 5 mins

Me: ummm… ok??

 

There was no reply, I smiled though, he’d been mysterious like this before though that usually led to sex… should I put on the underwear he bought me? No, surely we can’t be fucking on the roof. I took the stairs up, as it would kill some time, I may have been pretty popular and kind of famous, but I wasn’t top floor penthouse material then. I reached the roof after exactly five minutes, brilliant timing. I pushed open the emergency exit bar and prayed there was no alarm, there wasn’t. I don’t know what I expected to see but it certainly wasn’t what it was. A grey half wall around the edge of the roof, and just bare concrete or whatever kind of stone this was on the floor, there was a crowbar here, lead and copper pipes all around. Had Justin arranged me to be bludgeoned to death? There were a couple of air vents and air conditioning units scattered around. It was like the building’s sick bucket or something. It was rapidly descending into darkness, and although the wind was quite string up there, the summer heat was still sticking around. I waited and waited what seemed like forever, which was actually about ten minutes.

 

After getting bored of waiting and very pissed off I was just about to turn around when suddenly there was a click all around me, light shone in every direction. I realised it had gone that beautiful blue black sky colour and that nearly all the big lights in the city had come on at once. Since the building was tall, there were these colourful flashing lights, for helicopters and pilots that blinked in a lovely pattern. I cast my eyes out across London. It was beautiful. The setting sun’s last orange streaks descending beyond the horizon, Big Ben, the London Eye, Canary Wharf, all lit up in an awesome display, people say cities are ugly and the country is beautiful, I completely disagree. And then Justin was there.

 

‘I thought you might like it.’ He said taking my hand. I must have had a stupid grin on my face giving me away.

 

‘It’s incredible, I’d hate to pay your electricity bill right now’ I said sarcastically.

 

‘Yeah, sorry to break it to you but I didn’t do this for your birthday, this happens everyday.’

 

‘Damn’ I said, staring at his kissable lips. ‘So tell me Mr Bieber why am I here?’ I said casting my eyes across the city.

 

‘I wanted to give you your present.’ He said softly.

 

I chuckled. ‘I think I already got that, thanks.’

 

‘Nah, that was just a joke but feel free to you know whenever…’ he trailed off nearly biting his lip.

 

‘Whenever you want Justin’ I winked.

 

‘Shush stoop distracting, anyways your real present.’ He went all shy like a child. ‘I was thinking back, to when Michael walked in on us and well what you said. How you’d do anything for me…’ he cleared his throat, he looked a little weird at me when I shuddered at Michael’s name, I hadn’t told him of course.

 

‘Anyways, I just I really wanted, to let you know I appreciate that Sam, and I would do the same, so um yeah…’

 

He reached inside his pocket and pulled out a small fabric bag, tied together with some fancy gold string. He handed it to me, and I gave that “ooh I wonder what this is” look you give someone who gives you something. I pulled the string and the little pouch opened, revealing inside a simple silver necklace with a charm on it. I picked it up and looked properly at the charm. It was a J and an S intertwined together, it was only small, but you could tell what it was. There were diamonds on it too. It was classy but cute at the same time.

 

‘Justin… I don’t know what to say?’ I said staring at him, and then the necklace.

 

‘Don’t say anything, baby’ there he went calling me that again, I melted everytime. ‘But that’s not it, like I mean I wanted to give you that the most because well yeah… but I realised you can’t go wearing it around everywhere especially when we hang out so I got you this as well!’

 

This time he pulled out a ring box. I slowly opened it revealing yet again a simple silver piece of jewellery, this time there were no diamonds. It was a simple silver ring, almost like a wedding ring which made me chuckle, he’d have no idea he bought me a wedding ring.

 

‘Look on the inside’ he said.

 

I picked up the ring and looked inside and read the words.

 

Forever and always – J

 

This time I gasped, and a tear came to my eye. ‘Don’t you wanna put it on?’ he asked.

 

‘Would you do the honours?’ I said holding out the ring, he grabbed it and my hand and slipped it onto my finger. ‘Perfect fit’ I whispered.

 

‘Of course’ he replied. And then he took a step towards me, he put a hand on the side of my face and we leant in for a kiss. This was like no kiss we’d had before, this was a real kiss, one filled not with lust but with… love. It carried on for a while until it broke off, he grabbed my hand and said ‘Come on let’s get you to the party!’ with a cheeky grin on his face that I mirrored.

 

‘Ok cutie’ I said walking with him to the door of the stairway. ‘Oh, by the way Justin you do know you put the ring on my wedding ring finger right?’ He went very red and stuttered; I had a great laugh and swapped the ring.

 

Needless to say I do not remember much of the party at all, adding to the fact I drank so much, it’s now quite a few years since that night. I often look back on these years, the ones I have told you about so far, and think what I could have done differently.

 

Which is a lot.

 

You’re now a third of the way through my story, at least as it is up to now, for me it’s six years since it all began, and you’ve made it through two. I’ve painted a picture of a terrible person, I know I have. But I would never shy away from admitting my mistakes, not now. Maybe back then I would have. However, to fully convey my story, to really show you all that happened, to explain truthfully you need to know everything.

 

No more lies. The Sam you’re reading about is real, he’s not this heartbreaking homewrecker you’re all convinced he is now, now details have started to emerge. He’s an eighteen year old boy who’s made a lot of mistakes, and boy does he make some more before he becomes me. I’m not telling you this because I want you to all run out and blame Justin for everything. I’m simply giving my side of this story. You may even ask what story? Well it’s a story that has been in the making, under your noses the full time, ever since I laid eyes on that beautiful boy. Slowly now though, you’re all waking up and smelling the bacon as you could say. In the coming months that you’ll read about, you will discover a lot of things you didn’t know about me. Of course you all know generally what happens around Christmas of the year I turn 18. Everyone does. It’s something I’ve never tried to cover up, something I am willing to talk about whenever a journalist brings it up after I do anything successful. The problem is you think you know it all, and I dare say you know a lot.

 

 

You just don’t know what really happened. And you don’t know why.


	24. Not With You

Waking up on the morning after my party, I truly understood Miley Cyrus’ line “red cups and sweaty bodies everywhere” because that’s exactly what I saw. I didn’t even know where I was to start with. I woke up with an elbow in my face, the tattoos on the arm telling me it was Justin’s. We seemed to have passed out on his bed, with a couple of other people dotted around his large room, though all on the floor; I was special so I got the bed, of course. Not that we were doing that kind of, or any kind of sleeping together though. Walking through the rest of the ridiculously large apartment there were so many people just asleep, some more awake than others, groaning, stumbling from and to the bathroom. I didn’t risk going to any other bathroom than the one in Justin’s room, the door was closed, drunken people wouldn’t have had a clue it was a bathroom. And thankfully it wasn’t covered top to bottom in vomit.

I found my phone somehow under a pile of random clothes, but it was flat out so I stuck it on charge while I went for a wander around the apartment. There were bottles, cups and balloons all over the place. It was fully decked out for an 18th birthday. We’d had the after party at Justin’s apartment. Justin’s idea. Eventually finding a cup from somewhere, as a clean cup was hard to find – I finally got a drink of some much needed water, and again, and many more times again. I couldn’t feel the hangover yet – I still felt drunk.

Going back to my phone I found it buzzing like crazy, alert after alert – mostly stuff I didn’t care about. There were pictures of my party on TMZ, Perez Hilton, and Twitter was going wild. After dismissing most of them and tweeting something about being alive still, I checked my emails, something I was doing a lot more than I thought I ever would working in showbiz. I opened one from the personnel manager of the show and my heart sank. It was a surprise meeting scheduled for 10am. I groaned at the fact I’d have to go to a meeting in the state I was, and then I looked at the time: 10:15am. Shit. I’d already missed the start. Fuck it I thought, and sent an email back apologising, trying to justify it by saying I’d only just got the email and to reschedule later on. I dreaded the reaction I would get. I was in really deep shit at that time with the production team, I didn’t know why. Or well I did but I didn’t know why Sean Harley hated me so much and why he was turning the whole crew against me. They never replied.

Later that night, after spending all day removing people and rubbish from the whole of Justin’s apartment we flopped down on the couch and stuck some movie on.

‘Justin…’ I asked after a while.

‘Mmm?’

‘Why did you buy me that stuff for my birthday, I mean it’s not like I don’t want it or I'm ungrateful, but you know they're presents you'd give to you know… a boyfriend or something.’

‘Gave you them because I wanted to’ he said almost disinterested, the he perked up. ‘You needed it I guess, after that cunt and stuff, wanted you to know I’ll be here I guess…’

‘Haha your choice of words to describe my ex is always flattering. But that’s very sweet of you, you know, not something I’d expect from someone you just like to stick it in.’

He sat up immediately after I said that ‘I don’t just use you!’

‘Well ok, we do other things too… I suck it, hahahaha.’ I laughed.

‘Shut up you!’ he hit me with a cushion. ‘You know what I mean’

‘Hah!’ I said trying to defend myself. ‘Actually… I don’t, what do you mean?’ I was getting serious.

‘Er… I… you’re cool Sam and I don’t wanna lose you.’ There was a silence. ‘And well you know this will end sometime but like I don’t wanna stop being your friend.’ It felt like he was covering up for what he just said before that.

‘Right… so there’s nothing else there?’ I asked, scolding myself straight away for even asking.

‘What do you mean?’ he looked at me funny.

‘Nothing, Justin it’s just I-’ But then Pattie decided to walk through the door.

‘Hi Justin! I-’ and then she saw me very close to her son on the couch. ‘Oh, hello Samuel. Well I’ve had a long flight, I'm going to go freshen up, Justin I’d like a word.’

He gave me an apologetic look but I brushed it off, I’d long gotten over how bitchy she was with me.

I couldn’t stop myself thinking about everything he’d said though, and everything he’d done for me. If I didn’t know any better I’d say this was turning into much more than just friends with benefits. I thought to myself. Could I be the one falling for him? And what if my feelings were just making me believe he cared more than he did? My brain was awfully confused. I needed to ignore the feelings that were bubbling up, I knew that. But how could I? I twirled the ring in my fingers, how could I forget him when he did things like that for me? Surely he felt something more than ‘you’re cool’ towards me to do that.

No, no Sam. He’s just your friend. Who you like to occasionally fuck the shit out of.

Two Weeks Later

‘Cut! From the top people, and for god’s sake Sam at least try to act this time’ Sean Harley, the wonderful, charming, wordsmith of a director of Season 2, made us start a scene over for the seventh time. Seventh. I hadn’t done anything wrong, he kept changing where he wanted me, what he wanted me doing, but it was my fault he couldn’t get it right. Ugh. I’d put up with it for two weeks, the constant insults and torture that work had turned into. They had decided to bring Harley in as their way of making the show more streamlined, to help us churn out episodes faster. Harley turned out to be the opposite of this, and it was frustrating everyone. Unfortunately for me they were getting angry at me too, as apparently it was all my fault. ‘Everyone take five maybe then he’ll remember how to act!’ Harley screamed. I rolled my eyes and went to sit at the makeup station; we all needed a top up.

‘Could I do anything more wrong if I tried?’ I asked no one as the makeup woman forcefully applied orange paste to my face.

‘Honestly… no.’ Said Jessica, coming to sit in the chair next to me and fixing her mascara. ‘It was John who messed up his lines that time, Hun didn’t even say anything!’ Hun had become our name for Harley, as in Attila the Hun.

‘Have you ever heard him say a bad word about anyone but me?’ I asked her already knowing the answer.

‘Hmph. Yes.’ Said the until then silent makeup artist, he’s got Jenny and Yusuf at home in tears right now, told them he’d seen better make up on a clown! Don’t say I said anything though.’ And she went back to abusing my face.

‘No way, he’s such a dick. I really don’t get it.’

‘Eh, the way this episode is looking we’ll be fine.’ Jessica chuckled.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Oh come on’ she said. ‘Haven’t you read the script? It’s atrocious. How many times can one character get pregnant in the same show?’

‘Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if Samuel hadn’t read the script the way he’s going on up there, Miss Simmons.’ Harley had come from nowhere, he made us both jump. I groaned a little inside. Though I smiled a little when I remembered the pregnancy was Harley’s idea. ‘Now, you have one minute to get your heads together, children.’

‘What a douche’ said Jessica, watching him walk away.

‘Don’t take it personal’ huffed the gossipy make up lady. ‘I overheard him saying he’d rather stick cocktail sticks in his eyes and eat them than spend another second in Justin Bieber’s company.’

‘Yep’ I said. ‘What a douche.’ All three of us turned and looked at him analysing a script.

I had to endure hours of constant belittling by Harley after that; it seemed to never end and it got to the point where I actually was making mistake; he was annoying me so much. He was getting just what he wanted. And that was annoying me, so I was getting annoyed by everyone and everything – including myself! It was like one big cycle of annoyance. I just didn’t know why, why did he hate me so much and want to see me fail? Did he want the whole thing to fail? Eventually I was pushed past my breaking point.

‘Enough! Enough! Enough!’ I screamed at the top of my lungs, interrupting whatever horrible thing he was saying. ‘I have put up with this for way too long. What the fuck is your problem?! Actually I don’t give a shit. Just like you don’t give a fuck about this show, or the people that work on it. It isn’t the Sean Harley show you know, you’re a shit director, an even worse writer, and when this gets cancelled which it undoubtedly will after the first five minutes of your shite directing, there’s only gonna be one person to blame. Who’s that? Together everyone! Sean fucking Harley, professional dickhead. Fuck off, fuck you and fuck this!’ I stormed out of the set.

‘Yo Sam dude what’s-’

‘Get out of my fucking way Justin, leave me alone.’ I pushed past him.

I finally reached my car and spent a lot of time fiddling with my keys; I couldn’t concentrate enough to even put the keys in the lock I was just so mad. I drove, I drove for miles and miles, way out of the city. I saw the people change from busy city people to cute old people wandering in their villages to no one. Just endless hills and roads surrounded me, it was perfect. Cranking the music up on the radio so loud it hurt my ears – I need to escape in that moment. I have no idea why it affected me so much but I couldn’t do it I could not handle one more minute with that man. I parked right at the top of a hill somewhere, one of those viewpoints where excited sightseers would marvel at the view. It was quite late by then so there were no old people in sight but the view was spectacular. I had never seen a sunset so brilliant. It was almost bringing me to tears, so peaceful; I couldn’t see a person, house or car for miles and miles and miles across a wide ranging valley that seemed to go on to the sunset. I got out of the car on to my shaky legs, and made it to sitting on the hood. I clenched my fists and screamed a very loud ‘fuck’. Birds suddenly flew up into the air, I’d startled them. It echoed for minute after minute around the valley, each time a little quieter, very therapeutic.

 

BREAKING NEWS! Which cast member has director Sean Harley called ‘unbearable’ and ‘a menace to work with’?!

I took one look at the headline and rolled back over, burying my face in the pillow. Letting out a loud groan I began to wonder if this hell would ever end. The time was 1pm already; I’d only just woken up. The producers thought it best if I “take a few days off, let off some steam” and other bullshit – but I couldn’t complain too much; it meant I could focus on other things for once. That day I was especially excited, I was getting back in the studio, after way too long, to get some recording done for my album. It hadn’t gone public yet that I was releasing a solo album – but everyone was optimistic. All the singles we’d released as part of the show had sold really well, we’d even broken into the charts in America which was crazy; the show wasn’t even broadcast in the US at this point.

The studio was amazing, so many great artists had been here, careers were started and ended here - real singers that everyone knew the names of had been in this building - some I'm sure recorded in the same studio as me! Walking in the reception I saw all the most famous artists portraits on the wall, some accompanied by the big gold or platinum discs underneath, it really did make me feel like a star. ‘That could be me one day’ I thought to myself. The whole place was just awesome, it was my escape from everything shitty happening in my life. Here I felt at home – everyone I knew was nice! They treated me like a human being, the producers all thought I was talented and would actually compliment me! And well, the other singers were just an added bonus. Especially Josh, boy would I…

‘Sam!’ Josh shouted, running up to give me a hug. ‘How you doing man?’

‘My boy Sam’ said Tom coming over to give me a half hand shake half high five combination.

‘Good to see you Josh’ yeah it really was, he was total man candy. ‘Alright Tom, Harry. Top of the afternoon to ya Scott.’

‘That joke was old before you said it the first time, Sam, what you think it is now like?’ Scott replied in his thick Irish accent, chuckling at my hilariousness of course.

‘Now Mr Unbearable we gotta get to work let’s go kill these songs!’ Josh went to grab my hand, but he must have realised what he was doing so grabbed my wrist instead and pulled me down the corridor to the studio.

‘Oh, ha. Ha. Ha. Mr Funnyman – you know just as well as I do what a dickhead that man is.’ Josh had been an extra in a music video that Harley had directed.

‘He is a bit of a twat’ interrupted Harry. He’d been in it too.

‘Well… I dunno you are a bit of a menace’ Josh said, laughing. I remember thinking how I’d shut him up with my lips on his…

‘There he is! My main man Samuel! Aye’ said Derek, the guy who moved the sliders up and down on the big deck I was sure it was important but I had and still have no idea what that job is called. He was peculiar, he seemed to have stepped out of another time and place and ended up here, his dress sense and general mannerisms screamed 80s. ‘Ready to lay some beats.’

‘Right… laying beats is what I do’ I said sarcastically.

‘C’mon asshole I don’t wanna be here all day’ said Josh pushing me in the booth. ‘Talking of the dickwad’ he said going over to his music stand while I tried to untangle my headphones from my stand ‘why aren’t you like on set or whatever?’

‘I have been told’ I dropped my headphones accidentally and looked apologetically through the glass though Derek wasn’t even looking ‘To have a few days off – a cool off period from a certain outburst I might have had.’ I went red, it was quite embarrassing when I thought about it. I shouldn’t have been such a hot head.

‘Well at least it means I get to see more of you’ Josh said with a goofy smile.

‘Don’t you mean we get to see more of him?’ Asked Scott, giving me that I know what’s going on look.

‘Isn’t that what I said?’ Asked Josh, he went all red and looked at his feet as if they suddenly got so interesting.

Time flew when I was recording music; there was simply no greater thing to me. Acting had always been my strongest forte and up until then I’d always thought of it as being my favourite of the two; but I was turning into quite the little singer. Singing was so much more personal than acting. Acting is all about pretending, singing is all about being real. And at that moment, with so many things going on in my head I needed to be real, I needed to get personal to express those inner feelings that could only be expressed through song. Boy, were there many feelings!

There was a song about sacrificing everything you have for your dream and your own personal happiness – I’d written it one night, alone in my rented apartment thinking about how I used to have so many friends I could stay up all night texting, or how I always had my strong family unit behind me. Which led into another about being surrounded by so many people, as in fans, but feeling so alone – somehow we were making that song sound upbeat and happy though, more like an ‘I don’t need nobody’ feel. To the many songs about falling for someone you shouldn’t have – I may have overplayed my feelings for Justin only for the sake of artistic value though. And then the one or two that might have been about an activity I was regularly doing with said forbidden love, namely, riding his dick till sunrise. What?! Singing about sex is fun, surely if you know anything about me you know I sing about sex! 

After a couple of hours of blasting out the songs, the four boys and I were all chilling in the café-canteen below the recording studio. I was so hyper after all that excitement; I’d actually really enjoyed listening back to all the tracks, it was so exciting; my first album – hearing it all come together for the first time and realising it was really happening. It was a big clash between scary and exciting; I didn’t know which I felt more.

I didn’t drink anything alcoholic or even coffee – but when I was there talking to the boys I felt alive, I was just so happy. Josh and I’s flirting added to that too, but it was just so nice to be getting along with everyone, having a nice time and being with friends. Eventually the others left and it was just me and Josh at the table. There was a fish tank next to the table, a massive one. There were so many fish in it, it was like a mini reef in a glass box, it was so pretty. Then I noticed two red fish, one was chasing the other, it didn’t look like it was trying to attack it, more like they were playing or it was some kind of courting dance. Josh was looking too.

‘Look it’s like you and me!’ I said pointing.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ he said narrowing his eyes, interested where I was going with this.

‘Well this one’ I pointed to the one being chased ‘is me of course, and you’re chasing me’ I pointed to the other.

‘Oh yeah? Maybe they're just friends’ he said going red.

‘Oh please,’ I said leaning across the table ‘Does that look like friends to you?’ I smiled, the fish had started doing something that looked pretty gross.

‘Maybe not…’ he had a cheeky smile on. He leaned in too, coming dangerously close to my face and he didn’t look like he was stopping.

‘Of course’ I said leaning back. ‘It’s gonna take a lot more than that for you to catch me.’ I winked at him, he tried to play it off like he hadn’t just tried to kiss me.

He rolled his eyes playfully. ‘Fine, Friday night? Dinner?’ he looked shy but hopeful.

‘Ugh, dinner really that’s all you could come up with? Boooring.’ I turned to look away over at another table on purpose.

‘Alright fine’ he said, I hoped he was jokingly offended. ‘Saturday night. I’ll pick you up at 9.’ He raised his eyebrows.

‘Deal. And there is no fancy dinner involved?’ I asked.

‘No eating, I promise.’ He said with that cheeky smile. ‘Not food anyways…’ he winked and I nearly spat my drink out.

‘Oh my god Josh, that was such a-’ but I stopped myself, I was going to say “such a Justin thing to say” but I couldn’t say that for obvious reasons. And then I started thinking. Shit. Not again. Should I cancel on Josh already? Am I allowed to go on a date? What would Justin think? But I was snapped out of it by someone standing at our table.

‘Ahem, Sam?’ Speak of the devil; I’d recognise that voice anywhere.

‘Oh, Justin! Hey! What are you doing here? I was just talking to Josh, you’ve met Josh right? He’s a singer, kind of like you! Us now I guess! Haha…’ Shut up shut up shut up what are you doing Samuel?

‘Yeah.’ Said Justin. ‘He was at your party.’ It sounded like he spat out the word ‘he’.

‘Hey’ said Josh, oddly quiet. Justin just nodded slightly.

‘I’ve been calling you, for hours.’ Said Justin, bluntly.

I gulped, why was he being so intimidating, why does he have this goddamn power over me?

‘Oh… yeah, sorry my phone’s been dead. What’s up?’

‘They want you on set, for a meeting or something, come on. I’m driving you.’ Before he’d even finished his sentence he’d turned and started walking.

Josh raised his eyebrows confusedly, but I mouthed a sorry to him and sped off after Justin. I heard Josh call after me something about Saturday but pretended I couldn’t hear. The last thing I wanted Justin to know when he was in one of his moods was that I had a date. I struggled to keep up with him on the way to his car, which was parked on the level underneath the building, he was almost marching. When we got to his car – a new one, I hadn’t seen that Audi before – I was about to get in when he closed my door and stood in front of it. He paused for a second, opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it and walked round to the drivers’ side of the Audi. It wasn’t nice when he was like this; his mood swings were famously bad. But I got in anyways.

It took 5 minutes of him driving silently and me glancing at him every other second begging him to speak in my mind for him to eventually talk.

‘So what’s going on?’ he said, it didn’t feel like much of a question though.

‘Erm with wh-’ he looked at me angrily, of course I knew who he was talking about.

‘Well?’ he pressed. His voice faltered a bit, it made him sound much less angry.

‘What is it to you? Why are you so interested?’ I’d put my guard up. It was true what I was saying; he had no place telling me what to do.

‘Just tell me.’

‘Why?’ silence. ‘Oh my god…’ I said, and started to laugh.

‘What?’ Ooh he was angry again. He scrunched up his face and tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

‘You’re jealous aren’t you? Oh my god… Justin Bieber is jealous because I have a date, there’s something I never thought I’d…’

‘A date.’ he said. I swore I could hear, and see, some sadness in him. He looked like he was having an internal battle, like he was trying to brush it off but was actually jealous. But in the moment even I thought I was overreacting. He’s probably just upset he’ll lose his fuckslut I thought to myself. But still I pressed on the jealous thing.

‘Yep, a date. With a hot boy. A really, really hot boy.’

There was a long period of silence after that. Even I thought I might have taken it too far. But then he threw a completely unexpected question at me.

‘Do you want more than this?’ he almost whispered it. I was taken aback. ‘I mean like…us. It’s cool now, way more than cool…’ he looked at me, all his anger was clearly gone; he looked genuinely upset. ‘But it can’t go on forever. Don’t you ever want more than sex?’ I didn’t even notice he’d parked the car.

‘Justin… I’ something inside of me was awoken, inside I was screaming yes yes yes yes yes! A million times and more I want more than an occasional fuck! I want you Justin! There was no way I would tell him that. ‘Honestly… of course I want more than casual sex.’ I paused. ‘Just… not with you.’ I felt physically sick after saying that. It just wasn’t the truth.

‘Wha?’ he turned and looked at me, I could tell he was trying to hide the fact he was hurt.

‘No, hear me out. Justin, when we’re together… in that moment you’re mine and that’s special, those moments feel so good, sex aside – being with you is amazing in every way. But I told and convinced myself a long time ago that those moments were and are all we are ever going to have. I don’t even know where you are with this whole sexuality thing and I don’t think you do either, I can kid myself that this isn’t just a stupid teenage fling or tell myself that I'm not just a big experiment for you, or I can be real and accept the fact that you are superstar Justin Bieber and you can’t give me anything more than we are now. What we are is fun, sexy, and amazing but I don’t want it to be anything more, I don’t want anything more than we are now… And when you think about it, we aren’t really anything are we?’

Where did all that come from?! You just told him you don’t feel for him when you know that’s a lie, what if he was going to suggest going exclusive?!? Did you really just deny Justin Bieber…

‘Sam… I… I just…. I care about you’

‘I know Justin, it’s crappy, but the fact is we both know you can’t ever give me what I need from a guy. Hell your mum freaks when I'm in the same room as you, imagine if she knew anything else… hah.’

He smiled at that, which I was very glad for, he’d been looking worse and worse since I told him I didn’t want more. I didn’t even know if it was sadness or just that ‘ehh’ feeling. Looking back I should have been a little more compassionate in the way I phrased everything, but he wanted honesty and he got it.

After a while he started the car back up and we were on our way again.

‘So…’ he said after a while. ‘This whole date thing… does this mean? You know if we’ He gave me a cheeky grin and a wink.

‘Hmm…’ I thought sarcastically.

‘How about Friday night we fuck each other’s brains out, you know just in case it’s the last time.’ I bit my lip in anticipation. How had we gone from that earlier to this conversation? Horny teenage boys I’m telling you…

‘Sounds about right’ he said laughing. The rest of the journey was fine; we talked normally after that, about all that had been going down on set while I had time off. Apparently Harley had been a saint. Typical.

‘Nuh uh’ he said, as I started walking with him towards the studio. ‘They want you in there’ he pointed to the office building opposite the studio. Ugh stupid meetings. ‘I gotta go do some retakes or something – wanna chill after?’

‘Hmm... yeah sure I can fit that into my crazy busy schedule, smell ya later Biebs’ he gave me a very justified confused look – I didn’t know what I was saying.

Grey buildings. That’s all I could think walking through the office block, because that’s what it was. What is with these people and their grey buildings? Why?! It seemed both so long ago and only yesterday since the last time I wandered around one of these – god that was the day I first met Justin. I knew there was something strange about him, never expected it would lead to what we are now though. Hell. I thought he despised me. A little bit of me thought he still did. And then there’s Pattie. Thinking back to the first time we met maybe it was more on me to be nicer, but she had been nothing but a top class bitch ever since. Forgive and forget already. Not to mention Michael. My god. What the hell happened there? We got along so well! I had a massive crush on him! Those cold words still rang on in my brain – especially the part about him watching me since I was a kid. It was rage inducing to even think about it, I worried what I’d do if I ever saw him again. As I approached the room (yes I knew where I was going for once) I saw a few things I really didn’t want to. Harley to start with, then one of the producers I really didn’t get along with, Michael’s replacement John Fisher – I’d never spoken a word to him, and finally some guy in a suit. They were all sitting down on posh office chairs, again in grey, and seemed to be arguing with someone who was pacing around the room.

‘Mum?!’ I said shocked to see her there. She was who they were arguing with. She hadn’t been to any official work related stuff since I turned 18.

‘Hi honey!’ her voice suddenly went into that motherly trying to be positive voice.

‘Why are you here?’ I asked, hugging her. She held on extra tight.

‘Your agent needed to be present.’ Said the man in a suit.

‘My?’ I started.

‘We never got you a real agent it’s still me’ replied my mother not even waiting for the question.

‘What’s going on? Why do i-?’ My mum grabbed my hand as I said this.

‘Here.’ Said John, handing a stapled chunk of paper to me.

‘What’s?’ before I could even speak, Harley had already.

‘It’s a formal notice of termination of contract.’ He smiled, a horrible, evil smile taunting me.

‘Wait…?’ I whispered in disbelief. I looked down at the paper and there in plain print it said I was being dropped. They were literally dropping me from the show. I zoned out. Eyes fixated on those words telling me I was fired. I heard my mum start off again arguing – she really was being an agent.

‘Behaviour….on and off…good…image…reputation…unworkable…nightmare…the only option’ were some of the words I seemed to hear them all saying, though who said what I don’t know. I just couldn’t believe it – or well I could but I didn’t want to. An awfully familiar feeling began to make itself known in my head and in my stomach. I did not need that right in that moment. I needed to calm down or I was going to go down that road…and do something stupid…

I don’t even remember getting home, not even now. My memory of that day is just gone from that point, I was crushed.

 

I was on the couch. ‘What the fuck’ I said, whispering to no one as silent tears streamed down my face. The papers laughing at me from the coffee table. I put my head in my hands and let out an awful tear filled sigh, and cried.

I cried and cried and cried.


	25. Old Habits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: self harm

I saw my face reflected in the shiny metal. My broken, tear stained, red face. The blade was shaking in my hand, I hadn't been able to keep still since I found out. That feeling, whatever it was, controlled me. It always had. I couldn't remember a time I had been truly free. Sure I'd been happy, ecstatic even, I'd cried with laughter; felt pleasure in every way I could think of. But I'd never been free. Not for years and years. 

I pressed the cold metal to my arm, it felt so good, but not enough. It was only the beginning. I felt myself falling, almost physically, spiralling out of control. Down, down, down further I sank into the clutches of my old friend. 

Old habits die hard. 

I was ten when it started. One stupid little argument with my best friend. I can't even remember what it was over. All I know is that within a month it was so bad I came home every night and cried, begged my parents to let me change schools. They knew something was up but I never told them - refused to admit my weakness. Even as a little kid I didn't want to be weak. But I was. I made it to twelve before it got so bad it consumed every thought, it took all my happiness and threw it away. I forgot what it was like to be happy. I was a twelve year old boy who didn't laugh, or smile or have any fun. Never mind have any friends. 

For two years I would come home from school everyday and get my hands on whatever I could. Razors, knives, pencil sharpeners, anything that would cut, anything that would make me feel the pain; it was the only thing reminding me that I was human. I wasn't some other creature, I wasn't an alien, a subhuman who deserved the abuse I got. Every night I wished I wouldn't wake up. It's hard to believe a fourteen year old would even understand the concept of suicide, even harder to accept that they would actually consider doing it. I didn’t eat either, and when I did I stuck my fingers down my throat to get rid of what I could. I wasn’t necessarily trying to hurt myself by doing this. I mean, I knew it was hurting me, but it was really down to the fact food repulsed me. I felt sick every moment that I was awake, food was unappealing and it was even worse when I had eaten. Emptying my stomach actually relieved some pain, not caused it – like everything in my life seemed to be. Or at least I used to think everything and everyone wanted to hurt me.

I always told myself I never cut deep enough, that I was a failure even at that, until the day I got caught. It was Olly who found me. Slumped against the wall in the bathroom, the one day I cut deep enough is the one day I got found out, I used to think it was some kind of dark irony. That life really did want me to be unhappy. “Another 5 minutes and he’d be dead” those words still ring in my ears – the doctor still thought I was sedated. After that they didn’t talk about me whilst I was still in the room.

The worst thing about it all, the whole experience of seeing my brother, parents, my whole family thinking I was dead, dying, seeing how terrified they were – it was exactly what I needed. It felt like my whole life made sense when I woke up in that hospital bed, like my vision had been clouded for years and finally I was seeing the light. I didn’t talk for around a week once I’d woken up; I was too busy thinking. I played my whole life over and over again in my mind, from the good to the really, really bad. The TV in my room, which seemed to be permanently on – Olly, the only person who spoke the cold hard truth to me during that week had taken to ignoring the fact I was in the room and just watched TV all the time – helped me too. It was the week that an earthquake devastated some foreign country, the faces of men, women and children who’d lost everything due to something they couldn’t control haunted me. The same looks were on the faces of the civilians caught in some civil war, the victims of terrible crimes, those affected by bad government policy… they all stuck in my brain. If you ever want to feel better about your life, or get a wake-up call, I recommend 24 hour news cycles.

It felt as if a switch had been turned on in my mind. It took me almost dying to appreciate the life I had been given. When I did finally speak, I spoke clearly, confidently – it reminded me of my old self, and then I cried. I wasn’t sad, I could see the finish line, I was almost happy again, almost normal, almost Sam for the first time in years. My family were extremely supportive; well the ones who knew, which wasn’t many. (To those who didn’t, I’d gone to boarding school in France, because apparently that excuse still works in the 21st Century.) My parents were just glad I was alive, and wouldn’t accept any apologies. Olly however, he needed some making up to – three months (at least) of doing his chores did it though. He also made me apologising for breaking the bro code by making him cry.

I spent the next two months in rehab, not that I needed to be there that long, everyone just thought it was for the best. It was a very strange experience, a tiny little clinic in Germany, it was in the middle of nowhere, but it had some of the most beautiful views, grounds, fields, hills and mountains I’d ever seen. It also had extremely good food, something I indulged in often. I'm not someone who believes you should ever have to change who you are, but I wanted to, and I changed a lot, for the better. Within those two months I was back to being Sam again, I loved, laughed, and most importantly lived. I put everything into becoming the best version of me that I could be, and then even better than that. Over that summer I studied and studied my ass off, and it paid off. I was offered a place at one of the most prestigious private schools in England, and was top of my classes by the second week. There’s no trick to becoming smart, you have just got to work, if you do the right amount of work everything becomes easy and falls into place, get the best balance and you might even get to have a life as well. I got myself a good group of friends, climbed the social ladder to a level of popularity that was comfortable, and started doing everything I loved again. Singing mostly, and discovered a new talent I had, for acting.

I vowed never to go down that path again.

But there I was.

I wanted to, so, so badly. There was nothing more I wanted to do than open up my wrist and watch myself bleed out. But I couldn’t, the faces of all those I’d hurt last time flashed into my mind, I couldn’t do that again, not to myself and certainly not to them. I stared again into the blade, I didn’t see me then, I saw the old me, the Sam that 5 years ago wanted to end it all and nearly did. Sliding down the counter to sit on the floor, I wept, cried harder and harder until it hurt my throat, all the while staring at my reflection, wishing the old would leave and it would be me staring back at me. I didn’t even hear the door open.

‘Sam? Hello?’ The voice felt distant, echo-like; my head was pounding too hard to hear properly.

‘Sam! There you are, why didn’t you answ- What the fuck?!’

I felt the knife being pulled from my hands, and the clatter as if it had been thrown on the ground, and then two familiar hands grab my cheeks.

‘Hey? Are you okay? Sam come on talk to me you’re scaring me. What’s…’ I didn’t really hear what he was saying, but I felt his warmth, his safety I raised my hands and clutched onto his wrists. My tears were falling much more slowly now. Moving my eyes to where I thought his face was, I finally looked at him.

Kneeling in front of me, with the fear stricken look I knew all too well, with teary eyes and red cheeks, was the most beautiful boy I’d ever laid eyes on.

 

‘Justin’ I whispered, smiling for the first time in what felt like forever, and I fell into his embrace.


	26. Number 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a lot of timehopping this chapter, but i think it's easy enough to keep up with

**6 Months Later…**

 

10 – Oh my god it’s finally here

9 – I’ve waited for this so long

8 – Me! My own album!

7 – It’s actually happening!

6 – I did it, took control of my future

5 – Fuck everyone else. Fuck Harley.

4 – Fuck the show. I am Samuel.

3 – I do whatever the fuck I want

2 – Take that universe

1 – Ahhh

0 – ‘Guys that’s it! It’s midnight! The album’s officially on sale! Get ready to partaaaay’ And with those words the DJ confirmed it actually had happened, my album, on sale, finally.

People almost seemed to form a line to congratulate me. It was so surreal, all these people, here for the album, here for  _me_. I’d been to release parties before and they were always so fun, but it felt so good to be at my own.  _My album_  blasting from the speakers, people dancing, singing along to words I’d sat in this apartment writing. It was a feeling I was so unused to, being the centre of attention, it’s strange to think that back then I was still just some guy off TV trying to make it big.

The previous few weeks had been mad, just promo. promo. promo. I’d been on every chat show, in every newspaper and magazine I could think of. Ironically I’d been on TV more than I would’ve been if I hadn’t been dropped. This kind of TV was much more fun, the people were interested in me and not in some character.

Not that they didn’t constantly bring up the fact I’d been dropped. But I’d always follow their questions with some sarcastic reply and tell them to check the latest ratings to see how well it was doing. Once or twice I had to be a little sorrowful and say I wish I’d not done the whole outburst, but I’d always make sure to heavily hint at the fact there was someone to blame in the show. Interestingly, or unsurprisingly I guess, they would often bring up Justin when interviewing me. Apparently he and I had been building quite the little bromance which was all the rage in the gossip blogs. I remember it always running through my head when they asked, about how wrong they all were and the real nature of our relationship, or well friendship. In fact it hadn’t been any kind of ship more than friendship in the months before the album.

He was the last person to come congratulate me at the party.

‘Well well well Samuel, now look who the superstar is’ he laughed, and hugged me. Ugh, how I missed his touch, how he felt in my arms…

‘Yeeeees, that would be me’ I did a twirl – I had been drinking since midday, don’t judge.

‘And this’ he said, steadying me as I stumbled ‘is why you’re a menace’.

‘Oh fuck off and go refill my drink!’ I said thrusting my cup in his hands.

‘Alright alright, maybe just a water for you this time eh?’

‘If you dare…’ I said in my “serious” voice as he turned. I slapped his ass as he walked off, and he stopped and gave me that cheeky smile.

“It’s a shame I never got to enjoy that ass…” I thought to myself.

I was swaying awkwardly and drunkenly to the music with a goofy smile on my face when my extremely good looking boyfriend spun me round to kiss me.

‘Sammmyy’ he said, slurring his words as much as I was mine.

‘Joshyyy’ I replied, going in to kiss him again. If I’d have been sober I would’ve thought it was gross kissing someone like that in front of other people, but I wasn’t and I didn’t care. He moved to kiss my neck, again I would’ve been uncomfortable, but it felt good so what the hell, I moved my hands down his back towards his ass.

Over his shoulder I saw Justin at the bar filling up my drink, hopefully. He turned around smiling to walk back over to me, but then looked and realised what was going on, his face turned a lot less than happy and he walked off to find other people.

‘What do you say we go back to yours and you get a real feel of my ass.’ Josh whispered in my ear. I nearly choked on air.

‘Er, it’s my party though…’ I said looking around, everyone was there for me but no one really seemed interested in me at that second.

‘Oh pleeease, it’s boring now! The ablun- ablum- the album’ he finally managed to say it ‘is releaseded.’ I laughed at him trying to speak. ‘Shut up, and I promise you’ll still be just as famous after you’ve cum.’ Again he nearly made me choke.

‘Now that, that is a very good point’ I whispered seductively in his ear and gave his ass another squeeze. I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door. Waving goodbyes to various people and throwing an apologetic look at Justin who pretended not to see, we had almost reached the door.

‘Samuel!’ oh god, now, really?

‘Yes mother’ I said, sounding annoyed as I turned around. Josh was tugging on my hand.

‘And where are you two going?’ She was tipsy herself and narrowed her eyes at us.

‘Home mum, josh and I are, he’s erm… got something to show me! A present for me, the party….’ I trailed off, I was drunk I couldn’t formulate words properly.  

‘A very, very special present’ a very, very drunk Josh added.

I did try to compose myself, she had seen me drunk before many times, but never about to fuck a boy drunk.

‘Hmmm..’ she stared for a few seconds. ‘You boys go have fun! I am going to find your father and give him a present of my own! Hehe.’

‘Wow, that was so gross’ I said as she walked off, before Josh practically pulled my arm off trying to get me out of the door – boy was this boy horny.

 

His mouth was all over me, my hands were all over him. We were sat on the edge of the bed, and he was sat in my lap. He kept grinding his ass down into me, feeling how hard I was. I started unbuttoning his shirt, revealing the perfectly tanned skin underneath. He was so smooth to the touch, running my hands up from his waistline, up his toned stomach and chest, playing with his nipples slightly. Josh threw his head back, moaning, when I attacked his neck with my mouth. I grabbed the back of his head and smashed his lips against mine. His fingers crawled up my shirt, fumbling with the buttons. Eventually he just started pulling at it to get my shirt open. He turned his attention back to my neck once he’d done it and hit those spots on my neck that drive me wild.

I put my hand on his head, encouraging him to move his head southwards, when suddenly I saw Justin standing in the doorway.

‘Oh, Sam, Sam, Sam… what are you doing?’ he said calmly.

‘What?! Justin?! What the hell are YOU doing? We’re…’ but I looked down, Josh was gone, it was just me and Justin in the room.

‘You can kid yourself all you want that this is what you want, that he is what you want.’ He pointed to the bed. Josh was back, naked, legs spread and touching himself. ‘But, I know that it’s me you really want.’ His breath was in my ear, his naked body pressed against my back with a growing hard on.

‘Sam’ he whispered.

‘Wha- what? I gulped.

‘Sam. Sam! Yooo. Anyone there?’ Josh’s slurred speech brought me back to the room. And there we were, in exactly the same position as we were before. I looked up at the doorway – the door was closed. I’d imagined the whole thing. Was Justin really that far under my skin? Josh was giving me a concerned look even with his drunk eyes.

‘I think, er, we should call it a night.’ I said with a dry throat.

‘Ugh whaaaat, we were just getting to the best bit!’

‘I know but I er don’t wanna throw up on you or anything, ha.’ I tried to move him off my lap.

‘Ughhhhh, fineee.’ He conceded. ‘But at least let me deal with this’ he grabbed my bulge.

‘No, er, no. I think I'm just gonna go sleep.’ I rolled us over so he was laid on the bed.

‘Uhhh, fine you little bitch but….’ He had rolled over into the pillow and was asleep before he could ever finish his sentence.

 

**One Week Later**

‘Cheers!’ we both said as our cocktail glasses clicked together.

‘And a very happy 6 month anniversary of our totally-not-serious-completely-casual relationship.’ Josh said.

‘Happy anniversary, and well done I do believe those were my exact words.’ I kissed him and had a sip of his drink on the way back.

We were in a fancy expensive bar at the top of one of London’s very tall buildings, there was a great view of London at night, all the lights sparkling around us. It was very romantic.

‘Yeah sorry that wasn’t too much commitment was it?’ Josh said, raising his eyebrows teasing me.

‘Ughhh, come on don’t start that again, We’re 18! I just, I don’t want all that serious bullshit, too much baggage and all that stuff.’ I said. ‘What we have now is awesome, we know where we stand.’

‘Being one step above friends with benefits is where we are… goals’ He said sarcastically.

‘Saying you don’t enjoy the fucking?’ I asked.

‘Erm, no not what I meant at all.’ He went very red and looked down.

‘I mean I could always stop fucking you, if that’s what you really want?’ I whispered as I leant forward to take a sip of my drink, teasing him this time.

‘Yeah please don’t that wouldn’t be nice.’

‘Didn’t think so.’ I said leaning back in my chair and taking in the view.

‘What I was trying to say’ he started again. ‘How long does a casual relationship last before it gets serious?’ he was more serious this time.

‘Oh, come on we’re having a nice drink for our anniversary…’ but then he gave me puppy dog eyes with those beautiful eyes of his. ‘Ohhh, fine. Let’s talk about…’ my phone started buzzing like crazy. My face lit up into an uncontrollable smile as soon as I saw what the notifications said.

‘Of course ignore me for your phone’ he said sarcastically, we were always doing it to each other. ‘What’s got you so happy Mr?’ he asked after seeing my face.

‘I made number one! And I’ve got… THREE songs in the top ten!’ I was almost shouting the place down.

‘Oh my god! That’s amazing well done!’ he was so genuinely happy for me it was adorable, he attempted to kiss me but I was smiling way too much.

‘I can’t actually believe it, oh god I better tweet and stuff.’ 

I remember the feeling so well even now. I couldn’t contain my happiness, my album had actually reached number one, people had bought, and were listening to,  _my songs_. My voice played thousands of times in their ears – and three of those songs were in the top ten. Nowadays it’s expected of me to accomplish that when I release an album, but back then, for me to debut at number one on the albums, and number one, three and seven in the singles charts, was unheard of. Yes there was a lot of publicity but wow. “People genuinely must like my songs” I thought to myself.

After a while of being too happy to talk about anything else, Josh brought up something from our first date that I had forgotten about.

‘You know what this means?’ He asked.

‘Huh?’

‘Don’t you remember, on our first date, we made a bet.’

‘Ooh, how could I ever forget, and what are the chances of us leaving here, getting back to my place and me cashing in my winnings?’ I could not wait to get back home now.

‘Hmmm, I don’t know, I thought we were having a nice anniversary drink, it would be a shame to leave now….’ He looked off into the distance hiding his devious smile.

‘Let me put it another way then.’ I said leaning forward to whisper in his ear. ‘You have thirty seconds to finish your drink and stand up, or I will make you do it here, in front of everyone. Either way I’m taking what’s mine.’ I was so close to his ear, I could see he had goosebumps from my breath on his neck. I heard him swallow and then slowly stand up, red faced but determined to leave and get home. I knew he wanted it just as much as I did.

 

**6 Months Earlier…**

‘Slap me!’ I said frustrated.

‘Wha- what?’ Olly had a very confused look on his face.

‘DO it!’ I shouted. ‘Right now! Come. On.’ I punched him in his arm.

‘Ow – wait since when can you actually hurt me? Whatever, I mean I know I'm your older brother and therefore I'm allowed to abuse you, but why are you actually asking me to?’ the poor guy was clearly very confused, and I was a little impressed by how I’d actually hurt him.

‘For goodness sake Oliver the one time I’m actually asking you to…’ I sighed and shook my head stressfully. ‘I have a date! I have got to snap out of this.’ I started inspecting my face in the mirror we were stood in front of.

‘I know you do, you’ve been stressing out all day about it – but like, before you hit me again, I am not calling you a slut –’ I gave him a warning look. ‘But… you’ve been on quite a few dates before and I have never seen you like this!’

‘Hmm I’ll let you off this time.’ I said. ‘And I know, but I need, like  _need_  to make a good impression. I need this.’

‘Well of course you will, you’re my brother which means you’re at least a little bit awesome.’ He retorted checking himself out in the mirror.

‘I won’t like  _this_! I haven’t left this apartment since I found out…’

‘I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to do that, not exactly something you find out everyday is it, I mean if I was fired..’

‘I was NOT fired.’ I hit him again. ‘I was bullied and forced out by a total douche.’

‘Yes, ok, sorry.’ He said massaging his arm again.

‘Ugh’ I said looking back at my face again, I was all blotchy, I hadn’t been doing my face routine and all I’d eaten that week was what I could have delivered to my apartment, not the best recipe for great skin. ‘Look, anyways. I’ve done some squats but I don’t know if its enough?’ I thought out loud.

‘What are you..’

‘Oh, I don’t know whether he’s a top or a bottom or what he likes so just in case.’

‘Erm?’ he gave me a confused look. ‘Oooh, yeah. Um.. just ask?’ the amount of times I had had to explain what those words mean was ridiculous.

‘Oh yeah just a quick casual text, yo Josh do you like to fuck or get fucked?’ I rolled my eyes at him.

Suddenly there was a sharp sting and a hot feeling on my cheek. ‘Ow, what the fuck was that for!’

‘You asked for it dumbass’ he said laughing as he went to get a beer.

**Later That Night**

‘I cannot believe you brought me to a karaoke bar for our first date!’ I said as we sat down in one of the booths near the back, quite far from the stage set up.

‘Like in a bad way?’ Josh asked, worriedly.

‘No! It’s unbelievably cute’ I said as I looked around. It was in the style of an American diner, but much more open plan, and more wood than plastic furniture. The lights were also dimmed as it was the evening, in the day it was actually a diner-style restaurant.

He looked very pleased with my response and went a little red, he was so adorable. ‘Well, I er just wanted to hear your amazing voice I guess, and I thought it would be fun. If you don’t feel like doing it now you don’t have to..’

‘Oh shut up you, only I’m allowed to be depressed about that shit. Anyways, I’ll sing if you do.’

We ended up singing about five songs altogether, three together and then one each on our own. He would, of course, pick As Long As You Love Me to sing on his own last, because who else would I need to be reminded of in that moment.

‘Oh shut up you’ he said sitting back down. ‘You know I’m no good at those high notes, my voice isn’t made for that shit!’ I was laughing and cheering for him. And yes, I’d had a few drinks. And by a few I mean a lot – I ain’t no lightweight.

‘I never made you sing it stupid, and I thought you were pretty good if I’m honest.’ He’d sat down much closer to me than he had been when he got up, and I took advantage, slipping my hand between his legs and resting it on his inner thigh.

He turned his face towards mine, his nose was barely an inch away from mine ‘You aren’t too bad yourself you know.’

‘Oh I know’ I said, keeping exactly where I was. ‘I mean I am the one with a record deal.’ I licked my lips, we were so close I almost licked his too.

‘You can be a sarcastic bastard sometimes, but I can’t deny, that album is gonna be the shit.’

‘Oh please, I’ll be lucky to even make the top forty.’ I rolled my eyes and sat back.

‘You wanna bet? I think it’s amazing, all thanks to that hot backing singer you’ve got of course.’

‘Why else would anyone buy my album?’ I still had my hand on his thigh. ‘Alright then what? A drink? A fiver? Another date?’

‘Nah, let’s make the stakes interesting’ he said, moving back in, and he whispered in my ear ‘how about if you get in the top five, you get the best blowjob you’ve ever had in your life? Sound good?’

‘Way better than good.’ I said, squeezing his thigh and moving my hand further up a bit. Thankfully nobody could see under the table.

‘Then let’s shake on it’ he said, not moving.

‘I’d rather seal it with a kiss.’ I said, yeah I can be so smooth when I want to be. And I leaned in, not that I had to go very far. The kiss was great, he immediately let me take dominance, which was a nice change from Justin, and his mouth tasted amazing – he’d been having extremely fruity extremely alcoholic cocktails.

We must have kissed for a while, and neither of us seemed to realise that the girl who was standing at our table wanted our attention, it took me a while to even realise she was there.

‘Excuse me?’ she said, timidly, as we finally paid attention to her.

I remember thinking for a second that this was going to be the first time in my life I’d been kicked out of somewhere for doing something gay, and I automatically went into defensive mode, but I quickly realised she wasn’t being confrontational.

‘Sorry if this is awkward, but like… are you Samuel? Like from the TV I mean, oh god I must sound like a stalker.’ She buried her head in her hands. ‘I’m going to kill my friends’ I heard her mutter.

‘Hey don’t worry about it!’ I laughed. ‘Yes, I am, please call me Sam though. Oh and I’m not exactly from the TV anymore.’

‘Oh my god! I completely forgot I’m so sorry! That whole thing is total bullshit by the way though it’s totally not going to be the same without you. Shit. Sorry. I don’t know why I’m so nervous…’ the poor girl, she was word vomiting, though it was quite entertaining, and very surreal to think that she was nervous to meet me.

‘Seriously, don’t worry!’ I reassured her. ‘Oh, this is Josh, by the way, he’s working with me on my  _album_.’ I said to her, stressing the album part. Her face lit up.

‘The rumours are true! Oh my god I can’t wait I bet it’ll be so good! And hi! I’m Alice.’ She went all sheepish towards the end when she was introducing herself.

‘I bet it would be too’ Josh said to her, while giving me the sexiest look I’ve ever seen on him.

‘Thank you, sorry I sound so awkward I’ve never really had anyone come up to me before – it’s kinda weird. But yeah, what can I do for you Alice?’ I smiled at her warmly, I was probably being extra friendly because of the drink.

‘Um well basically I was with my friends and we were like oh my god it’s you! And we were like oh my god we need to get a picture, then everyone was like so nervous to come up to ask so like, they made me come up here oh my god.’ She blurted out all at once.

‘Oh my god indeed’ Josh joked.

‘Well I think we’re about done here, so I’d be happy to take pictures and stuff if you want.’ I said, standing up and grabbing Josh’s hand. If I had to awkwardly pose for pictures he was coming with me.

We ended up staying for about another half hour, talking to all the girls about how the show was, what it’s like to be kind of famous. And of course, so many questions about how I’m ‘like-totally-really-actually’ best friends with Justin Bieber. Josh did actually manage to escape some of the pictures, he was made to take the pictures on all the various phones – I still think he was lucky that no one knew who he was. They all seemed to want to know though, after they’d seen me eating his face that is.

Once we got into the taxi, and when we weren’t kissing, I checked twitter. Apparently the world had gone insane. Somehow meeting a group of ten girls on a night out and mentioning that I was working on an album had turned into literally a million more followers, and thousands of notifications. It wasn’t exactly a bad thing to happen, but again, very surreal. Almost instantly I knew who was to blame, and it didn’t take long for me to find that, as I had thought, Justin had taken a small mention of an album and completely blown it up tenfold.

“How did I know @justinbieber was responsible for this?” I tweeted, with a screenshot of the notification tab which had an unseen 9,999+ notifications apparently.

‘I guess being his friend has its perks for my career too.’ I said to Josh, I was almost in shock.

‘For me too’ he laughed. ‘I have about ten times the followers I had an hour ago..’

‘My god they do work fast…’ I looked out of the window and smiled.  _Maybe I could get used to this_ , I thought.

 

**6 Months Later**

The blowjob was pretty incredible, but the sex that followed was even better. It was quite strange, I remember thinking after it, I hadn’t been top for so long then. With the combination of Robin, the surprisingly Mr Grey-like fucker, and Justin who – while I promised myself I would get to fuck him one day – would probably punch me at the mere mention. But boy was it good to be back in control. Exert a little dominance of my own, and oh how Josh liked it when I did.

Justin never came into my mind the whole time too, which was a bonus. Maybe it was just a one off, I thought. Of course it wasn’t but it made me feel better to try to convince myself that it was. While I sat there afterwards, thinking, I couldn’t decide how it compared to Justin. It wasn’t better, but I couldn’t say it was worse either, it was just really different. Unlike Robin, where I could definitely say I preferred Justin, I couldn’t say that with Josh. In some ways our relationship was so similar to Justin and I’s. Just that me and Josh could actually tell people that we were fucking and half seeing each other. The way I viewed it at this time was that I felt the same for both of them, they were both super hot and I could have non sexual fun with them too.

I saw Josh as my escape from Justin, or rather, he brought me back to reality. A reality where unfortunately for me I was not fucking Justin Bieber, as much as I wanted to. Josh was the embodiment of my normal – a boy who was attainable, someone I could actually be with, someone I liked that I could actually be with. He wasn’t unavailable, he could show me the love I could show him. He was good for me, being hung up on Justin really wasn’t.

Over the next few weeks I didn’t really have much to do. Making the album had taken all my effort for the past few months and I was kind of lost without all the work. Sure I had a few interviews and promos and guest appearances to sing a song here and there but really nothing exciting was going on.

Because of this, and the fact I was 18 years old, I did a lot of partying. One of the perks of being more than friends with Justin was that, well, he was Justin Bieber – his parties and all the ones he went to were legendary, and he got me into them all too. The weeks when he was free most days were the best, there was a party every night, or we would just go out. It really was eat, party, sleep, and repeat for days at a time.

Josh was never really that fond of them, he wasn’t boring, but there was something about these parties and the clubs that he didn’t seem to enjoy. I also had a feeling he wasn’t at that comfortable stage with Justin, or he just didn’t really like him very much. Now Josh could drink, almost as well as I could (he was very different to Justin in that respect, and we enjoyed laughing at how much of a lightweight Justin was) but one thing Josh really didn’t like was the drugs.

Whatever your opinions are, drugs are always going to be a part of the rich and famous’ life. They are an indulgence for people just like alcohol, only illegal. Josh had grown up in a much more wealthy and proper neighbourhood than I had, and was still surprised at the ease people were talking of, selling and taking drugs. Even when I got into private school, they were the type of rich kids that did things simply because they could afford to, so drugs were not unfamiliar to me. Though I had never done anything more than weed before becoming famous.

That is how it started, for me. Sharing a joint turned into rolling my own, which turned into buying my own – though Justin always made sure he got me the good stuff, as he called it. It was just a fun thing to do, like social smoking, something you do with other people around. Josh wouldn’t touch the stuff, he was very good in that respect and I did respect his views, I wouldn’t push it on him.

 

‘Ugh, really? Going out tonight too?’ he sighed, I was talking about the party Justin had invited me to as we got back to my apartment. ‘Can’t we just chill here tonight?’ he asked, getting the sushi out of its boxes while I grabbed the plates and chopsticks.

‘Oh but come onnnn, this DJ is fucking amazing! He’s only playing once more in England before he’s off to France. It’ll be fun!’ I said stuffing some sashimi into my mouth.

‘When was the last time we just had a night in and chilled though? We could watch a movie, cuddle up, try that flavoured lube I bought…’ he raised his eyebrows.

‘But I'm in the mood to go outtttt!’ I pleaded. ‘And since when can’t we fuck after a night out?’

‘No offence, but you are so much better sober.’

‘Rude.’ I said grabbing the last piece of salmon he had on his plate.

‘Oh shut up, plus I’d like to fully remember sex for the first time in a while.’ He snatched some of my sushi in return. ‘If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you can’t get it up for me unless you’re pissed.’ He licked his lips.

‘Oh is that what you think?’ I asked, getting up off the stool and walking behind him. I leaned down and started kissing his neck.

He let out a breath which was definitely a moan in disguise. ‘Guess, um guess you’ll have to prove me wrong…’ he tried to act normal, picking up a piece of sushi.

‘Oh, I plan to, can see a DJ any day of the week, but by the time I’m even half done with you, you’re gonna be wishing we went out…’ I whispered in his ear. ‘You just got yourself the hardest fucking of your life.’ And I went back to kissing his neck, biting softly.

‘That is my idea of a fun night.’ He said with a devilish smile on his face. ‘You’ll have to catch me first though.’ He gave me a soft kiss on the lips and with that ran for the bedroom, discarding his shirt in the process. I followed his example, and was only wearing underwear when I got to the room. Fuck, did this boy know how to push my buttons.

**Two Weeks Later**

‘You sure you’ll be alright without me?’ he said, squeezing my hands.

‘Yes mother’ I teased. ‘For the thousandth time, I am not going to die just because I don’t get to see your face everyday. Even if that face is cute as fuck.’ I kissed him. ‘That I will miss though.’ I kissed him again.

‘Mmm, me too, can’t I just stay here and kiss you all day?’ he asked, before kissing me, again.

‘Don’t I wish, but then I don’t think your fans would be very happy, all ten of them.’ I laughed.

‘Oh shut up you, just because we aren’t as famous as you.’ He stopped me laughing by yep, kissing me again.

‘Get used to it, living in someone’s shadow, did it for like a year with that one.’ I let go of one of his hands to point to Justin, who was stood awkwardly a few steps behind us, on his phone pretending to not be listening, though I saw a little smile from what I’d just said.

‘Thanks again Justin.’ Said Josh. ‘I need to leave him in trustworthy hands.’ He teased.

‘No problem, I know he can be a handful.’ Justin joined us.

‘Excuse me, I am not a child and I am standing right here, why you need to get me a minder I don’t even know you annoying boyfriend you.’

‘Oh shut up and kiss me goodbye, I seriously need to get on that plane now. We are being stared at, and not because you are stunningly hot and we are stood with Justin Bieber, which are valid reasons, but because I promised that air hostess I’d be on the plane five minutes ago.’ He kissed me again but I was too busy laughing as was Justin.

‘Aw no, you actually are going, I’m gonna miss you so goddamn much babe.’ I said, giving him a big hug and a kiss.

‘I’ll ring you as soon as we land.’ He said, picking up his bags.

‘Eh, you aren’t gonna be missed that much.’ I teased.

‘Oh fuck off’ he laughed. ‘See you later Justin!’ he waved goodbye as he was forcefully ushered down the tunnel to the plane.

We stood and waved for a bit, and watched the plane take off.

Josh and the boys were going on a small little tour for a month, a couple of stops in America, one in Australia, Japan and various European cities. They were more like meet and greets where they’d sing; in the last few months the boys had gotten really popular on youtube with quite the fanbase – mostly teen girls, which was what they had in common with me and Justin, a largely teen female fanbase. I found it creepy but they were the ones who spent the money so who can complain.

Justin was actually staying with me while Josh was gone. He’d finished filming for the season, though he didn’t talk much about it in front of me, it wasn’t just that he didn’t want to upset me, he genuinely wasn’t enjoying it anymore. He’d left the season earlier than the last episode and was hoping he could have his last episode early in the next season. Since he’d originally signed his lease on the apartment until that month and wasn’t going to pay for another year just to stay in it for a few weeks, he was staying with me. I’d recently upgraded from my old apartment, due to a healthy pay rise from album sales, and had loads of spare room.

We were in the kitchen making pasta – not just boiling it literally making it from scratch which was surprisingly fun, boy did he love pasta – talking about all the crazy shit we’d seen and done at parties when a thought occurred to me.

‘You know I think this is actually the first time we’ve spent time alone together in like weeks. No security, no entourage, no fans and well hopefully no paparazzi, lol.’

‘Yeah, it might be.’ He said. He’d been pretty quiet since we got back. ‘It’s kind of awkward.’

That threw me off. ‘Er is it? Why?’ for all I knew we were still really close, even the tabloids said the bromance was stronger than ever. He was making me nervous.

‘Not a bad awkward.’ He said looking at me and giving me a reassuring smile. ‘Like, I don’t know, I just, eh it doesn’t matter actually, do you think this is enough flour?’

‘Yeah that’s fine, and no! I wanna know what were you going to say?’

‘I shouldn’t have said anything it’s not fair on you’ he looked down, pretending to be studying the recipe.

‘Justin Bieber!’ I said, he looked straight up from the book, I must’ve sounded angry. I picked up a small handful of flour and threw it on his clothes, laughing.

‘You did not!’ he said, jumping back, but all of it got on his shirt.

‘Now you tell me or you get the whole bowl.’ I threatened.

‘Oh, you mean like this.’ Before I knew it he had grabbed the bowl and dumped it on my head. I was literally covered, along with the floor, in flour.

‘Oh you’re in for it now Bieber!’ I said grabbing the whole massive bag of flour, but he made a run for it, and I followed right behind, we were both screaming with laughter.

He grabbed the tube of tomato paste and aimed it at me. ‘Any closer and you get it Mr.’

We had ended up on different sides of the breakfast counter, in a Mexican standoff formation.

‘Okay, okay.’ I said. ‘Truce?’ we lowered our weapons slowly onto the counter. As we let go of them I said. ‘I'm still gonna get you!’ and leapt over the counter. He managed to turn around and started to move but I grabbed him in a bear hug like move and squeezed as he tried to wriggle free. Again we were laughing our asses off. He kept wriggling and ended up spinning himself around so we were facing each other. The laughter died down pretty quickly as we looked at each other, each covered in flour and panting. It was a long time since we’d been this close.

After a while he spoke. ‘I er, was gonna say… it’s awkward, awkward because I want to kiss you so goddamn bad, especially now. But then I see you with Josh and like, it’s not like Robin. You actually like him, and I don’t know, he’s cool, he likes you and you like him.’ He didn’t look upset, but he was hardly happy about the situation.

I’d loosened my grip by then, and said. ‘Oh, Justin.’ I wiped a bit off flour off his cheek. And he brought his hand up to mine and held it there.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ He said, still holding my hand he brought it down from his face. ‘I’m just jealous I guess.’ He intertwined our fingers.

I looked into his eyes and then I saw a kind of sadness I hadn’t seen before. ‘Justin, this is important’ I said, bringing his gaze to my eyes. ‘Jealous of him because he has me, or jealous of me because I can-’ But I was suddenly interrupted by a familiar voice.

‘Oh there you are! Oh hi there Justin!’

We both quickly jumped apart, thankfully I was stood with my back to the door, so it just looked like we were having a conversation, covered in flour.

‘Oh, er, hey mum!’ I said going over to hug her. ‘I completely forgot you were coming!’  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm actually really happy with this chapter, and i probably should be since it took me a month to write!! hahaha  
> anyways i've remembered how much i love writing this so made this chapter longggg and i'm gonna be updating so stick around and keep checking!   
> there's way more of you on here than i expected to be honest, which is so cool, so hey!!! hahhaha  
> anyways thanks for reading!  
> Sam x


	27. Jam

My mum only stayed overnight, and left pretty early in the afternoon of the next day; she was meeting up with some old friends in London and apparently had decided she was allowed to stay with me any time she liked. 

 

It was a Sunday, and for the first time in a while neither Justin nor I had anything to do, and no invitation to do anything else. We got a few beers, ordered takeout and laid around on the sofa. It was so nice to chill with him, we got along so well. You know how you just connect with some people? Well that was us two. I could almost forget the fact we had been fucking before, almost. 

 

Justin made it pretty obvious that he couldn’t forget it, and that worried me. I cared about him so much and I didn’t want to see him hurt. He would never admit it but I could see he was jealous when me and Josh were together, if we ever kissed in public or were affectionate he’d give this longing look towards us. He didn’t know I saw it, but I knew he cared about me. The jealousy puzzled me though, the idea that Justin could ever feel more towards me than a friend he likes to fuck was alien. 

 

I tried to get him to talk about it, what he’d said that night about being jealous. If it was just jealousy seeing someone he used to get it on with be someone else then that’s fine, it’s natural and happens to everyone. But if it was more than that, if it was that I was able to be happy with someone in public whilst he couldn’t….

 

‘I told you I just wanted to - want to - you know, fuck. Nothing else aight?’ he said for the millionth time, I really wanted to get to the bottom of it. 

 

‘As long as you’re sure…’ I said, putting my head back on his shoulder. We were cuddled up on the couch watching some crappy action movie. This was the furthest we had gotten all week, and though it may seem bad I was actually surprised. Justin at least respected what me and Josh had, even if he secretly hated it. 

 

‘Geez, you haven’t been this interested in how horny I am since the good old days.’ the good old days was Justin’s stupid term for when we were fuck buddies, still that same old dork he always was. ‘Wait you’re not trying to?’ he raised his eyebrows hopefully.

 

‘No Justin’ I said, letting out an amused sigh. ‘Still just as committed.’ 

 

‘Really?’ He said, looking at his arm around me and how mine were wrapped around his waist. ‘So, so committed’ he laughed. 

 

‘Okay maybe not that committed…’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Well… he is.’ I added after a minute. 

 

‘Oh god, brace yourself it’s Sam’s boyfriend trouble, my favourite topic.’ he said with obvious sarcasm, but I could tell he also really didn’t like bringing up the fact I had a boyfriend. 

 

‘Oi!’ I said, getting out of my position and moving to the other side of the couch. ‘You didn’t seem to mind when we were bitching about Robin like constantly.’ 

 

‘Fineeeee.’ he broke his concentration on the movie and turned to me. ‘What’s up Sammy.’ 

 

‘I’ve told you before I will kill you if you ever call me that. Not kidding. Or worse I’ll tickle you to death.’ I moved towards him and stretched out my arms. 

 

‘Okay!! Okay, okay. I’m sorry.’ I laughed at him as he was cowering behind a cushion.

 

‘Anyways, as I was saying. There isn’t anything up really. It’s just he wants to get all serious and stuff, like I really like him, as a friend and in that way but I just don’t want to be tied down.’ 

 

‘You’re 18 you ain’t married’ Justin said.

 

‘That’s what I said! Ugh you get it, of course you’d get it.’ I rolled my eyes.

 

‘What’s that supposed to mean?!’ he threw the cushion at me. 

 

‘Oh nothing’ I said catching it effortlessly. ‘I just kinda wish him and I were more like we used to be. Minus all the sneaking around and lies, ha…’ 

 

That seemed to put him off talking, and his eyes went back to the TV. 

 

If there was a lot of partying while Josh was here, boy was there a lot more when he was gone.

 

When Justin and I weren't cuddling or pretending not to feel the sexual tension between us, we were in every club we could find. The days, or more accurately the hangovers, all blended into one. It sounds a lot but it was the best time of my life, so much fun, so much freedom and it was all mine. I had a tour planned for the album starting in April, so there was still about a month until that started and I swore I was going to make the most of it. 

 

The parties were getting more and more intense too, lasting longer, starting earlier and with more and more people being introduced to me everyday. The weed had now been replaced with harder drugs, ecstasy, MDMA it seemed that if you weren't high you weren't having a good time. I remember the first time I did it, at first I noticed nothing different, but then a strange rush started kicking in, everything became so much more intense, and so much more fun. I put that down to who I was with though. By the time the few weeks were coming to an end, pills had become a regular part of my nights out. I should have seen the warning signs at this point, I was stupid not to. But I was caught up in the rebellious magic of it all, and plus, Justin was doing it too, at least most of the nights. Though in the back of my mind I remember thinking how I was overtaking him later on. 

 

As well as the multitude of people Justin was always surrounded with, Jessica and her twin brother Zac had been hanging out with us. Until then I hadn't even known Zac had existed, apparently a twin brother wasn't something Jessica had thought to tell me. Zac was the same height as Jessica, and they did in fact look pretty similar other than the obvious difference in hair colour. Jessica’s fiery red hair was a stark contrast to the sandy blonde colour of Zac’s.

 

‘This is so unfair!’ Jessica said, throwing a magazine at me from across the breakfast bar. Her, Justin, Zac and I were all sat in the kitchen eating breakfast after a particularly late and alcohol fuelled night.

 

‘Ow! What now?’ I wiped the cereal from my face that Jessica had caused to go all over me. The magazine fell open on to a double page spread dedicated to Justin and I. 

 

‘You get fired and you’re still more famous than me!’ She laughed, Jessica’s first language was sarcasm. 

 

‘Ha ha ha definitely not going to apologise for that.’ I started reading the articles dotted around the pages. It would have been impossible to count the times bromance was used in some of the sentences, I smirked to myself everytime I read it. 

 

‘Sorry sis, but I am so glad you aren't all over the news looking like that!’ Zac pointed to a picture in the bottom corner of one of the pages, it was of Justin and I looking, for lack of a better word, absolutely fucked out of our minds. We all burst out into fits of laughter as I went very red, it was a terrible picture. 

 

That cause Justin to groan. ‘Ughhh, guys keep it down.’ He was sitting with his head on the bar with his arms around his head. ‘What are you looking at?’ He lifted his head up and squinted his eyes to try and see. 

 

I quickly moved the magazine further away from him, the last thing he needed then was to see himself looking awful, because he may be unfairly beautiful, but hungover Justin wasn't the best looking thing in the world. I stroked his hair, slowly encouraging him to go back to sleeping which he did with ease. 

 

I did my usual damage control when stuff like this happened, and tweeted the picture, making some sarcastic joke about how good I looked. This guy from the record label was acting as my publicist and as good as he was, his responses to this kind of thing were telling me not to do it again and making me actually apologise - apparently being 18 didn't mean I was free at all, so I decided to be my own publicist really. 

 

As usual when I went on twitter I ended up taking ages stalking people, going from one person’s profile to another to another and so on, it was a pretty bad addiction. Following a few people and favouriting their tweets I kept seeing jam being brought up which was extremely weird, why were my fans talking about jam? Then I saw a photoset on tumblr which was pictures of me and Justin, from on set, to selfies from instagram and even ones where we were clearly drunk, but just looking like we were having a good time, and it dawned on me. Justin and Sam. Jam. They had created a ship. _Oh god._

 

I searched the tag on all the social media I had and it turned out Jam was a pretty big thing, in both mine and Justin’s fandoms; I have to say though I thought the name was pretty disappointing on the creative side. There were already edits, imagines and fan fictions, it was very amusing to read through one, knowing in some ways how true some of them were. Some of them were down right hilarious though, especially the ones where we were secretly in love with each other. _Hilarious_ …

 

‘Oi, you!’ I poked him in the head. ‘You seen this?!’ I’d pulled up a picture someone had edited of us to make it look like we were kissing; it was adorably creepy. 

 

‘Wha-? Oh, that er, Jam? Ha ha didn't you know about that already? Wait, I think I’m gonna go puke.’ And with that he ran off towards the bathroom.’ 

 

We laughed watching him, and then spent way too long searching through the Jam tag, Zac and Jessica finding it almost as funny as I did. 

 

‘Oh my god, these are too weird’ Said Zac. ‘Like imagine if these were real!’ 

 

That made me choke on my drink and nearly spit it all out across the breakfast bar. 

 

‘Yeah’ I said. ‘Imagine…’ 

 

The next week on one of our lazy days, I was sitting at the piano just playing whatever came into my head, whether it was my songs, someone else’s or something I had in mind to write. It was a beautiful day, the sun was streaming through the glass walls of my apartment and landing in streaks across the floor and walls. It was a polished white grand piano, one I’d always wanted and made sure to buy when I had my own place, especially one big enough to fit it in. 

 

I loved my apartment, it was in central London, overlooking the Thames which could actually be quite beautiful especially on a day like this one with the sun glistening across the slow waves. A fresh spring breeze was rustling through the recently bloomed trees and bushes on the streets below, and for once the air in London smelled fresh and clean, not full of smoke and car fumes. 

 

I was singing the lead single off of my album, a much more broken down version of course and I was just getting to the second verse when Justin appeared, dressed in only tight sweatpants with clear bed head. Of course he looked ridiculously hot, and he enjoyed my eyes wandering, though I noticed his eyes wandering too; I hadn't bothered to button up the shirt I was wearing, and had a pair of tight and very short shorts on. That put a smile on my face. He hopped up to sit on the piano, I was going to stop playing when he started singing where I’d left off.

 

I’d written the song about him in the first place, so it was rather fitting for him to be singing it; it was one of the ones I had been over exaggerating my feelings for him in order to write. Talking about how crazy you go when you're in love with someone and all the usual things my songs are about, with sexual references thrown in here and there of course. I came back in during the chorus and harmonised, before finishing the song in what seemed to be a battle of who could sing the loudest. We had never really just chilled and jammed before, it was really cool, and got me thinking how I’d love to collab with him on a song. 

 

Later on we were chilling in the kitchen; I was making him his pasta because I was such a good little housewife. 

 

‘I snapchatted a couple videos of us singing earlier and it’s blowing upppp’ He said. ‘They’re going insane.’ 

 

‘When are they not insane?’ I laughed. ‘You don't help the situation fuelling the Jam fire by posting videos of us singing about how much we love each other.’ 

 

‘Eh what’s the harm, and it’s free publicity for ya.’ Said Justin. 

 

‘Fair point, wanna sing all my songs then? Ha ha. Oh God, just remembered you didn't even change the he’s to she’s, they will be even worse.’ 

 

‘They already are, nothing gets past beliebers, hashtag Jam is real.’

 

‘Jesus Christ ha ha ha, if only they knew’ I turned to look at him and we both went very red and burst out laughing. ‘Now that would be some publicity.’ 

 

‘Yeah… totally, and you know that aint actually a bad idea, maybe I’ll talk to Scooter, I could do a remix!’ 

 

‘I was thinking we might as well make a few tracks together, it’d be pretty fun.’ I said putting his meal in front of him.

 

‘Fuck yeah!’ He was probably saying that to the food just as much as he was to me. 

 

 

The plane finally touched down on the runway at LAX after way too many hours; I was visiting Josh and the boys on their tour. No matter how comfortable and accommodating the first class cabin was supposed to be, there is really no way to make twelve hours in a small space that much more comfortable. Though the first class was nice, especially on British Airways, I felt like royalty; the money from album sales really was paying off. Sorry about that pun. I did get a few looks for being an 18 year old in first class though, sitting in a cabin full of businessmen and busy looking middle aged women. I did get one look from a teenage girl in the line to get on the plane, that look of I know you from somewhere but where? _Oh god, was my life now going to be full of those looks? I hope not,_ but before she could recognise me I had walked off. 

 

Josh seemed to run at me almost as soon as I had stepped off the walkway into the gate and nearly pushed me over hugging me. 

 

‘Well hello there beautiful. Missed me?’ I said, pulling him in for a kiss that lasted way too long for public display. 

 

‘Mmm, of course, too much.’ He kissed me, again it lasting too long. 

 

I said hello to the boys and then we were on our way back to his hotel room, I was only staying for a few days, as I had to get back to England and start rehearsing for the tour. We went and saw all the sights, including me forcing him to take numerous pictures of me posing in front of the Hollywood sign. It was so nice to be back with him, especially having such a fun time, but there was an ulterior motive for me coming here, we needed to have a talk about us. 

 

We were out for dinner at some fancy restaurant where everything was overpriced, and overpriced for LA, so super overpriced, we talked all about his tour and how mine was shaping up to be. The boys were going to tour with me as my backing singers as well, so they didn't have much time to prepare. We seemed to be avoiding the topic of our relationship or our feelings though. I was just about to jump in and say it when he said it before me. 

 

‘Look, Sam. We need to talk.’ 

 

‘Yeah, we kinda do.’ I replied. 

 

‘So… er.’ He cleared his throat. There was a moment of silence. 

 

‘We want different things.’ I just went out and said it. ‘Sorry. I mean it just had to be said aha.’

 

‘No, no you’re right, we do.’ We went silent again.

 

‘Fuck this is so awkward.’ I said, then we looked at each other and laughed. 

 

‘I’ve never done this before…’ He admitted.

 

‘Oh god haha, well I have but it usually ends in screaming matches and pure hatred.’ I smiled.

 

‘I could never hate you Sam.’ He reached out for my hand across the table.

 

‘Same here, I am pretty amazing.’ 

 

‘No one could ever ruin a moment more than you Samuel.’ He laughed.

 

‘It’s a gift.’ I said.

 

‘So can we totally just like break up and be done with it?’ He seemed to say it at a million miles an hour, and then avoided my eyes. I was going to reply when the waiter brought our desserts. 

 

‘Thank you.’ We both said. 

 

‘Yes please’ I said. ‘I like you Josh, a lot, and jeez are you hot as fuck, but we don't work together, you want serious and honestly I don’t. It’s sad, I think at any other time we could’ve been something amazing. But not now, we have to end it, but I don't wanna hurt you.’ 

 

‘Thank fuck.’ He said. ‘No drama is the way to go, you better still be my best friend though.’ He spooned some of his creme brûlée into his mouth. He seemed to be fine, though he avoided the more meaningful parts of my sentence altogether. I knew he liked me more than I did him, so I just had to accept it would be harder for him. 

 

‘Of course, like we have to promise to still be mates!’ 

 

‘You can’t escape me that easily.’He said.

 

‘Plus’ I said, leaning in to whisper. ‘Who says we can’t be a little more than friends here and there.’ I winked.

 

His eyes lit up. ‘Well I haven't gotten any in a while…’ He sucked on his spoon. 

 

‘Break up sex is the best, you know.’ I licked my lips looking at how hot he was. Being on tour in all these hot countries had tanned his skin and bleached his hair, I _bet there’s some very hot tan lines I’m gonna find later_. 

 

‘Never done it.’ He managed to say.

 

‘Guess it’s a night of firsts for you then, come on, I’m bored and have a million other things I’d rather to do you than talk.’ I licked my spoon one last time as he went incredibly red. 

 

Honestly it was some of the best sex I’d ever had. I think we were both so desperate for each other and I could tell he was a bit angry we’d had to break up in the first place that we went at it like animals. It lasted far longer than any other sex we’d ever had, and we just seemed to keep on going. As usual I loved how he let me be in control, setting the pace, giving it to him exactly how I wanted to. 

 

It was about 2am by the time we eventually rolled over, hot and sweaty messes from the hours we had been at it, he rested his head on my chest where I was still breathing heavy. I picked up my phone, messed both our hair up a little more and took a picture. I laughed at my own caption when I posted it to instagram. 

 

‘What?’ 

 

‘Look at it’ I said. 

 

The picture showed our half naked bodies, it was clear we were naked and very clear what we’d been up to, with messed up sheets and sex hair. 

 

“11/10 Would break up with you again #SashIsOver” He read it out. ‘Oh my god! Ha ha ha, I totally agree though.’ 

 

I woke up relatively early, Josh was sleeping like an angel, a hot angel, next to me still. I picked up my phone to check the time and saw I had so many notifications, mostly twitter and instagram. 

 

I laughed at the fact I had literally announced to everyone that me and Josh had had sex and broken up in the same post, and then started reading through thehilarious comments. Some of the best were “I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS”, “WHY WASNT I INVITED” and my personal favourite: “IM CRYING BUT IM SO TURNED ON” Twitter had much of the same response, though one of my notifications said that Justin had favourited the tweet of the instagram post, I checked and he liked it on instagram too. _That boy_. I thought to myself _He really does enjoy torturing his fans._

 

Naturally I started stalking him, looking at his past instagram posts, which were pretty standard Bieber and then I checked his twitter, I realised I hadn't done it in a while, since he was living in the same house as me I guess I didn't need to see what he was up to. 

 

What I found shocked me. I didn't know how to feel, I couldn't feel betrayed. _Could I?_ Everywhere I looked I saw mentions of him and Selena, pictures, news articles, gossip columns, everywhere said that they were cosying it up in London. _Ridiculous, I would know about it._ And then I checked the dates. _Yesterday?! Literally I am gone one day and he brings her to MY house?_

 

Going back a little further it seemed that this may have been building, reports of sources saying they were having steamy phone calls and how they were excited to give it another go. He hadn't said anything about her to me, _I’m supposed to be his best friend! I live with him how could I not know?_

 

Justin had told me before that they’d been in a fake celebrity relationship and I had believed him, was he lying? If it was a publicity relationship surely it would be out there. This felt like he was hiding it. The only person he’d talked about doing anything at all relationship-y with the past month was me! He was almost begging me a lot of the time to sleep with him, and I could tell or wanted to tell myself that he felt more for me than lust. But still, _I cant be mad can I? I had a boyfriend, I slept with someone last night. It’s not my business. Shut up Sam, it totally is your business and you are gonna be mad._

 

In the time it took me to stalk, Justin had posted on instagram. This confirmed it. There was no caption, there didn't need to be. It was a selfie of Selena and him, he was shirtless in sweatpants and she was wearing some tight fitting gym gear. He had his arms round her waist and she was leaning back into him, one arm up around his neck embracing him. Worst of all, it was taken in the big mirror in my apartment, they were literally in my bedroom taking nauseating selfies together. My anger was instantly justified. 

 

 

 

‘And run that one again from the top!’ Jon Chu shouted almost before I’d finished signing the last note. Because Justin was pretty much the most amazing person ever and people liked to do what he told them to, somehow Scooter had convinced Jon to be the creative director of my tour, literally the same guy who directed the Believe tour and both of Justin’s movies. Both of which Justin himself had insisted I watch to educate me, he was still shocked when I didn’t know everything about him, and I liked to remind him that not everyone on earth was a belieber. 

 

It was amazing having someone so brilliant as Jon on the team, I wouldn't have really known where to start with my tour but he had so many ideas, said my album made sense to him or something. _Well that’s good because it doesn't even really make sense to me, the tracks are totally in the wrong order, thanks Scooter._ Scooter had hardly let me be involved with the creative direction of the album other than the music but Jon was the opposite, he let me and agreed with my changes to the order of the songs, and he seemed to be up for a lot more individuality than simply doing a standard tour that Scooter wanted to do. 

 

Scooter always seemed to be trying to make me into a Bieber 2.0, and I really didn't like that, and I enjoyed reminding him that while teenage girls made up a lot of my fanbase, it was a lot less than they did of Justin’s, and the tour needed to reflect that. 

 

Singing whilst dancing was a big worry for me, but once we had practiced the dance routines so much that our feet were covered in blisters and we could literally do them with our eyes closed, the singing came naturally. Not so much for the boys, but they were let off easy since they were singing backup and could just sort of move to the beat behind me a lot of the time. Thankfully it wasn't awkward at all with me and Josh, the rest of the boys were very confused by this, though Harry did say that Josh missed me and was a lot more upset than he showed in public. 

 

It was the day before the first night, I was so nervous but distracting myself by not taking a single break other than to stuff my face, moving this much everyday for weeks really does make you lose a lot of extra weight, but the dancing kept me toned which was all I cared about honestly. We had just finished rehearsing the finale, my most popular song off the album, and were waiting for the cue of the lights to go up before we moved, apparently that was important though it felt a little over rehearsed to me, when I heard someone clapping. I looked down off the stage and saw that Justin had appeared, his little entourage chatting away to Jon and the crew. 

 

‘Wasn’t bad.’ He said grinning his cute little smile at me. 

 

I jumped down off the stage, I was always getting told off for doing that, and hugged him. ‘Hey you!’ I said, ‘Didn’t know you were in town.’ 

 

‘Couldn’t miss your opening night could I?’ He said, looking around the venue, sizing it up, he seemed impressed, I liked that. I didn't want him thinking I wasn't as good as him, we were weirdly competitive against each other. 

 

‘But wait you said you were in LA! I was annoyed at you for not coming, I haven't even replied to your text this morning!’ 

 

‘I know but you see I’m so sneaky that I tricked you into thinking I wasn't coming, can’t be annoyed at me now!’ He had a goofy smile on his face and opened his arms for a hug, I went to kick him in the balls instead. 

 

‘You are such a child’ I said, laughing. 

 

Justin did a quick tour of the place, saying hey to everyone, catching up with the boys, pretending to bitch to Josh about me, the usual. Whilst he was doing that I went to go and get changed, my dressing room was messy as usual so I ended up just in my boxers rooting around for clothes when Justin walked in. 

 

‘Oh hello there’ he said. ‘You didn't have to dress up for me.’ His eyes wandered up and down my body. 

 

‘Oh ha ha, shut it. And for your information.’ I said whilst pulling my clothes on. ‘The days of you getting any of this are over, made sure of that one didn't you.’

 

‘Ouch’ he said, pretending to clutch a wound. ‘I guess I deserve that.’ 

 

‘Yes, yes you do, I’m starving.’ I wasn't going to have that argument again. 

 

‘Good, I’m taking you out to dinner.’ 

 

‘You’re still angry at me aren't you?’ He asked whilst we ate. Apparently taking me out to dinner meant ordering takeout to my apartment. There was no press that way. 

 

I had been noticeably quiet so far to get him to ask that question. ‘Yep’

 

‘Look, I’m sorry it was weird I get it,I’ve apologised alright.’ 

 

‘No Justin it’s not okay, you send me all the signals that you wanna be with me and then as soon as my backs turned you bring Selena over, to my house, do god knows what to her in my bedroom and then disappear before I can even shout at you! I’ve never even met the girl and you’re taking gross selfies in my bedroom mirror for fuck sake!’ Yeah I was pretty pissed off. 

 

‘Whoa, okay.’ He put his noodles down and sat back. We were sat on the floor resting on the couch. ‘Sam seriously, dude, I am sorry. I didn't wanna hurt you.’ 

 

‘I know you didn't but you didn't think Justin! Not about me anyways. Especially since I told you I was going to break up with Josh that weekend!’ 

 

‘I mean you said might…’ 

 

‘Ugh, whatever like I don’t care just please think about other people for a second will you? And think about yourself do you even like Selena? You said it wasn't real before so what about this time?’ 

 

He turned away from me as I said that, looking at the floor, the walls anywhere but at me. ‘Yeah it’s real. Like we aren't super serious but we’re dating.’ 

 

‘Okay, well. Good to know. Now I need a fucking drink, want one?’ I asked as I got up. 

 

I was glad we had had the conversation, up until then all we had done was have a very angry call when he text me the day after the picture that he was going with Selena somewhere and he’d see me around sometime. We’d both put off having an actual talk about feelings until we saw each other the next time, just going back to our general routine of messaging and texting all the time, he was the person I messaged most out of all my friends, chances were if you saw me on my phone I was replying to a text from him. It seemed insane that I was friends with him, best friends with Justin Bieber. 

 

It wasn't long as that one drink turned into many drinks for us to start to get tipsy. I rested my head on his shoulder as the film we were watching got all soppy and romantic, some rom-com with Jennifer Aniston in it probably. They were both declaring their love for each other when he turned to look at me, and I to him. 

 

‘Kiss me?’ He said in a timid voice, making a big difference from usual, he wasn't in control, he wasn't even asking permission, he was being vulnerable I loved it when he opened up like this. 

 

‘You never have to ask.’ I took his face in my hands and brought my lips to his. It was incredible. I had forgotten just how good he tasted, and how he felt on my lips. I started moving my tongue and he opened up straight away. He turned towards me making it easier to kiss. I put one hand on his waist and ran one through his soft hair, he had one on my waist and one on my cheek. He broke off the kiss. 

 

‘Sam, I…’ He stopped himself suddenly, it looked like he actually bit his tongue to stop speaking. And then as I sat waiting for him, he dove back in to kiss me again. He never finished that sentence. 

 

We kissed for a long, long time, hardly stopping or leaving each other’s mouth aside from when he kissed my neck, he could drive me crazy with that mouth, he _did_ drive me crazy with that mouth. 

 

‘Mm…bedroommm..’ Was all I heard him moan as I worked up from his neck. And suddenly I drew back. 

 

‘Wait, Justin what about Selena? We can’t…’ I looked away. 

 

‘Rob never stopped us?’ He grabbed my hand. 

 

I quickly turned to him, about to shout how insensitive that was when I realised he didn't mean it in a bad way, and he was right. _He said it was only dating, they aren't a serious item,_ I thought to myself, before attacking his mouth again. 

 

We were stood up now, I pinned him against the wall, pressing his arms to the wall above his head whilst I had my tongue in his mouth, I was loving being in control. It was only a short walk to my bedroom, so it didn't take long for us to be stood making out in front of my bed. We were going quick, but not quick enough for me, so I pushed him back onto the bed.

 

'I have waited way too long for this.' I said, climbing on top of him.

 

I grinded down on his obviously hard cock, his fingers shyly tracing up from my waist. Bending down to kiss him he put his hands in my hair and started moving them down to my waist. I was unbuttoning his shirt, but I found it far too difficult, I was much more interested in getting my mouth on his, eventually I just ripped his shirt open sending a few buttons flying across the bed.

 

I felt his hand pushing my head down slightly, and took that as a sign to get moving. Kissing don from his mouth, my lips and tongue travelled down his chest. Across his tattoos, giving my favourite ones the most attention, to his nipples; softly biting them making him let out a sexy moan. I took my time going down his abs, teasing him so much that he started pushing my head down even harder. 

 

'Someone's eager?' I said looking up at him, he looked so hot, all red and flushed. It is so hot to see someone react that way to what you are doing, especially on Justin.

 

'I want you... p... please?' He moaned.

 

'Mmm, I should make you beg more often, it is so hot.' 

 

I was about to go back to teasing him hen suddenly he rolled us over so that I was laid on the bed with him on top of me. 

 

'If you ain't gonna do it...' He said, slipping my t shirt over my head.

 

I threw my head back in pleasure as he bit down on my neck, it drove me crazy, Justin was so good at neck kissing. Again his hands traced down my sides and it felt so good, my body was aching for his touch. I clawed at the sheets moaning as he began to massage me through my underwear. _God I have missed his blowjobs,_ I thought as he took me into his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the head - him and that talented mouth of his. He started to go down taking more of me into his mouth, before coming back up to swirl his tongue once again, he repeated this each time going about an inch further down until he finally had the whole of my throbbing cock in his mouth. _He'd been practicing._ As he started to deep throat me he played with my balls, taking them in his hands and massaging them. I could tell I was leaking loads of precum into his mouth and he was loving it, but I could tell I was getting closer. 

 

'G...get on the b...bed I wanna do you.' I said, and he let my cock out of his mouth, licked his lips with a devilish smile and started to get up. '...At the same time' I added with a wink. His face showed how much he loved that idea, and to the best of my memory I don't think that we had ever done a 69 before, not together anyway. 

 

He took his jeans off in a flash, eager to get this started; I lay back on the bed and he climbed on top. I took his hard leaking cock straight into the back of my throat, it fekt so good to have him back in there, it had been way too long. He started moaning around my cock, _fuck that feels good._ But it wasn't enough. I let his cock fall out of my mouth, giving his head a lick as it slipped out, and decided to do something I'd wanted to do for too long.

 

I went back to licking, but I moved down from his cock to his balls, he loved it hen they got attention and showed it with some thrusts of his hips. But I didn't stay there for long, I continued past his balls to what I really wanted. I paused for a second, he was still happily sucking me, not complaining from the lack of touch yet, and I went for it. I stuck out my tongue and licked across his hole. He stopped sucking and his body tightened up, he let my cock out of his mouth, I was nervous to hear what he was going to say, but then he turned his head to look at me. 

 

'More.' It was almost a moan rather than a word. 

 

I didn't wait around and got straight back to it. My tongue circled around his hole, I licked up and down, spreading his cheeks open for my eager tongue. I was burying my face in his ass, my tongue was going faster and faster, flirting with the idea of tongue fucking him. Many times he'd stop sucking all together and just enjoy the feeling, I felt his hot breath against my thighs and his moans felt so good around my cock. I was getting off on doing it so much, this was some of the best sex we had ever had, and so was how he was reacting. He began to moan more and more, eventually giving up on attempting to suck me and just massaging my cock as he enjoyed this new sensation. 

 

Rolling him over I got off the bed and moved to the end, kneeling down. I looked at the panting, horny and sweaty mess in front of me _fuck he looks hot,_ I thought. I pulled him by his thighs to the end of the bed and told him to lift up his legs and spread them. The look he gave me when I used my sexy commanding voice was one I'll never forget. 

 

He was now at a much better angle for me to get to work, this time I slowly jacked him off while eating him out. Obviously not fast enough for him, he was laid back on the bed, one hand massaging his chest, playing with his nipples, and one in his hair. He threw his head back in pleasure, his moans getting louder and louder; I could tell he was getting close. 

 

'Tongue fuck me baby, fuck it feels so good!' He managed to get out, interrupting himself to moan a few times, hearing him say that as a result of what I was doing was the sexiest thing. The usually dominant Justin was like putty in my hands and we were both enjoying it so much. 

 

I went deeper with my tongue as a result of his moans, I wanted him to cum from this so bad. I tightened my grip on his cock and pumped my hand faster and faster. Suddenly he moaned 'Fuck' so loud that it was practically a scream, and I looked up to see him shooting all over his chest and abs, there was even a little cum on his chin. He let his legs down and I crawled up the bed to join him, licking a bit of his cum up in the process. I'd forgotten how he tasted, or forgotten how much I loved it would be more accurate. We started kissing, he seemed to still be getting his breath back, but he felt my cock still rock hard against his thigh. I deepened the kiss as he took my cock in his hand and he jacked me off until I shot over our chests. He licked the cum that was on his hand and kissed me again. 

 

'Mmm you taste good...' He panted. 

 

'You too' I said kissing him. 'Up for round two in the shower?' 

 

'Always.' He said, eager as ever. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this took me way too long to write so apologies haha, but I hope you enjoy! its a little longer than usual to make up for it and has a naughty scene at the end which you all seem to like lmao  
> I hate writing sex scenes so please give me any feedback on how it was, because I need to learn haha  
> anyways thanks for reading hope you enjoyed and i'll be back soon!  
> Sam x


	28. Touring

I could not, cannot and will never be able to describe the feeling. That first time. When the lights burst on, people begin to scream and the adrenaline that pulses through your veins. That is how it feels to tour. I was so excited to be out there night after night doing something I loved. It beat repeating lines to a camera any day of the week. 

My tour was small venues to start with, my album had been a success, but that was a lot different to selling out stadiums, everyone has to start somewhere right. They had managed to get me shows in stadiums in four cities though, Edinburgh, Manchester, Cardiff and of course London. That to me was insane, even more so when they told me I’d sold out every show in less than twenty minutes. I have to say, if there’s one thing Scooter is good at, it’s getting things done. 

He wasn’t really my manager; his company was but even then, most of the communication I received was directly from Universal or Virgin. SBProjects was most active in America, and he seemed to have designated the work to the teams which knew the UK the best. However, he was around a lot, he liked to be heavily involved I think, even if he did always give me the cold shoulder. There was just something about me he really didn’t like. 

People seemed to love the show. Some of them didn’t stop screaming the whole time. I know that is a standard at any concert but it made me feel special, it was such an awesome feeling being able to entertain people like that. People were dancing, jumping up and down, and most touching was how they were singing along. My songs! And everyone seemed to know the words. There were even people crying during some, which was an incredible feeling, other than feeling bad that I’d made a fan cry. 

After two hours, the show came to a close. I couldn’t contain my excitement backstage, my whole family it seemed had come out to support me. They all congratulated me, hugs all around, including Lindsay when she wasn’t trying to stop Olly looking at all the girl dancers wandering around wearing very little. Even Justin had flown out to support me, unfortunately so had Scooter. I was so pumped, going from person to person being congratulated, joking around, but Scooter was of course a downer on the whole occasion. 

‘Well, you did okay, but there’s a few things we need to go over again, especially that ending…’ Scooter said, bringing everyone’s mood down. 

‘Umm, okay like er right now?’ I said, wondering if this was actually a joke.   
‘It would be useful, yes, we need to-’

‘Oh come on Scooter, he did great! Amazing job Sam!’ Jonathan came from nowhere. 

‘Thanks man, means a lot, hope I did you proud.’ I hugged him. 

‘Right everyone! Let’s go celebrate this properly!’ I said turning to the group. Olly was the only one who seemed up for it, my parents smiled. ‘What?’ I asked looking around.

‘You’ve got another one of these to do tomorrow you can’t go out.’ Scooter said bluntly. 

‘Come on… You’re not serious?’

‘Totally serious.’ 

I looked at Justin, who avoided my gaze, I could see him roll his eyes. 

‘Right then, guess we’ll just chill for the night then.’ I looked at Olly and Justin. ‘Back to mine.’ They were both out of the door in seconds. 

On the way back to mine, Justin was furiously texting people whilst I bitched about Scooter. ‘Like what is with him?’ I said for the millionth time as I opened the door to my place. 

‘Guys!’ I saw Zac and Jessica, a few of their friends and Justin’s friends chilling in my living room, drinking and blasting music.’ 

‘Eyyy!’ Olly shouted as he went to grab a drink. 

‘You did this?’ I asked Justin, it was just us stood in my doorway now, the others all occupied in the other rooms. 

‘Didn’t think we was gonna stay in did you?’ He smiled that cheeky smile of his. 

‘You’re so kissable right now.’ 

‘Save that for later.’ He said, walking to join the others, and yes I did enjoy watching that ass walk away. 

Before long we all had far too many drinks inside of us and the night was going by so quickly. It was all a blur to me anyway; the adrenaline was still pumping through my body I didn’t need any help from the alcohol. 

Unsurprisingly, at some point I had managed to spill a drink all over myself in typical Sam fashion. I went to go change mob clothes, I was all sweaty from performing anyway, and that probably wouldn't have been a good look on the tabloids in the morning. Quickly, and therefore badly, I did something with my hair, noticing as usual that it needed cutting and relying. I don't want to do the cliché “fame is hard” rant, but knowing there are always eyes on you is such a drain. Even back then, with only one album out and relatively not that much of a following, you were held to such high standards.

The music was still blaring out when I got back to the room, I saw everyone having a great time – most of them were laughing at Olly doing something stupid. It took me a while to notice Justin and one of his friends weren’t with them, but across the apartment near the kitchen talking to each other in a hushed tone. 

By the time I had walked over, their conversation was over, they were doing some kind of dude-bro handshake, not even trying to hide the fact Justin was slipping him cash in the shake. 

‘Got you a well done gift’ Said Justin, slyly showing me a little baggy of powder. 

‘Hope it’s a bike’ I said slurring my speech already. The urge to kiss him in that moment was unbearable, he was just so… Justin. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bathroom behind him. I immediately pushed him against the sink and had my tongue in his mouth before he could do anything about it. He quickly reacted, one hand finding its way up my shirt while the other caressed my neck. I grabbed his leg and put him up on the counter, moving onto his neck he let out a moan, wrapping his legs around my waist. 

‘They’ll be worried of we don’t come out soon’ he said. 

‘Tell them you fell in the toilet’ I said kissing him again. 

‘Anyway, we got this shit to do’ He pulled the bag out, emptied it out and started cutting it.

‘Alright Mr Superstar cokehead, do that a lot?’ He just laughed in response. ‘We better be using a $100 or it’s not real is it?’ 

‘Ha, you don’t even use dollars here’ He muttered. 

‘Irrelevant point.’ I said, fishing through my wallet I could only find a £20. 

Surprisingly, I had made it thus far in my celebrity partying lifestyle without doing coke, being the all or nothing free spirit, care free person I was back then, I was so up for it. It was the most intense feeling I could ever remember, it took barely seconds before I felt it. A rush, to go out, dance, drink, jump, run, and fuck anything and everything, and all of those at once. There is no denying the fact it was amazing. After downing many more drinks, and taking far too many shots, while getting my hands on Justin any moment I could, the rest of the night became a blur. I barely remember leaving my apartment to go out, and all I remember from the club was a lot of light. 

The sound of the alarm pierced my amazing sleep in such an aggressive fashion I nearly jumped six feet in the air. When I did eventually open my eyes, I had a faceful of Justin’s hair, my arms wrapped round him like the adorable little spoon he is. He was making the most adorable little purring noises in his sleep, uninterrupted somehow by the painfully loud alarm somehow. I snuggled more into him, putting small kisses on his neck while he started to come around, holding onto my arm tighter and pushing into me more. It took him a while to fully wake up, I was getting tired of kissing his neck and wanted the real thing. I didn’t even let him say good morning before I moved my lips to his. Our fingers linked up together as he wrapped his legs around me. Before long I could feel both his and my morning wood desperate to get out, and I began running my fingers up his thigh. Suddenly, just as my fingers went inside his briefs, and my tongue went deep in his mouth, the door burst open. Neither of us had ever moved so fast as to push each other away before, practically jumping out of the bed. 

‘Sam!’ Olly shouted ‘Look!’ he had his head down invested in something on his phone. 

‘Fuck sake Olly, you nearly gave me a heart attack’ I said, assuming he hadn’t seen us.

‘Yeah no kidding’ said Justin.

‘You what?’ He looked confused. ‘Whatever, look!’ He threw me his phone. 

‘Oh my god! Is this for real?’ I asked, I couldn’t believe it. 

‘What?’ Justin asked, looking concerned. 

‘The reviews for last night just came in.’ I looked down again at the screen, one critic had given it four stars, and three others had given me five out of five. Needless to say, there was a lot of jumping up and down and screaming ‘fuck yeah!’. Resisting kissing Justin all over when he said ‘proud of you dude’ was pretty hard too.   
The celebrations couldn’t go on long though, I had to do it all over again that night, and the night after that, and so on, for weeks. The fans were responding incredibly to the tour, it made me so genuinely happy to see so many people enjoying my performance, everything from the music to the lyrics to the dance moves. And I was getting quite good at the dancing, if I do say so myself. My live vocals were the most heavily praised by the critics and fans alike, the ability to sing and dance at the same time is not one every artist has, some can barely sing live. I’d put that down to my work on the show, training for hours of all those dance routines during songs, having to put your body through such effort every day and your lungs especially when you’re expected to sing as well, it’s tough, but hard work makes it pay off. In comparison, learning dance routines for the same songs where you’re only really active for two hours a day was a breeze. Of course, it was still hard work, the endless rehearsals, vocal practice and constantly having to be in promo-mode was exhausting, but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything else. It is what I love to do even now, performing live is a wonderful experience. 

Given that the work didn’t stop, the partying definitely did not stop either. It was becoming a daily occurrence, part of the routine. Meeting literally hundreds of different people while out clubbing, drinking until I could barely walk and taking any pill that was offered. While Justin headed back to the US for a while, I continued hanging around with some of the shadier people he’d introduced me to, and where they went, drugs followed. It was an easy habit to get into, the rush from a couple lines of coke were exactly what I needed to perk me up after a long show, so I could stay up, drink more, and dance till I passed out. I really was going out every night intending to get fucked up. As the tour became more and more demanding, I found myself turning to it much more heavily, it took away the pain of constant work and rehearsal, physical pain of dancing for hours on end and singing so hard I couldn’t speak. It was my release. 

One night in particular, I had argued with one of the show producers over something small and irrelevant we blew out of proportion. In response to the anger, I partied even harder, drank more than I usually would even on a bad day, and took a combination of whatever I could get my hands on. Unsurprisingly, the hangover and comedown the next day was the worst I’d ever experienced, it felt like my brain was trying to escape from my skull, and that my entire stomach was trying to leave my body. It was the day of one of my London shows, by far the biggest and most important ones yet. I missed rehearsal, waking up at 4pm, ignored the calls and texts and just turned up, pretty late and having angered everyone who was working for me. After ignoring all the shouting and people pissed at me again, I went and locked myself in the dressing room, puked, and napped on the couch. I woke up to drumming on the door by the producer, yelling at me to get ready in ten minutes or the show would end up being cancelled. I looked at the time, realising how badly I’d fucked up. Attempting to get changed that quickly, a little plastic baggy of coke fell out of my pocket onto the table. It felt like I was going to fall asleep right there, I needed energy and I needed it fast. But could I really do it then? Right before a show?

‘So, then I just fucking railed it man, four lines.’ I said, sipping my beer.

‘Fuck dude’ Said Justin, almost choking on his joint in disbelief. He was back from the states for a while, a couple of days after my meltdown. Deciding to have a quiet night in, we just sat on my balcony drinking beers and smoking. 

‘Know what the best part is?’ I gestured toward a newspaper near Justin, he picked it up.

‘Whaaat! No way, fuck me.’ He turned it round, showing the 6-star rating (out of 5) some critic had given me, apparently I was better than the best that night.

‘Been wanting to do that since you got here’ I said, looking at him like a piece of meat. But he was paying no attention, texting on his phone. ‘Come on man, that was a good one!’

‘Mhmm’ He said, still not looking up from his phone. 

‘I’m gonna tweet your nudes’ I said, to no response. ‘How do you think Ellen would react if she knew you liked my dick in your ass?’ He barely acknowledged I’d spoken. ‘I’m getting another beer’ I said, shaking my head.

‘Grab me one too dude’ He said handing me his empty bottle, still not looking at me. 

‘He speaks! Rude ass bitch.’ He looked up at me and smiled.

‘Nothing you ever say is funny Sam’ Blowing me a sarcastic kiss. 

‘You know’ I said, crouching down to whisper in his ear. ‘You’re so lucky you have a face I enjoy blowing a load on, coz you would be dead otherwise.’ And kissed him on the cheek. 

He slapped my ass as I walked off. ‘If you want that, you’ll have to come and get it’ I said, but he’d gone back to his phone already. 

Later on, we were sat on the couch watching a movie, I had my legs in his lap, and I kept being distracted by his phone going off. After almost kicking him in the crotch a hundred times, I got sick of it and snatched it off him. I was going to throw it onto the couch in the corner but my eyes saw the conversation. 

‘Hey give- don’t read that!’ he said, trying to snatch it, but I sat up and moved off him, too late.

‘The fuck is this?!’ I said. ‘Care about you in a way I’ve never cared about anyone el… would never hurt you… so special to me… you’re all I need.’ I read. ‘What the fuck Justin?’ I read the name at the top, Selena, with a heart next to it. 

‘It’s nothing I- just give it back!’ he reached for it again. 

‘You’ve been texting her this shit all night? Literally while sat next to me?’ I was about to throw the phone out the window. 

‘Not like that…’ He said, not even meeting me in the eyes. 

‘Really Justin? Please fucking explain then.’ 

‘You know what fuck you, I don’t have to explain shit to you, you said no so I moved on’ He stared at me with this intense anger I hadn’t seen in a long time. 

‘Don’t you fucking dare’ I started, but I couldn’t finish. ‘Fuck it. Have it back’ I threw it at him. ‘She’s all you need anyway. You say that to her before or after you suck my dick? Or is it during, a cheeky little love you text while you’re fucking me?!’ 

‘I didn’t mean…’

‘What didn’t you mean Justin, that you care about me or her? What the fuck are we doing.’ I was getting really loud now. 

‘Fuck you. Don’t act like the better person here. What about Robin.’ 

I couldn’t believe he’d just said that. ‘Robin was completely different you fucking dick. What we did to Robin was disgusting and wrong, and I ended it!’ I was practically screaming. ‘And now, now you wanna go start something and put me in this fucking position where I’m the dirty little rent boy on the side. Fuck you Justin, what happened to caring about each other, we’re supposed to be best mates.’ 

‘What kind of best mates fuck each other?! You’re fucking crazy. I’m out.’ He got up and stormed off. He was staying in my apartment, but I heard the door slam and the elevator called. 

Justin didn’t come to see me after that. We drunk texted each other a few times, but ignored it as if it hadn’t happened the morning after. Losing him seriously affected me. He wasn’t just a fuck buddy, a crush, but he was my best friend, we’d spent so much time together and done so much, it felt like I’d lost a part of myself. It drove me to drink more, and more often, I wouldn’t even go out, I’d sit alone, in front of the TV and drink. Scrolling through twitter or gossip blogs only made it worse, fans and the press starting to catch on that something was up, constant questions of if there was something wrong drove me insane. And then there was Selena. I’d met her briefly and she seemed lovely, but I was slowly growing to hate her. As picture after picture of them together started to come out, at red carpets, at the beach together, laughing, having fun, kissing, whatever. It made me jealous beyond belief, and deeply sad. I couldn’t contain the fact that I missed him so much it hurt, and to see him with her made it worse. 

Eventually the tour came to an end, the best experience of my life had been tainted at the end down to my own stupid actions and actually believing Justin felt for me. I was supposed to have a month or two off before they re-released the album in the US and decided how many dates to tour over there. But I told them no. I locked myself in, metaphorically and literally, locked away in my apartment, drinking, smoking, finding whatever I could to take the pain away. I’d been here before, too many times, I felt the familiar darkness embracing me in its icy, black hole. I cut myself off from everyone, Jess, Zac, all the friendships I’d made over time, and even Olly and my own mother barely got to speak to me. I could tell they were worried. They had good reason to be. 

In my own mind, I was justifying my destructive habits, or addictions, in that I wasn’t cutting or hurting myself directly, but instead numbing the pain through other outlets. As long as I didn’t do anything too much, I wasn’t going to seriously hurt myself, or die, I thought. I refused to believe what I was doing was even bad. I thought I was just in a funk, recovering from an almost breakup and a demanding past few months, I just needed a couple of weeks to relax, I thought. Weeks turned into months without me noticing. I was spiralling without realising. 

I checked my emails, texts and calls regularly, but by then, I had stopped responding altogether. The record label put me on hiatus, and severely cut back how much they were paying me. I hadn’t turned up to any meeting, promo, performance or anything in months. Friends were either annoyed, worried or had already moved on. The boys from the band were pissed at me over everything, I think, I didn’t know or care to know in that moment. And then there was the fans. They were not dealing with this well at all. Over the months it became clear something had happened between Justin and I, and they did not like it, my fans and his were at constant war with each other. Each telling fantastic tales of supposedly what had happened, accusing the other side of being in the wrong. Jam had officially died to them (#JamIsDead). Soon after that, it descended more into a search for me, and there was growing concern even online, even with Sam-hating Beliebers, they knew something was wrong. I’d been careful not to be seen in public much, but then I saw the few pictures that did surface. And then I spiralled further. Seeing how much I was destroying myself only made it worse, it made everything feel so much worse. Drinking became my only vice, I was not sober, not for a single second in a day if I could help it. More and more pictures came out of me, being snapped buying booze, stumbling around in the day, looking awful and feeling even more awful. A horrible, horrible part of me, right at the back of my mind wanted Justin to see me like this, for him to understand what he’d done, what I was blaming on him. I was so far into it I couldn’t see anything past my own mind, the world was against me, it was all his fault, and I was the victim. Of course, I was, but the victim of my own mental state, not of the world. Again, it got worse. 

Then suddenly one morning, I woke up, and it was Christmas Eve. My week or two off had turned into six months. I had no recollection of the night before, only empty bottles, cans and evidence of a lot of lines of coke on the coffee table. My body was screaming, everything ached, my head was pulsating and I barely made it in time to the sink before puking. I looked in the fridge for a drink, there was nothing in there except some mouldy food. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate a meal. I slammed the door shut in anger, desperate for something to ease the pain, I shut it with such force the unused coffee machine on top fell off and smashed on the floor, a piece of glass sticking into my leg. I was already dizzy and blurry eyed, attempting to pull the piece out was a mistake, my fingers covered in blood, from my leg and now cuts on my hands. 

Just as I managed to get it out, there was an incredible loud banging at the door. I jumped up from being hunched over, startled by it, and my vision disappeared, blurring to the point there was no point in my eyes being open. And then loud shouting, a scream, but muffled. It was as if I was listening to the neighbours arguing. Blinded and confused I attempted to take a step forward, a big mistake. Time felt as if it had stopped completely. The scream became more intense, shadowy figures seemed to cloud my already terrible vision. A horrible pain in my foot, followed by warm wetness – I had no idea what was happening. I thought this must be an insanely bad trip, something I’d taken the previous night just catching up to me, but it was all so real. I could now make out that the scream was someone screaming ‘Sam’, long, drawn out, it may have been the same scream this whole time, everything was in slow motion. My legs felt like jelly, and I had the idea of just letting go, letting them flop down, that would be more comfortable. I felt my arms shoot out in front of me as I realised I was falling, I had no way to stop what was already happening. 

And then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back! Only like well over a year since I've uploaded but fuck it, better late than never hey

**Author's Note:**

> First upload to this site! I'm new here lol  
> Thanks for reading! I'm hoping to expand my audience a little since Justin fanfiction seems to be dying recently :(  
> I hope you enjoyed it and please do review, the good the bad and everything between!  
> Sam x


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